The Poor House

Introduction

What is a Christian? Is a Christian a follower of Christ? Are they practitioners of a diverse Christian religion? Maybe they are those who live a certain Way, believe and follow a certain Truth, and participate in a certain Life.

Throughout the history of Christianity movements in the church have begun when the church placed emphasis on particulars within the Christian faith. Many times these particulars grew out of a certain cultural or sociological need.

Industrialism brought out the need for Christians to meet the modern man in his new environment and changing culture. The great awakening brought life to a lifeless religion. The focus on justice and equality took reign during the civil war and the civil rights movement.

What about today?
This book originally was intended to focus on another emphasis in the Christian religion of my day and time. This was the emphasis of purpose and meaning. It was also meant to help the non-Christian understand Christian views of life and belief.
Part of the desire to write this book grew of my own disdain for our cultures misrepresentation of all Christians and the religion we live.
Once again I have felt moved to alter the focus and direction of this writing. I needed less of me and my pet peeves and more of Him. In fact this is my new, but old direction of emphasis.
It is a main scriptural emphasis. “We are being built into a spiritual house,” and “Blessed are the Poor,” are a few scriptures behind this new, but old emphasis.
Part of my inspiration for writing comes from a group of teens that met at my church on Saturday nights for a service sponsored by what I called the “Poor House Ministry.” The emphasis was for us to learn in these meetings what it means to be a Poor House for the Lord.
This is a story of people who learn what it means to become a Poor House for Christ, as they face the culture and world views that have been impressed upon them through the educational system and multimedia of our day.
It is the painful process of learning to decrease, so Christ may increase in their life. It is painful because we must die to ourselves, so that we can be resurrected in Christ.
Ultimately this book is about the healing and life found in surrendering to God. It describes in story form what I believe Western Christianity has become, what it needs to become, and how our church and world might change if we let God transform our lives.
It is my intention for this book to challenge you and teach you, but most importantly to change you.
Pray for me and I will pray for you. Pray that God will grant us the grace and fortitude to become Poor Houses, so that together we may become rich in Him.

Chapter 1 The Problems

Joe stared blankly out of the kitchen window above the sink, as he leaned his hip against the counter. The suns rays entering through the window pane warmed him and subdued his morning chill.

The laughter of his twin daughters Camry and Camille sounded from the other room, as he enjoyed the smell of his brewing coffee.

