CHAPTER 14
The editor accepted his request to meet at his home instead of office. Mayank reached the editor’s home in a very relaxed mood. He knew, at home, the editor would talk more like a big brother. The editor, like many professionals had successfully developed the habit of leaving his heart at home before leaving for office. Mayank was sure; he wanted to confront not the editor but a senior friend.
The editor himself opened the door and waved him in. He was probably still sleeping and was awakened by the doorbell buzz. Mayank was happy that he had caught him early morning. This was the best time when people like him would be him and not his job title. Mornings are good because they present people without their make ups sans cosmetic personality. Mayank had come just to see him. He had no agenda with him but he knew, the editor had a lot to say and it was ideal to listen to him, not the editor.
“I hope you don’t mind to have a cup of tea with me’, the editor asked with a tint of sarcasm in his voice.
“Why do you ask that...you know it well it’s my privilege.”
“I asked because you now a day enjoy tea or coffee only with big people and that too in seven star hotel suits. A poor editor’s home tea may not suit your taste.”
Mayank could not resist a smile. He did not want to lead him to talks around work and issues concerning their professional universe. He wished it to remain personal.
“A son going out, seeing places and exploring life is what a father wants for his son but both know that home is where they come back and the food tastes the best.”
“And what the father should do when the son goes out to people and places projecting him as a devil”, the editor persisted with his cynicism.
“He should straightaway ask his son about the truth instead of going by what others tell him about the reality.”
“Why should he believe what the son says is truth?”
“Because, what you hear is other’s mouth and what you believe is your own ear.”
“And why should he believe that his ear is still his and worth his trust?”
“It is the problem of the heart and not the ear. The best option is best till the heart accepts it as one.”
“That comes to the truth that I am the problem.”
“This is the problem.”
“What?”
“The problem is; first thing should always come first. Let us enjoy the tea first.”
The editor looked in his eyes and smiled back. Mayank’s face exuded the serenity and confidence which the editor could see and got somehow assured. The tea arrived.
“We all have one common problem”, Mayank led the talk. “Where we are sitting right now is your house. But the reality is that we are in the living room of your house and this is only part of your house, not the full house. We can say, this room is very well your house but it is not your complete house. Sitting in this room, if I believe that I know your entire house then I am a big fool. Human personalities are also the same.”
“What do you mean to say?”
“We all are like houses, our personalities having different rooms for different purposes. We get associated to people in the society as one room of this house but never as one whole house. It is not even possible. I have come to your house but you can make me sit only in one room, never in all rooms of your house simultaneously. I can say I visited your house but actually I visited only one room. We also visit a person but meet only one small personality of his full persona. The problem is; we define this one room as whole house. You are an editor but this is only one small room of your big house; I mean your personality. If I say that I know the editor inside out and that’s why I also know you completely then I am stupid.”
“Should I understand that you mean to say is I am not seeing the whole of your personality and this is my problem?”
“This is not the problem. It is a difficult reality. Why talk about me, it is your house but even you cannot live in all the rooms of your house at any given time. You actually live only in one room at a time. If you want to see your entire house, you cannot do it living inside it. You will have to come out of it and see it from a distance to get the picture of your whole house. People usually do not even see their own personalities in full. How can they see other’s personalities in completeness and totality? But the fact remains that we all live in houses with many rooms.”
“And what do you suggest? I should live in one-room house or move out of my multi-room house to see it in totality?”
“You have options. It is entirely up to your discretion. Your house is actually one single roof. Your architect has structured them by erecting walls to create different rooms for distinct purposes. You can choose to undo the walls and make the whole house one single room. Or, you can make every single room the room of innocence and this way the entire house will become a space of singular and uniform innocence.”
“Why not go to the jungle, grow long beard and become saints? The open sky is singular, ultimate and infinite innocence!”
“A difficult choice but it is one.”
“Mayank, your editorial is good but nobody reads them. We are into news business and what sells is not innocence. It’s bloody life. More rooms in your house mean more status and goodwill for you and more than that, it is good for your security and mental peace. You can keep yourself away from unnecessary people. Not all of them are worthy to allow them to the bedroom and that’s why a living room is a must.”
“I told you it’s your choice.”
“And what is your choice? If your choice is not my choice then it does not mean my choice is wrong!”
“I never said that mine is the right choice and yours is wrong.”
