Body Language and Attraction by Joanne Fallwater - HTML preview

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Best wishes in love and life, Joanne. Contents

1. Introduction
2. Ground Rules for Accurate Reading
3. What Do The Eyes Tell Us?
4. The Smile
5. What Hands Say About People
6. Arm Signals
7. Body Pointing
8. General Flirting and Attraction Gestures
9. Attraction Gestures – Men
10. Attraction Gestures – Women
11. Single?
12. Recap
1. Introduction – Where does this all start?

Body language is defined as nonverbal, and mostly unconscious, communication through use of gestures, postures, facial expressions, and alike. To the trained eye, it can reveal the thoughts of any and everyone, as well as their current emotional condition.

Various studies have indicated that communication made between people in facetoface conversation, consists of a less than 35% verbal component, and an 85% non verbal component.

Examples of this can be seen in every day life; a woman who is conscious of having gained weight about her thighs will smooth her dress down, and a guy who is unhappy will sit down with his arms folded, legs crossed, and a slight frown on his face.

Studies also indicate that women are much more perceptive than men – Hate to break it to you guys, but most of you just aren’t wired that way.

The average woman has over 14 areas of her brain dedicated to communication, whereas the average man will only have between 4 and 6. This doesn’t mean that guys have no hope of reading body language accurately; it just means that most men will have to consciously try to read a person’s body language, whereas most women will automatically do it subconsciously.

This EBook will help you explore and define the different actions, postures, and gestures of a person who likes you and is seeking your attention. It is important to understand that as well as being able to pinpoint whether a person is using gestures that indicate he or she likes you, it is just as important to be able to spot those gestures that indicate whether a person doesn’t like you – to help you gain a balanced view of their true feelings.

2. Ground Rules for Accurate Body Language Reading

One of the most common mistakes a rookie body language reader will make is to interpret individual gestures in isolation of other gestures.

For example, when someone rubs their left hand on their right arm it can indicate many things – negative feelings, sore arm, or maybe they are just cold – it all depends on the other gestures they are using at the time.

Another key factor is the circumstances under which certain gestures are made. A classic example of this is ‘the woman in the short skirt’, who sits with her ankles crossed tightly in front of her. Ankle crossing is usually associated with negativity and defense, however a woman with a short skirt may cross her ankles for certain obvious, necessary reasons – i.e. she may not be being negative, she may just be trying to stop people seeing up her skirt.

Remember that practice makes perfect. Body language isn’t always easy to read because there is often so much going on at one time that it’s hard to keep track of it all. My suggestion is that you take 15 minutes each day and dedicate it to reading peoples’ body language. This way in time, reading body language will become second nature.

3. What Do The Eyes Tell Us?

Often described as the windows to the soul, the eyes can give us great insight into the true thoughts and feelings of a person in any situation.

Dilating Pupils

When someone is feeling positive, when they like the company they are keeping, and when they hear something that they agree with, their pupils will dilate. When someone is feeling negative, when they don’t like the company they are keeping, and when they hear something they disagree with, their pupils will contract.

Dilating and contracting pupils are known as ‘microgestures’ – they cannot be consciously controlled and often go unnoticed by the untrained eye.

Although dilating pupils are often a signal that a person likes you, it is important to read this gesture in context. As we all know, changing light levels also affect how dilated or contracted our pupils become, low light will result in dilated pupils, and bright light will results in contracted pupils. Always look for this microgesture and evaluate it against other gestures being used by the particular individual.

‘Looking Up’

Used particularly by women, this gesture involves lowering the head at the neck, and looking upwards at the other person. This gesture makes people appear more childlike, and evokes a parenting reaction in both men and women. If someone uses this gesture on you, it is likely that they’d like you to perceive them as ‘cute’ and vulnerable, i.e. in need of care. Eye Contact

Making lots of eye contact is a way to show interest or respect. The more eye contact a person makes with you, the more that person likes you. Studies also show that even if you aren’t initiating the eye contact, the more you look into someone’s eyes, the more romantic and enjoyable they will find your company.

It is important to remember that making too much eye contact early on in a relationship can sometimes make people feel pressured and insecure. If you are trying to make a good impression on someone, build up a slight rapport first, and then gradually increase the amount of eye contact you give them.

4. The Smile

Smiles are often big indicators of whether or not someone likes you. The key thing most people (men in particular) don’t realize is that there are different types of smile, and that each type of smile can mean a completely different thing. Therefore when someone is smiling at you, it isn’t always a signal to make your move and go talk to them.
Many people use fake smiles to make them appear approachable and submissive. A fake smile can be spotted because it involves only the jaw muscles working, whereas a true smile involves both the jaw muscles and the muscles around the eyes.

