The differences between love and lust are not as subtle as one might think. Learn the many different characteristics of love based and lust based relationships, and how they affect you as a person.
Sometimes our definition of love becomes askew with our emotions. Yes, I said it...emotions. Ever since we were young, both boys and girls have experienced love and lust throughout our daily lives. This is because they are so intertwined. It is possible to have a loving, lustful relationship, that is, you are with someone that you deeply care for and continuously desire that person. This is a healthy combination of love and lust; however, since they do come hand and hand, it is especially easy to get the two confused, specifically within those who are astringed from love. With this in mind, there are also relationships that are based on either love or lust, and not having them both coexisting can be hazardous.
Love is a magnificent thing to have; indeed, it can change your entire life. Loving goes beyond any one person's emotions, it runs deep into the very fabric of the will. It is a choice to cherish and to think of the other person above anything else. This is why it is so important to experience this in our lives. It creates a better, more complete you, and this goes well beyond the cliché. Through considering your partner’s life higher in importance than you’re own, and all of this by choice and not on emotion, you receive the major benefits of having someone to rely on, to care for you unconditionally. This requires a certain measure of respect, a measure that would not be given to anyone outside of this relationship. Your life becomes theirs, and theirs, yours.
Even though loving someone is a choice of self sacrifice, there are always the times where compromise is a must. Yes, it is the combination of both partner's pleasures and dislikes that create the solutions to the everyday issues, such as where to go over the weekend, how to spend the leisure money, where to go out to eat, and the list goes on. This is the unique nature of a love focused relationship, that both parties are, in fact, more focused on how the other person feels and tries to work out any situation so it benefits everyone involved. What an amazing thing! It is actually possible for two people to combine the wants, desires, and passions through the art of love-induced compromise! This is what the marriage process is all about, and why we take those vows: that we have made a decision that it was best for us to be connected to another being, and to live according to both them and their partner's wishes. This is what it means when we repeat "to cherish and to hold, forever."
Of course, to every positive, there is a negative. To every method, there must be a path leading in an opposite direction, and this is what happens with Love and Lust. Think of all the characteristics of a loving relationship and reverse them. After flipping around the flows of a loving relationship, you will find the image of a lustful endeavor. Unlike the pleasures of a loving relationship, a lustful relationship doesn’t have the combination of two passions, desires, or wishes... it has a general self-focus, with both persons seeking after their individual desires and passions. Imagine a lifestyle where you and your partner always fight over what movie to watch, where to go out to eat, when making love is acceptable. All of these are major issues for those who have gotten together for the sole purpose of fulfilling their lustful desires. Of course, there are moments when affection does, in fact, take over and the passion rests on a choice to love. This, unfortunately, is usually the result of the other partner complying with the desires of the other, giving them a sense of submission to the other's passion. This is how many abusive relationships begin, or the relationships that only last a total of months, if not weeks. As long as lust remains the center point of any relationship, that relationship is doomed to be temporary, and never given the proper life force to stay alive. Eventually, everything the two in a relationship has worked towards will crumble under the weight of uncompromised, and the missing supports of emotional and loving connection will quickly be felt.
However, with the connection of love and lust, you now have a selfless relationship where both partners passionately desire each other, and desire to be active and do things together, making way for each one to take turns in deciding which activities to do. The characteristics of a loving relationship remain the key signifier of which type of relationship you are in, and lust can enter into the relationship as each member of the relationship begins to slowly and surely desire more and more their life-chosen partner. Love, on the other hand, rarely enters into the lust-based relationship, as the main characteristic of lust is selfishness, and love is anything but that. By placing love into the middle of a lust based relationship, you might get someone who loves unconditionally and received all the attention from on side of the partnership; however it may never be reciprocated. This is, again, one of the major signs of abusive relationships, where one loves to the point of receiving verbal, emotional, and, sadly, physical abuse. Lust is one of the many flaws of the human race, an ancestry of our more animal past.
Now you might be re-evaluating your current relationship and asking the question "What is my relationship truly based on?" This can be answered like any other question regarding the basis, or the value of anything in life... checking the fruit. By looking at the fruit of your relationship, you can see if it is truly an unconditional source of emotional and loving support. If there is constant arguing and struggling as to which person would get a say in the current decision making process, then you might want to reconsider the nature of your relationship. Remember, if your relationship is based on love and both parties; although never void of irritation and argumentation, constantly try to consider the other person's feelings and emotional state