So life went on for a while. Beth showed up more often and she, and Cordra had intimate powwows where I was the excluded party. I didn’t mind. I was thrilled at their compatibility. The cast was off, and I was walking two miles a day when Carol called and wanted to be picked up.
Beth wished me good luck and disappeared. Cordra was silent and moody. She took what few pieces of clothes and items she had and put them in her car. True to her word, the only thing she left was her mat. She also wished me good luck and kissed me good bye.
The ride home was fine. Really. Carol was talkative and lighthearted. She kept the conversation going, even while we shopped for food. She was pleased with the business, pleased with my progress with my leg and life in general. She babbled about the future and asked tons of questions about Beth. What a welcome change from the norm. I felt guilty about the coming discussion about Cordra.
She fell silent inside the front door in the dark and paused. She turned to hug me, and I responded. “Hey, I just wanted you to know that I love you,” she whispered and kissed me. Her voice quivered, like she was cold and I could feel her trembling.
“I know that.”
“It’s just the lifestyle we live keeps us apart, you know?” Her voice had a pleading quality to it.
“I know. We’re different.” I started to move and she remained still, standing on the mat. “What’s wrong?” I stretched out a hand and turned on the light.
“I don’t know. Just feel very uneasy.” She rubbed her arms. “I felt all right until just now.”
It was hard for me to believe, and it was difficult for me not to confess right away. However, I told Cordra I trusted her, and I chose to do as she had said, which was to be quiet and let Carol’s spirit do the work.
Carol looked down at her feet and saw the mat. “A new addition?”
“Yes. Like it?” I knew the answer already.
“No, but what do I have to say about it? I don’t live here except on rare occasions. But, I still love you.” She pulled me close and kissed me again. “Your leg healed enough for you to play around?”
I thought about all the playing I’d done with Cordra, with a cast on.
Carol would not even try to do the sex thing in any position except with her on her back. She would permit no other way, no other position.
“Yes.” I was suddenly not enthused by the idea. “But it’ll be better with you on top.” I hoped that would discourage her.
“We’ll try it the other way first,” she said and headed for the bedroom. When I walked in, she stood before the dresser, with the light on and stared at the bed. Cordra had changed the sheets and pillow cases before she left. Nothing was out of place, but Carol was uncomfortable.
“Who is she?” she asked when she knew I was there.
“Who’s who?” I answered as she grabbed the bottom of her one-piece dress and removed it over her head.
“Who's the other woman?” She stood in her underwear and stared at the bed. You've had her in our bed.”
I said nothing.
“You’re silent. Look. I’m sorry that I have this business, but I can’t back out now. I’m in too deep. Why don’t you come with me? You can help me. Won’t you consider it?”
I said nothing.
“Look. I can forgive most anything but silence. I’m suddenly horny, and I want you. I want you to make love with me. I know it’s been a long time, probably over a year, but I want to do that now. Tonight. If the leg bothers you, I’ll get over it and do it on top. Okay?”
She peeled off her panty hose and opened a drawer to choose a pair of white Bobby socks. She was doing everything she could to get me involved, and that was a turn on that usually worked well. From the first time we made love, she wore her socks, always. If she remained barefooted, I did without.
There was nothing wrong with her feet, but she did not like them, and I loved her wearing socks when we made love, like the night we made Beth.
Awesome. She was not going to let this go easily.
She was naked then and she kissed me passionately before she reached the bed and pulled down the covers. She lay back on the bed and patted the mattress beside her. “Come on,” she pleaded.
I moved to the bed, still in silence.
She kissed me, and I felt her legs spread on the bed.
“No,” I whispered.
“Who is she?” she asked again. “Give my enemy a name.”
“Cordra I’m sorry, but I can’t do this.”
“You’ve done her here. And in the living room. I can feel it. She’s strong. She's overpowering. She’s everywhere in the frigging house!”
I simply nodded to the accusations. She was horny, no doubt about that, and she was inviting. Things did not look too good.
“Please, just do me once. I can forgive most anything. I can forgive your turning to other women, but please. Come back to me. Don’t turn me down. I’m your wife. It’ll work. It’ll feel great. Come on.”