A true smile will often produce ‘crow’s feet’ around a person’s eyes, and the person’s teeth are usually visible. A true smile is an indicator that a person likes you, however there are many types of smile that we see from day to day – not all of them mean positive things.

The Tight Lipped Smile

A tight lipped smile is spotted frequently in every day life. It is exactly what it says on the tin – the lips are stretched across the face forming a straight line, and the teeth are not visible. The tight lipped smile is often used by someone who is hiding something that they don’t want to share with you.

It is a favorite used by women who don’t want to show that they don’t like someone. Most men are completely oblivious to the true meaning of this smile.
Sideways Looking Up

This gesture consists of a tight lipped smile coupled with the ‘Looking Up’ gesture from the ‘Eyes’ section in this EBook. Contrary to the meaning of the solitary tight lipped smile, this gesture is used mainly by women to convey that they like someone. This smile invokes the parental, caring instincts in men, who see the smiler as playful, and juvenile.

5. What Hands Say About People

There are 2 basic rules you have to remember when looking at hand gestures: Open palms (when you can see the palms of someone’s hands) suggests openness, honesty, and a liking, whilst closed palms (when you can see the back of someone’s hands) suggests that they may be hiding something, are closed to your ideas, or are feeling like they are in authority.

Classic examples of this are seen in every day life. When people are apologizing, they may say something like “I’m sorry” coupled with presenting their two open palms. The open palmed gesture is like saying “I feel comfortable around you, I like you, I am being honest, and I have nothing to hide.” If you see someone making open palmed gestures at you, take this to heart and read their other gestures to confirm how they are feeling.

Closed palm gestures are used frequently too. For example when a child is lying or concealing something they will hide their hands behind their backs, and when someone doesn’t feel like talking they will put their hands in their pockets – symbolizing that they are ‘closed’ and don’t want to talk.

Again it is important to bear in mind that hands in pockets may also simply mean that the person is cold, or something else. Remember to read all gestures in groups and context.

6. Arm Signals

In body language, the arms are known as barriers that are put up to protect a person from harm. Arms gestures are typically used when a person is lacking in self confidence, feels threatened, or just doesn’t want to hear what you are currently saying.

Arm gestures aren’t a definitive “I don’t like you”, however they do indicate when a person is having negative feelings towards you.
When someone is using repetitive negative arm gestures, coupled with crossed legs or ankles, you’ll know its time to change the conversation.

Crossed Arms over Chest

Both arms are folded across the chest – this is a universal signal used everywhere. Its meaning is clear, “I don’t agree with what you are saying, I am uncertain, I don’t like this situation”.

Self Hug

The self hug is characterized by one arm at a person’s side, and the other arm clutching at their elbow. As children, our parents or carers hugged us when we were feeling sad, uncertain, or tense. The self hug is an attempt to recreate the feeling of security we got from those hugs. A person using this gesture is likely feeling insecure.

Elbow Touching

 

Everyone likes to be touched. Interestingly, studies shows that people who touch others elbow are more liked than those who do no touching. I say elbows in italics because it is just that, elbows only.

The reason elbow touching is acceptable is because it is far away from the intimate parts of the body; touch a stranger anywhere above or below the elbow and their reaction may be a little different.

It is a fact that girls do more touching than guys, but equally: if a girl or guy touches your elbow it is a sure fire sign that they like you, and that they want your attention.

7. Body Pointing

It is true that the body points to where the mind wants to go. The angles at which people stand when speaking to each other give us clues as to how they feel or where they want to go.

Open Positioning

Just like with palm gestures, when a person likes you or is interested in you, they will adopt an open body position. An open body position can be spotted by looking at the angle of their body relative to yours.
Typically in friendly encounters, the other person’s body will be pointing at an angle 45 degrees relative to yours – subsequently you’ll find that you’re body will be doing the same.
Closed Positioning

Closed positioning is used when two people want a bit of intimacy. Their body angle will change from the ‘friendly’ 45 degrees to 0 degrees, i.e. they will face each other. If someone uses closed positioning with you, it’s a signal that they like you a lot.

Try taking half a step forward, into their intimate zone – if they seem uncomfortable with this or they take a step back, don’t follow.

Leg and Foot Pointing

As stated in the blurb for this section, the body points to where the mind wants to go. Equally true is that a woman’s feet will point to the most ‘attractive’ guy in the room, and vice versa with guys on girls. This same principle applies to leg pointing. If you watch carefully, you’ll see that a guy’s knee will be pointed in the direction of the girl he finds most attractive. We see these principles every day, for example when someone wants to leave a room, at the very least you’ll see that their feet point towards the exit.

8. General Flirting and Attraction Gestures

When in the company of the opposite sex, the body language of both genders will change dramatically. Men will stand a little taller, no slouching or slumping.

