One kind of flirtation is to boast we never flirt.
François de la Rochefoucauld

There are few young women in existence who have
not the power of fascinating, if they choose to exert it.

 

Benjamin Disraeli, 1_stEarl of Beaconsfield

 

And I highly recommend for all the women in the world, even if they're 71, you can never take
for granted that he loves you. It's always good to flirt with him. It's a great sport.

 

Salma Hayek

 

Your Relationship

If your relationship is in a rut I can guarantee that one of the key ingredients missing is “playfulness.” When you first met, you were always flirting, consciously or unconsciously, in order to create intellectual tension as well as sexual tension. The combination of these two tensions ignited the flames of interest, passion and dialogue. The flow of body language, eye contact and voice intonation sent powerful signals to your partner that she was absolutely the most important and interesting person on the face of the earth for you. You stayed up all night waiting for the sunrise, intensely listening and conversing on a multitude of subjects.

Oops. What went wrong? Over time, the initial infatuation wears off and the stresses of work, parenting and life pound us back into submission. We take each other for granted and complacency becomes the norm. This book is about how to trigger and reignite the spark with that special someone in your life.

Distance (Proxemics)

One of the easiest ways to flirt is to slightly change your body distance. This distance varies dramatically with each culture, but for Americans it is approximately four feet. For some European and Latin cultures the distance is two feet. We unconsciously do a dance to keep this distance. If someone unwanted is too close, it feels uncomfortable. If someone of interest to you closes this gap, a plethora of different types of responses are evoked. Edward Hall researched the phenomena across cultures and created the study of proxemics.

While setting up a trade show, I observed a man and a woman working in an adjacent booth. They were well dressed and totally professional. After looking at this couple for less than five seconds I told my colleagues that these two were lovers. Everyone told me I was wrong. At about 11 AM the couple disappeared leaving the booth unattended and came back at 2PM looking happy and flushed. My fellow workers asked me how I could have possibly known. The answer was easy. The distance between each of them was too close. The first lesson of flirting is to move in a bit closer for conversation.

What is Flirting?

Wikipedia says that “flirting is an interaction between two people, which suggests that there is a sexual or romantic interest that may or may not be reciprocated.” While flirting may take many forms, “playfulness” is almost always the common ingredient. In order to flirt you must let go and have some fun.

At some point in time, whether we care to admit it or not, we have all flirted with somebody in our lives once or perhaps on several occasions. Ironically, no one wants to admit they are a flirt. It has a bad social connotation. Flirting can be done just for fun or to win the heart of someone we love.

On the positive side, flirting is a powerful tool that can help reignite your relationship. The ability to flirt is inherent. The skill is still there. It has just become overshadowed by the inevitable deterioration of the “what was once there spark.”

The Text Flirt

There are many creative ways you can flirt using text on your phone. Pick up your phone now and get started. It may take a few tries to get your partner interested and the flow going. Once it starts, it will be nothing but fun. Text flirting is a great way to break-up the monotony of boring meetings and classes.

Note: Make sure you have unlimited text service on your phone. Some carriers charge 60 cents a text if you do not have text service enabled. Most carriers charge about $10 a month for unlimited text.

Short Words

Send only 1 to 4 words that will remind your partner of a good memory that you have shared. For example you may write “Cabo San Lucas” and he will answer “walk beach.” You reply “margaritas for two.” He answers “only with you.” Try to keep it just words rather than sentences. Let your partner fill in the memories.

Photos

 

Most phones easily send photos. Send a photo of your arm or your feet and a short message of “I am thinking about you.”

 

Visuals

Send text messages that create a romantic visual such as “Wine and brie with you at the top of the Eiffel tower”, “warm fire - raining outside”, “sitting on a beach - fog horn blowing”, “holding hands at the opera”, “huddled together for warmth in the London fog”, “espresso for two at the sidewalk café”, “talking for hours waiting for the sunset”, “floating in the ocean waiting for the sunrise”, “a long walk in the forest”, “Sunday brunch listening to the seagulls” or “rainbows dancing off the Baccarat crystal in the penthouse suite.”

Word Games

Play word games that stimulate thought. I would like to kiss your _ _ _ S (three letters) and your _ _ _ _ s (four letters) and your _ _ _ _ _ (5 letters) and your _ _ _ _ _ _ s (six letters). The answers your partner sends back will likely reveal some interesting desires.

