Chapter 3: Your Financial Situation
“It is not easy for men to rise whose qualities are thwarted by poverty.”- Juvenal (Roman poet)
It’s time we talk about money.
But before I go any further, let’s get one thing straight: your worth as a human being is in no way defined by your current state of finances. Money has got nothing to do with how worthy you are of love.
In fact, money can become a distraction from developing your true worth as a person. Whether you have too much or too little of it, money-making, saving—and spending—can easily become the major priorities of your life, when it shouldn’t be.
Money should only be one of your resources to achieving a fully-lived life. You should be thinking, “When I’m old and retired, I should by then have been able to experience
everything in this world that I could, should, and wanted, and gained wisdom and strength from it.”
In other words, money should only be a means of obtaining more opportunities to expand your horizons as a human being. Beyond giving yourself the means to live and be physically healthy and safe, ask yourself how much of your money is wisely spent on keeping your mind, heart and spirit growing. How much of your money is wisely spent on helping others, like loved
ones, friends and the less fortunate members of society? Have you been spending money so you can get more opportunities to learn more about yourself, to heal or educate yourself and
others? Or are you set merely on the goal of accumulating as much wealth as you can? Are you just using money to spend for the most expensive products, services or events in order to feel secure, to give in to your lust for luxury, or to stop yourself from getting bored with life?
Money is precious, but only as a means of buying opportunities for growth, and sharing your gifts with others. Having a ton of money all to yourself should never be the end goal for you.
It’s now easy to see how money should be viewed, when it comes to dating and long-term relationships. It should be a means of enhancing relationships—not defining them.
Todd and Cherie’s Story
Todd and Cherie met through mutual friends. They were each successful in their careers. Todd had come from a wealthy family. Cherie was well-educated, but still carried a considerable amount of debt due to her educational expenses.
When they started dating, they almost instantly began fighting about money. And when they moved in together, money became a regular, touchy subject for discussion in their home. What made matters worse was that both of them were headstrong personalities who hated giving in to other people, no matter what.
Todd liked to entertain guests, and had no problem paying the bill when he and his friends went out to have a good time. Cherie, on the other hand, valued every cent she made. She had
worked so hard to get to where she was, and she simply couldn’t understand how Todd could throw away money like it was bathwater. And why, she thought, did he have to pay for his friends every weekend?
She was getting so frustrated with his behavior that she began to distance herself from him.
Todd felt like a child around Cherie. How she scrutinized his spending habits felt like he was constantly under surveillance. He grew tired of having to constantly explain himself to her. He loved going out, and wanted to spend his hard-earned money the way he wanted.
Todd began lying to Cherie about little things, to avoid scrutiny or confrontation. The erosion of their relationship began there. With the little lies rose the opaque walls of distrust between them, then suspicion, annoyance, and finally, boredom. Both of them started looking outside their relationship, eyes wandering off to other attractive people in their lives. Both were secretly hoping the relationship would somehow end.
This is a classic example of two people who were physically attracted to each other in the beginning, but failed to
scrutinize themselves and one another in the beginning to see if they were, indeed, suited for each other. Especially in the money department!
Cherie is right to value her hard-earned money the way she does.
Todd is right to spend his hard-earned money the way he wants.
The only thing here that isn’t right is Todd and Cherie,
together. They’re completely wrong for each other.
You need to spend time on putting focus on establishing proper criteria in meeting a partner.
If a person has no qualms about spending money left and right, trying to control his or her money habits will be a mistake. That person won’t want to be tied down, and further more will develop resentment to anyone who tries. If your own focus is to be more responsible, save money, and work toward some financial goal, then no one should make you compromise what you want.
You simply need to be more selective in the process of determining the person you want to attract. You should consider compatibility in personal financial styles as a requirement for a potential partner, regardless of how poor or well off that potential partner might be. If the two of you naturally agree to how money should be managed, then money won’t define who either of you are.
Money is only as a means of preparing yourself for dates. It’s not supposed to define your character, nor your potential date’s character. It’s not supposed to be the reason why your date will fall madly in love with you, marry you, and be faithful to you for the rest of your lives.