“But I say your choice is wrong, even if mine is not right. And I can say that because I have been through all these which you have just begun to see. You are at the start of the journey and I stand on the end of it. You cannot see what I have already seen. And you will also see the same when you will end your journey. Raw milk and cheese are different things though their origin is the same. When life ferments you, when its practicality makes you go through the long and stinking processing, you lose the idealistic white shine of the milk and its fluidity. Milk is for babies and they get it gratuitously. But men have to battle it out to grab their share of cheese to enjoy it with their hard-earned wine in a relaxing evening. You too will lose your milky idealism when you reach my age. I hope I live to see it happen.”
“Sir, I am only saying that you have the option. You could stick to your milk. We can keep out of the battles for cheese, at least.”
“No I can’t. Have I set the battles for me? They are there and don’t expect me to be a coward to turn away from them. That is where you are wrong. You cannot keep your milk for ever. Your innocence does not come with long shelf-life, quite like milk. You do not have option. Smart people make cheese out of it. A fool like you, insisting with milk will end up with nothing as the milk will go sour and become of no use.”
“You still have options...we can make powder out of milk to extend its shelf-life.”
“When will you grow out of your baby obsessions? When will you understand the taste of pizzas and pastas which the whole adult world likes? And nobody makes pizzas and pastas with milk powder; at least I don’t have the idea.”
“No options...even I cannot make them without cheese.”
“Mayank, you are like a younger brother to me. I do not need to trouble my brain so early in the morning but I am doing it just to show you the righteousness of life we are made to face and live. I wish you better success than me in life. That’s why I am arguing with you. I too know what is good and what is bad. But we are not faced with this question anymore. The question is what works and what fails. My experience is; goodness does not always work. You know how this whisky tastes which I gallop half a bottle every day? How can you know! I know. Milk definitely tastes better and is also good for health but still I drink this bitter thing because it works for me.”
Mayank did not reply. He had achieved what he wanted. The editor was talking like a big brother and he wished to listen to him. Every life, every life experience is like a flower. The bouquet of life is made out of bunch of such flowers of different hue and shape. The editor construed Mayank’s silence as his coalescence with his ideas. He continued with more authority and poise.
“I became editor when I was only 29. I had dreams. Creation gives you a huge kick. It somehow licks your hurt pride which your own fallibility and sense of eventual mortality leaves you with. There is an instinctive desire in every human being to create something which would defeat his own mortality and live even when he is dead long ago. I had prepared great starts for the first day of my editorship and you know what eventually happened that day when I entered my office? A group of colleagues opposed to my elevation as editor, where till yesterday I worked as news-editor, had removed the big and nice chair of the editor and instead placed an ordinary one. The whole day I spent finding that missing chair and finally I got it re-installed in my office chamber. The whole month I battled with the opponents and finally established myself as the undisputed leader. This is life.”
“What happened to your opponents?”
“Two things I never forget - the faces of my opponents and the birthday of my wife. Within a month I got them either transferred or sacked and brought in my own loyal team. I admit I am a bit paranoid about loyalty. When you will become editor one day, you too will understand quality and good work are important but the first thing you need is to survive. On the top, you are not lonely. Such banal idealisms stink. There are hordes of people wanting to pull you down and then you do not have options.”
“I understand the predicament. But that was the start. You have been editor for last many years now and I don’t think the survival issue stands anymore.”
“Come out of the world of wishful thinking Mayank. Your innocence mindset does not allow you to see things on the other side of the coin. You can only wish that you grow alone with time. The reality is, with time, if your friends grow with you, so do your enemies.”
“The great absurdity of this evolution is that our enemies also think the same about ourselves. The cyclic stupidity remains ever energized.”
“The innocence however may buy the satisfaction that it didn’t start the chain, nor can it help in its end. Everyone has to be in this grind. You are born with your enemies; you make friends only when you grow.”
“Is this all you want me to learn?”
“Why should I make you learn anything? It is your choice. I wish well for you. That’s why I am telling you about the practical realities of life. I may not have the artistry of language and the charisma of an intellectual but I can also make long and passionate speeches about the virtue of being compassionate even with your enemies. But I am also well prepared and capable to chop off the asses of my enemies. I just wish you also see the reality and brace up for practicality of life. Enemies are enemies because they don’t understand the language of compassion.”
“All our enemies must also be thinking the same way about their enemies.”
“May be, but did I start it. I too wanted to be a good editor. I got only a few thousand when I was first made editor but I was happy. I only had one enemy; the outgoing editor. Now I earn more than a million and I have a few thousand enemies. Show me the compassion and I would reciprocate in double. Yes they do, they show it only when they offer wreath on your coffin.”
