Chapter Sixteen
You know that sick feeling you get when you are still technically in a relationship but you know it’s really already over? Danny and I are still a couple, but…
He goes to Charlotte to visit his son for Christmas while I’m at Dom's trying not to spread my desolation all over her family gathering. Luis’s family is there too so there are now double the number of wedding-crazy, holiday-happy Puerto Ricans in the house. I hide out in Dom’s room a lot, pretending to not obsessively check my phone for calls or texts from Danny.
I make an appearance at dinner but wish it was socially appropriate to eat alone in the kitchen. I’m not sure if anyone else is buying my sham smile, but Dom isn’t. She corners me in her room and lures me out of my cone of sadness with her aunt’s killer pie.
“I’m glad you’re here.”
“Seriously?” I smirk. “I don’t think I’m really adding to the festivities.”
“I would be worried sick about you if you weren’t here.”
I lay my head on her shoulder and take another bite of pie. “Thank you. You don’t need to worry about me, but thank you.”
“I do worry about you because here’s the thing: you think you’re Wonder Woman, and you are probably the closest thing alive to her, but you’re still human and you’ve had the shit kicked out of you these past few months. Even Wonder Woman gets to lean on her sidekick.”
“She didn’t have one.”
“What? What about Steve Trevor?”
I laugh a little and shake my head at her ironic mistake. “Boyfriend and no, theirs was not a cry-on-my-shoulder kind of relationship.” I soothe my raw emotions with another huge bite of pie. “I thought I wanted Danny but I guess I only wanted the idea of Danny. He was right about one thing; we sucked as a couple.”
She doesn’t disagree.
“I thought I wanted my dad to butt out of my life.” I shake my head at the memories of all the times I told him to back off and pull in another shaky breath. “Now he has.”
“You didn’t make that happen. You are not that fucking powerful.” She hugs me to her and rubs my back. “And I’m here for you. I’m not going anywhere.”
“You’re getting married, sweetie,” I point out. “Luis will have you and you’ll have him.” I lie back on the bed and set my empty plate on Dom’s side table. I stare at the posters on the ceiling of her bedroom as I’ve done a thousand times before and contemplate my life. “My problem is that I want a guy, but I don’t.”
“No, you want a man but you don’t need one.”
“I always thought that was a good thing.”
Dom lies down next to me and grabs my hand. “It is. You’ll see, I promise. There will be someone, a smokin’ hot male someone, who can handle you, deal with how amazing you are; someone who will appreciate you. ”
“I’m glad you’re so sure.”
“Are you going to his going away party?”
I shrug. Maintenance is having a happy hour get together at The Rail to send Danny off to the land of no liquor or unmarried women. “I’ll probably stop by but Bob’s leaving for a major sales presentation in Seoul the next day. I need to be at work early to make sure he has everything.”
“I’ll go with you if you want.”
I give her hand a squeeze but don’t reply because for once I’m not making plans. My life feels too unstable and uncertain to plan even a few days ahead…except for work. God bless my job.
✈✈✈
I do stop by Danny’s going away party, briefly and alone. Part of me wants to see everyone from maintenance, especially Darlene, and to be honest, part of me wants to see how Danny acts toward me around them.
If I need a final message that we are officially not a couple, I get it. He gives me a quick, friendly hug when I get there then moves on to make the rounds and talk to his friends. I don’t think anyone else notices, but Darlene does. She comes over and stands next to me.
“Wanna talk?”
I shake my head.
She studies me for a moment. “You knew he was leaving, right?”
I nod.
“Hurts anyway?”
I nod again and she puts her arm around me and gives me a squeeze. “Call me anytime you need to talk, ok?”
I give her a weak, “thanks” then stand next to her for what I hope is an appropriate amount of time before I beat it out of there. I wave to Darlene before I leave but don’t look back at Danny.