Their shrieks and giggles made him wonder what could ever be that funny. Nothing for him seemed funny anymore.
Out of the corner of his eye he noticed his teenage son inspecting the two dollar coffeemaker he bought at the junk store yesterday.
Little Joe spoke.“So dad, they thought this coffee maker was broken and thats why they sold it so cheap?”
“The note said the water sometimes overflows out of the top if you dont position the pot right.” He knew what little Joe was doing. This was his way of asking for coffee without actually asking. The aroma from the percolating brew had lured him away from watching morning cartoons with his younger sisters. He also knew what was coming next.
“When am I going to be old enough to drink coffee dad?”
“When youre old enough to work and buy it for yourself.” Joe turned his head and gave his son a silly look to accompany his teasing words. His young teenager let out a snort of disgust. He watched amusingly as his son turned to exit the room. The snort was little Joes typical reaction to all those things denied to him because of his age.
He actually had a list of smart aleck responses he used on his son when moments like these arrived. No matter which one he used little Joe gave the same old snort as a response. He returned his gaze back to the snowy country scenery outside of his window, andchuckled at his sons inability to adapt to his antics.
On the verge of tears little Joe spoke as he walked through the doorway leading into the living room. “It isnt fair!”
Joseph looked down into the kitchen sink at the cup of partially drunk tea and thought to himself, “Who told you life was fair son?”
The cup belonged to his wife. She never finished drinking all of her tea in the morning, because too much of it made her nauseous. Tanya stayed the night even though they were officially separated.
Her reasons for leaving himfilled his head again. “I need my space for awhile. I need time away from the fighting to figure things out.”
“Things are not fair in this world son.” He said under his breath. The past two years proved that to him. During this time Tanya had ripped out his heart and stomped on it.
This is why he couldnt understand his kindness towards her. Despite the pain she caused him he gave her deposit money to turn on her utilities, moved out all of her things, and paid her trailer rent. There was nothing fair about any of this.
“Whats a matter with me?” He thought. He reminded himself it was for the kids and not her. Somehow this thought was supposed to make his actions justifiable, but he wondered if it was just an excuse to cover up the fact that he still cared for her.
Nothing happened even though they slept in the same bed. All she did was ask the same old dread inspiring question she had asked for the past three months.
He could hear her voice in his head. “Do you miss me not being here?”
It reminded him of a recent discussion with a friend. He told his buddy, “I dont understand. When she asks me if I miss her I want to tell her no. Instead I tell her yes, but I miss her like I miss my melanoma.” He definitely didnt miss having melanoma. In fact, he was relieved that it was gone and felt the same about Tanya.
He was too angry to miss her. He was angry for the pain and disruption she caused them all. His innocent children had to face the ugly reality of marital conflict. It was a painful reality he never wanted them to experience.
“Life isnt fair.” He said out loud. He would do anything to erase the unfairness of the past two years, but he knew that was impossible. All he could do is figure out how all of this happened and try to stop it from happening again. All he could do is deal with the situation and help his kids get through it with the least amount of damage.
Continuing his gaze out the window he watched two squirrels play a game of chase around a large tree. He wondered if squirrels knew anything about happiness. If they did, then these squirrels seemed happy. He missed being happy. He wondered if Tanya felt the same.
She had grown increasingly unhappy over the past five years. Unfortunately she viewed their entire marriage through the lens of her current unhappiness. She sunk into misery and took everyone down with her.
He didnt deny the struggles they had early on in their marriage. At eighteen they were still children. They werent mature enough to enter into a lifelong committed relationship. Who is?
They used to look back and laugh about their gullibility and innocence. It made them marvel at how they had grown. He knew if it wasnt for love they wouldnt have been able to make it through those tough years. A few years ago he believed their love was so strong it would endure anything life would throw at them. He had lost his faith in their love to do anything now.
A movement outside his window caught his attention. His next door neighbor Jack was sneaking slowly towards his back fence. In his hands was a rifle. Following the direction of Jacks line of sight his eyes rested on a large ground hog that was sniffing around two large piles of dirt. The groundhog had mistakenlymade Jacks backyard its home.
“You big dummy,” he thought,“if only you were smart enough to realize what digging holes in Jacks yard gets you.” Its a shame animals arent smart enough to know better. Its a shame they dont have the opportunity to learn from their mistakes. He grunted at the thought of people not learning from their mistakes even though they might have many opportunities. A loud gunshot was heard and the ground hog fell still.
With all the emotional damage done he wondered if he even wanted a second chance to get it right. Even so, he had spent a great deal of time trying to figure out the mistakes that led them here.
He wondered if one of the mistakes was his career change. It changed their life drastically. The new position required him to attend college and work full-time. This meant not seeing each other as often. Soon afterward Tanya decided to go to work to help pay off some of their bills. Most of their free time was now spent taking care of the kids and the household chores.
This had to be mistake number one. He churned out a rhyme he once heard. “Time together makes things better, time apart separates hearts.”
If only they he had been wise enough to understand the consequences of their choices. He shook his head frustrated. Even though they thought they were doing the right thing they never saw this coming. Sometimes you have to accept you can never know where you are going in life until you get there. For some folks its too late then. He felt it may be too late for them.
