Grandfathers and Cuckoos
“Please, Piper. Spare us the nonsense. I believe in heaven too, but I don’t believe in the church. As long as I’m a good person, I’m sure that God will take me in,” her dad told her from his seat on a reclining chair in the family room of his house. The reclining chair appeared worn, though Piper knew that it was relatively new, suggesting it was the most popular seat in the room. A stack of newspapers sat on the floor by the chair, topped by a variety of business periodicals with the letter “R” penned on their covers. “R” represented those that Scott McCoy had read.
His new girlfriend Linda was seated on the leather couch next to him, quietly enjoying her glass of wine and mixed nuts as she watched the news on the television screen in the corner. She rarely said much when in the family’s presence for reasons Piper hadn’t yet identified.
Nick rarely said anything in the family’s presence either. He looked on and listened to what Piper’s dad was saying, but made no effort to comment, perhaps feeling it wasn’t his place to do so. He was in his father-in-law’s house where they had just spent time over a delicious turkey dinner. Something about Piper’s family kept Nick on the quiet side.
“Dad, you know you need to believe in Jesus to get into heaven.”
“Uh huh. I’m a good person, Piper. I don’t need to go to church or start talking about Jesus to get into heaven.”
Thinking she still had a chance to change her dad’s mind, she added, “Dad, I saw Jesus once in a dream. I looked into the heavens and saw a door open in the sky. There were a few people inside and I know that one of them was Jesus.”
“What did He look like?” Her dad said in a snarky sort of way with his eyebrows raised. “Did He have a beard?”
“Dad, that’s not nice. You’re not taking me seriously.”
“Oh, C’mon, Piper. So you had a dream. We all have dreams. Doesn’t mean anything.”
“You didn’t answer. Did He have a beard, Piper,” Sailor said as she reclined in her chair and giggled.
Piper kept a straight face, despite the giggling in the room. “I don’t remember exactly. I just remember light and figures.”
“Light and figures, huh. Probably after too much wine,” Sailor taunted, still chuckling. She was seated on the couch across from Piper with her husband, half empty wine glass in hand. Her children were playing together in a back room.
“I don’t drink, Sailor. You know that. And this stuff is serious. Remember when I was rescued from the rip current?”
“Still a lame-o with the wine, huh? That’s only a good thing when you’re pregnant.” She was focused on that part of Piper’s comment. Lifting her glass, she added, “Well, cheers to that. I’ll drink yours for you.” She took a long sip before adding, “Yeah, I remember your story about a demon in a closet and the rip current. You have a good imagination, Piper. You know, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. It’s funny how you’re the only one with those kinds of experiences. Well, I take that back. That schizophrenic in the movie A Beautiful Mind saw things too.” Sailor took another sip of her wine before returning it to the coffee table in front of her. “I don’t believe in a god anymore. I guess you can call me an atheist.”
“I wasn’t imagining, Sailor, and it’s not schizophrenia. C’mon! I can’t believe you would say something so rude and inconsiderate. Maybe my eyes are open and yours are closed.” Piper recalled other dreams and experiences she had had, but decided to keep those quiet. There was no way she was going to ignite her family’s laughter once again. In fact, she made a note to keep any more dreams and experiences quiet.
“Whatever,” Sailor said in an exaggerated tone.
Piper glared at Sailor. Her own family wouldn’t listen to her. How could she think anyone else would?
When Jesus returned to Nazareth, few listened to Him, even those in His family.
She turned her attention to the decorations in the room, which helped her to clear some of the frustrations from her mind. The walls were covered in a variety of decorations, ranging from ocean artwork to 3-D framed Hummel dolls to hollowed out Easter eggs, which had been decorated decades before. The book case and end tables in the room featured other unusual trinkets, such as wooden ducks, statues of homeless men, German beer steins, and W.C. Fields statues. A kind interior decorator might call it an eclectic representation of several generations.
Piper thought about Sailor’s new claim to be an atheist. Maybe she was just bluffing. Maybe not. One never knew with Sailor. She liked to say radical things sometimes, just to push Piper’s buttons. And she knew that claiming to be an atheist would definitely push Piper’s buttons. Though her younger sister looked like her, their personalities couldn’t have been more different.
“What’s scary is that atheism is growing. I’ve been studying it,” Piper said. “It’s increased by ten percent since the 1940s in the United States and in other wealthy countries, it’s grown even more.”
