it would be to tell someone how great her day was, and have someone to laugh with when she saw something funny.
Then she met Tony. Tony worked one office building over from hers, and they always ran into each other at Starbucks before heading to work. There was usually small talk between the two of them as they would wait in line. But one day, out of the blue he asked if she wanted to join him for lunch over some amazing Chinese food.
She was impressed with Tony’s quiet confidence, as he didn’t even hesitate or shuffle around when he asked her out. The most compelling thing about him was his direct and honest gaze. She did find him attractive, and found the answer “Yes” coming out of her mouth pretty fast.
One thing led to another, and soon they started spending a lot of time together. Tony started coming over her apartment a lot, and they enjoyed each other’s company.
After seeing each other for about six months, Tony brought up the topic of moving in together. He thought that, since they spent most of their nights together anyway, and everything was going so well, they might as well save money on rent and get a place together.
Sarah found herself thrown back by this suggestion. She had always loved her apartment, and loved it when Tony came over, but in the back of her mind it was still her apartment. She didn’t want to look for another apartment, and she didn’t want to share her apartment with Tony.
Instead of taking the time to figure out where her fear was coming from, Sarah very quickly told Tony that she wasn’t ready yet for the commitment.
With the same quiet confidence he displayed when he first asked her out, Tony softly said, “OK. No problem. If that changes for you, please let me know, because I would love to take this next step with you.”
After, that, Tony continued to see her like he always did. Whenever they spent time together, he would confide in her his plans for the future. He was a natural leader and manager, and he saw himself carving out a career as a manager in the manufacturing industry. He also said he wanted a family of his own, and could see himself as a husband and father within the next five years.
But Sarah began seeing their relationship differently. She admired Tony’s confidence in relationships in general, but his talk of marriage somehow grated on her nerves. She felt vaguely threatened, as if she was being placed under a timeline with a major reckoning in the end. She was uncomfortable with the fact that Tony was so ready for them to live together, while she was nowhere near that point yet.
Tony patiently continued seeing her for the next two years. Despite this, Sarah slowly began building the invisible wall between them. Somewhere in the middle of those two years, she and Tony began to argue with one another over trivial matters.