One of the unexpected things that happened in all of this was change. He and Tanya had both changed. People forget they are constantly growing and maturing as individuals. Their needs and wants change. Ideally in a marriage they should grow and mature togetheras they meet each others needs and wants. They barely had time to even talk to each other.It didnt take long for them to grow in different directions that were unhealthy for their marriage and family.
There were signs of trouble, but he didnt take them seriously enough. One of them, of course was Tanyas increasing unhappiness. She told him she felt second to everything in his life. He believed it was problems at her work and stress misplaced onto their relationship.
There was a point in time when all they had was each other. It seemed as if they lived for one another. Then life happened and everything changed. Tanya was always important to him. He loved her more than anyone in the world. It was just that other things were also important like paying the bills and carving out a life together. Your attention becomes divided. He wondered if this was the reason for her feeling second to everything in his life.
“I cant take all the blame.” He thought. He constantly reminded her of his love for herand that their situation wasnt going to last forever. Between work and school he tried everything he could to make her feel loved and appreciated, but she wanted more than what he was able to offer. She worked on building a list of things that she believed proved him wrong.
Some of her list items included how she gave of her time and energy for everyone elses sake in the family and never received anything in return. She also wanted him to show her more appreciation, offer her more affirmation, and complained that he needed to take care of her for a change.
She soon came tobelieve that he wasnt the only one that was placing her second. She believed that friends and family treated her as if she were invisible. Her claim was that he was always the center of attention.
Somehow he knew she was spiritually dying inside, but he couldnt help her. He didnt know how to help her. He figured she would eventually work through her issues.
But she didnt and with every nasty comment and fight she cut away the strands of their relationship. He wondered if there were any strands left inside of him to snip. Wiping away a tear revealed to him there were.
He felt Tanya was searching to fill a bottomless void inside of her. She needed to find her own way. He tried to help, but after awhile she didnt want anything from him.
The way she began to respond to their troubles made things even worse. Some days she wouldnt even come home after work. She wouldnt even call. He missed numerous appointments, because she wasnt there to watch the kids when she was supposed to.
He could still hear her main excuse ringing in his head. She would say, “Im staying away from the house so we wont fight. Its too much for me to handle right now.” The excuse didnt make sense. She could have come home and he could have left to get his things done.
With clenched teeth he muttered, “She also stopped cooking, cleaning, and laundry too!” Joe could feel anger welling up inside of him. “Maybe the fighting had something to do with that too!” The feeling of things not being fair overwhelmed him. “I became a one parent household, so she can do whatever it is she wants.”
It was then that he began to notice their savings account running dry. She also began to keep every dime of her paycheck. With a little snooping he found that she opened an account at another bank.
The stress was unbearable at times. It disrupted his work and studies. His heart felt broken, and his life felt shattered.
And then there were the kids. The kids were always wondering and worrying about mommy. He thought of every excuse in the book to explain why mommy didnt come home, but the kids were smart. The excuses eventuallycouldnt stop their tears.
He would question her about where she had been all night and a fight would break out. Tanya would yell and blame it on him. She wouldsay she was a big girl and didnt need to answer to a daddy anymore.
His face felt flush and he could feel his blood pressure rising. He thought about the struggle over the past two years to work things out, but when one problem seemed to be resolved another problem popped up. When that problem was resolved and Tanya couldnt think of anything else she would resurrect an old problem from the dead. She always kept some problem on her list between them.
He wasnt stupid. He suspected that she was probably cheating on him. He denied it at first. The pain that came from confronting this truth was too unbearable. He stayed away from it as long as he could.
Around the time he was beginning to suspect she was cheating an anonymous phone call was made to his father in Toledo. The caller said that Tanya was cheating on him with a co-worker named Bill. He wondered who the anonymous person was. He also wondered how they got his fathers phone number. It made him think it was someone that was close to him.
He didnt approach her about it right away, because he wanted to find proof before he made any accusations. One night he thought he had found it. He caught her whispering on the phone with someone. Casually he asked her who she was talking to. She said it was her mother.
When she hung up the phone his suspicions led him to hit the redial. The redial didnt do anything, so he went into the other room and called her mother. When he asked if she had talked to Tanya that dayshe told him she hadnt.
That was a bad night. When he confronted her she said she was talking to a girl friend at work about their marital problems. She said she thought it would upset him. It was then he brought up the call made to his dad concerning her cheating on him with the co-worker. She said Bill was just a friend at work and denied having an affair. Up until now he hasnt been able to prove otherwise. He still believes that she was talking to him that night.
“I should have suspected something when she quit attending Church.” He thought. This led him to think that all these problems she claimed existed in their life were her excuses for heraffair. He felt she wasnt trying to make things better and the affair was probably why.
