Tom hadn’t meant to spy on Etta. He felt uncomfortable having seen her in a private moment, when he’d been out for an early morning run at Presque Isle. He’d run into the entrance to the park and was about to enter the trail into the wilderness preserve when he glanced over and saw someone sitting on the benches looking out towards the lake. He could only see her head, as she was sitting just past a rise, but he was sure it was Etta. He’d started over to say hello, when realized she was sobbing. Not a heart-wrenching sobbing, but she was clearly distraught. He stopped himself, thinking she’d probably feel his presence was a breach of her solitude in an obviously personal anguish.
He’d been babying his knee since his injury, attempting to run with his former teammates but he just couldn’t keep up. The pain was too intense, so he’d stepped back from his rehab program, concentrating, instead, on work at the casino and work on the house. Over the summer he’d been doing outdoor projects on the house where his sisters lived, lovingly referred to as the “House of Donato”. Really he’d been doing anything to avoid the pain and frustrations associated with rehab, until he met Etta. She ran every day, rain or shine. Her dedication, for someone who wasn’t in an athletic program, was commendable. Over the past few weeks, she’d talked, mainly to Izzy, about the peace of mind she got from her runs. Maybe she was trying to talk Izzy into joining her or just trying to convince her to improve her health.
Instead of heading in her direction, he did what he originally intended, slowly jogging through the dense forest, along the picturesque drive. His mind wandered over the past few weeks he’d known Etta and realized he’d very rarely seen her unhappy in any way. Maybe she wasn’t the smiley, cheery type after all, but she’d never seemed unhappy. He’d spent quite a bit of time at the house, with Donovan and Murphy, working on the roof, replacing the fascia boards and gutters. And as the school year had gotten into full gear, they had gathered on Sunday afternoons for weekly family dinners, generally a big, genuine Italian meal of pasta, bread, followed by junk food and beer in front of the TV with the guys and his sisters watching football.
Etta seemed to be genuinely enjoying those get-togethers. She’d taken on a sort of shared responsibility with Izzy for running the household, going with Gabby and Sophie on Saturdays for a big grocery run. They’d all split up the chores of the house. He’d often seen her laughing at or with the others. Like the rest of them, she’d gotten on the bandwagon of either embarrassing or insulting Murphy on a regular basis. It had been their running gag. The night before last they’d thrown a surprise party for Chad’s birthday. Etta and Chad had been singing, in Helium-filled voices, “Addicted To Love”, which had left them all in tears of laughter. Chad, of course, was playing up the hot model look in his near-drunken stupor.
So what was this sobbing about? What was bothering her so much that she’d be out here alone, sobbing, at 6:30 in the morning? Of course she was new to town. The past few weeks were a big change for her, but she was a mature woman. She’s wasn’t a freshman who hadn’t seen anything of the world. Certainly she wasn’t immature enough to be homesick. She’d handled the situation with the hypnotist in a calm, controlled fashion. She just didn’t seem the sensitive type. Her sense of humor had shown in that situation and many others since he’d met her. Clearly there were many layers to the onion that was Etta’s personality. What was under her skin this morning?
His leg was throbbing as he left the park. He’d walk back to his room and ice it up. Perhaps today’s run, from beginning to end, had been a big mistake. From now on he’d just work the bag in the basement if he felt the need to exercise. Avoidance of pain had worked for him so far. Seeing a woman cry was too much for a guy to bear.
* * *
She had spent far too much of her time dwelling on the past, re-living old hurts, old frustrations that no longer existed in the here and now. She had to stop this cycle and concentrate on what was happening right now. The here and now was pretty damned good. She had a wonderful place to live and work out, great roommates and a sense of purpose in helping Izzy with the house. She’d met a couple of new people in the English department and hoped to build things through her TA job there. Her classes were going well, both the one she was teaching and the ones she was taking. Her “Forms and Techniques” class was really pretty wonderful, taught by a Professor Emeritus that had been one of her favorite writers as a teenager. It was part of why she’d chosen NMU. She was truly enjoying that class.
