When Penelope Welniss, ex head of diagnostics and disease prevention at Cairns Central Public Hospital, discovered after her dismissal [due to her lack of a penis] that her laboratory was being closed due to lack of staff, she convinced another Oasis resident to secretly purchase all the equipment, which he did at a substantial discount. As a result, while health services declined and disappeared throughout the state due to the retrenchment of all female nurses, cleaners, doctors, drivers, office workers, ambulance staff and so on, Oasis could boast an excellent medical centre with the most up to date facilities for the identification, diagnosis, treatment and prevention of all common diseases, including those transmitted sexually.
At seven-thirty the almost full moon was casting shadows and illuminating fairytale ruins, temples and beautifully tended gardens, through which meandered groups of exquisitely clad residents. Classical music drifted from an open archway. The plop of tennis balls could be heard from a well-lit arena. Waltzing couples glided behind the windows of a circular building. Ornately carved tables arranged in a vine-covered loggia were occupied by concentrating card players.
As the three current and five future employees made their way to an appointment with the doctor, they were the recipients of gracious nods, smiles and restrained curiosity from elegantly clad residents, until one husband, wife, and twelve year-old daughter dressed like Spanish Grandees ditched their restraint.
‘Hercules,’ the fellow said jovially, patting him on the shoulder. ‘Are these the new men?’
‘Yes, George.’
George stood back a little as if to inspect. ‘Fine specimens, eh?’ He stepped forward and grasped Arnold’s biceps, then tested the quality of the specimen’s thighs and bum, which he squeezed manfully. ‘Powerful thews. Good stuff. Never trust a chap with no bum.’ Turning to his wife. ‘Feel this fellow, Amy. Good quality stock.’
While Arnold’s seven companions stood watching, their faces wreathed in innocent smiles, the wife stepped forward and felt Arnold’s biceps, ran exploratory fingers down his chest and belly, then around to his backside which she squeezed quite as manfully as her husband who was gazing with interest as Arnold’s penis more than doubled in size and became proudly upstanding.
‘What's your name?’ their daughter demanded while running a finger softly around his navel, clearly determined not to be outdone by her parents.
‘Arnold,’ Arnold answered calmly, as if being massaged in front of a gathering crowd of perfect strangers was a normal daily occurrence.
The daughter suddenly grasped his tumescent organ in both hands, then quickly let go with a shriek. ‘It’s hot!’
The onlookers laughed delightedly at her innocence. The spoiled brat, furious at having revealed her lack of experience, angrily pulled at her mother’s mantilla. ‘Mum, let’s go. This is boring. I want to see my friends.’
Amy gave Arnold a proprietorial pat on the bum. ‘We look forward to seeing more of you, Arnold,’ she said with a curious little smile, before being dragged away by her daughter. George managed one last squeeze before following.
‘Was that a threat or a promise?’ Arnold asked.
‘Sounded like a threat, but at least you passed the passivity test,’ Mort replied, squeezing Arnold’s bum. ‘Those two are sticklers for keeping us wild men in our place. You behaved impeccably. Expect an invitation to dinner within a week.
‘Ah…is that what she meant by seeing more of me. I was wondering what more there was of me to see.’
‘How did you feel, being treated like a beast at the sale yards?’ Fidel asked. ‘Did it annoy you?’
‘Not at all! It was strangely liberating.’ He giggled. ‘I actually enjoyed it. Does that make me a slut?’
‘Probably. Do you care?’
‘No.’
‘Wise man.’
They were wandering along a path lined with trees and flowers softly illuminated by concealed lighting when a youth ran up and grabbed Zadig’s arm. ‘Zadig, I need photos of the termite mounds you showed me last month. I promised to have them for a school assignment tomorrow, and clean forgot. Can you take me there? I've forgotten where it is.’
‘Sure. When?’
‘Tomorrow really early.’
‘Hammer on the door if I'm still asleep.’
‘Thanks, you're a beaut.’ He turned to the others. ‘Are you the new activities guys?’
‘If we’re acceptable to the committee.’
‘You will be, you're all studs—especially you,’ he laughed pointing at Arnold’s boner. ‘Are you going to teach us pole vaulting?’ With a grin he was off.
‘I can’t believe it,’ Bart and Robert kept repeating. ‘This place is too strange…too perfect.’
‘Yeah! Who designed it?’ Fidel asked with a reverence usually reserved for spiritual icons of great significance and beauty.
‘Arch, my father,’ Mort said proudly. ‘But it would never have reached this state without Hercules and Zadig’s father…they did the practical work.’
‘I want to cry,’ Hylas said softly. ‘It’s too, too beautiful. I feel as if I'm in an ancient Greek myth—and I am, aren't I?’ He looked at Hercules, smiled and stroked his arm. ‘I'm standing beside Hercules.’
The demi-god returned the smile with interest.
‘Now I can die happy,’ Arnold sighed dreamily. ‘But not before I've been here a few more years.’
