So I happily refused the given opportunity to vent revenge on Alex.
“It’s not necessary. I've already forgotten all about him and I don’t want to even think that our paths would somehow cross, even through your actions. I am happy with you now and he is in the past.”
“Ok. I understand.”
Hulk’s fingers squeezed mine as if saying “Don’t forget that I’m always here for you” and I squeezed his in return.
We both fell silent again. A breeze touched the grass growing on the stone basin, and the stems gently rubbed my bare ankles. The new shoes that Hulk brought to the office the day before were now standing next to me, on the concrete. It was nice to wiggle my bare toes and feel them being caressed by the warm air.
“Tell me about yourself.” I asked Hulk, “Why did you end up in Tally? And why can’t you leave?”
He chuckled.
“It’s a long story. But if you have some spare time, I’m ready to share.”
I playfully pushed him to his side.
“Mr Head of the Ranch! All the time I’ve got in Tally belongs to you now. So if your Excellency would deem one of their servants worthy of an ice cream, then your servant would be more than happy to spend some time with you, which they’d be ready to spend with you anyway, but not half as happy should they have an ice-cream in their hand.”
Laughing, Hulk tilted me onto his own hand, and kissed - gently, slowly and savouring it. Then his fingers stroked my chin.
“You little devil.”
“Yes, but a very happy devil!”
Everything was great - I laughed and he laughed. It was summer and the tree crowns were rustling, the water was splashing in the fountain and people were peacefully walking around. Now I had more freedom inside than ever. Yes - Tally, yes - a prison, but I felt so amazing inside as though I’d suddenly got wings. As though there was only one thing ahead of me - flying high; flying over the green plains and gingerbread houses, hearing joyful wind in my ears and feeling that this happiness will never end. As if it’s here and it’ll stay with you forever. Then the rest of life will fall happily into place.
This new feeling was giving me strong and soothing hope, even confidence that everything will be just fine.
I put my head on Hulk’s shoulder – big, strong and reliable shoulder.
His fingers intertwined with mine.
“I love it when you do that. But you have to let me go for a couple of minutes; I'll fetch you an ice cream.”
“I have a sweet tooth, right?”
Hulk kneeled in front of me and paused. Then he gently stroked my cheek with the back of the fingers.
“You are the one I love and that’s all that matters. “
He gave me a gentle kiss, and then disappeared somewhere in the depth of the park. I sat there, listening to the distant sounds of cars and passers-by, enjoying the magic warmth inside that I was beginning to fear if it was for real. I felt so much love, that I was ready to pop like a balloon. I loved everything - Hulk, the world surrounding me, the people, that intangible feeling, that very moment and the one who’s given me such good moments in life. I loved the warmth of this evening, knowing that I was loved and understood, no longer alone and there will always be someone to squeeze my fingers and keep me from falling. I was continuously thanking someone above for putting these wonderful feelings into my “Feeling piggy bank”. I had no desire to be anywhere else, but here and now and nothing could compare the beauty of what and how I was feeling inside right now.
And even though Hulk was now somewhere else - on the other side of the park at by the ice-cream booth, he was still here, with me - permanently and for good.
I happily sighed and wriggled my feet. Then I reached for the water and dipped in my toes - what a nice chill! How nice everything around me was. No, I didn’t think I was dreaming - quite the opposite, only now I finally felt awake and all the things that were in my life before now seemed like a dusty grey tape with no sounds, colours or smells.
Soon, the aroma of Hulk’s perfume appeared and I got my ice cream.
“This is for you, to ease the boredom of hanging around with me.”
“You!” I tried to put the ice cream on the banister, but before that happened, Hulk deftly caught it and sat in front of me again. I found his face and squeezed it with my hands, “It will never be boring for me to spend time with you, even if we don’t have anything but three walls and a stormy sky over our heads; no food, no water, no money, but a bunch of enemies on the horizon.”
He laughed.
“I won’t let that to happen to us.”
“I know. But did you understand what I just said?”
Hulk's voice became serious. This was another moment when I painfully wanted to see his face, but alas...
“Yes, I understood.”
I knew that he did.
“I’m with you until the end - no matter how, no matter where.”
“I know.”
As my forehead pressed against his, and we froze, shielded by a feeling of some deep knowledge that was only available to the two or us; us, who belong to each other, whose hearts were connected by an invisible thread, which is stronger than anything else.
Hulk gently rubbed his nose against mine.
“Let’s go to the bench before your ice-cream starts melting.”
“And you’ll tell me your story?”
“Of course, I promised.”