“It’s the trend of the wealthy, the thinkers,” Sailor smirked, as if to be a member of either group. “Maybe it will fall out of fashion, like communism and Cuban cigars did.” She kicked her feet up on the coffee table in front of her and picked up her wine glass, pinkie finger extended.
“Or clear bottle Becks beers imported from the Bahamas,” her husband Rob added in his Jersey accent. “Everyone wanted the clear bottles back in the day. No one cares about that anymore. We’re back to drinking the green bottles. Or Buds.”
“I’m riding on the atheism bandwagon right now,” Sailor said. “Saves me a lot of time on Sunday mornings. Remember how we had to go to church when we were little? When Mom and Grandma were still alive? Ugh. What a waste of time!”
“I needed to keep your mom and my mom happy back then,” Scott McCoy interjected. “That’s why we went. And it was a nice family thing to do on a Sunday, before the priests started misbehaving.”
“Some of the priests, Scott,” Nick said, who had apparently lost his desire to stay out of the conversation. Piper knew he wouldn’t be able to resist saying something, even though they were in her dad’s house.
Go for it, Nick.
“Scott, if you found out that one of the dealers at the blackjack table you patronize was corrupt, would you stop gambling altogether?”
“Of course not, Nick. I’d just go to a different dealer or a different casino.”
“That’s what I’m saying,” Nick said.
“Well, that’s my part-time job, Nick. It’s different from the church.”
“Scott made $6,000 last week,” Linda offered.
“Dad,” Piper added, “we have so much respect for you. I love the way you’ve been such a workaholic in life, always showing us the importance of a strong work ethic. I love the way you’ve always cherished what you called opportunities to go to work. You never said you had to go to work, but rather that you got to go to work, and I appreciate that. You’re just like your mom. And I love how you always said that you ‘work half days,’ which were twelve hour days, spending the other twelve hours either sleeping or reading the newspaper. You never needed much sleep, though. Maybe four hours? I also love what others would say is your insane level of optimism. The world could literally be crashing all around you with every possible calamity imagined, and you’d still say that ‘life is mah-velous.’”
Scott smiled. “That’s true. Life is mah-velous!”
“And I see that you still get four newspapers every day delivered to your door. Clearly, you’re keeping yourself updated on world events, unlike millions of other U.S. citizens. I think it’s fair to say you know everything about our world. You could probably list the names of all of the world’s major world leaders, the issues in their countries, and maybe even the state of affairs with respect to their political and economic systems. Don’t you wonder about the next life? Why don’t you invest any time in understanding what’s to come? I just don’t get it. We’re only traveling through this world on our way to the next. This life is but a speck of sand in the eternal beach of heaven. Why aren’t you curious about that?”
“Piper, I never said I don’t wonder about the next life. Of course I do. We just don’t know anything about heaven. News reporters aren’t reporting on heaven. There isn’t any information on heaven out there.”
“I beg to differ. Information is replete in the Bible. Read just one book in the Bible, Dad. Matthew. Matthew has so many references to the ways the events in Jesus’ life corresponded to the predictions of the prophets of the Old Testament that you’ll be blindsided. Or read the Book of Acts. The ways the apostles risked their lives daily to spread Christianity is very inspiring.”
“Piper,” Linda started, “the Bible is old. Isn’t there anything newer you can recommend?”
“No. I’ve read tons of the newer stuff. Those books won’t be enough. They weren’t enough for me when I was searching for an answer. First you need the foundation and the framework, which is the Bible. Then you can add the bricks and drywall in those other books to build your faith. Dad, I’ll stop bugging you if you just read Matthew. I promise.”
“Why do I feel like the guy pestered by Sam I am in Dr. Seuss’ “Green Eggs and Ham” book? Piper, maybe I’ll read Matthew, if I have the time.”
“Thanks Dad. ‘Maybe’ is better than ‘no.’”
“So, have you read any other good books lately Scott? You know, other than Green Eggs and Ham?” Nick asked.
“Very funny. I read that book to Sailor’s kids.”
Sailor’s husband Rob burped as he stood up and walked into the kitchen. Maybe he was grabbing some turkey leftovers. Maybe he was getting a drink. Piper wasn’t sure. With his broad shoulders and thick frame, he had a strong appearance. The only hair on his head was what appeared to be a hairy chocolate donut affixed to the outside of his lips. He called it a goatee, but it hadn’t been trimmed in months. At this point, his goatee gave him the appearance of a man in a silent battle with some sort of a fuzzy, squirrelly creature that he wanted to consume, which was gripping his lips to save its life. Returning from the kitchen with a wine box in hand, he filled his wife’s glass to the rim. Then he asked Linda whether she wanted a refill but she declined. One glass was all she wanted. He headed back into the kitchen to put the wine box away.
