So Bobnoxious
From the top of the mountain Piper surveyed the ski slope before her. A bitter chill stirred within her, which caused her to question her abilities in mastering the run. Black diamond expert slopes always caused some angst. Moguls? She hoped not, but something told her they were there. Black diamonds almost always had moguls. Her body shivered and her teeth chattered.
“Looks really steep, Nick. I didn’t know Ruthie’s Run was a black diamond. I was thinking we were going to start on an intermediate run instead, to warm up. Could be some moguls under that powder.”
“Warm up? Piper, you crack me up. As if you won’t shred it up like you always do.”
Piper looked at Nick and smiled. His reassurance was comforting and his handsome features breathtaking. Tall and muscular with a dazzling smile that contrasted his dark hair and sun-kissed skin, he was perfect.
“Well, maybe,” she said, “as long as we can steer clear of any moguls.”
“We’ll do that. C’mon. Follow me. How hard can it be?” Nick lunged forward with his poles to tackle the formidable run.
“How hard can it be?” Piper chuckled as she dug her poles into the ground and pushed herself forward to follow him, beginning their first of many ski runs that day. The slope was steep, but its thick powder covering helped her to maintain control, despite her accelerating speed. A rush of adrenaline pumped through her veins and reminded her of why she loved skiing so much. And watching Nick ski in perfect form ahead of her reminded her of why she loved Nick so much. It had been more than three years since they had started to date and she was as blissful as she had ever been. She followed his path down the middle of the slope, which was lined on both sides by what seemed like hundreds of snow-covered pine trees. The only sounds she could hear were the sounds of her skis cutting through the snow and the gentle whistles of the wind as it danced around the mountain.
“Loving it!” Nick hollered out.
“Definitely!”
Piper marveled at the way the sun shone against the snow on the ski slope in front of her in a parade of shimmering lights. She was in God’s country, where the shadowy spirits had no place. The spirits hid from the morning sun’s light, but they didn’t hide from her. She could see them when they came out.
A few minutes passed before Nick slowed down and Piper caught up with him. They skied next to each other in parallel and flawless form. Faster and faster they traveled along before they came upon a part of the slope covered in moguls. Piper shuddered as they both skidded to a stop. The last time she skied over moguls, she broke her arm and ruined a vacation.
“Oh, man. How are we going to get through this? I hate moguls.”
“Let’s take it slowly, Piper. We’ll crisscross the slope. Follow me.”
Piper drew in a deep breath before following Nick across the slope in an almost horizontal direction. She was careful not to let her skis get caught between the bumps, but every so often they did. Her legs felt like spaghetti as they hopped over the bumps as if she had no muscles at all. Time dragged on and on.
“Whew,” she sighed. “Glad that’s over.”
“Me too. I know how much you hate moguls. The lift is over there,” he said as he pointed to the bottom of a short slope in front of them.”
“Perfect.” Standing in line would give her sore legs a little bit of relief.
When they reached the chairlift line, Piper hugged Nick. “If not for the moguls, that run would have been perfect. Totally exhilarating,” she said, still catching her breath. Only a few people were ahead of them in the lift line, which formed at the bottom of three different ski runs. It wouldn’t be long before they were back atop the mountain ready to tackle another run.
“Let’s do a blue this time, Nick.”
“Sounds like a plan.”
Nick put his arm around her waist and pulled her close to kiss her. “Sorry if that surprised you. I just can’t resist those gorgeous cherry-reds. Love you.”
“Love you too, Nick. You’re the best.”
She relished the time she was spending alone with Nick, yet knew that they would be joined by the others at some point in the day, hopefully much later. Quite a few friends were also on the mountain for the same reason they were there, which was the wedding of Chase and Cherie.
A familiar voice lit up the slopes, yet not the voice she wanted to hear at that particular moment. “Yippee-i-yay! Living the dream, baby!”
She looked upwards and spotted a slender-looking man on a snowboard heading down the ski run next to Ruthie’s Run. Though teetering in and out of control, he laughed like mad as he headed towards the lift line. Piper wondered whether he was drunk.
“No way. Bob’s up,” Nick said with a laugh.
“Great.” Piper muttered. She was surprised he had risen so early, given his condition the night before when they had kicked him out of the bar. Feeling a little disappointed that her time with Nick was about to be infringed upon, she turned away from Bob and towards the chairlift. Maybe he would go his own way that day. Maybe he would bypass the lift and head to the bottom of the mountain. Maybe he didn’t see them. Maybe he would realize she and Nick wanted time alone with each other.