He will also stick his chest out and suck in his stomach – this makes him appear more dominant, and happens automatically around someone he likes or has taken a fancy to.

If a woman takes a liking to the described man, she will respond to his gestures by drawing attention to her breasts, tilting her head, touching her hair, and exposing her wrists – thus making her appear submissive.

There are of course, more deliberate flirting and attraction gestures, but these are gestures made consciously, whereas the ones described above are automatic, and made subconsciously. 9. Attraction Gestures Used by Men

Compared to women, men don’t have a large repertoire of attraction gestures. When a man likes a woman, he will use gestures that emphasize his masculinity.

The common gestures used by men are the expanding of the chest, straightening of the back and pulling the stomach in. He’ll also adjust his clothing or touch his hair.

Men typically use their thumbs to display dominance and masculinity; subsequently a man will tuck his thumbs into his belt, pointing them at his crotch to emphasize his manhood.

10. Attraction Gestures Used by Women

Fortunately for guys, women send out a whole plethora of signs and signals to let him know she’s interested in him. Unfortunately for women, many men are slow on the uptake, completely oblivious to the signs and signals she is sending out. What makes things worse is that women sometimes send out mixed signals, to manipulate men into showing how they feel about her – this often leaves men confused and subsequently, they won’t try to approach her. When a woman looks around a room and sees a man she’s interested in, she’ll often send a gaze his way until she catches his eye. During this first look she typically holds his eyecontact for 23 seconds, and then she looks away. Women may then perform other gestures to show interest in her chosen guy.

A woman will use something known as the ‘Hair Flick’ around a guy she fancies. This gesture involves flicking the hair over her shoulder or away from the face. Even women with short hair use this gesture.
Another gesture to watch out for is the ‘self touch’. When a woman slowly and sensually strokes her thigh or neck she implies that if the man plays his cards right, he may be able to touch her in these ways too.

The limp wrist is seen as a submission signal by many men, and as such is used by women everywhere to make a guy feel that he could dominate her. The limp wrist gesture is often used for maximum effect when fondling a cylindrical object.

A similar gesture to the limp wrist is also used by women to reel in a man. This gesture is known as the ‘exposed neck’, and is exactly as the name says – the woman will tilt her head to one shoulder, exposing her neck to the man. This gesture is seen by men as submissive in much the same way as the limp wrist.
11. Single?

When people see someone they like, sometimes the only thing holding them back from making an approach is the thought that maybe their crush isn’t single. Imagine this scenario:

An attractive girl sees a group of people standing across the room from her at a bar. She has her eye on one of the guys in the group, and uses the gazing technique to let him know she’s interested.

He’s a bit slow on the uptake or maybe just a little nervous, so she decides that maybe its time to go over there and give him an opportunity to talk to her. At the same time this occurs, she notices that her crush is standing next to another attractive girl, who seems to be part of the group.

This throws the question “Are these two together?” So should she stay where she is, or still go over to his area?

 

Personal Territory

It is a scientific fact that the closer two people are emotionally, the closer they will stand, sit, or lie next to each other. Imagine a bubble around each and every person. This bubble encompasses the person and a small surrounding area. To that person, everything inside that bubble is ‘theirs’, and is known as their ‘Personal Space’. The size of this personal space varies a little from person to person but doesn’t differ to a great degree.

When two people are very close i.e. Lovers, Parents, Spouses, Close Friends, Children, they will stand for the majority within 1545 centimeters of each other. Only those who are emotionally close to us may enter this space and anyone else who enters may make the person feel intimidated and take a step back from the invader.

Touch and Personal Claim

People touch or lean against something that they feel is theirs. For example a person will sometimes lean on their walls at home, but wouldn’t dream of being invited into a stranger’s house then leaning on their walls. Lovers will hold hands, brush each other’s arms, or ‘tidy’ their partner up by brushing imaginary lint off their partner’s shoulder.

One of the most unmistakable signals made by women to show claim to a man is when she places her flat palm on his chest. Similarly a man will place his hand on his partner’s waist or back.
The key things to remember here is that we touch things that we feel are ours, and we do this in a variety of ways. Watch for the slightest touches, fingers, arms, or even feet.

12. Recap

Although body language is universal in its meanings, it really is very easy to get confused or mixed up when reading people’s body language. As mentioned at the beginning of this EBook, practice makes perfect and the more you practice reading body language, the easier it will become. Always remember to read gestures in groups, and always remember to take into account the environment around the person you are reading.

Thanks for Reading

If you liked this EBook and found it informative, please let me know. My site address is plastered on pretty much every page of the book! If you run a webpage, please consider putting a link to me on your site, using the code below:

<a rel="nofollow" target="_blank" href="http://www.datingnation.com">Adult Dating</a> Hope you enjoyed reading, and may I wish you the best in love and life.

Take care, Joanne.