“I messed up this entire place...”
“Who cares...?”
“I spilled the juice and dropped the yoghurt.”
“That’s ok. It’s not worth getting upset over.”
His kindness had the opposite effect on me - instead of feeling better, I felt much worse now.
“You're being just polite! I'm a wally and a burden!”
“Shereen!”
Now the tears were pouring down my cheeks. I wiped them off with my hand covered in fluff.
“The carpet is probably spoiled now...”
“Forget the carpet; I'll buy a new one. Please, don’t rub your eyes...”
“These eyes don’t work anymore anyway! I’m useless!” I began sobbing. God knows I didn’t want to, but I couldn’t hold it back, “Breaking and ruining things – that’s all I am good for now.”
“Shereen, it’s just some breakfast.”
“Right! And then there will be a lunch, dinner and what else?”
I covered my face with my hands and continued crying. How shameful and humiliating it was to be in this position. I am disabled! Now I'm a useless disabled person, who can’t put a piece of bread in their own mouth. It was only an early morning and I’ve already managed to ruin Hulk’s breakfast and mess everything around. And he was trying to comfort me!
The only thing I wanted to do right now was to hide in the farthest corner and let myself cry properly to the point of hiccupping, and then fall asleep surrounded by the darkness. Well, the darkness was not a problem for me anymore, but the thing was that it was only MY darkness, while the others were still living in a world full of bright light. How can I survive like that for another ten days and what if my vision won’t recover in time? It seemed that all the accumulated resentment was spilling out of me for the first time since I stepped my foot in Tally - all the loneliness, beatings, humiliation, powerlessness, anger, cold nights and the absence of someone close to me - all of it has now turned into a stream of continuous tears.
I started to hiccup and choke and then I suddenly soared up into the air.... and realised... I was sitting on Hulk's lap. Everything happened so fast - his arms lifted me up off the floor and moved onto something soft and warm - his knees.
“Hush, girl... calm down...”
He held me warmly, reassuringly, my face pressed against his chest and was stroking my hair.
“Don’t cry. They are only dishes.”
I sobbed once again and went all quiet in amazement. He was so kind to me and it made me feel ashamed. Really... why am I acting this way when my life is not that terrible? Yes, I entered Tally by mistake, I’ve had to tolerate some rough situations, but then I ended up at this ranch which in reality was great luck. I was lucky to find some work in the kitchen to start with and then the translating came along. All of that happened because Hulk was always fair, always noticed the details, whenever there was a need he would always be there for me and never punished me even when I really was guilty. I became such a moaner because of a few plates that he now needed to comfort me even though he’d already helped me to avoid a whole load of problems when someone tried to set me up. Why did I get so upset because of the stupid plates? The reason I was blind because it was the shortest way to find out the truth and in a couple of weeks everything will be back to normal again. It didn’t feel right to use his kindness and waste the time of a person who had always acted in a more than reasonable way towards me.
His hands were warm and caring and it felt so good to sit on his lap, leaning against his chest, listening to his heartbeat. What would’ve been the right thing to do at this stage would be to stand up and assure him that I was not crying anymore, and that it was just an awkward incident, and that he was right - I should not be so upset, since it was just some dishes, but for some reason I continued sitting motionless not saying a word.
He was still holding me, stroking my hair, and his breath was gently touching my cheek while my sticky fingers were convulsively clutching his shirt as though it was a lifejacket, and I did not care if there was any stains on its fabric or not. It was overwhelmingly good to feel someone big and strong under my fingers... and close; to feel that there was someone warm next to me, someone who can help, protect and support me, or just sit next to me in silence; because even the silence would become comfortable when his hands were embracing me as they were now.
What am I doing?
This thought brought me right down to earth. I sighed and said,” Please forgive my behaviour - you were right, these were only plates, even though I broke a couple.”
Hulk smiled. Somehow I felt it.