Although she hadn’t thought she would, she liked her teaching assistantship more than she’d anticipated. Granted, she was handed what was considered, in the English department, the scummiest job possible, coteaching a freshmen composition class of 120 and with that, since her teaching experience was limited, she got stuck with the vast majority of the grading. It was time-consuming, tedious and exacting, the subject matter dry. Most of the time the writing was atrocious, demanding energy and thoughtfulness to kindly correct and guide students on the basics of the English language. Yet at times it was humorous. Some students felt challenged to make her laugh and some of the time it worked. Okay, so there were times she was laughing at the students instead of laughing with them, but they didn’t need to know that she enjoyed that too.
She’d met with the Master of Fine Arts advisor and gotten an earful of advice, encouragement and generally a pep talk for her work on her thesis project. He’d read through her portfolio and had told her he had a vision of her as one of the greats, if she could put her mind to it and focus on her goals. She had some ideas for her manuscript and was playing with those nuggets, starting basic outlines, plot points, story arcs and what not, to see where they would go. It would be a while before she got to putting words on a page, but the ideas had to come first. She was excited about her work.
The negative thoughts, however, lingered. Thoughts of how she’d made her life a failure, she’d had to back off to a second choice. And darker thoughts occasionally hit her like a brick. God, she’d sobbed at the beach this morning, couldn’t get a grip. She just hated crying. It showed nothing but weakness. All she could think of was how she was ruined; her mind, her body, her life. He’d violated her to her soul and how she could never get that back.
Well, she’d take it back right now. She needed people and activity. Maybe she’d get a part-time job to keep her too busy to think those thoughts. She jogged down the stairs and plunked down on the couch when she heard Sophie and Gabby debating over something she couldn’t quite overhear.
“So what’s the scoop tonight, ladies?”
“Izzy’s upstairs getting ready for her hot date,” Sophie answered.
“We were just debating what we could do tonight. Soph wants me to go out, but I have some math homework I could do. I like to get ahead, you know.” Gabby shot her sister a disdainful glance. “Can’t you help me talk her into going to Wooden Nickel with me, Etta? She never gets out. At this rate she’ll be fifty before she finds a man. You know Prince Charming isn’t going to knock on your door.” Sophia was clearly harping on her sister.
Etta considered for a moment. “Well, first of all, maybe he will. He might be standing out there right now. Not likely, but you never know. So do you really have work to do, Gabby, or are you just avoiding a bar? I know that you’re religious, but it’s not a sin to go to a bar, you know.”
“Oh, I know. Believe me, our dad can knock them back and he’s the most religious man I know … well, aside from Father Ryan. I --- I don’t know. I guess --- Well, I can’t drink anyway. What good does it do to sit and watch everybody else have fun when all I can have is pop? I might as well get something done around here.” Gabby held her head low, almost shielding herself from her sister shaking her head.
“See how it is?” Sophia blew out a deep sigh. “She’ll never know if it’s fun because she never tries.”
“Well, Sophie, I do see Gabby’s point. If she wants to get ahead, there’s no harm to it. You can’t blame her for not wanting to watch everyone get drunk. I have plenty of work to do myself, so I can keep you company. We can turn on the TV or listen to tunes and work the night away. God knows I don’t need to concentrate much to grade these papers.”
“Will you take it easy on me if I get you for Freshman Comp? I don’t know what to do if I do. Isn’t there some kind of clause or something? Some ‘No Roommates’ clause?”
Etta smiled and chuckled. “I wouldn’t treat you any differently than I treat anyone else. I’m sort of new to this teaching thing, but I like to think I’m fair. Besides you may not get me anyway. There’s lots of sections of Freshman Comp. The odds are in your favor.”
From upstairs, Izzy hollered down, “Hey Soph! Can I borrow your new lip gloss? You know, the purple one.” “What do I get in return?” There was a pause.
“You can borrow my turquoise earrings. You know the ones that you adore. Just once, but you can borrow them.”
“It’s a deal.” Sophia got up, dug through her purse and started towards the stairway.
Etta got up, stepped over, grabbing the lip gloss from Sophia’s hand, “I’ll take this up. She may need help. You should get ready if you’re going out.” She walked up the stairs. “Okay if I come in? I come bearing lip gloss,” she said, as she knocked gently on Izzy’s door.