“Want some hooch?” Bob asked as he slid next to them in the lift line and yanked a flask from a pocket in his puffy ski jacket. His cowboy hat was tattered and his jeans were covered in snow, suggesting he had been in a yard sale on the slopes a short while before.
“Nope. Too early for me,” Nick said, “7:30 a.m., Florida time.”
Piper glared at Bob.
“None for you pretty lady?”
“C’mon Bob, you know I’m not into drinking.”
Bob swigged down some hooch and tucked the flask back into his pocket. “My first run this morning was epic. Love shredding freshies.”
“Oh yeah, we loved it too. Took Ruthie’s Run. Steep and sweet. Where’s Flypaper?” Nick asked as he scanned the slopes.
“Don’t know. He met a lovely lady in the bar last night. That’s all I can say. Vintage Flypaper.”
“Well, I’m sure we’ll see him tonight at the Rowdy Rooster.”
“Yeah,” Bob said as he pulled out a can of chewing tobacco, pinched a dip, and tucked it into his upper lip. Now he had the appearance of a Simpson cartoon character. Nice.
“Can I ride up the triple with you guys?”
“Of course,” Nick said as he nudged and winked at Piper.
Moments later the three ascended up the mountain on the triple chairlift. Piper was surprised to find Bob sitting between her and her man. So Bobnoxious.
***
The luscious scent of grilled burgers wafted through the mountain air that afternoon, beckoning skiers to stop by for lunch. Bob, Nick, and Piper answered that call as they stopped at its purveyor, which was a woodsy sort of restaurant midway down the mountain at the bottom of a ski run. Skiers of all ages were present at picnic tables on the outside deck as they enjoyed their little slice of paradise among friends and family. They further basked in the powerful rays of the afternoon sun, which had cast enough warmth for many to shed their ski jackets. A band nearby played Tom Petty’s “American Girl” to the happy and boisterous crowd.
“Smells yummy,” Piper said to Nick and Bob as they took off their skis and snowboard and dropped them into slots on the ski and board racks.
“Definitely,” Nick said.
They walked in their clunky ski boots past the patrons on the deck and into the restaurant, soon finding their way to the cafeteria line.
“I’m going to get a couple of burgers,” Nick announced.
“I’m going to get a broccoli cheese soup in a bread bowl,” Piper said.
“Think I’ll have a liquid lunch,” Bob added.
Piper rolled her eyes, though no one saw. She was careful to hide any negative opinions of Bob from Nick.
Chase and Cherie were sitting at a table by a window, so the threesome walked over to join them. Piper looked forward to getting to know Chase, her good friend’s fiancé.
“Great seeing you guys. What time did you get out today?” Piper asked.
“Around 10. We skied the back of the mountain and cut a lot of powder. Perfect conditions man,” Chase said with a grin. He winked at Cherie, who smiled back at him. They looked sort of similar with their square jaws and dimples.
Piper and Nick put napkins on their laps and started to eat while Bob drank his beer.
“That’s cool. We’ll have to hit the mountain after lunch. We skied the front side of the mountain. Ruthie’s Run, Jolly Monkey, and Whippersnapper. Perfect day, man. Just epic.” Nick paused for about a minute before saying, “So lucky to be alive.”
Piper nodded her head. So true.
She turned her attention to Bob, who was picking something from his teeth. Hopefully someone else will ski with him after lunch. Flypaper, please come. Please.
Bobnoxious was nice enough, but he was cramping their style. He chugged down his beer, leaving a silly looking foam mustache above his upper lip. Charming.
“Hey, I’ve got a story for you,” Bob said as he used his sleeve to wipe the beer foam from his upper lip. His attention was mainly focused on Nick and Chase.
“Of course you do, Bob. You always have a story,” Chase said. “That’s why we like you. Good for entertainment.”
“So I got kicked out of the bar last night. What was its name? The Rowdy Rookie?”
“Rowdy Rooster,” Nick responded.
“Yeah, yeah, that’s it. I was hanging out with Flypaper, you know, Juan. He was attracting the ladies like flies, as always, and I was waiting to inflate the deflated ego of one of his rejects. That’s when I spotted her. Betty. Sweet Betty. She was a red-headed spitfire of a beauty and she was half in the bag, just the way I like my ladies. So I decided to sing her a song. That’s when all hell broke loose. I guess the bar owners didn’t appreciate it when I jumped onto the stage and grabbed the singer’s microphone.”
“That was only part of it, Bob,” Piper said, “It was what you sang when you grabbed the microphone: Jimmy Buffett’s “Why Don’t We Get Drunk.”