The begging voice touched me and for a moment I wished to give in. Then I heard Cordra’s voice in my mind. She’ll go crazy, and that’s when you must be strong. Should I be strong enough to reject my wife? When she was this open and willing?
“I can’t,” I sighed and stood from the bed.
“Undress and lay down. I know you can.”
“No. It would work, but I don’t want it to work. The last time I did that was the final time for you,” I found the strength to say.
“Please?” she begged once again.
“No. I’m used to you being gone. And, since I can’t have both of you, I’d rather lose you than her.”
I heard her sigh. “Then why did you bother with me coming home? Why not tell me and spare me the trip here? If she’s that good, so damned desirable, that you can’t touch me, why bother with me coming home?”
“I don’t know.” I felt helpless. I truly didn’t know why I let her get that far and then say no. I should have stopped her at the train station and let her catch the next train back to New York. Better yet, I could have told her when she called. That would have saved her the trip and me the anguish of the moment.
“Well, I’ll get out of the way! I’ll sleep here, in my bed, alone, and you can call your twist-of-tail and sleep with her in the basement. Screw yourself into oblivion for all I care!”
“That’s silly.”
“You say that because you’re an ignorant jackass!” she fired at me.
“Call her! I’ll not bother you. And I’ll leave in the morning, in a taxi, but I’ll leave through the kitchen, not across that bloody fucking mat where you screwed her! You both can laugh at me and screw on the mat again! Do it! See if I care!” With that she started crying.
“I’m sorry,” I said again.
She shoved me away from the bed and started going through dresser drawers.
“What are you looking for?” I asked, trying to be helpful.
She stopped and her shoulders sagged as she heaved a huge sigh.
“Look. I’m tired. I’m so horny I can’t think straight, and you’re not helping. And this is too much of a shock. I’m looking for my vibrator. And after I take care of myself, I’ll be able to sleep. I can’t do either with you here, so please go. Just go!”
“Okay,” I said meekly. I opened a drawer in another dresser and handed her the vibrator. “There are new batteries in your vanity.”
She tossed it on the bed and slapped me. “She must be Indian!”she shouted. “Ignorant jackass! What tribe?”
“Lakota.”
“I hope you get VD!” she said and shoved me into the hallway.
“That’s not nice.”
“Neither are you right now!”She slammed the door and the whole house shook.
I stood there for a moment and listened to her cry. I should be there instead of here. It should be me, kissing, stroking and kneading her flesh until she reached the big o. It all seemed to pass as a dream. It didn’t seem to happen in reality. I felt if I opened the door, Cordra would be there or else Carol would be there, and things would be fine. I stood until I heard the vibrator start humming. I realized that was much-deserved guilt, and I shook my head as I walked down the hall and the stairs.
The basement was quiet. It seemed unreal that two stories straight up, was the bed, where my wife lay in crying chaos, and here it was peaceful. I couldn’t see or touch, or know what was going on. I shivered although it wasn’t cold and picked up the phone.
Cordra must have had a hand on the phone, because she answered before it completed one ring. By the sound of her voice, I knew something was wrong. I took the chance and liberty of voicing my thoughts. “Have you been crying?”
“Yes. When you plant a seed and let it grow, and then you set it free, there’s always uncertainty that it will come back to you, no matter how much you wish or desire it. I’m a warrior when I need to be, and I’m a wimp when I can’t be a warrior.” She sniffed and blew her nose. “So, how are you? Thanks for the call.”
“I'm confused, but holding my own.”
“You alone?”
“In the basement. She went crazy, like you said. She’s in the bed. I’m in the basement. She called me an ignorant jackass and told me to phone you. Do you believe that?”
“Yes. You are and I believe.”
“Are you coming over? This is crazy.”
“Did you touch her?”
“No. She was inviting, but I did nothing. I couldn’t.”
“But you didn’t service her? Help yourself to her goodies because you’re still married to her?”
“No. I felt guilty for not doing that, but the guilt over violating your trust was greater. I couldn’t do it. I don’t even know if I responded to her strong come on. I thought of you, and I could do nothing to her. I told her I’d rather lose her than lose you.”