“You believe there is no chance for survival of innocence. Is death the only innocence?”
“I think so. It is like you have no money and you have no friends, no enemies either. Then you toil hard to make a hundred rupee. Instantly, hundreds of people who have a hundred rupee note or less become your enemy. Everyone fears competition. These hundreds have the option to work harder and add more money so that their hundred rupees become two hundred. But everyone wants the easy and lazy option. It is always difficult to grow above the competition and very easy to eliminate or emaciate the competition. If you and I both have hundred rupees then it is difficult and time taking for either of us to earn another hundred to become one up. So what I do is steal your hundred rupees. This gives instant and better results. I become two hundred rupees and the greatest joy is that you become a big zero. That’s why I said, enemies come easy to you.”
“I think I should suggest that enemy is quite a harsh word. Competitor looks like the right reference and makes us take the life a bit more easy and friendly.”
“Euphemism is the problem of the heart and not the eye. I take what I see. Competitors are in sports only; not even in all sports. In life you have only enemies. The bread and butter is where life’s fiercest and deadliest battles are fought. Survival is no sports, it’s a battle. Your euphemism will make you the first victim in this battle. It’s your choice. I know my options very well.”
“But we should also count our friends, if we are so obsessed by our enemies. I think, the owner of the enterprise should be our best friend. I don’t think he wants battles where his profits are at stake.”
“This is the last time I am warning you; come out of your world of dreams and wishful thinking. You will end up as a big stupid and not a shred of friends. This whole rot in this world has been wreaked by none other but the owners of enterprises. Why this world is such a hell? Because, the owner of this world; our all powerful and almighty God is nonchalant. He himself lives in the comfort of heaven and lords over the world so full of filth and felony. Why doesn’t he punish the bad ones? Because he wants the continuation of his almighty status! He is the most insecure of us. He knows it well that if all people on earth will become happy and self-sufficient, nobody will even bother to remember him. The lord’s compassion is worthy only when his empire lives in the pool of woes. The magnanimity is virtue only for non-entity; the able take it as pomposity.”
“But the God is not running a profit-making corporation. Our owners may not like the woes of his empire as it may affect his corporation’s efficiency and ultimately its profitability.”
“That’s why God is slightly better than our owners. If God can be so unkind, when he is not into profit taking venture, think of what monsters our owners can be when what they care is profit and more of it.”
“I cannot understand you. Anyone would guard his profitability but why should one intentionally make his enterprise a battleground? I believe, owners want the best for something they so arduously create and struggle hard to grow.”
“That’s why I say you will see the reality only when you land at the end of journey. At the start of journey, where you stand now, things do not look like what they actually are.”
“I admit that but it still does not answer my question. If you think you can trust me, you should make things clear to me so that I can really learn from your experiences.”
“Trust is not the issue. If you tell what I tell you to the boss, you will lose your own credibility. In our world, a man is valued only when he can keep secrets and promises.”
“Then tell me your experiences.”
“You know; in old times, there were kings and they lorded over large empires. Communication was very poor and it was very difficult to rule for long. The kings had developed a very trusted communication system through a large network of spies. The spies were not only his eyes and ears taking him to all parts of his empire sitting right in the safety of his palace but they also performed one huge function for him. They ensured that all the possible enemies of the king had more enemies to battle with so that they could never be so strong to challenge the king. And, the king knew it well; the closest of friends were the most likely and potent enemies anytime opportunity presented them with a chance. So, he had his most trusted and loyal spies working overtime on his wives, ministers and commanders. The secret lover of king’s dearest wife would be his most trusted spy. The wife of his most powerful minister would be on his payroll. He would go to any length to ensure that all his friends and enemies alike would never ever get so powerful to challenge him. The easiest thing to do was to create so many enemies to all of them that they remained weak and vulnerable ever and always dependent on the magnanimity of the king for their survival. Do you ever consider a charity for Bill Gates! Magnanimity is a joy only when there are beggars around you.”
“This is very mean interpretation of humanity. I am not sure it is an exception or a rule. I have a feeling you are blowing it all up.”
