I can still feel the purple and red butterflies all over my skin as someone awakens me from this dream. The sensation is quickly replaced by a throbbing headache. “Ohhh,” I moan, sitting up and placing my hands against my temples.
“I brought you something for the pain,” Harold says softly.
I open my eyes, feeling absolutely horrified, and find him kneeling beside my bed with a burning candle in one hand and a silver goblet in the other. I stare at him in shock and humiliation, not believing I’d asked to see his foot and then fondled it so thoroughly. “Forgive me,” I say, folding my hands in pleading. “I don’t know what came over me before.”
“Whatever was in Sir Vincent’s experiment, I imagine. You must drink this. It will clear whatever fog is left in your mind and relieve you of your discomfort.” He holds the goblet out closer to me.
I smell the featherfew plant that’s been added as I bring it to my lips. It’s what my mother always offered me when I was ill growing up. The taste is as bitter as ever.
Harold watches me closely until I have finished.
“Thank you, Harold,” I say, giving the empty cup back to him.
“I feel I should be the one apologizing to you,” he says. “I am sorry to have kissed you when you were in such a vulnerable state. I feel awful about it.”
A heavy feeling sinks to the pit of my stomach as I recall the kiss. The embarrassment of revealing my obsession of his foot has erased it from my mind—until now. I wonder why I do not regret it more.
“Did you mean what you said, Arabella?” Harold asks me.
I stare at my hands, steadying them against my knees, and answer. “Yes.”
“All of it?’
“Yes.”
The silence swallows us for a minute.
“Then I’m afraid we cannot be friends.”
Tears spring to my eyes as I stare at him. He sets the candle at my bedside and begins to stand, so I grab his hand. “No. You are my only ally in this solemn place.”
“And you are mine. But my body has burned for you since the moment we met and I cannot trust myself alone with you anymore knowing how you feel, not with you marrying my brother.”
A very small whimper escapes my lips, causing him to lift my hand so he can kiss it and hold it against his cheek.
“Why could it not have been you who chose me for a wife instead of him?”
“It is cruel and unfair to say the least. I am sorry that it has to be this way.”
He lets go of me and turns away to walk toward the door. It feels like I can’t catch my breath as I begin crying even harder, watching the firmness of his thighs through his trousers as he crosses the room.
He opens my door and stops to look back with an expression of longing. “I will be sure to have Cherish continue to look after you, Arabella. You will not be left alone to endure my dreadful family.”
His final words, full of caring and love, burn deep into my soul, leaving it forever wounded.
* * *
Today has been absolutely dreadful. Shortly after Harold’s departure, Addy arrived to burden me further with endless hours of lecturing and criticism.
But now, as she leads my through the halls to dine with the royal family, at least I feel prepared to meet them. Addy has managed to cram a great deal of knowledge into my mind and I have fully convinced myself that the pain I feel now for Harold will pass with my upcoming crowning, and life will eventually go on.
I will soon become Queen Sophia. One beautiful night with a man who possesses a most exquisite heart cannot change that.
As I walk, I remember the words of an old seer who lives just outside my village. She caught me picking flowers for my mom too close to her house years ago and ripped them all apart when I told her why I was doing it. She told me that the heart is the weakest part of the body. She also insisted that men and women make the poorest decisions that will inevitably end up costing them the most when they think with their hearts, and that I should never allow mine to influence my life in any way.
I decide to follow her unpleasant advice. My heart has certainly gotten me into enough trouble in my life. To let it rule me now could very well cost me, and my family, everything. So I set my mind to doing and becoming everything Addy has taught me that day as we stop just outside the dining room once more.
Addy lifts her stiff neck to stare at me. I nod and she opens the door.
The royal family sits tall with their hands resting in their laps. An empty chair has been set beside Horris.
Harold smiles at me fondly. I ignore him.
The other three tighten their lips in unison when they see me, as if they have rehearsed it.
Though I feel faint with fear, I hold my hands together in front of me and speak with all the confidence of a true queen. “I do apologize if I have kept you waiting.”
“You are lucky, Sophia,” the queen says. “We have only just sat down. You will be dining beside my son.”
I want to ask which one, simply to remind the old bat that she has two of them, but I manage to refrain. Instead, I take the empty seat beside Horris.
Queen Luciana watches me closely, waiting for me to make a mistake she can disapprove of. But I remember to wait for one of the servant-guards to come pull out my chair for me and not to eat until King Eldric has offered grace. Her nostrils flare as she turns her gaze on her husband and nods.
Eldric bows his head, so we do the same. “Thank you God for the prosperity of my reign, for the food we have to eat, and for my dearest wife and son. Amen.”
