CHAPTER 17
Present Day
As soon as I heard the front door slam shut behind Spencer, I shot out of bed and darted into the bathroom. I opened the medicine cabinet and found my birth control pills, but to my horror, I remembered why I hadn’t taken them the past few days. I’d ran out. Somehow, in my horny, hazy mind, I’d not thought about that. I mean, before Spencer, it wasn’t as if I had been in danger of becoming pregnant. I hadn’t had sex before and wasn’t planning on it anytime soon either. More than anything, the birth control was more to stabilize my period, which had been erratic since I first started menstruating at age twelve.
I pinched the bridge of my nose, feeling my chest tighten. Shaking, I leaned against the sink as I wondered what to do. Part of me wanted to call Spencer up and tell him, but the other part of me felt I should not involve him in any way.
Instead, I called up Jen. She answered after three rings.
“I need your help,” I said.
“What’s going on? Are you ok?”
“Yes. No. I don’t know. I slept with Spencer and—"
“You what?!” she exclaimed, and I could hear the shock in her voice.
“It’s a long story. But I’m out of birth control,” I said.
“Oh, shit. Ok. I’ll be there within the hour. Don’t worry about a thing. I’ve got this taken care of, ok?”
“Ok.” I felt a little relief.
She hung up, and as I waited, I took a shower. I wasn’t sure I wanted to wash Spencer’s scent off me. Having him take me like he did again and again was one of the most amazing experiences of my life, but also simultaneously one of the most distressing. Why couldn’t I just not love him and hate him so? Or better yet… why couldn’t I fall for a nice boy?
Thirty-five minutes later, Jen was at my place in sweats and a gray sweater with the word “Princess” on the front, written in cursive sparkly letters. She emptied the contents of a brown paper bag onto my kitchen table. She picked up a small package.
“This is the morning-after pill. It should terminate any pregnancy.” She picked up another package. “This is the sponge and will kill the semen, although it might be too late to use it at this point.” She picked up the last small package. “These are my pills. If you take two or three, it should terminate any possible pregnancy. I think…” She gave me a compassionate look. “You ok, sweetie?”
“Which one should I take?” I asked.
“I think you should take the morning-after pill,” she said. “If…”
“If what?” I asked when she didn’t finish her sentence.
“If you don’t want to get pregnant.”
“Of course, I don’t want to get pregnant,” I said. “Don’t be ridiculous.”
She raised an eyebrow.
“I don’t!” I snapped.
“He is a multi-billionaire, Ellie. You could live very comfortably off the child support. You’d never have to work another day in your life. Plus, it would be one hell of a game-changer. This was a trump move, Ellie.”
Unable to believe she was even suggesting that—she knew my dream was to follow in my dad’s footsteps—my mouth dropped open.
“I’m just putting it out there,” she said, her arms raised in surrender. “A girl’s gotta consider all her options.”
I was abhorred. Disgusted. But I couldn’t deny that there was a very small part of me that found the idea slightly attractive. Never work again…? No, that just wasn’t me. I was dead set on keeping my promise to my dad and carry on the family legacy. Plus, I didn’t want to live off my enemy’s welfare just because we slept together once. I couldn’t stand the man and it was very clear that he couldn’t stand me. I didn’t want to bring a child into this world under those circumstances and have to endure a lifetime of torturous co-parenting. Then it occurred to me… Oh, God. That’s what my parents had done!
I snatched the package with the morning-after pill and went into the bathroom, locking myself inside. I opened the package and poured myself a glass of water as I stared into the mirror.
God. I looked like a hot disaster. My hair was a mess, and every part of me, from the flush in my cheeks to my smeared red lipstick screamed “just fucked.”
My mind flashed back to when Spencer was driving into me, hard and long. He’d felt so delicious. It had felt more amazing than anything I could explain. It felt so good. So right. I stared at the pill in my hand and took a few deep breaths. It was preposterous of Jen to suggest I consider not taking the pill so that I’d one-up Spencer. I hated these stupid games. I hated that I’d gotten caught up in this and that it drove me completely insane. When all I wanted was for him to love me.
Shit.
I wanted him to love me.
Which could only mean one thing.
That I loved him.
I leaned my back against the door and squeezed my eyes shut. God, this man was my complete undoing… in so many ways. Emotionally. Mentally. Physically.
And now, sexually.
This was where playing games had brought me: to a place of utter torment. I couldn’t do this anymore. I was done playing games.
There was a knock at the bathroom door.
“You ok in there?” Jen asked.
I popped the pill in my mouth and swallowed it down with water before I could reconsider.
“Yes,” I said as I opened the door. “It’s done.”
“You feel good about it?” she asked.
