About The Author
People say, what conspire to make you what you finally become are always behind the veil of intangibility. Someone called it ‘Intangible-Affectors’. Inquisitiveness was the soil, I was born with and the seeds, these intangible-affectors planted in me made me somewhat analytical. My long stint in media, in different capacities as journalist, as brand professional and strategic planning, conspired too! However, I must say it with all innocence at my behest that the chief conspirators of my making have been the loads of beautiful and multi-dimensional people, who traversed along me, in my life journey so far. The mutuality and innocence of love and compassion always prevailed and magically worked as the catalyst in my learning and most importantly, unlearning from these people. Unconsciously, these amazing people also worked out to be the live theatres of my experiments with my life’s scripts. I, sharing with you as a writer, is essentially my very modest way to express my gratitude for all of them. In my stupidities is my innocence of love for all my beautifully worthy conspirators!
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A Humble Request To Evolved Women Readers…
The sense and sensitivity towards the Reality of Other; this equally important somethingness, beyond the much-pampered ‘I’, is a product and function of higher consciousness. Love is no guarantee of a person’s goodness. Never look for how much a person loves you. However, a person’s goodness can be confirmed assurance of high quality of love’s righteousness and success. That is why always look for how good a person is, even if his or her love for you is uncertain. Only those succeed in love who are compassionately aware and affectionately accommodative of the idea and idealism of Other. Love and intimacy is a conscious situation of compassion, not passion…
True and real intimacy and love can make people agreeable, harmonious, assimilative, cooperative and accommodative as the instinctive behavior and action shifts from individualistic wellness and satisfaction to collective wellness and joys. It is the magic of compassion towards the Other. But this is just the first step. Lovers need to evolve together for good amount of time, for this instinct of individualism to shift to collective accommodation and become primary one. Tragically, no contemporary culture and modern learning systems facilitate this consciousness training. Naturally, intimacy and love needs loads of preparedness and readiness. People do not do it even after they plunge into intimacy.
Gradually, as commonality and mutuality grows and evolves in time and space, the two people in love even start having common singular perceptions and that finally makes them see and accept singular realism of all things in life. This is fruition of love and intimacy. There is a popular and hugely metaphoric saying about couple in intimacy and love. It says, ‘Finally, after long association and togetherness, the husband and wife end up being like brothers and sisters’. This symbolic gesture points at the fact that husband and wife may begin with workable commonalities but prolonged togetherness makes the commonalities innate and visceral; as it usually is, between a brother and sister, born out of single womb…
Relationships are difficult, simply because we, our consciousnesses are also not simple mechanism. Human wellness and excellence has always been in understanding the complexities of life and living and when people ready themselves for love and intimate relationship, they need to be in high acceptance mode of the relativity of mind consciousnesses and cognitive diversities. Intimacy is this magical artistry to do so.
Someone said it, ‘I can find thousands ways to stand you wrong and myself right and you can find thousand plus logic to do the same. However, both of us can be right at the same time and still not find any reasonable wrong if we are in deep intimacy.’ What does this signify?
There can be as many interpretation of the statement as per different people’s perception. Realism, almost always stands as one shade of perception, in somehow competitive mode to other perceptions. Therefore realisms are seldom the same for two people. So, does this mean, when two people are in love, they can see and accept a singular realism as they have commonality of perceptions?
This sounds like a postulation based on emotional hypothesis with little logical back up! However, the core issue is not about having commonality of perceptions and therefore falling for a singular realism. Nobody should accept that love makes two people in intimacy see and accept a common perception. It may happen but is not the cardinal rule or theory of love.
Then, what the above-mentioned quote meant? How does it happen that two people can be both right at the same time and not see each other’s wrong, when in love, even when they still stand to have different perceptions about reality? This needs to be understood and that understanding makes us accept as how love should be accepted in our lives and why intimacy is so important life-living realism for all of us.
In many situations of life and living, there may be people with competing perceptions and ideas, still, they keep aside their differences and accept an accommodative and assimilative behavior and action, as only this can ensure not only their safety and survival but also that of the milieu. This then ensures wellness of all. This nurtured accommodative behavior is common for people working in mines, ships, factories and other professions where life is always at stake if cooperation and accommodation is not the primary instinct. The common goal of survival and safety makes individuals rise above all personal concerns and thus, the road to mutuality is paved.