‘Here we are,’ Mort announced in front of a large wrought iron gate set into a two-metre high wall. He pushed it open and led them up a paved path to an impressive carved door at the base of a cylindrical tower attached to a medieval castle constructed in pale gold stone. Pennants fluttered in the moonlight above small towers at each corner.
The door was opened by a sombre servant of indeterminate years dressed in black trousers, black patent leather shoes and spats, a tight fitting long sleeved black vest with a high Russian collar, epaulettes and brass buttons. The sight of eight naked young men failed to dent his composure. He nodded politely and in an obviously fake accent invited them to await Madame le docteur in the salon d’attente, which turned out to be a sumptuous Louis XV salon, furnished with what looked like genuine French antiques.
‘Why isn't he naked?’ Arnold asked in the respectful whisper the room seemed to require.
‘He’s employed by Aristo and Penelope, not Oasis, so like all personal servants he arrives by the back door and never leaves the house. It would be intolerable for the residents if mere servants were to wander the wondrous spaces of their earthly paradise.’
‘Excellent rule. Keep the parks and gardens for residents and their pets,’ Robert said with a wry nod. ‘I’d do exactly the same.’
‘You don’t believe in the equality of humanity.’
‘That's a meaningless concept. Equal in what? Looks? Intellect? Ability to play the flute? Strength? In appreciation of eighteenth century music? That's the sort of woolly thinking that destroys the brain and any hope of a cohesive society.’
A well-fed man in his late forties, balding with a neatly trimmed greying beard and dressed like a textbook Athenian philosopher in a toga, entered silently on sandaled feet. ‘Welcome, boys. The doctor is nearly ready. As there are eight of you, Perses will be assisting her. He’s apparently most adept with the needle.’ He smiled thinly. ‘I hear you snarled at Amelia this afternoon, Zadig. According to her friends she wet herself. Well done. I wish I was allowed to do that to some of my clients.’
‘What do you do to them?’
‘Repair the ravages of overindulgence.’
‘How magnanimous of you. Is there still demand for plastic surgery now women are kept locked away?’
‘’If you mean aesthetic reconstruction, then yes. Our new leaders want their physical attributes altered to match their intellectual qualities.’
‘Don’t tell me they're asking you to remove their brains and hearts.’
‘Now that I would enjoy. Stomach tucks, jaw line firming, hair transplants and buttock tucks are good money-spinners. But the current best seller is a combination penis enlargement and erectile insertions. Essential, apparently, for a man with a harem. Rather them than me! One is almost more than I can handle.’
‘One what, Aristo?’ The voice was smooth, deep and ominous.
Everyone turned as Penelope Welniss, MD, ChD Dip. lots of things, stepped firmly into the room. The voice did not seem to belong to the cute little blonde wearing an optically white doctor’s coat, and white ankle-snapping high-heeled shoes.
‘What can you only handle one of, Aristo?’
‘One patient at a time, Penelope. I was saying to the boys how much I admire you for managing eight examinations in one sitting.’
With a disbelieving sniff she spun on one heel and led the way through a doorway into a modern, sterile laboratory and surgery.
‘This is my son, Perses,’ she announced pointing to a self-contained adolescent wearing a stethoscope, a similar lab coat to his mother and rope-soled sneakers. He smiled pleasantly but didn’t speak.
‘I will take blood samples, test blood pressure, posture, reflexes, eyesight and hearing,’ Penelope announced. Perses will take swabs from your penis, anus, throat and nostrils, digitally test for prostate enlargement, and collect semen samples. Any questions?’
They shook their heads.
‘I will have the results by tomorrow lunchtime, and display them on the noticeboard in time for everyone to see before the meeting to decide your appointment.’
‘Thank you, Penelope.’
The doctor’s head snapped around and she stared at Mort to see if he was being disrespectful. No one called her Penelope except Aristo. She was Doctor to everyone, even her best friends. Deciding Mort was just being a typical uncultivated savage, she consulted her computer, called each man over to check their names were spelled correctly, then set to work. Both examiners were efficient. Neither spoke more than necessary, and an hour later the boys, as they'd started to think of themselves, were out in the lane, none the worse for the experience.
‘I like Perses.’
‘Yes. He’s a great kid,’ Hercules said with warmth. ‘Inherited his mother’s intelligence and his father’s character. He’s the only person on the planet permitted to disagree with her. I've been to dinner here often and it’s pretty clear that Perses keeps the family functioning. His parents are interested in little except their speciality, although Penelope seems to have a split personality. She’s a brilliant actress. On stage she’s a totally different person. Perses is interested in everything and, according to the servant, runs the house. Pays the bills and everything.’
‘Wunderkinds always make me feel inadequate.’
‘I know the feeling.’
‘Fidel and Arnold, can you find your way back to Arch’s place?’ Hercules asked.
‘Hardly, we’re totally lost.’
‘No worries,’ Mort laughed. Zadig and I’ll take you.’
‘The thing is, I’d like to discuss something with Hylas,’ Hercules said frowning slightly. ‘We’ll follow in a few minutes.’
‘Nothing serious, I hope,’ Fidel was instantly protective.