Despite the fact that he was torn over their troubles and was reeling from the pain, he was glad she moved out. He didnt have to worry ifshe would come home. He wasnt stressed because of the daily fight that took place when he didnt live up to herexpectations. It was wonderful, because he didnt have her sharp and painful arrows jabbed in his heart over and over again.
He remembered the first night she stayed at her trailer. He barely slept. It wasnt because he was hurting, lonely, or even sad. In fact he lay in his bed and laughed as he enjoyed peace for a change. He thought he could finally move on with his life, even if it meant moving on without her.
The very next morning he looked in the mirror and smiled and realized he hadnt smiled in a long time.
A month after she moved out he went to the Lawyers office and filed for a legal separation. He was tired of waiting for her to make up her mind concerning their marriage. It was a huge relief when she signed the papers. It made him wonder why she hadnt done this earlier, especially if she was as miserable as she led him to believe.
Still looking out the kitchen window he laughed to himself at the thought of her wanting to know if hemissed her. “I know what I miss,” He said in a low voice, “I miss the loving, caring, and compassionate wife that I onceknew. I dont miss the Jekyll and Hyde shes become.”
He walked over to the coffee pot and poured some coffee into his cup and added his sugar substitute. He needed to watch his sugar intake, because he recently found out he was diabetic.
The only thing that really bothered him about the diabetes was the fact that it caused severe pain in his feet. They usually felt fine during the day, but when he lay down to sleep his feet were in excruciating and stinging pain. The doctor had prescribed a number of medicines, but theydidnt worked.
Camille came into the kitchen full of excitement. With a big smile she yelled, “Happy Birthday Daddy!”
He responded, “Thankyou baby!” He was beginning to think no one remembered. His daughter waited with a look of anticipation. He figured she was waiting for something more than just a thank-you. He gave her what she wanted. He hugged her and she trotted back off into the living room happy.
He returned to the window again, as it dawned upon him that he turned thirty-three today. Secretly he wanted to escape somewhere so he could piece his life back together and find his way.
He tried to think of where he could go, but the only place that came to mind was his grandparents house.
Around the holidays he became sentimental when he thought about his grandparents house. The nostalgia of the wonderful holidays full of love there warmed his heart. Tears began to form in his eyes. He quickly wiped them away and composed himself.
Conversations with his mother offered him a new perspective on those days. She told him she didnt remember those times with fondness the way he did. Instead they were uncomfortable and unpleasant for her. She blamed his grandfather for all his years of drunkenness and abuse towards her and her siblings.
Grandpa had quit drinking and changed before he ever experienced the person she had known. He found it hard to believe that his grandpa did the things she said, but that was the nature of someone who abused alcohol. This was more evidence of the unfairness of the world.
He thought about his grandparents house today and the many ways it was different than he remembered. It wasnt exactly the place one could go and get a grasp on their life. When he was eight years old it used to be bigger than life to him. Now it was just a small four bedroom house with barely enough room to move around. There also wasnt any resemblance of the love he knew there as a child.
There were many things that had a lot to do with it. Through the years his family had changed. They had suffered through bitter arguments, divorces, and the pit falls of life. It drove wedges between their relationships driving them all apart.
He thought about his uncles comments about the family being cursed and laughed. “We are cursed;” he thought, “we are cursed with a long list of bad decisions in our lives.” These bad decisions led his uncle to feel the family was being oppressed by some dark malevolent force.
He knew the true identity of their oppressor. They were their own dark oppressing force. They were their own worst enemies.
Over the years his Grandma suffered from strokes and a heart attack soon after she quit smoking. His Grandpa was troubled by severe diabetes and a strong anti-social disorder. Dale, his once genius basement disconnected Schizophrenia. His uncle Frank had been undone by a broken marriage and alcoholism. Now all Frank and Dale did was play video games while they buried the pain of their wounded souls under drugs.
Events in time worked to wound them all in some way. There was one positive thing to remember. “We are still a family and we are still hanging on, no matter how dysfunctional we are. Surewere screwed up, but were still a family.” He laughed and then blurted out loud, “I feel closer to them than ever before! Ive officially joined the ranks of the dysfunctional and wounded!”
He paused for a moment to see if the kids had heard him. Their laughter led him to believe they were still focused on the cartoons.
He missed his family. The feeling was intensified because it was the holiday season.
He wasnt going to have to miss them much longer. They were moving back to Ohio in the summer. Since his marriage fell apart the urge to return home had grown.
The hardest part of that decision turned out to be the easiest. When he shared with Tanya his thoughts on the matter he found that she had been thinking the same thing. There was no fuss or debate about the subject.
cousin,lived in his grandparents from the world because of his
He thought her quick agreement to move back meant that she didnt love the man she was seeing, or maybe they were no longer involved. Then he thought maybe the man she was seeing would move back with her. He shook the thoughts from his head. They were just too painful handle.
Joseph took a large swig of his coffee burning his tongue. Doing his best to ignore the pain he sighed with relief at the thought that he would be back home soon.
He believed God affirmed his decision when a job opened up back home in his own organization. He was scheduled for an interview next month. His boss assured him that the position was his despite the formalities. Itdidnt stop him from playing the fieldand sending out résumés.