I passed her and headed into the living room. “I don’t know but it’s too late to change my mind now.”
I plopped down onto the couch and sighed at length as I felt myself start to seriously second-guess what I had done.
Jen sat next to me, facing me.
“You look like you regret what happened tonight,” she said. “Or regret taking the pill.”
I glanced at her, then twisted my hands in my lap. I wasn’t ready to tell her that I was done playing games, so instead, I said, “I do, but I’m a big girl,” I said. “I can take care of myself.”
“Of course,” she said. “But I’ve been with a few assholes myself and I know I can be pretty hard on myself afterward.”
“I’ll be ok,” I said. “Truly. Just a few more weeks of working for him and I’ll be home free.”
A concerned expression flitted across her face.
“What?” I asked.
“I just hope the pill works,” she said.
“What do you mean?” I asked. “It will work.”
She shrugged.
“Why wouldn’t it work?” I asked, starting to feel worried.
“You’re not ovulating right now, are you?” she asked.
“I don’t know. I don’t keep track of that.”
“If you’re ovulating right now, it won’t,” she said.
“There’s still a chance I can get pregnant?” I asked, abhorred.
She nodded.
I buried my face in my hands and moaned.
“I’m sure it’s fine,” she said. “I just want to make sure you know there are still risks.”
“With my luck lately, I’ll end up pregnant with twins,” I said.
“Oh, my God don’t say that. Stay positive. You’re going to be fine.”
I looked at her. “You think?”
She smiled at me softly. “Yes. Just make sure to get your ass to the doctor and get your prescription refilled.”
“Yeah. For sure.”
“Well, I have to get some sleep.” She stood up.
“And I need to go to bed.” I stood up and shuffled with her to the front door. “Thank you for coming over and for the pill. What do I owe you?”
“Don’t worry about it.” She waved a dismissive hand. “Whatever you need, I’m here for you. And if you need to talk tomorrow, I’m off after 6:00 p.m.”
“Thank you.”
She stepped into the hallway, and after she had vanished down the stairwell, I closed and locked the door. Exhausted, but still feeling antsy and anxious, I made my way into the bedroom. I checked my phone, and to my surprise, I saw that I had a message from Spencer.
Ellie. I’ve thought about what happened tonight and I take full responsibility for everything, Mike included. As I said, Mike has been reported, so you should have no more trouble with him. Also, in lieu of tonight, I have decided to terminate your employment with me. I realize you quit your other job to work for me, so I will have my secretary transfer the remainder funds to your bank account.
Best of luck, Spencer
What. The. Actual. Fuck?
I’ve been fired?
His message felt like a slap in the face. The anger and disappointment that welled up inside was hard to miss and I could not contain my emotions. I dialed his number and after three rings, he picked up.
“What is wrong with you?” I yelled. “Did you just hire me so you could sleep with me and then dump me? Is this some sick game of yours?”
“No. Tonight was a mistake,” he said.
“A mistake?”
“And for that, I’m sorry. However, as I said, since we have become intimate, it is wise that we end our professional relationship. I never mix business and pleasure.”
“Well, you should have thought about that before you—”
“I wasn’t thinking. I can’t think straight when I’m with you. That’s the problem, Ellie!” His voice was stern and equally frustrated.
This was news to me, and I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. He couldn’t think straight when he was with me? My impression was that he seemed as cool and collected as ever around me, as if he had no emotions. As if I was worthless to him.
“So, you’re just going to dismiss me as if I don’t mean anything?” I said.
“You can’t mean anything to me,” he growled out. “Not you!” His voice cracked and I had never heard him this emotional.
“What, is there something wrong with me?” I asked.
“You don’t get to ask questions. Our professional and personal relationship is over and that’s all there is to it,” he said.
Hurt bloomed in my chest as he shut me out once again. However, I realized fighting against him was useless. I knew this was a battle I couldn’t win.
“You know what… You’re right,” I said. “It’s just, I thought there was some shred of humanity in you, but I was mistaken. Thank you, Spencer. For everything and nothing. I wish you the best in your career and whatever else you do.” I hung up and hurled the phone onto the mattress we’d earlier made love on. Made love on? Ha! Spencer didn’t make love. He just fucked women because he had some sick agenda, like taking my virginity to protect me. God, I hated him! I hated this! I paced back and forth in a numb march, trying to find something to think about that would relieve this torment. But there was nothing.
I headed into the bathroom and opened the medicine cabinet. I pulled out the bottle of sleeping pills and inhaled a couple more than I normally did, knowing it would take double my dose to get any sleep tonight since the hole in my chest was all I could feel.
It felt like an eternity before sleep finally claimed me, and the last thing I remembered was that my pillow was soaked with tears.