Romance Novel

Create your own romance novel. You send a few lines of a story and she adds to it. Note: Guys, the idea of most romance novels is to be romantic and sensual. If all of your comments are graphic and lewd, this romance novel may not get very far. Instead add in a character who is a protector, handsome, who can save the day, who is masculine but can cause women to swoon with the recitation of poetry. Try describing a man who can have long intelligent conversations and even longer nights.

Word Scrambles

Send word scrambles. Eetm em at xis ightton ta Paneros (Meet me at six tonight at Paneros)

Compliments

 

Send short compliments such as “I noticed the perfume you were wearing this morning” or “Wow! That new Italian suit you bought gets my attention.”

 

Decryption Phrases

 

If you like shopping at Victoria’s Secret together then send one word - “Victoria” - and let your partner figure out the total meaning.

 

The possibilities for text flirting are endless. Send me your new and innovative text flirting games and clever texts to rross@globalspeakerforce.com. I will include them in my next eBook update.

 

Fun Ways to Flirt With Your Lover

 

Below are many examples of how to flirt. Be jovial and playful. Notice that all the examples are not explicit. You always want to leave as much as possible to the imagination.

 

Eye Flirting

If all else fails, eye flirting won’t let you down. It is a myth that flirting has to be only physical. Let your eyes do the trick. Eyes are the most powerful tool that you can use to catch the object of your attention. Look at him straight and imagine yourself winking when in reality you are not. Allow some time for him to capture that gesture for himself. Italian men and women are famous for displaying no inhibition in artfully appreciating each other with their eyes.

Distance Flirting

Think of a circle around your partner of about 4 feet. Outside of this circle is the social space for casual conversation and interaction with colleagues. Inside the circle is the intimate space. You can either step into this area or lean into it. You can also temporarily enter the intimate circle, make a light touch or whisper something provocative or sweet, and the move back out into the social area.

The Cooking Gloves Flirt

The next time you cook dinner put on a pair of long black gloves or lace gloves while you do the preparation. I suspect you will get his attention. Brush the gloves across his face as you are serving.

The Garbage Can Flirt

People spend years in therapy trying to resolve the age old dilemma of who takes out the garbage. But the problem can be solved in 60 seconds. Tell him to take out the garbage, that there is a special note on top of the can, and that you will be waiting for him to come back.

The G String Flirt – Reach your hands around to the back of your pants. Tell him you are wearing a red G string but you can’t remember whether or not it has a bow on the top of it. Then leave and go shopping.

The Raincoat Flirt – A girlfriend once called me at 11 PM and said she was coming to my house wearing nothing but a raincoat. She then hung up the phone. She kept me waiting for two hours – a long two hours.

The Cologne Flirt

 

Call her and say that you have just purchased three different types of colognes. Each of them has been sprayed on a different part of your body.

 

The Note Flirt

 

The possibilities for flirting with notes are unlimited. Write a short note and put it on the mirror, the dash of her car or the back of her ATM card.

 

The Whisper Flirt

 

Lean in close to her in a public space and whisper something. Whispers will focus her attention. Think of something to say that will spark her imagination.

 

The Silly Flirt

Be silly, tickle her. Chase each other around the park like children on a playground. Go ahead and splash in the waves. Roll down a big hill holding each other. Be playful. Laugh so hard with each other that your stomach hurts.

The Padlock Flirt

In the city of Kiev, Ukraine, there is a bridge for lovers which is covered in hundreds and hundreds of padlocks. Each padlock is inscribed with a wedding date or a promise of endless love and then attached to the railing of the bridge. Give her a padlock covered in hearts and your names. Find someplace together to lock in your love forever.

The Screaming Flirt

I believe, as some psychologists do, that a special bond is deeply formed between a couple that experiences together the exhilaration of intense excitement and or fear, i.e., something that evokes our primal adrenalin response. Hold hands, look deeply into each other’s eyes and scream as loud as you can as the roller coaster plummets, the hang glider floats or the bungee cord allows you to plummet several hundred feet together.

The Poetry Flirt

 

Read her a few short phrases of romantic poetry as she goes out the door for work. Better yet, read her something you wrote.

 

The Singing Flirt

Call her up and sing her a few phrases of a song that you both enjoy. Don’t worry about being a perfect singer – it is the thought that counts. I like to sing “Ain’t No Sunshine When She’s Gone” or “I Can’t Live If Living is Without You.”