Part of this decision stemmed from him wanting to continue his education. He applied to a graduate school in Ohio that caught his attention. He was accepted for the fall of next year. Thinking about this made him feel that he really was moving on with his life.
He turned and looked towards the clock realizing that it was time for the kids to go outside and wait on the school bus. He yelled to them in the living room. “Its time to go kids!”
The kids plowed into the kitchen and gave him their usual morning good-byes of hugs and kisses. Even Joseph Jr. offered him a hug and a happy birthday wish. He guessed his son wasnt that mad at him. Joseph followed them to the front door and watched them run to the end of the driveway through the quickly fogging glass on the storm door.
“Im glad the kids stayed overnight.” He thought. Its why Tanya stayed over. Last night was a scheduled sleep over night. It was to let the kids know they were still a family despite the separation. He really missed them being here filling the house with their laughter. He missed his children barging in on him while he worked. He missed them showering his ears with their curious questions.
At leasthe didnt have to drive over to the trailer this morning to watch them get on the bus. Tanya started work before they left for school, so he showed up to make sure the kids were safe.
The school bus rolled up the street and the kids hopped on board. As the bus sped away he wiped the glass from the condensation andwaved to the kids. He waved until he couldnt see them anymore. He closed the door and returned to the kitchen to tip off his coffee.
He headed down to his office in the basement. He hadnt accomplished much lately, but that was the nature of his vocation. He was told by co-workers that slow times would come. He thought it was unfortunate that they arrived when his life was full of turmoil. It left him a lot of empty time to be swallowed by his problems. He found himself not wanting to deal with his emotions. All of this free time made it difficult.
He went over his list of things to do for the day. The only thing he needed to leave the house for was a Christmas luncheon with the little old ladies missionary club at the church. There were a lot of elderly women in the church, and only a few old men. He felt obligated in some way to be there for them. They needed the help of a strong young man. Not only that, but they loved him and made him feel needed. It was like having a plethora of mothers all at the same time.
It reminded him of how he missed not having his own parents nearby. He especially missed his mother. There was nothing as comforting as a mothers love and care when you are hurting, even if you are thirty-three years old. In thirteen days his mom was turning fifty. God willing, he planned to be in Toledo for the celebration.
He thought about how odd it must look for a young man to beattending a Womens Missionary Society meeting with dozens of elderly women.
He began attending the meetings when they asked him to come and join them for a special training session. It made him feel like he was a part of the church and doing something good.
Yesterday, while his kids were at the Church Christmas Play practice, he went out and bought each lady in the Missions Society a cute little bear figurine and a decorative holiday bag. It wasnt much, but its the thought that counted.
He finished walking down the steps to the basement and the phone rang as he entered through the doorway. When he picked up the receiver it was a voice he loved to hear. It was his sister.
“Happy Birthday mybrother!” She said.
„Thanks, but I have reached the age when I need to stop remembering my birthdays.”
“Oh, youre not that old.” Christina responded.
“I know, but when I was younger I remember thinking people my age were old. So, by that standard, I am old.” They both laughed.
“Are you looking forward to the trip?” She asked.
“God yes! I need to get away for awhile.”
“Dont worry we have lots of fun planned for you to take your mind off of things. Well, I have to get to work. I just wanted to call before heading out the door, so I could wish you a happy birthday and tellyou Ill see you in a week.”
“Thanks. I love ya, sis.”
“I love you too. Tell the kids I said hello and I love them.”
“I will. You do the same for me. Bye sis.” Joseph hung up the receiver.
He thought about how his little sister had grown up to be a beautiful woman. She too had gone through a great deal in her life, but she managed to keep her head up and spirit positive. “I cant wait to see her,” he spoke out loud. The kids were excited too. They loved going to see their family up north.
Joseph tried to get his brother Paul and his family to fly up from Texas to make it a family reunion of sorts, but Pauls work schedule kept him from coming up until the end of January.
He was proud of his younger brother. He had done well for himself. He began to think how different their relationship was compared to when they were kids. They used to fight like cats and dogs when they were younger, but now they were closer than ever. He missed him.
Joseph walked over to flip the switch on for his little space heater. The basement always stayed cooler than the rest of the house and the little heater took the cold edge off. He returned and sat in his office chair and pressed the power switch on his computer.
There was a special relationship that existed with his computer. It offered him something more than just the small world where he felt trapped and powerless. Sure he spent endless hours playing mindless and pointless games, but at least he wasnt stressing about his situation.
He recognized it for what it was. It was an escape so he didnt have to deal with his problems or face his pain. It was a cop out and he knew it, but he wanted it this way, at least until he could learn to cope. His knew his best efforts could have been spent learning to deal with his problems, buthe couldnt understand whythey werent.
While his computer loaded he looked at his reflection on the computer screen. The shabby clothes he slept in the night before lunged out at him. His large stomach that came from hours of exercising the mind and not the body lay stretched before his eyes. He felt broken, worn out and used. Seeing his stomach made him think that he should exercise today, but he knew that was probably not going to happen.
He double clicked on his internet provider and when his com