I could count on both of my hands...and both of the hands on every person on this planet...how many times I've felt anxious.
It's grown over the past year or so to a point that I knew I had to make a change or I was headed to a breakdown.
God's really been working on my heart. He's been bringing things to my attention and putting them slowly in my path for a while, but lately it has been at break-neck speed.
I have learned so much about fear and anxiety.
A big part of what I've learned is how common anxiety is among us. And most surprisingly, how common it is in women.
Many of us worry about our kids to the point of distraction. Of course, you'd never know that just from looking at us or even from having a casual conversation with us.
No, we're very careful to keep those "crazy" feelings tucked away while we're in public.
We hide behind the illusion of a smiling face, a full social calendar, and Christian buzz words like "blessed" and "faith."
It's usually not until the sun goes down, and the house sits still and quiet, that we allow those feelings to slowly crawl up our throats and threaten to spill out of us in heaving sobs. Our chests clench and the thoughts that run through our heads are worse than any horror movie we've ever seen.
Even though the details of our thoughts might be different, the feeling is all the same: a sense of being out-of-control. It’s a nameless, faceless, unsubstantiated fear about our children's or loved one’s safety and well-being.
For so long I have merely held the horror down and kept it at bay. But now...God is getting me ready to look the beast in the eye.
I'm taking this on.
I'm going to look right at it and walk right through it.
I'm scared. Which is almost funny if you think about it: I'm afraid to face my fear…of fear.
But I have to. I need healing and I feel like I need to get these things I'm learning down on paper (so to speak) so someone else may benefit.
For the next several chapters, I’ll share with you the posts I wrote about my struggle with anxiety (they appeared on my blog Suburban Stereotype). Bear with me. Basically, I'll be lying on the "couch" and you'll be the proverbial fly on the wall.
Father, please guide us as we embark on this journey. Please open our eyes and hearts to Your Truths. In Jesus’ name, Amen.