“You are so cute when you get moody.” He replied quietly, “Would you like to get some pencils so you could mess up the walls as well?”
“But I can’t see.”
“That’s OK. You could draw on anything in your reach.”
“Get out!” I couldn’t help smiling too. Then, I grumbled resentfully, “I've got sticky fingers.”
“We’ll wash them in a minute. We’ll go to the bathroom and wash the jam off.”
“And my legs are covered in juice.”
“We’ll clean them.”
“And I didn’t find the yoghurt.”
“I’ll give you another one.”
“I don’t want another one...”
“Should I scrape off the one on the carpet?”
I poked his side with my finger, and Hulk laughed.
This conversation was almost ridiculous but somehow it felt warm and cosy; and homely.
I was surprised with myself for continuing to sit on the lap of a person who was justly regarded as my “owner”, but instead I felt so close to him as if he was a family member, or at least a close friend.
I moved, knowing it was time to leave the warm spot - otherwise the situation was going to get awkward .
“But still I am such butter-fingers. Such an embarrassment...”
“Shereen.” Hulk said, and his voice sounded very peculiar, as if he was intending to say something serious, “Just listen to me now, ok?”
“OK.”
“Please, let me take care of you and everything you might need.”
“But...”
“I haven’t finished.”
“I’m sorry.” I stopped, feeling ashamed and uncomfortable because of what he’d just said, no matter how hard I tried to hide it.
“I’d appreciate it if you helped me out by telling me about your desires, otherwise I won’t know.”
I was silent. His heart was beating so close to mine, and his fingers were gently touching my hair. A wave of shivers went down my spine and this time it happened not because I felt embarrassed, but because he continued holding me in his arms. Suddenly all my body became… too sensitive.
“Will you do that for me?”
I slowly let the air out of my lungs and said quietly, “I will.”
His finger was gently stroking my cheek. One more movement like that - and the wave of excitement will reach the place where it’s not supposed to be. I did not move, afraid to provoke anything.
“But why, Hulk?” I asked quietly. It was very important for me to hear the answer to this question. I just could not help myself but ask, “Why are you doing this for me?”
His fingers gently walked around my chin, paused for a moment, then lifted my face. Now, his breath was on my lips. I began shivering, and I suddenly felt the need to change the position, because...
That last thought in my mind remained unfinished because he kissed me - kissed me slowly, carefully; tasting, soothing and enjoying me; a hot wave shot down through my body.
His lips weren’t in a hurry to disappear and at the same time they were not forcing me, as if saying - “Hello! Please, open the door; I am the new owner in here. And no, don’t offer me any objection, because they will not be accepted, because I am here for good, and to make sure that you are happy, I’ll take care of everything as you please.”
When the kiss ended (or just stopped for a few seconds?), I could still feel Hulk’s breathe on my lips, and the pulsation between my legs was so strong that I had to tighten my muscles, desperately desiring more... I am sure if I was able to see, this room would be spinning right now.
Now his thumb was slowly tracing my swollen lips, which made me press my legs together even tighter.
“Do you still need an answer to your question?” Hulk asked.
I was in dismay.
My nerves were stretched to the limit, blood throbbing in my ears, threatening to drown the thoughts that were not that worthy as they were flying in my mind like crazy. I wasn’t just nervous - I couldn’t find a place to rest for even a second.
Of course, Hulk was the reason for it.
He was not in the room right now; he left the office about an hour ago and I was standing somewhere by the sofa, not knowing which way to move. In fact, it didn’t matter if I was standing, sitting or moving - nothing could help me to calm down.
What has Hulk done? Why did he kiss me? Especially with the sort of kiss that made me melt down to the floor.
He didn’t let me go right away after that, and was still holding me in his arms, and I could still hear those words he said to me before he let me go.
Get used to my arms, baby. From now on it’s the safest place in the world for you.