***
The following morning, Piper sat comfortably at the kitchen table in her dad’s house next to Nick. The table was round and wooden in a country sort of style, with four matching maple chairs. Covered in a green and white checkered tablecloth, something about the table and its adornments returned her thoughts to her childhood. An oversized turkey-shaped basket sat at its center, filled with Indian corn, squash, and small pumpkins. Pilgrim-shaped salt and pepper shakers sat just in front of the centerpiece, providing the table’s finalizing Thanksgiving touches.
One of the walls in the kitchen displayed four cuckoo clocks. Recalling the same clocks on her grandma’s family room wall, Piper grinned. The silly little clocks, with their chirping birds that popped in and out of little doorways on the hour and twirled and danced all around, did something to bring a little bliss into any home. As her dad had once said, “they make a house a home.”
It was 9 a.m. and the cuckoos were chirping. A large grandfather clock, which stood between the kitchen and the family room, also stirred her memories. It called out to the cuckoo clocks in its much more glorious on-the-hour melody, which curiously blended well with the cuckoos. The grandfather clock once belonged to her maternal grandparents and she recalled seeing it in their Wisconsin lakefront home. Images of rowboat rides, poker games, and the frog on the rock danced within her mind. Those memories would never leave her.
“Let’s do something different today. Get away from everyone. I don’t want to start smelling like a fish. As your dad always says, ‘guests are like fish. After about three days they start to smell.’ And we’ve been here for four so far. I’m sure he’s ready to get rid of us.”
“He’s not talking about us. We’re family. Not guests.”
Nick nodded. “That’s why he likes to tell us about the fish every time we come to visit. Makes sense.”
“Oh, Nick.”
“What do you say we try the water park? Or the beach? Or putt putt golf? Or a driving range?”
“I’m game for any one of them. You make the call. But Nick, let’s first enjoy each other’s company here. How about joining me on the back porch? We can watch the palm trees sway and the boats go by. It’s beautiful here.”
They stepped onto the patio and sat down on a couple of chaise lounges. The warm, salty air and beaming sun embraced them and welcomed them that morning. Palatial, Mediterranean-style homes lined the Intracoastal Waterway, which rolled by in front of them. Boats of all sizes trolled along, from dinghies carrying fishermen to yachts carrying the wealthy. The house was in a no wake zone, so boats were limited to a slow speed. Seagulls and pelicans swooped overhead in search of their breakfasts. Piper watched a pelican soar downward to capture its prey, which was a small unsuspecting fish. Save for the experience of that fish, the morning was perfect for all. Nick kissed her on the cheek as he said, “I love you.”
“I love you too, Nick.”
***
“Stop there,” Piper said as she pointed to a drug store. “I’ll run in and grab us some snacks and bottled waters.” Piper and Nick were geared up to go to the beach in Boca Del Sol later that afternoon. Covered in Coppertone suntan lotion and donning swimsuits, baseball caps, and swim shirts, she and Nick were ready to roast in the warm sun.
Nick pulled their sports utility vehicle into the parking lot, and Piper hopped out and sped into the store for a few bags of popcorn, mixed nuts, and bottled waters. She wanted to keep the snacks somewhat healthy, though she knew Nick often preferred much less healthy options. Cheetos, chocolate, and pork rinds were not on her shopping list. She grabbed a shopping basket and filled it with snacks and drinks before approaching the cash register to pay.
A long line had formed in front of the only open cash register, so Piper slowed her pace and took her place in the line, a little bummed that five patrons were waiting in front of her. Looking to her left, she noticed a closed register and wondered where its cashier was. The two self- checkout machines had signs indicating they were out of order.
Oh well.
She watched the dark-skinned cashier in front of her, rapidly processing the items the patrons presented and taking payments. A few people lined up behind her.
An old woman approached with a shopping cart in front of her, wearing garb consistent with the outfits worn by wealthy New Yorkers in Boca Del Sol. It was obvious she was hanging on to her younger years, but her money was spent in vain. The doctor’s knife hadn’t been kind as it had stretched her makeup-caked skin across her skull and reduced her nose into something unnatural.