‘No, no. It’s just something…’ his voice trailed off.
‘Stop fussing, Fidel.’ Hylas said softly. ‘Hercules isn't going to do away with me.’
‘Yeah, sorry. See you later.’
Hercules led Hylas by the hand across the grass to a low wall on which they sat in silence for nearly a minute before he spoke. ‘You said earlier there might be room for an eighth person in your life. What sort of person would that be?’
Hylas smiled to himself, well aware of where this was heading. He had been thinking about relationships all day, arriving at no conclusions. But the question jolted his brain and without obvious thought said blithely, ‘He’d have to have lots of muscles so he could carry me through the desert, be older and wiser than me, handsome with a short beard and a sexy bum—and he must like stroking and kissing me.’ Hylas sighed and shook his head. ‘But I'm dreaming, as usual. No one like that's ever going to come along.’
‘Would I do in the meantime?’
‘You hardly know me.’
‘I feel as if I do. Did you know that the original Hercules fell in love with a beautiful boy called Hylas during Jason’s quest for the Golden Fleece?’
‘You're kidding.’
‘No. He taught Hylas all the things that made him a great man. They were inseparable, day and night. Hercules helped row the ship, Argo, but was so strong he broke an oar. When they got to land, Hercules searched for a strong tree to make a new oar, while Hylas went to a famous spring for water. At the spring he was captured by nymphs who fell in love with his beauty and raped him, dragging him into the water where he drowned. Hercules was so distraught he remained searching for Hylas when the Argos sailed, abandoning the expedition for love.’
‘That's sad. And beautiful.’
‘Many love stories are.’ Hercules frowned, not sure how to continue, then blurted. ‘Do you believe in love at first sight?’
‘Of course. I'm queer. We all believe we’re going to be swept off our feet by a young God.’
‘Ah… A slight problem. I'm thirty-four.’
‘But looking and acting much younger. Bart’s thirty-two and I love him,’ Hylas said dreamily.
Hercules squatted in front of Hylas and looked into his eyes. ‘Do you like me?’
‘Very much.’
‘Will you come and live with me? Not a one night stand or anything like that. I mean as my lover/boyfriend… like Mort and Zadig.’
The silence was becoming painful when Hylas suddenly said brightly, ‘Ok. When?’
Nerves overtook Hercules. He knew deep inside that this was perhaps the most important step in his life so far. He had to be careful and not seem too desperate and scare this young man away. So he forced himself to shrug casually and smile. ‘As soon as you like. But of course…’
‘Tonight then.’ Hylas interrupted.
‘Are you serious?’
‘Yes.’
‘What about Fidel and Arnold?’
‘What makes me happy makes them happy, and vice versa. I’ve a feeling they’ll be relieved to have the bed to themselves. Fidel and I are brothers as well as lovers, so the bond is complex. Arnold never says anything, but I know he sometimes wonders if he’s as important to Fidel as I am. And I'm pretty sure Fidel would prefer to have just the one person clamouring for his affection. He knows I’ll love him forever and it’s nothing to do with sex, so…’ Hylas laughed aloud. ‘You're looking doubtful, Hercules. This isn't a snap decision I’ll live to regret. I've been thinking about this all day—ever since you walked onto Mort's house, if you want to know. We’re two of a kind, it seems. So don’t worry that I'll change my mind tomorrow. There’s only one condition, though.’
‘And what's that?’
‘As soon as you realise you’ve made a mistake and you'd rather return to bachelorhood, you’ll tell me honestly. You won’t carry on bravely pretending you're still in love so as not to hurt my feelings.’
‘Fair enough. And you’ll do the same for me.’
‘Of course.’
‘Do you want to telephone Fidel and Arnold, or tell them face to face?’
‘When I don’t turn up they’ll realise I'm staying the night with you. I’ll wait till morning to tell them I've been seduced—permanently. I don’t want to waste time discussing it when we could be in bed discovering all sorts of things about each other. Which brings me to the question of your morals. According to rumour, you’ve screwed every female in Oasis and most men; won’t they be jealous?’
‘That's a rumour Arch started for a joke. And as no woman will admit to not having been fucked by me because it would mean she wasn’t attractive, the rumour persists. I’ve had sex with three females and one man in Oasis, but only on stage in front of the entire population—which doesn't count because it isn't real.’ He stood, pulled Hylas to his feet and pulled him close. They were exactly the same height. One slender and hard, the other hard and conspicuously muscled.
And there they stood until Hylas, realising his paramour was either too shy, or stupid, or bewitched to do anything else, pulled his head forward and kissed, and kissed, and then reached down and adjusted their erections before kissing again. Finally, Hercules pulled away and said huskily, ‘Hylas, that was the first kiss I’ve ever really and truly enjoyed. I can’t believe I've never…’ Hylas stopped the mouth, then taking Hercules’ hand, led him like a child in the direction he thought the cottage lay. It didn’t and they wandered blissfully through Arcadia until all the lights went out and they had to stumble home by the light of the moon.