Oh, my God! I almost wailed, and body covered with goose bumps. With his actions and with this kiss, Hulk clearly made me understand that since this day our relationship will change drastically. And for good. I didn’t know why I was so certain about the words “for good”, but I was.
Hulk is not a kid. He won’t play any games or pretend, he won’t comfort someone with kisses in order to just dry up the tears. If he came to the conclusion that our relationship must go to another level, then he’d given it some thought before. Somehow I felt Hulk’s thoughts, moods, everything about him - yes, he must have thought about it and not just once. And how precisely he chose the right time to express his affection - exactly when I needed someone’s support the most; but not just “someone’s”... (What’s the point in lying to myself?) but his, Hulk’s, support. How could anyone resist his kindness being completely blind?
Unable to bear the weight of my body, my knees suddenly became soft and buckled - I sat on the floor with a sigh, constantly twisting my fingers.
“I’ll be back soon” Hulk said before leaving.
And he will be back soon.
I begged the Lord to give me strength to make the right decision, because if I want to say “no” to Hulk - I must do it as soon as possible and not after I’ll spend another night with him. Will the night ahead bring me the nightmares as the previous one or will something different happen? I knew perfectly well what will definitely happen as soon as I felt better.
Hulk had switched to an “attacking” mode and he won’t wait for too long - he is not the type of guy who will be inactive or waiting for a special signal to proceed. He is not like Alex and it won’t be possible to live with him in the same room just as roommates. If Hulk asserts his rights for me as his woman, then he’ll want to possess every inch of my body - from the tip of my hair to my toes; from the first to the last thought in my mind.
So if I still want to say "no", I must to do it right now, weighing up all the "pros" and "cons." Yes, I have to come to the final conclusion before he gets back.
I tried to think logically.
I am Shereen Moore - a free woman (not from Tally of course) and I’m allowed to choose who I want to be with. This is clear. I don’t belong to anyone and therefore I’m not betraying or cheating on anybody. Alright, moving on... What will happen if I say “yes” to Hulk? Does that mean I’ll have to live my “happily ever after” in Tally? No matter what I felt towards Hulk, this prospect seemed rather frightening. How could I voluntarily choose “Area 33”, knowing that there was a normal world somewhere outside of this place? So, if I cannot imagine myself living here, I should definitely say "no".
That was the whole issue dealt with. It didn’t take much time to find the answer!
Before my logic had a chance to start clapping hands in joy, a strong feeling of longing appeared in my heart as if a heavy boulder laid on it which no logic could get rid of. Well, not everything was as simple as it seemed...
Damn Hulk!
Why did he have to change everything in one day - so directly and bluntly?
But then how else would he do it? Would it have been better if we just held hands for another ten years? Of course, not. My emotions could now be described by the word “hurricane”. That’s probably how any woman chosen by Hulk would feel, but I wasn’t “any” woman... I was me.
I remembered his kiss again and shook my head. So slow, so gentle and very significant, one of those kisses that doesn’t demonstrate the strength of a man to the full, but just hints about it - tenderly, tactfully but very clearly.
A languid spring immediately began to tighten in my stomach. How will it feel when he demonstrates his strength? And he will do it - it was only a matter of a few hours... At first his movements will be lazy, precise and slow in order not to startle and only when the heat will turn into a fire, Hulk will take what he wants to own.
Oh, God! What am I thinking?
I covered my face with my hands and groaned out loud. What else could I think about when Hulk turned my whole body into a big magnet located in the groin area and directed at him? How can I take it off? And should I even do that at all? Someone silly and happy inside of me immediately answered "no". I groaned again, this time silently.
How quickly can one become an idiot thirsty for physical pleasure? Am I that simple? Like an amoeba? Or has Hulk found a clever way to influence my complex chemical compounds? What the hell is going on with me? One kiss and now I’ve had to endure three hours of constant shivering...
The 3 hour time limit of course, I assumed at random, but it felt like at least a few hours had passed since he’d left the office.
