Chapter 5
“In a perfect world, when he's with her, he would be wishing he was with me; when he looked at her, he would be looking at me; when he smiled at her, his smile would be for me; when he thought about someone, he would be thinking about me. In a perfect world, he would realize that she wasn't the one he was supposed to be with and I would still be standing here waiting for him still when he finally knows this. But this isn't a perfect world and people do get hurt, you smile when you feel like crying, you act like you're okay when you're falling apart inside and you let it go. You move on, because there's nothing else you can do” Quote
Dinner!
What do families wear to Saturday night dinner?
Standing outside my closet looking at all my clothes I had no idea what to wear. For someone who was in as much debt as I am, I have a lot of clothes, they weren’t designer or even that expensive.
Come on, I'm Christian Howard's assistant and he pays me a good wage but not a lot when living in London but I have to say I have a Topshop weakness! And H&M, Zara, River Island, well everywhere.
So what was it to be? Casual? Smart? Casual smart?
Oh, who cares? I thought, I'll be sitting opposite Jess anyway so whatever I wear I'll feel like a fat pig. I wasn't as big as I used to be when I was younger but with Jess' supermodel body my size 12 bum felt like ten times bigger. I had short stubby legs, big hips and curves. When Jess had long thin legs, the tightest toned bum I'd ever seen, with long dark hair. Bitch. My hair was just over the shoulder and was a light reddish copper colour. Not Ginger!
How about skinny pale jeans, brown wedges with a cotton baggy top with a brown cardigan and a belt? Too casual! How about my one shoulder cocktail dress with gold jewellery and my heels? Too smart! God, at this point I'm already with my hair curled and make-up done but I was just standing there in my hot pants and tank top. I always over think everything! Just pick an outfit Leah I screamed at myself.
Why do I care so much what I wear?
“Bee Bee!” The doorbell went off. Running up to see who it was I opened the door and I couldn't believe who was at the other side...
“What are you doing here?” I said looking straight into Christian's beautiful face. He looked good, he was wearing black smart jeans, a white shirt and a cream raincoat. Guys had it so easy, especially when they looked like Chris did. He could put a black sack on and look good and no one would say anything bad about it.
He looked at me and then looked me up and down. I felt... every emotion imaginable I just couldn’t think which one I felt more… I was getting really hot. How could I not feel anything when he was looking at me like that? I felt naked with his stare which made me blush. I looked down to realise that I might aswell be naked wearing these shorts in front of him.
“Arr… you're not ready” he said looking back to my face.
“Not ready for what?” I asked confused.
“I'm driving you to your parents for dinner. Didn't Jessica tell you” he asked
“No...No she didn't. So you're coming to dinner tonight?” Great! Just what I needed!
“Yer I have business with your father to talk about and Jessica invited me... I hope that's all right by you” he said giving me his charming smile.
“No, that's fine” I said trying to take in that he was at my front door.
It brought me back to a dream I had of him, when he came barging into my flat and run over to me kissing me until I was melting into his arms. Which then he carried me into my bedroom and made love to me all night. I had a lot of sugar that night. Always makes my dreams more dramatic.
Shaking my head I saw him look back down at my legs with then I realised yet again how I looked. He'd never seen me outside work. He'd only seen me in my plain black work trousers and baggy shirts. But now like this I felt... naked.
“Sorry, come in. I was just getting changed” I said to him showing him to the sofa. Oh god the owner of a billionaire company and my boss is sitting on my ugly sofa. Not really first class.
“Really I thought you were going like that” he joked making me laugh nervously.
“Ha Ha! Do you want a drink... or hmm anything?” I tried being a good hostess but I lacked the experience not really having many guest over... well no one over. I did have many… any friends.
“No, it's ok... I'm fine” he said sitting down looking up at me.
“Ok, I'll just be a minute” I said walking back over to my room.
“Take your time” he said from the sofa.
“Thanks! Oh and thanks again, for taking me over there, I really didn't fancy getting the tube”
I said smiling at him thinking how much better it was now I knew I had a lift.