✈✈✈
The next day I have Bob packed up and in the air before noon. He’s taking one of our newest, largest jets to demo for a Korean investor. As I stand watching him take off from runway nineteen I glance across at the commercial terminal. Danny’s there right now. I check the time on my phone. He’s probably waiting to board his flight to New York where he’ll connect with his flight to Riyadh.
I left him a note this morning, telling him good bye. Telling him that I love him and probably still will when he comes back, whether he likes it or not.
He still has a half hour until boarding. It would take me at least forty-five minutes to drive to the other side of the airport. Or… I could use the security clearance I keep for moving Bob’s stuff around and take the direct route.
I commandeer one of the linemen from the JetStream ramp and asked him to give me a ride across. I have him drop me near Danny’s gate. I’ve never abused my clearance before, and can’t believe I’m doing it now, but I submitted to everything short of an anal probe to get the security badge that I’m now flashing all over concourse C. I deserve to use it illicitly at least one time.
Danny doesn’t look overly surprised when he sees me approaching. He smiles a little and nods. “Of course you know how to get in here without a ticket.”
I flash my badge at him. “Of course.”
I’m not exactly sure what I came to say but I want us to part on a better note. We stand in an uncomfortable silence for a few minutes. He doesn’t look at me, but finally speaks.
“You are amazing. You know that, right?”
I want to say, “But not amazing enough for you?” But that would keep us in the same place we had been for weeks now. So I say, “thank you” instead.
I touch his hand and he takes mine. “I know you don’t see it, but you are still the most amazing man I have ever known.”
He chuckles. “Then you must have not gotten to know me too well.” He squeezes my hand. “I’m still going to check up on you, you know. I’ll be home once a year.” He looks out the window at the JetStream headquarters across the field. “I expect you’ll be running the place by the time I’m back.”
I chuckle. “I run Bob’s life. That’s enough for me.”
“You say that, but,” he shakes his head, “No, you are going to go incredibly far Vivey; way too far for a grease-monkey like me.”
I don’t agree with him.
They call final boarding for his flight and when he bends down to grab the handle of his carry-on, I let go of his hand. He leans in and gives me a quick kiss on the lips before he turns to go.
I call after him, “Love you.” I don’t know if he heard me or not but he doesn’t turn around again. I want to watch him board and watch his plane take off, hang on to him until he’s out of the same airspace as me but my ride’s waiting on the ramp.
✈✈✈
I decide to take an afternoon off. Something I could do anytime Bob is out of town, but I never do. I’m in no mood for friendly office chatter today. I’m going home to sit on my perfect, oversized, tufted sofa and hug my pink chenille pillow. I need to dig my pristine linen sheets out of storage and put them back on the bed, my bed. I’m going to have to face it alone sometime, feel the silence, move around without Danny in my way, and miss him. I need time to grieve losing Danny and my dad.
I stop by my desk to pick up a few things when an urgent email catches my eye. It’s from Carolyn Guage, Joel Rockhurst’s secretary. I open it.
Vivienne, I’ve set up a lunch meeting for you and Mr. Rockhurst in his office Monday at 12:45. Please reply and confirm your attendance.
What the hell? Lunch for me and Joel Rockhurst? This has to be a mistake. I call Carolyn.
“This is for Bob, right? He’s out of town but he’ll be back late next week. We can reschedule it.”
“No. He specifically asked me to set up a lunch with you.”
“Why?”
“Don’t know and he didn’t offer a reason. You’ll be here though?” She posed it as a question, but everyone at JetStream knows that a request from Joel Rockhurst is really a command. No one tells him no.
“Uh, sure. I’ll be there.”
“Great. See you then.”
I have no idea why he would want to have lunch with me but I’m sure my brain will come up with a few million between now and 12:45 on Monday. Whatever it is, my gut tells me this can’t be good. I need to prepare to meet with the CEO but how do you prepare for the most random mystery meeting in the history of JetStream aerospace?
I call Dom.