Love facilitates this similar sense of cooperation and accommodation. The person in deep intimacy and love ceases to think individually and his or her first instinct becomes a mindset where collective wellness is the primary and common aim. Usually, we all think of individual safety and wellness. However, often, life-living wellness needs cooperation and accommodation in collective living. Love enhances the space of cooperation and accommodation in the collective domain of two lives in intimacy. We all know, even scientific research has confirmed; intimacy-deficit and sense of alienation can kill people. They hugely affect health and mental wellness.
But, it is hugely important that intimacy has to be driven by the evolved energy of compassion and not the instinctive and reactionary energy of passion…
Therefore, even when two persons in love have competing perceptions and ideas about things, they do not bring it to the fore as their primary aim is collective wellness. The ‘He’ and ‘She’ in love accept that if ‘She’ is not well, ‘He’ too cannot feel happy and well and the vice-versa. This primary instinct for collective wellness is the magic of love. It is not possible for all humans. It is also not true that a person when in love shall suddenly begin to invest in collective and mutual sense of being. This happens only to those people who have already evolved to be compassionate, accommodative and assimilative about ‘Others’.
Love and intimacy relationships require this element of compassionate understanding of reality. This compassion does not come naturally as what comes innately is passion, which love relishes and buys in tones. What engenders compassion is knowledge of the reality of human body-mind mechanism.
Let us understand compassion, as it happens to be the sole basis of love’s success and worth.
The idea and notion of compassion, what we accept here is completely different and novel from what populist beliefs accept compassion as. The popular definition of compassion stands it in linearity with pity, sympathy, fellow feeling, tolerance, benevolence, sensitivity etc. What we propose here is that compassion is not about being caring, accommodative, assimilative, and affectionate. Compassion is not in parts but in holism. All these are of course the ‘effects’ or expressions of the situation of compassion in someone’s consciousness but compassion is not purely behavioral or actionable. It is far more broad, holistic and over-encompassing.
We have to accept the utility and fruition of Compassion as Higher Consciousness, which can and does see, accept and practice the ‘Holism of Reality’ that is always probabilistic and contextual. Compassion is a Cognitive Position of an evolved and empowered Higher Consciousness, which is non-reactive, receptive, skeptical of ‘self’ itself and contemplative in all life-living situations, being in perpetual, deep and lateral acceptance that Reality is never singular and it is always good, right and healthy to be respectful to all different parts (Others) of Reality, constituting the Holism of Reality.
As a person internalizes this higher consciousness evolution of acceptance of Holism of Reality, he or she successfully makes compassion his or her first instinct and option-less attitude. The elements of pity, sympathy, fellow feeling, tolerance, benevolence, sensitivity, caring, accommodation, assimilation, and affection, etc shall automatically fall in place. In simple terms, compassion is not a fruit, it is not even a tree; it is rather the soil, which must remain fertile and objectively facilitative. This soil of compassion shall automatically and instinctively grow all trees and all fruits of best utilities and worth. The insanity of collective spaces may rob the fruits and cut the trees but the soil shall always remain there to grow more trees and fruits.
The greats of humanity have always reminded us that it may be accepted that different people of this world may have different and even competing goals and purposes but everyone must first have this Compassionate Higher Consciousness. They understood that Reality being contextual and relative, instinctively every person would be competitive and conflicted.
To be knowledgeable is to internalize in all layers of consciousness that Reality Is Always PROBABILISTIC; therefore life-living was, is and shall always be Conflicted, Confused and Chaotic. This arrives humanity to singular and definitively finite wisdom that there can be and is only one Intelligence for all humans in all stages and situations of life-living. This singular intelligence is COMPASSION. All other subsidiary intelligence must fall in linearity and symmetry of the primary one…
Therefore, my dear women readers, when you think you are ready for the acceptance of intimacy and love in your lives, look for this singular intelligence of compassion in the man, you wish to invest your goodness in. Naturally, you too first have to be ready with this same intelligence of compassion, which you would look for in your man. For this, we all have to unlearn the stupid and hypocritical mind training of investing in passion and looking for worthiness in man’s other possessions.
Thanks. All best…