“Well I'm glad you didn't have to” he said sweetly.
I walked casually back to my bedroom and shut the door when I started moving around like a mad woman. What to wear what to wear Aaghh!! I screamed in my mind! Bloody Christian Howard and his bloody good looks! Like I wasn’t nervous enough!
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Sitting in Leah's flat and it's exactly what I thought it would be like. It was…warm and homely. It reminded me of the flat me, Mum, Gemma (my sister) and Ben (my brother) stayed in before I became rich. It felt like old times. It wasn't very tidy but at the same time wasn't unclean. With clothes everywhere and loads of other girly things, it looked more lived in. Not like my houses which feel like hotels instead of homes. I still couldn't believe I was in her flat. After months of trying to keep the whole employer and employee relationship going with this girl here I am, on her sofa.
Ever since I first met Leah I thought she was the strangest girl I'd ever met. She was like none of the other employees that work there. She was nothing like the other females I’ve met. I couldn't work her out. When she smiled at me, it looked... real. Like she was happy to see me but at the same time I could see by looking into her eyes that there was something that was missing, something happened to her… sometime in her life that was hurting her.
It hit me one day, when she came into my office, that I was attracted to her. I couldn't keep my eyes of her and when she was near me I had to fight myself not to kiss her.
But I couldn't kiss her; I couldn't do anything with her. And I hated how much I wanted to. It scared me. She was not like the normal girls I went with. She was... different. She was the type of girl that, if you had you wouldn't let go. She was the good girl. She would be the one, just not my one. She was too... sweet and innocent for me. I would break her heart without knowing
That's why I started seeing Jessica because I knew that with her it was nothing but a bit of fun and we both knew that. No mixed feelings. At the start I didn't know that Jessica was Lea's sister. I didn't even know James had two daughters he only ever talked about Jessica. They were all so different. The Andersons were good people but spoiled and selfish I was told and they have been shown to be very proud and thought themselves above others. I saw all that in Jessica and her father but never in Leah or in her Grandfather Rupert, he was a good man.
I told myself that I would end things with Jessica as soon as the deal went through with James and Rupert. It wasn't right! Being with Jessica when I wanted the other sister instead, they were both so different. Jessica was this glamorous tall sexy blonde but her problem was she knew it. Leah was this small pretty, loveable girl who was equally desirable and her problem was she didn't know it.
When she opened the door to me earlier she looked so sexy in her short shorts, with her little legs.
I thought about how perfect her legs would be wrapped around my waist. The moment I saw her, my mouth went dry; I couldn't stop my eyes looking her up and down. I've only ever seen her in her boring oversized clothes at work but earlier I could see every curve in her body. It made my whole body go as hard as ice just thinking about it. She'd only been gone for a moment and then she came into the room looking flushed and ready to go. She most likely rushed around getting ready not wanting me to have to wait long; she was always the sweet girl that cares more about others than herself. When she stopped moving around getting all her things in her bag she finally turned to me.
“Sorry I took so long” she said.
“Wow…” without thinking it was the first thing that came out of my mouth.
“What’s wrong? Do I look stupid? I knew I shouldn't of worn a skirt” she said turning round back to her bedroom.
She was wearing a floral skirt, with a white top and a baggy brown cardigan, I don’t know what you ladies call them scarf things... snoods or something like that. She looks perfect, like she was stepped out of a magazine. It was nice seeing her in her normal casual clothes, she looked so different, younger. I looked at her face as she looked at me and a smile broke out on my face as I saw how cute she looked, red cheeked biting nervously on her bottom lip.
“No, no you look great. It's just I never seen you in anything but your work things. You look lovely” I said smiling at her. I watched her starting to blush a darker red than her already was which only made me grin harder and for her to get more embarrassed playing with her hands.
“Thanks” she said “You ready?”
“Yep” with that I followed her out of the flat before taking one last look at her legs. For such short legs they were really driving me crazy.