And what am I going to do when he comes back? I cannot just stay silent and observe. I either refuse to play this game with him, or I surrender myself to this new relationship completely. It felt like I already knew the answer. My logic, however, immediately demanded a rematch, yelling at me that, in fact, I have not been offered anything yet.
Yes, nothing has been offered to me verbally, but Hulk has done it anyway...
I pressed my forehead against the sofa and finally stopped twisting my fingers.
Hulk has offered himself to me, thoroughly, his whole self as much as it was possible. Am I going to pass on him because I don’t like being in Tally?
No. I won’t. I can’t.
Even if I don’t say these words out loud, if I don’t dare to say them to myself in my mind, I still know that I love him. It’s that simple. Simple and prosaic.
I love him.
Very slowly I inhaled and exhaled. Now I have confessed everything to myself.
Was it that hard? No, not really.
The truth is never difficult to admit, if there is at least one particle of courage in you, and I never considered myself a coward, and therefore it was unfair to continue denying my real feelings by replacing them with suitable for the mood epithets.
Especially, not after what Hulk has done for me.
Yes, he is tough. Yes, he owns this ranch in the desert and piles of prisoners, who sow, plough and crumble the ore. Yes, sometimes people die on this ranch, yes, it’s always damn hot here and there is nowhere to go. Yes, it is impossible to make friends here or live any kind of my old familiar life; but if that was what our lives are destined to be like, we’ll stay here together. Because... Who knew... Yes, let it be like that.
I shook my head, longing for Hulk. Maybe it was strange, but I didn’t feel complete without him, and with him I felt like a different person - another me; me as I never was with Alex. Everything that happened today made me realise that getting to this situation was inevitable and I was surprised with myself for not being able to predict it earlier. Now, when my feelings emerged so clearly, it became unimportant if we’d speak about them out loud or not - they were there and they weren’t going to go away.
So, logic – you are lost and now even if you scream at my decision - nothing will change.
Even if Hulk was to suddenly change his mind, I’d still feel the same about him. Once my body landed in his arms, my heart immediately said “He’s mine. Give him to me!"
Weird? Ridiculous? Right? Wrong?
It was too late to think about it now.
Sitting on the floor I rocked from side to side and then smiled, turning the inner sight to the one who was in charge of creating destinies somewhere up there, and kindly and reproachfully shook my head at him.
What a joker you are, Lord! But Thank You. Whatever happens in the end - still Thank You!
Greg was smoking a cheap cigarette, standing on the porch of his wooden house.
He didn’t smoke very often - only when the nerves started playing up just like they were now. There wasn’t a place to buy any decent cigarettes at the ranch, and Greg didn’t travel to the city very often - he had no desire to waste his precious points on this rubbish that was ruining his health and he was not in good health lately. But today was a special case when a cigarette was of an extreme necessity and therefore he didn’t hesitate to bum one from one of the guards. Exhaling the bitter stinking smoke from his mouth, Greg could not help but remember the flavour of Hulk’s expensive cigars, which certainly cost him a fortune. The senior warden had never tried cigars like that and probably never will.
Now, when his career was at risk, he could lose a fair share of his hard earned points, just because Jenny could not keep her ambitions at bay. Greg, like a complete fool, trusted to her reassurances that everything will go smoothly. Yeah, right! What did that bitch sing in his ears? That he will become Hulk’s deputy, he will be praised and rewarded, and might even get some unscheduled days off, which he’d spend in the local bars of Tally....
What a scum...
What difference does it make now? Greg spat out pieces of tobacco stuck to his tongue on the dusty ground, and took another drag. It would be great if everyone could just keep their jobs, never mind the praise or rewards. If Hulk gets really mad - they all will be kicked out of his ranch with zero points on their bracelets.