“Great, love. I’ll be over in a few minutes. Wait for me on the mat?”
“Whatever you want, honey darling. I’ll be there.”
The morning sun shone through a slit in the dark red curtains in my basement and I was loath to move from my position to close them fully. I was on the daybed with Cordra wrapped in my arms. We spent the night like that, and I don’t recall moving at all. The basement door opened and I opened one eye, trying to recall who was there.
“Jim? Hey, are you awake?”
I yawned and then remembered the night before and Carol.
“Jim?”
“Yes. I’m awake now. What?”
“Are you dressed?”
I moved from the bed and repositioned Cordra’s head and arms, but I didn’t cover her.
Carol walked down the stairs, dressed in her housecoat. Even in the dim light I could tell that her eyes were slightly puffy. She stopped beside me and viewed Cordra. She sighed and shook her head. “Wow, she’s gorgeous. That sucks, greatly,” she whispered and started weeping again.
“Can we go upstairs and talk?” She never waited for an answer, just shoved her hands into the housecoat pockets and headed for the stairs.
I donned my pants and shoes and followed her.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that,” she said when I entered the kitchen. She sat at the dining room table, sideways on a chair and facing the door. One arm hugged the chair back, and the other flopped on the table top.
“I'm out-looked, out-sexed, and out-loved. I didn’t need that vision of love.”
I started a pot of coffee and sat beside her.
“This is rough on me,” she started. “I didn’t mean for this to happen to us.”
“I don’t think anyone ever wants things like this to happen.”
“It seems like a dream. Like I’ll wake up tomorrow, and none of this will have happened.” She sighed and blew her nose. “I feel like a fool. I still love you and I want to fight, but after seeing her, I can’t. I want to hug you and kiss you until you can’t say no to me. Would that work?” She looked at me until I made eye contact. “I see it probably wouldn’t.”
“You’ve been gone too long. I no longer feel connected to you.”
“I know that, but I never considered it a problem. If I had, I would have seen this before and corrected it. Your passive nature caught me unaware.”
“Sorry,” I said.
She smiled slightly. “That’s cute. I mean defending her last night, and not apologizing for the love you obviously have for her. I was thinking two-bit whore. I wanted something I could drive away. One look at her and I know I’ve lost. That sucks. No, it really sucks. Why did you fall for her instead of a cheap worthless tramp?”
“I never sought anyone. She was there to give me rides to, and from work when I couldn’t drive. Then she kissed me, and I left the door open for her. It wasn’t something I planned.” I shrugged and stood to get two coffee cups. “Anyway, you’ve always wanted to have me hooked up with losers, misfits, and butt-ugly women. I never did understand that. Why not a dream of Demi Moore or Faith Hill as being my lover? Why some swamp dog with bad breath and warts?”
“What’s her name? Cordra? Is she a movie star?”
“No. However, she’s a diamond compared to what you wanted me to be hooked up with.”
“That's very true. I don’t know why I did that so often. You were just talking and being you. You were only being nice. And it would drive me jealous in a heartbeat. Deep inside I knew it was stupid, but for me, I could see them repaying kindness with sex, and you being willing, just to make them feel good about themselves.”
I considered that as I prepared the coffee. The thought process she used made sense, but it still gave me little to no morals, which was wrong.
“So what happens now?” she asked, wanting to change the subject, and it was fine with me.
“I think we make the separation permanent,” I said and sat the cup before her.
She stuck her nose over the cup and inhaled deeply before she said anything else. That was a habit that she had enjoyed for 24 years. The following sigh and stretch were her sign of approval. She said she could smell if the sugar and cream were correct
“If raping you wouldn’t matter, I guess so. You can’t handle two women anyway. And since I’m not going to be here, might as well be her.”
I could hear the sarcasm in her voice, but I didn’t want to fuel the fire, at least not at the moment. I took a drink and nodded. We sat in awkward silence, not knowing what to say or who should say it. We were both saved by the opening of the basement door and Cordra’s entrance.
She was bare-footed and dressed in her cut off jeans and the same t-shirt she slept in. She waved at the table, ordered a cup of coffee, and excused herself to the bathroom.