“Sure. Come.” Turning towards Etta, holding two blouses on hangers, one in each hand, up to her neck, “Which one? What do you think? Floral sexy with a plunging back or solid purple spaghetti tank to show off my shoulders?”
Etta sat on the end of Izzy’s bed, chomping on a small bag of carrot sticks she’d brought upstairs. “Hmmm …. What shoes? Skirt?”
“The skirt beside you and those,” she said, pointing to a pair of impossibly high sandals next to her desk.
“Well, if you’re going for the sexy look, then definitely the plunging back. But you’re not going for the sexy look, are you? I mean, this is Murphy. You should try not to encourage him, shouldn’t you?” She munched another carrot. “I must say, I’m a bit confused that you’re going to this thing with him. Isn’t a cousin’s engagement party kind of, well, intimate? It sort of says something, doesn’t it? You’ll be with his family and everything, his parents?”
“Well, yeah. It kind of does, doesn’t it? We used to date, a couple of years ago, and God knows I’ve heard about every girl he’s seen since. It used to bother me, but I told myself I had to let it go. He’s like a brother, you know? He’s always joking about me being the love of his life and crap, but it’s all just bluff. But he hasn’t seen anybody for quite a while now and all of a sudden out of the blue he asks me to go with him to this thing.” She plopped down on the bed next to Etta. “It’s still pretty wishy-washy. I’m not sure whether it’s just for lack of a date and I’m the fallback gal or if he’s interested in starting things up again. His mom died when he was young and his dad … well, his dad is a drinker. They don’t get along, so I don’t know how much we’ll really see him at this thing.” Izzy took a deep breath. “I wish I had any idea what’s going on in his head. Oh God, I’ve become one of those girls. Thinking about things too much.” She let out a deep sigh, placing big hoop earrings in each earlobe.
“I’d wonder about you more if you didn’t think about it.”
“Really? It’s normal? I’m just doing what a normal girl would do in these circumstances? Yeah, it’s just normal. But I’ve always liked Murph, probably more than I should. So …” she let out a deep sigh, “ …since this is a family thing and could lead to something more serious, I’ll go for not sexy and let him make a move if he wants to get serious. No other way to know.” She stood up and pulled on the deep-purple spaghetti strap top, which was fairly demure.
“No, it’s not bad. It’s good thinking. You’re putting the ball in his court, so to speak. And even when you think you’re being plain, Izzy, you’re still definitely hubba-hubba.” She paused a moment and chewed on another carrot. She didn’t know if she should get this personal. “So what went wrong?”
“What do you mean?”
“Back when you dated, what went wrong? Why did you stop?”
“Oh, it was me.” She leaned down to buckle the straps of her sandals, then stepped into her skirt and pulled up the zipper. “I got this stupid notion in my head that Murph had the capacity to handle two women at once, which he doesn’t. I was young. I was stupid. And I liked him too much. I mean, God, he’s a hockey player. He’s lucky he can spell his own name some days.” She pulled back her hair in an easy chignon, pushed in a couple of bobbypins to hold everything in place. “I flipped out on him. Accused him of things he’s just not capable of. And I don’t blame him. He backed off. How does this look?”
“It looks good. Very classy. He’ll love it and you’ll make a great impression with his dad. Do you know him?”
“No. Never met, but I’ve heard about his creep of a father for years. Maybe I’m his moral support. But it’ll be fun because everything with Murph is fun. He makes everything fun.” She rolled her eyes. “Oh, I’ve got it bad.” She placed her hands on her hips. “Well, this is it. I look okay?”
As she said it, Sophie and Gabby came bounding into the room, jumping on the bed behind Etta. “So what did we miss?” Sophie asked. “Is she going ga-ga about Murphy again?”
“No. I wasn’t going ga-ga about him. We were having an adult conversation about how she’s going to play it cool and wait for Murphy to make his moves. What do you think, Soph? Will this make him drool or just smile?” “He’ll drool no matter what you wear, but that is better than that sex-pot top. Even so, you maybe ought to stay sober so you can drive. It’s the legs that’ll do it I think. I’m not sure he’ll have blood left in his head.” Gabby said, “God, Soph, talk about painting a mental picture. Ewww!”