The YouTube Flirt

 

The possibilities here are incredible. Send her the video to a romantic song like “Slow Like Honey” or an exotic travel spot. There are thousands of trailers of romantic moments from famous movies.

 

Create Your Own Incredible Flirts

While I am happy to share many possibilities for flirting, ultimately the most effective flirts come from your own imagination. Set aside some time to enjoy the solace of a warm tub and let your imagination run wild. Keep a notebook so your brilliance is not lost. Quiet moments will plant the seeds and give you ample time to create your next flirt.

Giggling

Giggle a lot. While others may find this act pretty annoying if naturally orchestrated and polished, your partner may succumb to its infectious, light-hearted tone. Break free. Laugh at his jokes with gusto and his confidence will sky rocket. Make your giggle distinctive, make it ticklish, make it SEXY! Being happy is a very important part of flirting.

The Flirter’s Secrets

In truth, most flirtatious acts are simply everyday acts done with gusto, exaggeration and flair. Flip your hair back and laugh. Turn sideways and take off your jacket slowly. Smile at her five times bigger than normal from across the room. Exaggerate all of your expressions for pouting, a sultry look, love and attentiveness. Close the distance between the two of you. Lower your voice so only she can hear you.

Femme Fatales and Flirting Goddesses

Femme Fatale means literally a fatal woman. She is mysterious, can be a little evil and is often unpredictable. The mysterious part is the hook that lures men to her. Probably no one was more of a flirting goddess than Sophia Loren. She was fond of saying “Sex appeal is 50% what you’ve got, and 50% what people think you’ve got”.

Getting Started

 

To start flirting again in your relationship involves some risk. There is not a 100% guarantee that your partner will instantly respond, especially if your relationship has been shaky for a long time.

However, persistence and practice will have great rewards. To be truly successful you need to begin feeling good about yourself again. Practice laughing, playing and being silly in all of your daily interactions. When you can laugh and play, the pent up dam of creativity will burst open and flirting, romance, passion and love will once again radiate from you. It will create the glow of love that you once had at the beginning of your relationship. This is just a guide to flirting. There are no rules. You should follow your instincts. Make good eye contact. Show genuine interest. Move in closer than normal and let your actions be spontaneous. Most importantly, enjoy boundless happiness with the one you love.

I do not need the theatre or movies. I need only your lips to kiss in the night.
Russian folk song

The moment eternal - just that and no more When ecstasy's utmost we clutch at the core While cheeks burn, arms open, eyes shut, and lips meet!

Robert Browning

There's this place in me where your fingerprints still rest, your kisses still linger, and your whispers softly echo. It's the place where a part of you will forever be a part of me.

Gretchen Kemp

 

The most eloquent silence; that of two mouths meeting in a kiss.

 

Unknown
The Passionate Kiss

Imagine yourself swept away in a passionate and sensual kiss. Your heart races, your lips tingle, your body shakes and the excitement builds. It is an incredible and irresistible experience that makes you feel sensual and alive. The external sounds and troubles of the world melt away, and there is only you and your partner. Your kisses become a doorway to your connecting on a higher level and a powerful symbol of caring.

Passionate and sensual kisses explore and experiment with all of the senses. Variety is the spice of life and the hallmark of a couple that is free and growing with their feelings.

 

Our psyches crave touch, love, affection and admiration. A passionate kiss in its most beautiful form fills all of these needs and causes our emotions to soar to new levels.

Unknown to most people, our faces, lips, mouth and tongue contain an incredible amount of sensory receptors. In fact, hundreds of times more sensitive than the areas we normally consider erogenous zones. We have the ability to differentiate at a very granular level hot and cold, sweet and sour, pain and pleasure, wet and dry and varying pressures, from a barely perceptible caress to hard pressure. From a very light tantalizing brush of the lips on the check to a deep French kiss there is an incredible plethora of sensations we can experience. Each shared sensation on the continuum brings us closer together in a euphoric bond.

According to the Urban Dictionary, kissing is the act of expressing desire and passion for another. Kissing can be strong and passionate, very heated and/or backed by strong desire. Or it can be soft and gentle such that there is
a longing for more, but in this case less is more. A kiss is an act both partners can rejoice over, as it creates a feeling of togetherness that psychologist William Cane (The Art of Kissing) describes as the ability for lovers to “lock their minds” and create privacy even in a crowded place.