“Maybe she’ll fall in when she flushes,” Carol mused. “Gluush, glug, glug, gone. How convenient that would be.”
“Wishful thinking.”
“Might be fate. One never knows these days. Remember the Great Vogina, that wicked commode that tortures people? Slams kids weenies?”
“Oh, yes. Now I know what you mean. It’s got me more than once.”
I made the cup of coffee for her and sat back down at the table. Carol chose to put her foot in my lap, which caused her robe to slide open and expose a lot of legs just as Cordra came to the table.
“Morning, Cordra,” she said cordially. “Sleep well?”
“As a matter of fact, yes.” She kissed me and slid Carol’s foot to the floor. “That doesn’t entice me, hon.”
“I’m not hon. I’m Carol. You’re Cordra.”
“Fair enough. It’s still your house, but be a good hostess and remain covered. Don’t want to get the wrong people excited. Waste of time for you.”
Carol grunted, but she closed her robe and retied the rope. “What are your intentions, besides separating us?”
“That question seems to run in the family. My intentions are to live with him and love him for as long as life permits. I’ll be the ideal squaw for him.”
“I imagine,” Carol said.
“And to clarify the situation, it wasn’t I who chose to separate you two. That was your choice. You traded his love for a business. Poor choice, but it was yours.”
“That didn’t have to be. You didn’t have to sleep with him. You know that.”
“True. I guess it’s a matter of goals and objectives. Maybe I can see in him, what you can’t.”
“You suck. You’re just an Indian out of place.”
“Care to stand on my mat and tell me what I do and do not know?”
Carol shivered. “No thanks. You a medicine woman?”
“No. I know the way of natural medications for healing, but I’m a spiritual warrior, when I’m required. That’s why I prepared for you in advance.”
“I believe it. Got the message as soon as I stepped inside the door. Jim didn’t know or understand that, did he?”
“No. He thought I was silly. I think he understands now.”
Both of them looked at me for the first time as if I had not been there before. “I understand a little. I was all for a frontal assault. Cordra convinced me to let her handle it.”
“Glad you did. You might have had a lot in common with Bobbit if you’d tried it your way,” said Carol. She sighed again and stood. “Well, if you’ll excuse me, I’ll pack and call a taxi and be out of here. I guess we’ll let the lawyers handle it from here on out.”
“No need of a taxi,” Cordra said. “I’ll drive you to Wilmington.”
I thought of the two of them alone for an hour and vetoed the idea.
Cordra shushed me and talked to Carol. “You have any objections? You fear me that much?”
Carol stared at her a moment. “No. I don’t fear you. I think you’re rude and brash. I dislike you for moving in on my husband and turning around his love, but I don’t fear you. You have something in mind?”
“Of course I’ve got something in mind. Amicable solutions are always better than total bloody warfare. If you can avoid a warpath situation, why not? You game?”
“Right on! Let me dress and I’ll be back. Thanks.”
“I don’t think it’s a good idea,” I said when Carol left the room.
“Don’t worry. You did just fine when you brought her here. She’s serious about not fearing me. She would like to knock my brains loose, but she’s a good woman and outside a little name calling and evil death-looks we’ll be just fine.”
“Still, this is my marriage.”
“And it’s our life and future. When she gets back, kiss her good bye, if she’ll let you and then let her go. That’s what you want. That’s what you need. Or was that a fantasy when you voiced it?”
Woman can read my mind, I thought. Wish I had that talent. Is it in the hormones or what? “It wasn’t a fantasy. I was just waiting and being indecisive. You sort of knocked me off balance. Nudged me out of my comfort zone. Made me confront myself. And I know that no change is free. It always comes with some pain.”
“Good. You’re learning. So what will you do?”
“Kiss her good bye, hope she don’t bite my tongue off and let her go. Then, when she’s gone, I’ll not burn the bridge. I’ll nuke the whole canyon.”
“Great choice. You’re doing better. Then change the sheets on our bed when we’re gone. Don’t want to smell her when I lie down with you tonight.”
“No problem.”
Carol returned with her things. “We bought a lot of food last night, which we never used. Enjoy it. Could we stop for breakfast on the way? I’d rather negotiate on a full stomach.”