“Your time’s coming Gabby. You might want to open your eyes a little, take a look around. I’ve seen some pretty cute freshmen around.” She poked her sister in chest. “Etta, what do you say we teach her to sex herself up tonight? Dress-up Gabby Night?”
“I’m in. What about it Gabs?”
“Okay. As long as we keep it decent. I may still end up a nun. Some things I just do not need to know, you know.”
Izzy hung an arm around her little sister’s neck as she reached for a clutch purse as they were all walking out of her room. “Keep hanging around us, little sis, and we’ll ruin you for life. A little hair and makeup won’t turn Jesus away.” She leaned over and kissed her on the cheek. She strolled, elegantly down the stairway. “And with that, I’m off to catch myself a man or at least confuse him a little. Later ladies!”
* * *
The sky was filled with a cloudless crisp, clear perfect blue the first Saturday in October that year. The sun blazed warm through the gold and auburn leaves as they shook in the gentle breeze. The dazzling colorful world of the forest that passed them by, as they traveled the winding road from Marquette to Big Bay, sparkled in a brilliant light show that took a person’s breath away. There could not be a more spectacular time of year and such a gorgeous place to survey it. Donovan drove his late-model beast of a van through the meandering forest. There were some curves where it just wasn’t safe to travel much faster than thirty miles per hour.
“Keep your eye out for bear or moose everybody. One of those could take us all out and I’m not sure I could stop in time with these brakes,” Brian said, clearly concerned about the road.
“You haven’t been out this way yet, dude?” asked Tom.
“No, this road always seemed too crazy. So where are we headed? You were pretty damned mysterious about this urgent need for us all to go on a road trip. I mean, I’ve got the van, so I’m happy to drive, but what could there be out here in the sticks?”
“Just the best view in Michigan. It’s truly the very best.”
Etta asked, “How often do you come out here, Tom?”
“About once a month. I worked on my final hydrology research out here last spring and fell in love with the region. I feel like I know the back areas pretty well now. Some are pretty hard to get to. And,” he turned around to smile at her and Gabby, “now that it’s the peak of the season, I thought it was just too good not to share it.” He smiled, thinking that she really didn’t know how beautiful she was, even in a sweatshirt and jeans.
“Why haven’t we gone here before? You’ve never said anything about it.” Gabby asked, from the middle row of seats, next to Etta.
“Well, I was hoping to maybe bring just one special girl, but since that doesn’t seem to be happening, I thought I’d bring all my girls here instead. Then I figured, why not just bring everybody. The more the merrier.” Turning to Donovan, he asked, “Are they keeping up?”
Donovan glanced in the rearview mirror, “Yeah, Izzy’s making like she wants to pass me. As if she could on these crazy roads. Oh hey, a sign of life. Thomas Rock? Seriously?”
“Yeah, it’s my place. I told you it was my place. They named it after me.” His booming laughter vibrated through the van.
“The ego is enormous! How do you get through doors with that thing?” Sophie chimed in from the backseat.
“I’m going to choose not to respond to your barbs of jealousy. Yeah, pull in right over there. Wow, there’s not as many people at the observation deck as I would’ve thought on such a nice day. I guess we’re the lucky ones. Unload everybody.” He called out to his group, “There’s trails all around this area. Go ahead and explore. Let’s all meet back here at the cars at 3:30.”
Everyone piled out of the van as Izzy drove up and similarly her car emptied. Waiting for everyone else to get out, as Etta ducked her head to get out of the van, Tom reached for her hand. “Here, let me help you.”
“Thanks,” she said as she hopped out of the van. She turned in the direction of the observation deck, taking in the 360 degree view of the surrounding countryside, forests, trees, rivers and valleys from the highest point in the county. “Oh, my gosh, Tom. It’s stunning! Absolutely stunning.” A smile broke out on her face from ear to ear, mirrored by his in response.
“I’m so glad you approve. I had them paint it just for you.” He chuckled at his good humor and walked with her behind everyone else towards the large wooden observation deck where the group and several other tourists were leaning over the railing of the decking to look over the complex patterns of autumnal shades and blushes.