“Are you kidding me,” she howled. “Where’s your help young lady?”
“She’s on break,” the cashier responded without looking up, possibly in a passive aggressive sort of way. Piper surmised the woman had dealt with such sorts of people in her past.
“A break? Why would she be taking a break right now? Look at this line. I count nine people. This is ridiculous! Ridiculous!” Instead of taking a place in the line, the woman stood in front of it, as if waiting to be first in line should the other cash register open.
Everyone in the line in front of her tried to ignore the old woman, though they were perhaps in hurries themselves. The moment spurred the customers in the line in front of Piper to form a bond with one another in full support of the cashier. Each thanked her after each transaction, and the cashier thanked each back for coming into the store.
“Call corporate. I demand you call corporate and report this incident. Do you know who I am? You need to do what I say!”
Something about the woman’s pompous ways called Sir Oren into Piper’s mind. She thought of the way the figures in the dungeon flung horse manure at Sir Oren. She’ll probably end up in the dungeon, flinging horse manure at the people around her.
The other cashier walked over to her cash register and opened it, so the old woman jumped into the front of the line. The cashier was about the same age as the old woman and perhaps had had some experience with impatient wealthy sorts, who were a little too common in Boca Del Sol.
“I’m sorry. I need to help the next people in line before I help you.”
Fairness had taken priority. Piper moved over to the other register, behind a woman who had been standing in front of her.
“What!” The old woman grabbed the twelve pack of toilet paper in her shopping cart and smacked it down on the counter. “I don’t think you know who I am. My husband could buy this whole chain if he wanted to. I’m taking my business elsewhere!” With a huff, she stormed away.
Such a miserable woman.
“And here we’re in one of the most beautiful cities in the world. No wonder it was also voted one of the meanest,” she said to Nick after recounting the story.
Piper wondered what sort of impact that being in a place like Boca Del Sol was going to have on her dad and sister. Hopefully they will be able to steer clear of such misery. Or maybe seeing people like that woman will help them to better appreciate the kindness and humility of all of the decent humans occupying the same space.
That night, Piper had another dream. She sat in the back of a camper style van. Her dad was at the wheel and Linda, Nick, Sailor, and Rob were also in the van, as was a small black dog. She peered out of the window by her side and noticed the van was ascending up a gigantic, snow-covered mountain. After a while, she observed that the road upon which they were traveling was starting to become more and more difficult to see, as the snow falling outside of the van was beginning to cover any view of the road. Piper shivered in fear. She looked at her dad, who was bravely driving the van, which hugged the road along the side of the mountain as they ascended. Every so often Piper felt the wheels as they slipped and slid on their icy path. What surprised her was that when the terrain became more difficult to navigate, her dad’s response was to drive faster. Faster and faster he drove and soon they were charging up the mountain along a pathway that no one could see. Piper hoped and prayed that her dad would be able to maintain control of the van. Snow was dumping from the clouds and it was becoming increasingly difficult to see anything around them as the van moved higher and higher into the sky. Then the van slid off the road and into an embankment. Piper couldn’t see past the embankment as the clouds and the snow were blinding. Everything was white. Her dad decided to take a chance so he gunned the van forward, thinking there was a road in front of them. There wasn’t. The van sprung into the air until it was gripped by gravity, resulting in a downward freefall. Everyone screamed, feeling that no one could save them. The black dog barked and jumped up and down, skipping back and forth across the van. Their fates were sealed. They heard a great wind as it whistled under them, carrying them across the sky. The van landed softly in a snowy embankment and everyone got out, relieved that their lives had been spared. Piper prayed that this dream represented the fate of her doubting family.
***
The following night, Nick and Piper headed over to Sailor and Rob’s house for dinner. Her sister lived in a ranch-style home in one of the happy pockets of Boca Del Sol. Piper considered her neighborhood to be a happy pocket, because none of the wealthy, impatient types like the old woman in the drugstore lived there. Instead, the neighborhood was occupied by people of the middle or upper middle class, who had far less money and much more patience than some of their wealthier Boca Del Sol counterparts. Piper liked the neighborhood. It reminded her of the one in which she grew up in Orange Bay.
She and Nick followed Rob inside and into their oversized kitchen. The kitchen featured maple cabinets, granite countertops, and the latest in stainless steel appliances. Like the larger room in which it was situated, it was painted in warm yellow and camel hues. Five bar height swivel chairs butted against the center island, so Piper and Nick each sat down on one of those. Rob headed towards the oven and checked its contents.