Greg was seriously frightened by what he’d seen the night before. It turned out that this bloody guy is from the Special Unit and men like him never forgive or forget. They are as hard as steel. Greg could have sworn that the trick with the blinding was just the tip of an iceberg, and hence there was no chance he could avoid the responsibility.
Damn that bitch!
All day long the senior warden has been thinking about the best way to present his involvement in the story so Hulk wouldn’t get too angry. Greg didn’t care about Jenny - she was just a cheap floor mat, who’d fart in a church for a bit of cash, and if she gets punished, it’s OK, she deserves it. But as for himself... Greg thought that even though his arse was a bit shabby - it’s still was precious to him. The day was slowly coming to an end, withered grass was softly rustling, the mountains were coloured orange, and the day seemed to go on as usual, but he still couldn’t decide what to do next and that was making him nervous.
If he tries to lie, then Hulk would simply apply the same shit to him - this “Blind” technique, and all the truth will be exposed in seconds. God knows, Greg didn’t want to experience that. Therefore - lying was not an option and he could only hope he could twist the story to his advantage and make Jenny look like the guilty one. That would be the best outcome... Yeah, that would be really good.
The senior warden finished his cigarette, burnt his fingers with the butt, swore out loud and threw it on the grass. Then he thought for a while, stepped forward and pressed on the smouldering end with his shoe. It wouldn’t be fun if something else gets burnt down today.
There was now only a few hours left out of those twenty-four hours given to him by Hulk. Greg wistfully looked at the sky where the sunset was painting everything in pink.
It’s time to go and find Jenny.
When the loading of the goods was finally finished, and the trucks left the warehouse, Hulk wiped his sweaty neck, hoping to get back to his cool apartment and take a shower. All day long, no matter what was discussed or what documents needed to be signed, he was constantly thinking about Shereen. How was she? She spent almost the whole day in his office alone. Hulk swore quietly - he wanted to get back sooner, but things kept him busy till the evening.
At noon, he popped to the kitchen and asked Tabitha to bring his lunch upstairs, knowing that he would only feel relaxed with lady Shereen and therefore will be able to eat normally; after he’d done that Hulk’s conscience calmed down a little and he carried on with the daily grind.
He was writing something, answering queries, watching the huge boxes with berries loading in the trucks and kept returning to the taste of her lips - so soft, gentle, cautious, almost timid, but because of that even more captivating.
Oh, yes, Hulk wanted her - not just her body, but also on a mental level, he wanted the whole of Shereen to belong to him – from top to the toe. Hulk never wanted any woman to belong to him so strongly and entirely - he wanted to absorb her laughter, the sparkling light of her eyes, the warmth of her body, let her every emotion pass through himself, enjoy every word that comes out of her sweet mouth. He wanted passionate nights and endless embraces, filled with tenderness, conversations at breakfast, and evenings together on the balcony, trips to the city, plans, discussions...
This desire tormented him, causing an everlasting internal struggle, because eventually he must let her go. How? When? It didn’t matter, but it must happen sooner or later.
Hulk was almost growling, thinking about it.
His nature rebelled against the separation from the one that should belong to him day and night, week after week, month after month. Always. He wanted to act nobly, in accordance with his conscience, which with an uncompromising voice of the supreme judge was stating again and again that Shereen must be sent back as soon as possible. Hulk would moan and agree, and then would get back to thinking about the sweet pictures of how he and Shereen would talk in the evenings, discuss something and laugh together, how he’d cherish and pamper her…. Until his logic would interfere again reminding him of what has to be done in the end.
And then Hulk would growl again.
When, finally, all issues have been dealt with, and it was time to go back, Hulk sighed with relief. Yes, he became like a youngster, running to the tower where the Princess was locked up, and so what?
Was it naive?
Maybe .... But he spent far too long in places where there were only orders, cruelty and where only his endurance and strength mattered, but not emotions; and now his inner control, previously firmly entrenched into every cell of his body, was shaken up. Strangely enough, Hulk was glad. He became glad about it even earlier, when