Etta stood next to Tom as they gazed out at the horizon. “These views are just amazing. You could never capture all of this with a camera or even with a painting. This is something you have to experience. You have to breathe it in, feel the warmth of the sun, the freshness of the air, the explosion of colors to really feel what it’s like. Nothing could do it justice, Tom.” She looked up at him, desperately hoping to express the emotions the beautiful vision had inspired in her to another.
He beamed at her in response. “Well, little miss writer. The way you just described it comes pretty close. You do have a way with words. I don’t know how you do it.”
“It is my chosen field. I wouldn’t know the first thing about measuring water quality or what to do with a pollywog. I’m pretty sure a pollywog or snake would freak me out.” She chuckled.
“So, there’s a very nice trail over here to the east. It’s a little off the beaten path, but fairly level, if you have enough steam for a run. I see you wore your runners. Are you up for a run?”
“How long is it? I’ve done my four miles today, but I think I could squeeze out a couple more.”
“It’s a little under three. We wouldn’t have to run it all the way.”
“I’m up for it if you are. After you.”
Tom strolled with her along a path way leading to a trailhead. “It’s just over this way. It’s a very nice trail, although, it’s not very well maintained right now. We’ll need to be careful. Might have to ‘rough it’ a bit.”
“What do you mean by ‘rough it’, Tom?” She looked at him warily.
“Just an occasional log across the trail, or a spot where a log juts into the trail. Just watch your step. I’m sure you’ll do fine.”
“Okay, I can handle it. Can you keep up?” She winked and smiled, then took off running ahead, glancing over her shoulder as she shot out ahead of him. The innuendo was quite clear.
“Oh, yeah, I can keep up.” He shook his head and smiled a devilish grin.
Tom quickly caught up with her, both of them finding a good pace for their run. He kept a step or two behind her, not wanting to tangle legs with her in the event that she needed to stop quickly. The trail wound gently around a view of a pond, a bog, rising to the view overlooking a steep valley, covered in wild sumac, ablaze in brilliant burgundy and auburns. When a spectacular view came into her vision, Etta would slow slightly, take in the scene, then pick up the pace. Occasionally, they’d need to jump to the extreme side of the trail when a birch log jutted out into the pathway or a branch had fallen into their course.
Etta jumped over a log that was leaning down into the path that came up to her knee. When she looked back, she saw Tom had tripped on the log and had fallen over on his hands.
“Oh God, are you okay?” Concern etched on her face, she was alarmed that he might have gotten injured.
“Yeah, I’m fine. Just didn’t get these long legs up over that one. And here I’m warning you.” He looked up at her smiling. “Do you mind if we stop for a bit? That was my bad knee,” he said, rubbing his scar.
She came back to where he was sitting, sat down next to him and touched his knee, gently. “Did you fall on it or is it just sore?”
“Just sore. No major injury here. Well, not since the big one.”
“How long ago was it? Your surgery, I mean.”
“It was just back in January. I don’t have very good range of motion still. I’m trying, but it hurts. And I know this is crazy, but I tend to avoid tremendous pain.” He shrugged slightly.
“I can understand that. It’s a natural thing to avoid. Nobody wants to push their body past where it’s happy. Here, let’s stretch you out.” She got up, facing Tom, saying, “Lay on your back.”
“Etta, what are you doing?” He looked up at her startled.
“We’re going to stretch out your knee. You really should’ve done this before we started. Didn’t they ever teach you this stuff in your hockey workouts? Come on, lay back and raise your leg up to me. Do it.” She stood with her fists at her waist.
He did as instructed, raising his arms and leaning his head back in his splayed hands. “You know, I could learn to like this.” He grinned a wry smile.
“Yeah, yeah, flirty boy. I’m just trying to help you and this is how you repay me.” She held his foot in her hands. “Okay, now gently push down. Stretch it.”
“Oh, hey, that feels good.” He truly was surprised.