“Baked ziti,” he said. “Sailor made a killer baked ziti for you guys and it should be ready in about twenty minutes.”
“Sounds great,” Nick said. “Her ziti is awesome. That’s perfect.”
“I’ll second that!” Piper added. She could smell the delicious aroma of baked ziti in the air. Her stomach could too, as it growled to let her know.
Sailor came out of a back bedroom and joined them. “Anyone want a drink? Beer, wine, soda, bottled water?”
“I’ll have a bottled water,” Piper answered.
“I’ll take a soda,” Nick added. “Thanks!”
Sailor pulled the drinks from the refrigerator and distributed them. “Anyone for a game of corn hole?”
“Sure,” Piper answered. She and Nick followed Sailor and Rob to their back patio where they had set up two corn hole platforms at opposite ends of one another.
“Where are your kids?” Piper asked.
“Showering or getting dressed. They should be out here in a few minutes,” she answered. Sailor had two twin daughters who were three years old and a boy who was two. Piper hoped that she and Nick would one day be blessed with children. Her sister’s kids were adorable.
In the corner of the room, Piper noticed the old wooden rocking chair. The rocking chair was the same one her mother used to rock her when she was a baby and to read to her when she was a young child. Many memories were formed in that rocking chair. Good memories.
“Nick and Piper, it will be you two versus us,” Rob said. “So, Nick, you and I will be on this side and the girls will be on the other.”
Nick grabbed a few bean bags and took a few practice shots into the hole of the wooden corn hole platform in front of him. Rob followed, doing the same thing before the women took their shots.
“These stands seem too far apart,” Sailor said. “This should be much easier.”
“No, my dear. Regulation corn hole. The stands stay where they are,” her husband answered as he took another practice shot, which sailed through the air before landing directly in the hole.
“Hope you’re taking notes,” he said with a smile.
“Of course,” Nick answered.
When the group finished with their practice shots, the games began. They played several rounds of corn hole both before and after eating the baked ziti that Sailor had prepared for them. Sailor’s three kids had joined the group just before dinner and were now playing hide and seek in the back yard.
The lot upon which the home was built was large and oddly shaped, featuring both an oversized back yard and an oversized side yard. It was an unusual yard, given the other smaller and more square yards in the neighborhood. Sailor and Rob had fenced it in just after they bought the house, adding a thick, bushy hedge on the outside for extra privacy. A colorful assortment of well-placed and well-tended Hibiscus trees and bushes, foxtail palms, and crotons had been planted in the yard and were flourishing. Outdoor lights in several colors shone against the landscape and the grass, which was plush and unnaturally green. “Fertilizer and rain are a landscaper’s best friend in Florida,” Rob said. His landscaping background was an asset to the family.
After a while, Piper and Sailor decided to call it quits, while Nick and Rob played another handful of rounds against one another. One would win, so the other called for a rematch. Then the other would win, while the first called for a rematch. And so on. Competitive souls can never be happy until the game has been called in their favor.
The women sat down on chairs on the patio.
“You know I was kidding, Piper.”
“About what?”
“Being an atheist,” Sailor quipped.
“Why would you kid about something like that?”
“Because it was funny watching you get all emotional. You’re funny about that kind of stuff. I hope you know that. People say you and Nick are born again Christians.”
“People are right. We are.”
“Oh,” Sailor responded. “That explains it.”
“Explains what?”
“Your preachiness and your fear of the bottle.”
“I just don’t like drinking, Sailor. You shouldn’t judge me. I’ve stopped judging you. I don’t care that you drink. I figured one of us would probably be a drinker since Dad said it skips a generation. And Uncle Sully.”
“Well, I don’t drink like Grandpa, and I definitely don’t drink like Uncle Sully. I just drink with my friends on social occasions. I don’t want to be like Uncle Sully either, Piper, not in front of the kids.”
“That’s good,” Piper said.
Piper looked over at Sailor’s kids and felt her stomach churn. Why had the Lord blessed Sailor with children so early in her marriage? Why were she and Nick having such a hard time getting pregnant? What had she done to the Lord to deserve such difficulties? She tried to stop judging people. Tried hard. Maybe she was being punished for failing. Tears formed in her eyes, which she quickly wiped off so as not to be noticed. She hid her pain from everyone, even Nick.