I slipped my bare feet into my shoes, leaned on his warm elbow, and we walked to the bench.
The story told by Hulk, was fascinating - it was deep, at times even dark, but at the same time heartfelt. But even more so I was fascinated by the fact that the man, sitting next to me on the bench had opened up - just like that - without any fear or hesitation, knowing that he’d be accepted for who he was, trusting me completely, and it was besotting.
“You already know that I used worked for the Special Force unit.” He began his history, “There were twelve of us - neither good nor bad, just some trained guys, doing their job. Sometimes we’d work together, sometimes separately. We’d never judge or have anything personal against those who we worked with, we’d always act according to the orders, because that’s what we chose to do. I'm not saying that we had no freedom, of course, we had. After all, we were selected based on our qualities and ability to rely on ourselves and our own decisions. And years of training unified our team. We were all friends.”
“All of you?”
For some reason I thought that in any good team there was someone who could spoil the whole picture. I didn’t know why – maybe, because that’s how it was often portrayed in movies - some mad person or difficult to cope with maniac.
“Mostly, yes. I know it's hard to believe since each of us had their own perspectives on life and temperament, but yet we were similar in many ways.”
“Did you always have to live together? In military barracks?”
“No.” Hulk laughed, “At first, when we were training, we’d spend a lot of time at the gun ranges, offices, test labs, racing tracks, gyms and so on.... We’d learn something new in all of those places. Later, after we were fully trained, we could live our lives as we wanted in our own houses, but not too far from each other, so we could get together quickly if we needed to.”
“Were you all taught the same things?”
“No, as general studies, we all had our own specified areas of knowledge and you already know mine.”
“Yes, you are a Sensor.”
“That’s correct. All the others had the knowledge in something else.... One, for example - I won’t give you any names - a professional assassin, who was able to regenerate damaged tissue - his own or somebody else’s'. It is a very complex skill. Another guy could track an object from a distance; find any person, using only his inner vision....”
“You must be kidding...”
“No, sweetie, I am not. Believe me, you wouldn’t want to become his target - it’s a very painful process. There were only a few of those who could withstand being chased by him for more than thirty minutes and stay alive, so he’d usually find the desired object very quickly.”
I just opened my mouth and then closed it. Were there really such people who could do this? Maybe it's good that I was living in peace and quiet, busy with my shop, and never heard about anything like that? Otherwise I’d be subconsciously worried and expecting a hunter like that to appear behind my back, since you never know when and why the Commission would decide to send someone after you...
“And you? Are you able to do much?”
Hulk chuckled again; I felt it with on skin.
“Believe me - it will be hard for you to find something I cannot do.”
“What is most dangerous thing about you?”
“For you? Nothing.”
“Not for me, but for your potential victim?”
Hulk was silent for a while but even the air seemed to rattle by the rigidity that appeared in him.
“I can kill not only physically but also mentally, through your consciousness. One look is enough. I can turn all the memories upside down, obtain any information, set traps in minds, and force a person to act in accordance to my plan. I can erase their memory completely or replace it with a new one. I can make them believe in something that never happened, change the perception of the reality, cause insanity or set a death timer.”
I nervously swallowed and suddenly began shivering as though the winter has fallen on Tally. A second later everything became normal again - warmth, summer, rustling trees, walking people.
“Oh...” I just gasped – what a good and kind boy I got myself. But anyway, I was ready for it even without knowing the details.”
His fingers gently caressed my neck.
“Scared?”
I smiled like a wild predatory cat that’s just caught a huge gleaming silvery fish.
“No. I am happy with exactly the way you are. It makes me feel... safe.”
“But yet you are still scared.” He smiled, playing with me.
“It turns me on.”
“Good girl.”
Those words made my stomach cramp and a hot wave shot through my body. I felt my love inebriating me - it was always the same with Hulk - sublime feelings were mixed with this psychological game, passion, even lust, which I’ll hide till the end, letting him derive it from me, tear it and enjoy the victory. But it would be my victory, which of course, I wouldn’t tell him about.
I smiled, knowing that Hulk is watching me.
“Every time you look into my eyes, I’ll be shivering.”
“Yes, you will be, but from love. And if I ever see the fear in your eyes, I’ll kill the one who caused it.”
“Just like that?”
“Yes. Just like that, believe me.”
“I believe you.”
What a strange conversation. If I’d ever had this with Alex, it would have been horrible for me. But now, sitting here on the bench next to Hulk, such a discussion felt completely normal as if it’d always existed in my daily schedule. Let’s say, from the morning till lunch...”
Yes, everything changes - times, people, views.