“All right. Let’s do ten of those. Then we’ll switch.” She held his foot through his ten reps then she took his foot and leaned into him. “Okay. Bend your leg, up to your chest, and push against me. I won’t push hard. Push me off. This stretches your hamstring. We’ll do ten of these, then get going.”
“Etta, I have to ask you something.” He pushed her off through three reps, then stopped.
“Tom, if you’re going to ask me out, I must say ….”
“Stop. I’m not going to ask you out. We agreed to be friends, so that’s the way it’ll be. But I was wondering … well, I …“ He sat up, his legs splayed out in front him, Etta towering over him. “I’ve been having a really hard time with my rehab. I don’t want to do it. I tried working out with the team, you know, my buddies, but I just can’t keep up. I know you run every day, and I wanted to run with you today to make sure I could keep up with you. I know you run early mornings ... well -- I wondered if you’d let me tag along.”
Etta was shocked and stood silent. This was not what she was expecting, not from today’s run in the woods.
“I’ve been training in the basement, using the bag as resistance and working on the house. It’s still exercise, but it’s just not cutting it. I need to get my range of motion back and find a new semblance of normal for me. More than anything I need a training partner … well, some, let’s say accountability. If I don’t have someone who pushes me to do it when it hurts, I’ll never get back to where I need to be. I’d ask Izzy, but she can’t push me hard enough and you can. What do you say? You don’t want to see me an old crippled man, do you?”
Etta sat back down next to him, Indian-style, wringing her hands in her lap. She had to think about this. Her runs weren’t just a physical challenge to her. She used them as a mental conditioning too, a way to focus her thoughts on a daily basis. After all, wasn’t it just a few days ago when she’d broken down on her run? Then on the other hand, maybe having him along would keep that from happening. Being around people was the cure that seemed to keep her from thinking too much and dwelling on the past.
“Well, I --- I use that time to focus my mind and body. It isn’t just a thing to keep in shape for me. My writing is focused on nature. I use that time to commune with nature and try to … well, this is going to sound stupid, but … to make myself one with earth, sky and air. It’s my motivation and inspiration for my work. So …”
“I can understand that. That’s how I see my time in the woods too. Hell, that’s why I chose my field of study. I like to feel connected to nature and always have. Not in the way a lot of my buddies do, to hunt and kill a deer. It’s more of a challenge to survive with what nature provides.” He took a deep breath and raised a finger to her chin, to raise her eyes to meet his. “Look. I saw you the other day. I was out on a morning run myself out at Presque Isle. I saw you there and I know you were upset.” He raised his hands in a self-defense stance. “I know it’s none of my business, but I’d say you could use a friend. I know Izzy is a friend to you, to talk about designers and shoes and, knowing her, flirting… well the things girls talk about. But from my view you need a deep friend, a real friend, what my Dad calls a life friend. I’d like to be that for you, to offer you a true friendship.” He paused to see her reaction.
“Oh, God. You saw me at my worst. I’ve fallen so far.” She buried her face in her hands.
He pulled her hand away from her face. “Hey, you haven’t fallen at all. You had a bad day. It’s allowed. But you’ve got nobody and you need somebody. There’s no shame in that. Look at me, I sit here a fallen man, literally and figuratively. My leg is a total hashed-up, scarred mass of mush and I can’t keep up with a girl. I need a friend too. We can be that for each other. Will you help me? Will you let me help you?” He gently knocked his fist against her hand.
“I guess we can try it for a while, maybe two months. By then it’ll be Christmas-time and you’ll probably hate me. We’ll have ten feet of snow and you’ll have given up.” She looked up in his eyes, now alight with humor. “Will you run when it’s cold, hockey boy?” She smirked.
“Oh sure. Go ahead and make it competitive. That’ll make it even better. I’m glad that you’re willing to try to outlast me.” He flashed a brilliant smile. That smile lit her heart, it was so dazzling. She felt a small stirring inside and she wasn’t all that comfortable to feel that for Tom.
“All right. So ten of those stretches and we’re back to the run.” She stood, kicked one foot against his shoulder to push him to the ground, leaned into his leg and felt his resistance. “It’s 6:35 at the corner of Crest and Lakeshore. If you’re late, I leave without you.”
He smiled up at her. “It’s a deal.”