“Foolish boy, this is not an interpretation, it is a transcendental reality. We live in a world of far greater distrust and far superior communication technologies. Though, they have euphemized things and call espionage as intelligence. When you will end up on top, you will understand the lethal world of corporate intelligence. The history was benevolent in some respect. The king’s magnanimity was king-size and those who were loyal enjoyed the extravagance of his compassion. Our owners are baniyas. They behave like kings and want the kingdom’s booty for their own luxuries but their magnanimity and compassion is no better than a beggar. A beggar is even better; he will give you one rupee if he has two. The owners of today’s enterprise cannot.”
“If people on top of the rung, like you, paint such painfully sad picture of reality, what picture the petty employees must be having in their minds.”
“This is the good part of the enterprise. The starters see the rosy picture. They still live on the very comforting hope towards lord’s magnanimity. Their positivity actually is the energy that makes all modern enterprises run and thrive. A cancer patient has lots of hopes from his doctors and the God. He prays a lot and believes in what his doctors prescribe for him. He suffers a lot but his hopes still make him carry on the struggle with vigor. Then the doctors finally tell him there is no hope and he understands that God did not pay heed to his prayers. He dies before his death actually comes. He does not pray. Hopes should never die before our deaths. I salute your hope. I am at the end of the journey. My hope has died long ago. I do not pray to the magnanimity of my God. I simply battle on my own to get my cut of the cake.”
“But you still smile. You still fight it out like a true warrior. How can you say that?”
“Because; I don’t drink milk! I enjoy my whisky and this makes me connect to this world well. It always reminds me that this world is bitter, not worth your good taste but still, this is what gives you the kick of life; it works well for you. It makes you smile without the energy of the stupid ephemeral hope.”
“So, there is no hope for people with option of milk like me?”
“You are hopeless anyways. Don’t lick my brain. I am getting late for office. Come and join this evening. And do come with your hope. I like its fragrance. Everyone loves a toddler smelling like a pot of milk.”
“I will do it only when you promise that you will teach me the art of making cheese out of the milk.”
“Start drinking whisky with me and you will automatically learn the great art which I learnt through so much pain. Anyway, what’s the use of making cheese if you can’t enjoy it with whisky”, the editor said and went inside the bathroom.
Mayank knew, when he will come out of the bathroom, he will be the editor and not the big brother he was a few minutes back. It was time he moved out.
**
CHAPTER 15
She did not quite understand what he had in mind but she said okay to what Mayank proposed. He told her to arrange things as they were going for week-long pre-wedding honeymoon to Manali on Friday night. She reminded him that he had an all important meeting coming up on Friday with the owner of his newspaper and asked whether the journey same night would be possible. He assured her that there would not be any problem. She could not see the smiling face of Mayank on phone but she could sense the confidence and joy that his voice carried. He told her that he had already booked the tickets and hotel and would be with her by Friday afternoon to help her in packing.
Mayank smiled at the different strokes of destiny. Last time he had to meet the owner, he wished to have some time beforehand to prepare for what he would talk with him. This time, he had the time, the whole evening and night to plan and prepare for the proposed morning meeting with the owner but he did not feel the need for preparation. He sat by the window of his house watching and enjoying the blank sky. The blue sky would gradually turn grey and finally black. The darkness of the sky was what he was waiting for. He had a feeling it would look wonderful.
He reminisced and smiled. How many times in his life, he found and cherished loads of beautiful purposes. He smiled because he realized how important stupidities of life are... how they extend you the chance to be wise. How people miss the relevance of stupidities as catalyst of wisdom. He recalled the efforts and pain he had to invest in the preparedness for attaining his purposes at different stages of his life. The brilliance of the conspiracy of almighty...whenever he prepared hard and meticulously for a purpose, he wanted to attain, he would invariably fail. He would feel bad, low and frustrated about the wastage of his investments. Most of his successes came when he had done the least preparation and was not even sure of the purpose. He had finally accepted that preparation and purpose had a strange relationship. He understood that preparation for a purpose is a misnomer. The preparedness is required for something which is uncertain. His father would often tell him – ‘hope for the best and be prepared for the worst’. He realized it that what is certain and a definite purpose is what falls in the realm of hope and preparedness is required for what is uncertain and does not form a purpose. If preparedness and purpose were linear realities, there would have been far more success stories on earth. Success has traditionally been referred to as object of desire, hope and dreams. The real world faces the trouble that failures are the rule and most people are least prepared for it.