“Not a problem. That’s a wise Indian saying.”
I carried her bags to the car and they followed me. I kissed Carol and moved away from her as Beth pulled onto the lawn beside the drive.
“Leaving so soon, Mom?”
“You two met?” Carol asked, nodding toward Cordra.
“Yes. Figured there would be bloodshed and at least body parts flying. That’s why I stopped by, to call the ambulance and police if necessary.”
“You like the arrangement?”
“Not especially, do you?”
“Hate it. Guess I’ll see this place less now.”
“I’m still here,” said Beth.
“I’ll see you, and call you, but not these two bozos. Watch out for him, but not her.”
“You got it, Mom. You leaving?”
“Yes. I can’t stand being in the house with them. All that screwing without me being involved is the pits. Manhattan is better for me. I’m safe and alive there. Love died here, for me anyway.”
Beth stood with an arm around me as they backed from the drive and headed down the street.
“Worst part over?”
“Yes. Cordra’s wise. Too wise. I’ll have to go on some female hormones so I can read her mind and understand her.”
Beth laughed until she cried. “Don’t do that, dad. PMS is a total bummer.”
We sat on the kitchen porch steps instead of going inside. The day was beautiful and the morning’s events were not even half as turbulent as expected. “Well, what do you think, daughter?”
“You’ve got a powerhouse, I think. Like I said the first evening I met her, she’ll be good for you and I think she’s already working for you, both of you. I don’t see any scars or bruises. Did it go smooth?”
“Yes. Cordra’s spiritual mat did ninety percent. My ‘no’ did the rest. She just gave up. Cried and gave up. I don’t know what to say about that.”
“You worried she’s a witch doctor or something?”
“I’ve asked that question before and she just laughs, but I saw and felt what she did with Carol and it made me uneasy. Yes, the goal was accomplished, pretty much as she planned, but the spiritual side of her makes me nervous. She can nearly read my mind. I do like some privacy, you know.”
Beth grinned and nodded. “Dad, I could do that when I still lived here with you guys, before I ventured out on my own. I could read your emotions, and moods, and I knew most of the time what bothered you. I just didn’t bother digging it out of you too often. You’re a silent and moody type of person, but that’s okay. Maybe Cordra will change that side of you. It’s working good so far. It’s really a welcome change. No need to be a grumpy old troll like the neighbors. Can you dig?”
“Remind me not to match wits with you again. I know that change is good and letting go of bad things is good. It’s just that some things I don’t want to let go of. Like you.”
“That’s good to hear,” she offered. “I’d hate to have to be the one to track you down and knock some sense into you. Cordra’s got a light-year head start on me as it is. Just know that my love is a given. It’s always here, whether you mess up or not. Dig?”
“I dig, I dig,” I told her.
The sky opened with bounty after I filed for divorce. Cordra suggested moving west to South Dakota. I did some research on the Internet and found a job opening in the Department of Transportation there and applied. Two weeks later, after a telephone interview I had a job waiting with a significant pay raise. I loved it.
Cordra made contact with the Lakota Women Council in Oglala, and the reservation. From their fast-paced communication, a tentative house was located in a new subdivision north of Oglala. The owners were relocating to Florida and offered to rent the house to us for a year with the option to purchase any time before or after that period.
“This is almost too good to be true,” I said to Beth one night as she got into her car to leave.
“Sounds like you Lakota Squaw is bringing a bus load of good luck into your life. Don’t blow it.”
“Don’t worry, I won’t. I guess the greatest miracle is that she’s pregnant. Awesome news.”
“So am I, remember?”
“I remember, but I had nothing to do with that. Is John happy?”
“You could say that. He’s not thrilled that I’m going to be close to delivery when I join you guys for helping Cordra. Sorry. I just love that little woman a lot. I’ll be fine.”
“He can always join us, as in accompany you.”
“I know. That will be my alternative option when the clock gets close.”
The move was made and settling-in commenced. Cordra delivered her baby six weeks after arriving in Oglala. A week later she helped Beth in the same procedure and John and I were ran ragged for a while; happy, but exhausted.