“Was that it? I was thinking I was singing church songs.”
“Church songs? You don’t go to church, do you Bob?” Piper asked. She could see Chase out of the corner of her eye shaking his head.
“Nope. I’m on vacation from church. I went all the time when I was in that Lutheran grade school so I’ve earned time off for good behavior. I even remember some of the hymns. I’ll sing one for you. “Holy, holy, holy.” Then he stopped and laughed. “Can’t remember the next line.”
“You should come to our church sometime, the Fellowship Church. It’s a little feel good for your soul,” Nick said.
“Maybe I’ll do that,” Bob said before burping. “But right now, I’m ready for another beer. Anyone want one? I’m buying.”
“Sure, I’ll take one,” Chase said. “Church talk makes me thirsty and crazy. Let’s talk about something interesting instead. Bob, I’ll bet you were hilarious on that stage. I’m bummed we left early.”
“You know it Chase. Anyone else want a beer?” Bob stood up.
“I’ll take one,” Cherie said, “Thanks Bob!”
“I’m good for now,” Nick said.
Piper smiled at Nick, proud of his resistance. She knew he liked to drink, but he didn’t drink much around her, which she appreciated. Hopefully the week in Colorado would feature a sober Nick. For that matter, hopefully their lives would feature a sober Nick. Being a teetotaler, Piper didn’t need to worry about her own sobriety.
Her focus shifted to Chase’s comment about church talk making him crazy. She needed more information about that and about anything else that made Chase tick. Her duty was to make sure Cherie was making a good choice.
“We’re so happy for you guys,” Piper said to Cherie and Chase. “Can’t wait for the wedding this weekend.”
“It’s going to be beautiful, right on the top floor of the Kensington Lodge with a panoramic view of the mountains,” Cherie said.
“Yeah, her parents set us up,” Chase added as he winked again at Cherie. “Cherie comes with perks, you know. We’re heading down to Atlantis in the Bahamas after this for our honeymoon. Casinos, fishing, boating, beaches, lazy rivers. Paradise. I’ll tell you what. It doesn’t get much better than that.”
In the background, Piper could hear Mungo Jerry’s “In the Summertime” playing. Words about a rich daddy and a poor daddy resonated. She looked over at Chase and narrowed her eyes, wondering whether his love for Cherie was genuine.
“I’ll tell you what Chase,” Nick said. “I feel like we’re in heaven right here in the mountains.”
“Oh, me too,” Piper added.
“Yeah. It’s nice here too,” Chase said. “Be right back.” He stood up and headed towards the men’s room, yet stopped short of its entrance when he caught his reflection in a mirror along the way. Piper watched him as he smiled at himself while running his hands through his thick, wavy blonde hair.
Hmm. Narcissist?
“You must be so happy, Cherie. You’ll be the first of the bunch to marry, just as you always predicted.”
“I’m very happy.”
Piper looked at Nick and felt a little sad, wondering whether she and Nick would be the next ones to marry. It had been three years already. Three years!
“You guys make a good looking couple,” Cherie said.
“Thanks! You and Chase look great together too,” Piper responded, “like Swedish supermodels.”
“Wow! Thanks for the compliment.” She paused for a minute and added, “Oh. On the church thing. My parents are always evangelizing and talking about church, which sort of turns Chase off. We’re not into church. I consider myself spiritual, not religious. And Chase doesn’t believe in God, or anything like that. I guess I’d sort of like it if he did. Maybe he would be a little nicer to people. That’s one of the things I’m hoping to change about him.”
“I hope so too,” Piper responded, feeling a sense of concern. The words “mean atheist” flashed across her mind.
Bob approached with three mugs of beer in his hands and placed them down on the tables. “Cheers,” he said as he sat down and drew a long swig from one of the frosty mugs.
“Cheers,” Cherie responded as she took a sip of her beer.
Piper watched Chase come out of the men’s room. He was talking on his mobile phone in an animated way as he paced back and forth in front of the bathroom entrances. She wondered about the identity of the person on the other end of the line.
Could it be another woman? Hmm. He never had a hard time attracting women. She envisioned his yearbook pictures with the prom and homecoming queens. Big smiles and big hair. He had big hair back then too.
Piper spotted several dark shadows above Chase’s head, which appeared to be hovering over him as he paced back and forth while talking on his phone. Within a few minutes, he headed down a hallway and out of everyone’s sight. The dark shadowy forms disappeared with him. She tucked that memory into a crevice of her mind.