Mayank realized that one needs to be in the state of readiness not for a specific purpose but as life in general. One needs not to prepare but to be ready. Preparedness is for a specific purpose whereas readiness is for all time and circumstances to come. Readiness itself is the larger purpose for all preparedness. Preparedness is only a process whereas readiness is the end product, the final destination. The readiness is required not only for failures but also for successes. Handling success is more tedious task than handling failures. Success requires larger readiness.
Mayank was in the readiness and that’s why he did not feel the need for preparedness before his crucial meet with the owner of his newspaper next morning. The smile on his face was the shine of satisfaction of the readiness. He smiled as he realized he had attained readiness. When you attain, you go blank. The zero is the highest point of readiness. He thanked the almighty for bestowing upon him a series of crises and loads of stupidity. He however prayed that the wisdom of zero remained with him. He wished to continue with his readiness and not be part of any preparedness in future.
He had realized his stupidity. The road ahead was clear to him. He had gone past the fear factor in his life. And, the readiness, the ultimate and exalted beingness was just beyond the confines of the fear factor. He remembered, how since childhood, he struggled to conquer a series of fears he thought he was born with. He grew up demolishing them but only to realize that he had added more fears than he overpowered. The existential fears were replaced by fears that society offloaded on him. He grew up accepting so many benchmarks of successes and goodness that his family, his peer group, his seniors, icons and leaders lined up for him to follow. He grew up preparing hard to win all the benchmarks and in time got more apprehensive of failures and loses. Even successes, that came when he expected them the least, made him burry deeper in the abyss of fear. Each success only stretched the benchmarks and prolonged the process of preparedness. The fear never went away; rather it grew up engulfing his beingness totally. He could not understand the elusiveness of the state of readiness; a stage after reaching where he could say he had finally arrived. He could not understand the hydra-headedness of the fear; that no doubt egged him to higher stage of preparedness but never allowed him the basic urge of a lasting satisfaction. He had even started believing that life is a never-ending struggle for the elusive satisfaction.
Love made him realize for the first time what wins all fears. Love taught him to rise above the process of preparedness to the ultimate stage of readiness. He truly understood why he felt fearless when in love. When true love happens; all good and cherished ideals of humanity fall in your lap, they fill your being. Love embodies all goodness – honesty, transparency, selflessness and egolessness and above all the compassion. It does the magic. It makes the willful merger of individualism into the collectivity; the individuality of I dissolving into the collectivity of us. Love fills the heart and mind with compassion and when compassion plays the music in the heart, all cherished ideals and goodness of humanity get drawn into the mind. The fear goes away the next moment as this happens. He thanked the almighty for making him understand the fear factor and its dynamics. Since ages, the genius of mankind had listed the ideals and ultimate goodness for all people to follow and he realized that they were good and ideal because they made one fearless. Honesty makes you lose fear as you are not apprehensive of being caught with a lie. Transparency makes you fearless as you are not apprehensive of being caught hiding anything. When you are with these ideals, you don’t fear the loss or losing out. When you attain zero, you do not fear to lose as you have nothing. You do not fear as you have nothing to hide. Being fearless is the ultimate readiness. He thanked almighty that he was chosen to be blessed with love and compassion which made him fearless. But he understood that love too was only the higher stage of preparedness and not the readiness. Love just shows you the road. The readiness is attained when one totally personifies all the cherished goodness and ideals of humanity. Love leads you to the door, the entry point of zero but then, you have to step ahead to be into the zero. Every human being is blessed by the almighty to attain this readiness as all human beings are given at least one chance to experience love. Only few of them understand love. To the blessed ones is revealed the music of compassion when in love. Very few people are worthy enough to understand and appreciate this music of compassion that love plays for them. Those who understand hit the road to readiness. Love and compassion reveals the road to real preparedness – prepare to be compassionate, to be honest, to be transparent, to be selfless, to be egoless. It reveals the necessity to prepare oneself for the joy of giving, the importance of us. Love and compassion leads one to the ultimate empowerment of self – the ability to forgive. When forgiveness becomes the first instinct, it is a sure sign that the stage of readiness has been attained. The forgiveness is attaining the blank, the zero, the ultimate empowerment, the readiness. You accept nothing - no pride, no self, no ego, no I and you give everything as you forgive. The state of zero is the readiness.
Mayank sat on the chair in front of the couch that the owner preferred to sit. He had arrived at the hotel ten minutes earlier than the appointed time. As usual, the owner showed no expression on his face as he greeted him. Mayank knew the boss did it purposely. He was always a businessman and not for a second, a true businessman would let off his guard. Toughness, emotionlessness and matter of fa