I feel an icy rush of anger inside at his complete disregard for Harold as we repeat his Amen. I can’t imagine how I will get through each day controlling myself when they speak to and about Harold this way.
“You will serve us now,” Queen Luciana says to the guard standing behind her. He begins moving around the table, putting the food set in the middle of it on each plate. I haven’t eaten since this morning, but I force myself to remain perfectly still until I am given permission by the queen to eat.
“Horris, when shall I arrange for the wedding to take place?” the queen asks.
Horris reaches out to take my hand and hold as he rests it on the table, surprising me. “I believe next week will be sufficient. Addy reports that Sophia seems to be learning at a remarkable rate.” He offers me a nod of approval. “She has demonstrated grace and a genteel manner thus far tonight, and I feel she will be ready.”
“Thank you, Horris.” I return his nod.
“I was given the same report,” King Eldric says. “You have certainly surprised us all, Sophia.”
“Very well,” Luciana says. “We will have the wedding in seven days. I will arrange for your family to be made presentable for the sacred day, Sophia. And now we eat.”
Horris continues to hold my hand as I eat my soup slowly and carefully, avoiding any dripping or slurping.
Luciana’s eyes never leave me, but she seems unable to find anything to complain about.
I glance at Harold, which I’ve been trying to avoid, when I realize he’s serving himself. It infuriates me to see this. His family has chosen to treat me better than their own son.
“There is one request I would like to make regarding the wedding, Father,” Horris says, drawing my attention away from his brother.
“Yes?” Eldric rests his spoon on the table.
Horris points at Harold and I brace myself for whatever is coming. “I do not want that at my wedding.”
“What?” Harold asks, looking hurt.
I want to stab the hand holding mine with my fork.
“But he is to be your groomsman, and the royal family must be there,” Luciana says.
“Certainly we can make an exception. The sight of him sickens me. Having him at our wedding will undoubtedly bring a bad omen to the life Sophia and I will share. All our children will be born insufferable monstrosities—just like him.”
Harold pokes at his food as he wipes a tear from his eye.
Ice and fury rush through me again, stabbing and threatening to escape. I have never before fought against my demons that are so easily angered and set free. It is difficult to control them. I close my eyes and use every muscle in my mouth to keep it closed.
“Perhaps you are right,” Eldric says. “Benjamin.”
The guard who has taken to standing behind the queen once more perks up. “Yes, sire?”
“Harold will be coming down with a severe fever on the day of the wedding and you will be standing in for him.”
“Yes, sire.”
“Thank you, Father,” Horris says.
I hate him. And I wish someone would ask me what I want for our wedding day.
Luciana asks Eldric how his day was and they talk about boring royal things as I continue eating my soup.
I try very hard not to, because each time I do it makes my heart throb, but I can’t help looking up from my dinner at Harold over and over. He doesn’t seem to be eating anything, just pushing his food around with his fork and letting a tear fall now and then. I want so badly to be sitting beside him, holding his hand and offering him comfort.
And I am beginning to want more than anything to strangle his wretched parents. My fingers ache to punish them for their great wickedness. It is becoming dangerous. I pray inwardly that no one will mention Harold again tonight, because I doubt very much that I will be able to control my madness if it is made any more powerful.
“Tell me of your family, Dearest,” Horris says, squeezing my hand. “How much of it will we be gaining here in the castle?”
I take a deep breath and concentrate on speaking evenly. “My mother and father are still living, as well as my four sisters. I have no brothers to mention, and none of my sisters have been taken to wife yet.”
The strangely shaped king and his wife stare at me a bit wide-eyed.
“Is your family of bad breeding?” Luciana asks. “Horris, you should have been sure before you chose her. We cannot add any more corruption to our descendants.” The scornful look she casts at the son I feel such love for ignites a terrible fire in my throat that melts the ice away.
A strange sound emits from somewhere inside of me as the tantrum begins and I tighten the muscles in my neck to stop it. I clear my throat and force myself to take a deep breath, calming down just enough to answer.
“Excuse me…” I take another deep breath, my thoughts becoming cloudy and cracked with the wild and senseless storm that has ravaged so much of my life. “There is nothing wrong with my family, I assure you. Two of my sisters are younger than me—” I must take another deep breath, wrestling with the merciless anger that pounds against the back of my eyeballs and fingertips. “One is too young to marry and the other has barely reached the appropriate age. The other two are twins who are not much older than I am, and neither has found a man they love.”
"Oh? And no serious illness or sudden death?"
"Nothing out of the ordinary. My grandparents died of age and an aunt of mine died in childbirth."