“Do you know that your ice-cream has melted?” asked Hulk, holding my hand.
I turned my head to where it was laying and smiled.
“That’s alright, I don’t want it anymore.” Talking to Hulk made me forget about any gastronomic delights, “But what happened to you that meant you have to spend your last days in Tally?”
“I am not on my last days as yet.” Hulk laughed, “And, hopefully, I won’t be done with them anytime soon.”
“Of course not.” I sat back and leaned on Hulk as he put his arm around me. Gently and relaxed. Somewhere nearby, the voices of two men mumbled, discussing the news from the evening newspaper. When they faded away, I continued, “How did you find yourself in Tally?”
Hulk fell silent, as if immersed in his memories.
“I wish I could tell you that I’m here because of a mistake, but I can’t. There wasn’t any mistake - I disobeyed an order, that’s why.”
I shifted on the bench from curiosity.
“What order? Tell me.”
“Drake’s order.” said Hulk, “He was our chief and commander. In fact, he is still now.”
“Is he the man from the Commission?”
“Yes.”
“What kind of order was it?”
Hulk fell silent again and then took a deep breath. So, I was right - it wasn’t easy for him to recall the past, and my curiosity increased. By the time he decided to carry on, I was almost exploding from impatience.
“One day we were given a new assignment to “clean up” one of the regions. It was one of those rare occasions where all of us were involved. The plan was developed meticulously, to the smallest detail, to the second. The who, how and where down to the miniscule detail. If one of us stumbled, then the whole task would be at risk and that was unacceptable. We were given the order not to go back for the wounded if something was to happen.”
As I heard these words, my heart began to ache. I’d already understood that their team was cohesive, and such an order would’ve been a real test of their loyalty to the given commands. I was all ears, and prepared to listen up.
“All was going well, exactly according to plan until one moment... when the bullet pierced right through one of our guys. The rest of the team had gone, they dispersed and went ahead to finish off the mission. Only myself and Dell stayed behind.”
That was the second time he mentioned someone else’s name out loud, and I quietly placed it into my memory, wondering if this information could ever come handy in the future, unless, of course, my boyfriend doesn’t decide to play the memory trick after this chat.
“It was dark and every second was as valuable as gold. We only had seconds to decide whether we had a chance to pick up the wounded and finish the job. The grenades were exploding too close by and our hope seemed a bit far-fetched, but nevertheless it was there. I remember Dell looked at me and I instantly knew that we were thinking the same thing - we cannot leave our friend to die. The Commission probably could, but we couldn’t. Eventually they would replace him with another trained specialist, but we couldn’t replace a friend that easily.”
Hulk quietened down.
I swallowed, feeling as if it was me who was there that night, listening to the wind roaring in my ears, breathing in the air smelling of the gun powder, feeling the dust and sweat in my eyes. Only one more second and it will be your back that gest the next bullet...
“Did you save him?” I asked quietly.
“Yes.” Hulk replied simply, “We did.”
“And what happened with your mission?”
“It nearly failed. We put it at great risk on a few occasions, but eventually we achieved the result Drake wanted.”
Hulk’s voice became cold and distant as if he was back there, where all this occurred once again
“Was your boss unsatisfied that you’d broken his order?”
“Yes, “unsatisfied”, if you could apply that word to him. This is the Commission, Shereen, and things are much more complicated there than I am able to explain. They have many rules. One of them is to never violate their orders, so of course we were punished almost immediately after the mission.”
“Did you realise that you’re revealing their names to me?” I asked, nervously, interrupting Hulk.
“Of course, I did. I don’t say a word without thinking of dozens of other answers beforehand. I think in this case it’s more important to give you a sense that I trust you, rather than be scared that his information might hurt you.”
“Ok, then.” I relaxed and became all ears again.
“We were prosecuted, yes. The tribunal took place on the same night, but not in the presence of the other guys. They were only told that we’d both got punished for what we’d done, but they don’t know exactly what had happened to us.”
“Why weren’t they told? At least it could have been an example of what could happen to them should they break the rules. Isn’t that how Tally’s Supreme Court works?”
“That’s correct, but the Commission is not Tally. They knew if they go into details, then the guys would try to help us. We’d become real friends and Drake was aware of it. If one of them would’ve discovered where I was, then the others would’ve discovered it too and then they would’ve come up with the redemption plan shortly. But by trying to help us, they all would have been punished. It was safer to leave them in the dark in order to keep things under control.”
Hulk grinned bitterly and stopped talking. I felt his muscles tense.
“So you were exiled here without the right to come back.”
