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only about 20% of our mind’s resources to hear and understand the other person’s point of view. It is my experience that conflicts of interest in a healthy relationship can almost always be resolved without arguing. For those rare arguments that do take place, smart arguing strategies should be employed to make the argument worthwhile. Dr. David Witt at the University of Akron wrote an extremely valuable guide teaching how to argue effectively that you should read before
The value I want you to focus on right now is Super Sight. What I mean by “Super Sight” is being able to see and hear what ordinary people don’t – not because they can’t, but because they don’t try. In your relationship, you want to develop Super Hero-like abilities to hear and see what is on the mind of the person you love. The trick is to listen not with your ears, or with your mind, but with the other person’s mind. When you listen, try to hear what is on that person’s mind. Try to see through their eyes. Disagreements are a perfect example of this. When we have a disagreement, we share a common problem. But we have different ideas about how to solve16