Think of a kiss as a means of romantic communication. With intense eye contact, entire messages can pass between you and your lover without a mere word being uttered. When combined with Tantric rituals kissing and touching transcend all normally blocked channels between couples.

Start Slowly

A passionate kiss is a symphony that begins slowly and builds in tempo and intensity. There is no need to be in a rush. The Kama Sutra describes more than 30 types of kisses that explore all aspects of sensuality. Like the playing of many movements, your dance of kisses will ebb and flow in power and flavor.

Put your hands gently on your partner’s face and lightly brush your lips together. This is the introductory kiss of a new relationship or the familiar reconnection for those that have been together for a long time. Feel the softness and warmth of each other’s lips. Let the world melt away and your senses open up like a flower blooming in the morning. Be totally present in the moment. Be one with the kiss. There is no script for what is about to happen next. The passionate kiss is the meandering of a river flowing fast and then slow and then faster again.

Use your hands to gently pull your lover’s face and lips closer to yours. Feel the change in pressure and savor the moment, so you can hold it forever in your memory. It is now a journey of exploration to discover what each of you likes, how you like to kiss and how you want to be kissed. It is difficult to guess thoughts so guide your partner gently with or without words to the places you want to go. There is no right or wrong, it is simply what you enjoy. It is a creation of pleasure with no boundaries

The Strawberry

Step back and look deeply into each other’s eyes. Smile to share your joy. Take a strawberry out of a glass of champagne and cut it in half. Rub it on your partner’s lips and let her sense the sweetness, the coolness and the bubbly sensations. Run your tongue gently on her lips to inhale her taste and her scent. Our scent is the chemistry that draws us together. Hidden in the scent are the pheromones of the most primal nature that have drawn couples together for thousands of years.

Squeeze juice from the strawberry on your fingers and massage the inside of her lips and tongue. Vary your touch. There are thousands of sensual receptors here. Tune in to what she likes by watching changes in breathing and pulse. Is she coming closer to you or moving away? Is there a smile on her face? Is her face flushed? Discover the nooks and crannies of her mouth. Be playful, creative and inventive.

The Flirt

Step back again and be flirtatious and playful. Remember this is not some serious, boring
project at work that you have been dreading all
week. This is your special moment to be fun,
sensual and romantic. Bat your eyelashes, wink,
give the “come on, I want more” look, smile
broadly, spin around and let your hair flow up in
the wind, unbutton the top button of your
blouse, take off your earrings, do a few poses
with your head back and one leg outstretched,
look sultry, kiss your fingers one by one as he
watches or dance playfully around him. It is your
time to be creative and find ways to demonstrate
that you are attracted and that you want the kissing to continue. Find ways to make him long for you.

Inspiration from Movies

If you have ever wondered what a passionate kiss looks like there are great examples in many movies from Romeo and Juliet to Pride and Prejudice. Watch Kiss Me Like You Mean It for famous scenes from many movies that exemplify strong eye contact, smiling, adoring looking, sensual hand gestures and a wide range of kissing styles

The Tango

The Tango is one of the most beautiful dances in the world. It is romance in motion and very hot to watch. The beauty is in the emotional and sexual tension of the partners. There is electricity in the air. Your kisses are a tango of life, a dance of Make it instead the flight of the bumble bee. Move to one sweet spot and then move slowly on to the next area of exploration. Vary your positions. Spin her around in a whirlwind dance. Have him hang his head over the side of the bed and kiss him upside down. Let the shower run full force over both of your heads and kiss her through the waterfall. Watch the reflection of the water droplets on his face. Brush your eyelashes together so they become intertwined - the tongues, souls and your most intimate and private feelings. Tango dancers spin apart and then come together. They seduce and mesmerize each other. Their focus is absolutely 100% on each other. There are no distractions. Watch these Argentinean dancers to be inspired.

Tantalizing with Things That Smell Good

Crush a few rose petals between your fingers and let her smell the aroma as you massage her neck and the top of the chest with them. The velvety texture of the petals will trigger many sensory receptors and the smell will waft upwards. Hold petals over her head and let them fall one at a time into her beautiful hair. The smell of roses is a well known euphoria stimulator. They are both beautiful and seducing.