“Yes. I also don’t have the right to communicate with other members of my team and inform them about my whereabouts. However, the Commission allows me to contact other people in the “outer” world as long as I don’t try to leave Tally, so I’ve retained some of my connections.”
“They’ve locked you up here...” I whispered in shock, “...for good? How many years do you have to spend here before they decide that that’s enough?”
Hulk didn’t answer and that upset me the most.
Suddenly everything seemed different. Whereas previously, myself and other people with bracelets on their wrists were the prisoners, but we had a hope (illusionary hope, but still) to collect one thousand points and get free, while Hulk hadn’t got a chance like that. Somehow, this realisation genuinely shocked me and made me feel outraged, even furious, but I quietly buried this emotional whirlpool somewhere deep inside until a more appropriate time.
“And Dell? What happened to him?” I asked, anticipating that Hulk may not know or choose to remain silent. But, he answered.
“Dell was given a strange sentence, but no less monstrous. I don’t know whose freaky fantasy it was, but I’m glad I ended up in Tally rather than receiving his punishment.”
“Why?”
“Because he was handed the knife.”
Hulk told me more about the knife in the car on the way to the ranch. It was getting dark; the air got chillier, the air-conditioner hummed quietly, ventilating the air inside of the cabin.
From Hulk’s words, I understood that once the knife was given to his friend this made him a slave - and not in a metaphorical sense, but quite literally. Once this dagger was passed into someone's hands, Dell was obliged to serve and obey this person until the moment when it was given to someone else or is lost and subsequently found by a new owner. Then Dell would have to serve another person, continuing to remain completely constrained and not being able to choose his own actions.
I thought it must be truly awful, especially for people like Hulk, and if Dell had a similar personality which in Hulk’s opinion he had, then it was difficult to find a “better” hell for those who were used to rely solely on their own actions and loved freedom more than anything else. It was like taking a fish, cutting off its fins and tail and adding sulphuric acid, so their life wouldn’t seem as sweet as honey; and that’s exactly what Commission has done to Dell.
I shook my head. What kind of people are they?
Hulk was right - he didn’t get the worst punishment. Yes, Tally wasn’t a five start resort, but it wasn’t the most disgusting place either. In any case, it was possible to survive here even if you had to grit your teeth and abate your desires. But what was it like to be a slave for a stranger?, I couldn’t imagine at all - and not just a slave for one stranger, but a whole string of them, when you never know how long you’ll have to serve them for and who will become your next owner. Wasn’t that horrible? What if amongst those “owners” there was a mad old woman, drug addict, criminal or hysterical bitch? What kind of dark desires might appear in their minds as soon as they know that they have won a prize in a form of a strong six-foot male body, perfectly trained for killing?
I felt sincerely sorry for Dell and hoped that one day he would get the dangerous toy back in his own hands, if one of the “owners” would ever sacrifice their own pleasures for the sake of someone’s freedom.
“How long has it been since this happened?” I broke a long silence while we were both deep in thought.
“Since when?”
The Jeep was smoothly riding on the night road, my hand was resting on Hulk’s knee and he was gently stroking my fingers with his.
“Since you entered Tally and Dell was given the knife.”
“Almost three years.”
My head swayed when the wheel hit a pothole on the road.
Three years of living in Tally, in this mansion, ploughing and harvesting fields, trying to get used to the farmer‘s lifestyle. Three long years of slavery for Dell.
“And is he still serving those who own the knife? Hasn’t anybody released him and returned the knife?”
“I don’t know, Shereen. I’ve no idea.”
“Did the Commission ever tried to contact you here?”
“No.” Hulk replied quietly, and my heart felt heavy again.
“Do you miss them?” I asked him after a pause.
“My friends?”
“Yes.”
Hulk didn’t reply, but I already knew the answer, and so I did not expect any response to my rhetorical question; and, perhaps, for the first time since I lost my sight, I was glad I couldn’t see his face. The last thing I wanted to see was the pain in his grey eyes. I knew it was there, I could feel it.
Not knowing what to say and how to cheer Hulk up, I just gently squeezed his fingers, while my mind began working. My brain switched to a thinking mode, and was now scanning through all the possible options on “how to help Hulk”.
I think I’ve always been that sort of individual. I didn’t stand up too much for myself, but when it came to other people I’d immediately become highly motivated to act. First it was Alex, then the quarry workers, then the plantation workers and now Hulk’s happiness was at stake, so I had to think how to help him. The fact that I couldn’t see any opportunities to help right now didn’t mean that I wouldn’t think of something to help in the future.
So I tried to stay as optimistic as possible and pr