Luciana nods and we eat silently. I am grateful for this, taking my rage out on my food by chewing it much too forcefully.
But I cannot douse the fire still burning through my body, because Harold glances up now and then at my hand, kept warm by his brother's, or at his parents, who cast the nastiest looks I have ever seen at him. His beautiful midnight black eyes shine with the pain of it all.
My sanity teeters on the steep pointed edge where control and chaos meet, as the evils of my soul dance around in the treacherous vortex pressing hard against what bit of willpower I have left.
I inhale as deeply as I can manage. I can get through this. Just shut it out. Shut them all out. I exhale.
"Sophia," Luciana says, startling me. "Horris has learned at his father's knee how to be king, but you will have to learn all that there is to know about becoming queen before you both are crowned. It is only a year away, so I will expect you to travel with me each time I must leave to attend my queenly duties. This will include visiting other countries, of course."
Only a year away? I had no idea I would become queen so soon.
"I would be honored, Queen Luciana," I say, my spirits lifting and sprinkling a bit of light on the dark abyss that consumes me for Harold, though pricks of hatred for the queen still pierce me inside.
“Mother, I am not sure Sophia should be traveling,” Horris says. “I had hoped to have a son by the time of our crowing.”
“So soon?” Luciana asks.
“I will rest much easier knowing I have a direct successor to the throne and that it will not fall into the hands of Harold, should anything happen to me.”
My lips tighten. My nostrils flare. I put several sliced carrots into my mouth and chew violently.
“As will I,” King Eldric interjects. “I would sooner see my kingdom left to the pigs than to the heathen my flesh has betrayed me so exceedingly by producing. We must be sure this never happens.”
He goes back to eating like he hasn’t just wounded his own son to the core.
My hand tightens around my fork. My breathing becomes deeper and begins to reverberate through my ears. The chains I am fighting to control my wrath with are cracking. I cannot restrain it much longer.
“You are right, of course,” Luciana adds, making the family of attackers complete.
Her voice echoes through my head and I know what is happening. My senses are not my own anymore. All is lost. And the monster taking control of me does not care at all.
“Perhaps we should share the secret of Harold with Sophia so that she will appreciate the significance of keeping this from ever coming to pass.”
I barely register what Luciana is saying.
“If she is to become queen, she must understand.”
For a moment I seize control, but the way Eldric nods his disgusting square head seizes it back.
“Is it that he’s better than you all?” I ask, full of malice.
“I beg your pardon,” Eldric asks.
“Is it that he’s so special and wonderful, you’re all jealous?”
“Have you gone mad?” Luciana asks.
“The form of a person’s foot does not make them who they are. Harold’s heart is beautiful and kind and that is what makes him who he is.” My voice is rising. “While your hearts are all black and full of ice. Even the skin you wear is course and ugly, while his is exquisite.”
I see Harold smiling at me and my heart softens.
“You hold your tongue, or you will never see our wedding day!” Horris says.
All softness is immediately dashed to pieces. I stand and pour what’s left of my soup all over Horris’s lap. He gasps and stands in front of me.
“Good. I would sooner marry the pigs you’re father has spoken of than you, you horrid, horrid man. Your brother already possesses all of my love, something you will never have.”
“Benjamin!” Eldric shouts. “Take this atrocious woman to the dungeons.”
“No,” Harold says.
“And send a message to her family. She will hang for this in the morning.”
“Father, please!”
“It is better than marrying into this putrid household,” I scream “You will burn for this one day—”
Benjamin’s arms close around my waist and lift me from the floor. I scream and kick him as I hurl my bowl at the king.
“No!” Harold stands and runs to me as I’m carried to the door, but the other guard goes to stop him. “Please let her go, Father!”
I bite Benjamin’s arm when he reaches out to open the door. “AHHHH!” he hollers, shaking it around. “You little devil.” He throws me into the hall and slams the door shut.
My temporary insanity drives me to stand and begin punching the enormous man I am now alone with.
“Would—you—stop it!” Benjamin struggles to grab my arms and finally slams his body into mine, sending me flying back against the wall.
My back slams against the stone. I hardly feel it.
I growl and try to stand, but he has taken a rope from his belt and begins tying my hands together behind my back.
“Stop!” I scream. “GET OFF!”
My head hits the ground when he grabs my feet and begins dragging me down the hall.
I try kicking my legs. I try pushing myself up and getting my hands free. I struggle against him, my dress ripping and my arms scraping against the ground, until my lungs burn and my muscles ache.
But it is useless. I am at his mercy. And tomorrow morning I will hang.