The Tantric Mirror

When two souls touch each other they reflect like mirrors. Watch his breathing and put your breathing exactly in sync. Ask him to touch and kiss you exactly how you touch and kiss him. You lead and he follows. You are the director of an intimate scene. He becomes your exact reflection in the universe. It is as if you are touching yourself. There are no longer two people – you are now one. As excitement builds keep matching your breathing.

He may need to speed up his respirations a little and you may need to slow down. Bite his lips gently and then brush them with your check. Make him feel the range of sensations from the tiniest amount of discomfort to the electrical charge of a gentle pass of your lips against his. Run your fingernails across his chest and down his arms.

Kiss his fingers one by one while massaging the palms. Run your fingernails up the inside of the arm. Now let him lead and you follow. The first time you try this exercise it may feel a little awkward but with a little practice, believe me, you will think you have died and floated up to heaven. It is the total release of having to tell someone what you want.

Throw Away the Script

 

Throw away the script and create a new symphony. The death of a passionate and sensual kiss is predictability.

 

Boring is not the goal. As you open the doors to your passion and playfulness, incredible and beautiful energy will radiate from you. This is the look of love. People can spot it from the other side of the room.

 

The French Kiss

The French kiss was probably not actually invented in France but they get the credit. It is the playful darting and exploration of the tongues that crescendos into a beautiful and soulful building of passion. It is the transfer of pheromones in the saliva, driving the deep primal instincts to the surface. Start with just the tips of the tongues and savor the textures and tastes. Make your initial kisses not too invasive and deep.

From folklore, in every corner of the globe the French kiss is known as the vibrant transmission mechanism that brings together the souls. Imagine your souls standing on either side of a large lake. The French kiss is the canoe that transports you slowly across the lake. The closer your souls get to each other the more magnificent and powerful your energy becomes.

Suck gently on his tongue. It will send millions of pulses of sensation through his body. Explore the inside of his lips and the roof of his mouth. Let your creativity flow from your mouth to his. Transmit delightful and loving messages without words. Let your vibrations ripple through him and vice versa.

Letting Go

The dancers are now whirling around the bonfire. Their bodies radiate intense heat, perspiration and passion. The pulse of 100 conga and djembe drummers build their rhythm into a frenzy that is exhilarating. The ground vibrates with the underlying steady beat of the tumba drums while the lead drums sing on the wind. Hands fly and move in every direction in perfect synchronicity. The air is exploding with energy. It is time for you to let go.

Lift her into your arms like a powerful protector. Kiss her deeply, passionately and sensually like it is the last kiss you will ever share. Create your own pulse and fire. Feel the radiance of her skin against yours. Look into each other’s eyes and feel the fireworks. ENJOY!

Putting It All Together

Kissing is about fun, pleasure, closeness, sharing and enjoying moments together. The more of the five senses that you evoke the more imbedded the memories of a great time will be forever etched in your mind.

Experiment with making your kisses literally delicious, hot or cold. Play with an ice cube in your mouth and give your partner a cold, sharp kiss. Challenge each other to come up with new sensual ideas and apply them in a playful spirit.

Kissing does not always have to be taken to the next level. You can just kiss for the love of kissing, cuddling, embracing in a tender hug, long intimate conversation or romance. Between kisses you can smile, make small jokes, convey messages just from your looks, make your time together unique and special.

While nature certainly controls some of the underlying chemistry between two people, there are many things you can do to enhance the senses.

 

Hear the Romance

Play music that you as a couple find romantic. This is especially true of songs that already bring back previous memories of passion in the moonlight. What song was playing when you met each other? Are you in the mood for tender cuddling? Is it a Kenny G. night or wild frantic sweaty dancing with Nelly? Vary your voice - does she like when you whisper slowly and in deep vibrating tones? Do your soft throaty sounds signal him that more kissing is what you want?

Experiment with making some of your kisses quiet and others noisy.

 

Smell the Scent

There is a reason that billions of dollars are spent each year on perfumes, colognes and lavender bath lotions. Smells create euphoria in our nervous systems. Many of these products are impregnated with pheromones, reputed to have aphrodisiac type properties.

Check out the scent of Fantastique made by Romantasy. Mexican snake pheromones that have no smell are blended with flower oils. This is in my opinion the most alluring smell I have ever encountered. Warning: A few drops rubbed on both of your wrists might spark a night you won’t forget.

Bring home a sprig of basil and leave it out i