My Name, Your Scar
I didn’t know I was quietly sobbing into Hunter’s armpit until I feel the rush of tears roll down my face and wet his skin.
He kisses my hair, holding me tighter.
“It’s kind of cruel of you to dangle a life I longed to have in front of my face and snatch it ruthlessly away.”
“I’m just trying to make you understand that we can’t happen. Ever. When you get that through that pretty head of yours and see me for who I truly am, we can be age-old friends. But look at the silver lining in this thick storm cloud. When you meet a very special guy, you get to have that life with him. He’d be your world and you’d be his, and the absolute best part would be that you’d forget about me, forget about the pain I caused when you look into his eyes every day. He’d be your Idol Husband.”
“But I don’t want an Idol Husband,” I sniff, wiping my runny nose with the back of my hand.
“You don’t know what you want,” he scoffs.
“And you do?”
“I think I do.” His tone is matter-of-fact and it’s pissing me off.
I lift my head up and tilt it to the side, looking into turbulent eyes that seem to want to eat me alive. “Says who?”
He smiles. “Says me.”
Rolling my eyes, I lean back into his warmth. My stomach growls loudly, startling me.
“Hungry?”
“Thanks to you I haven’t eaten all day.”
He cringes as if I threw scalding water on him. “I am sorry, Isabel. When you said you didn’t know how you got that bite mark that translated into you had no clue who touched you, or where they touched you, and what happened. I saw red and lost control. It shouldn’t have happened, but it did. It happens often. It’s a piss-poor excuse, but that’s the truth. I wish I could just stop all the insanity and be normal, but life isn’t normal. The shit I’ve been through…The shit I put you through…” He trails off, squeezing me tight against his bare chest. Every wisp of air is smacked out of my lungs from the impact. His lips repeatedly skim my forehead in a gentle assault.
My fingers dig into his flesh as my heart pounds against my ribs. “I hate you so much,” I whisper, meaning the exact opposite and he knows it.
He gives me a squeeze, crushing me with his heavy arms. “I hate you, too, baby.”
My pulse quickens.
I love you, too, baby.
That thought alone makes my stomach flutter…and growl, too.
“You need food,” Hunter murmurs, his sweet breath fans across my face. “I can pick you up something.”
My arms spasms around his middle. “No.” My voice is frantic and needy. “I mean, I don’t want you to leave.”
“You need to eat,” he says firmly.
“You said you would stay until I fall off to sleep. You also said you wouldn’t let Falcon take me. You already broke one promise so far, are you going to break this one, as well?”
“You’re not going to let me win this, are you?”
“Nope.”
I feel his smile in my hair. “Well, luckily I have peanut butter crackers in my sweatshirt pocket.” I release him and he throws his legs over the edge of the bed and stands, stretching both arms up above his head. The muscles in his core expand upwards too.
My eyes absently travel across his body until I discover a faint scar. The scar is long and wide and it’s across his left ribcage. I narrow my eyes to see it clearly as he moves and bends, scooping up the hoodie from the floor. The scar isn’t just a singular scar. The elegant, fine lines are just one big collective word. It’s my name. My name is written across his ribs.
My eyes widen in pure shock.
Did he do that to himself?
Is that self-inflicted, like my scars?
He digs the crackers out, tossing his sweatshirt on the chair, on top of my duffle bag. Hunter’s head jerks backward and his brows furrow as his wary eyes meet mine. “Why are you looking at me like that?” He hops back into bed, handing me the orange plastic packet of crackers.
My hands tremble as I receive them.
“Isabel,” he cautions lowly, “what’s wrong?”
I shut my eyes for a brief moment, trying to regulate my rapid breathing and hammering heart. “My name…it’s on your ribs.”
His spine immediately stiffens, his eyes growing wide in awareness.
“Did you…do that?”
He says nothing.
My fingers tighten around the crackers, I feel them snapping and crushing in to crumbs under the pressure of my hands. “Did you hurt yourself because of me?”
His jaw clenches. “Eat, Isabel.”
“Hunter—”
“Eat. Your. Crackers.”
“But—”
“Isabel,” he warns in a deathly quiet tone, his eyes darkening to a murky blue. “Please eat the damn crackers.”
I glance down at the smashed crackers in my hands. They’re broken into many pieces like me and they don’t look as appetizing as they did before. But I lift them up to my mouth and peel a corner of the plastic off with my teeth, ripping the packet wide-open.
Hunter appears pleased as I nibble on larger fragments of crackers. “Let this go for now. I’ll tell you why when it’s right to do so, just drop it. Okay?”
I nod, staring at the TV straight ahead, avoiding his eyes. “We should watch a movie.”
He follows my gaze the massive flat screen. “Yeah, that sounds good. But I need to ask you something first.”
“Ask away,” I reply, still avoiding his eyes.
“Why’d you call me over here?”
“I was…” I trail off and swallow hard. I turn my face towards the wall, feeling dread infuse with my blood. “I was horny.”
“And you called me for a one night stand…a booty call?”
“No!” I squeak, turning to face him.
Hunter’s cheek lift and he laughs, clasping his hand over my mouth. “Shh. I’m just messing with you. I’m amazing in bed. I’m talking about howling-to-the-moon-toes-curling-body-convulsing good. Or so I’m told.” He winks at me, a sexy self-assured wink. “You’d want more than one night, little liar.”
My eyebrows rise as I shove salty peanut butter crumbs into my mouth. “That good, huh?”
He smirks smugly, his eyes drifting down to my legs. He clamps a possessive hand on my thigh and the searing heat from it is burning right through the silk gown.
My heart begins to beat in my throat.
“Yeah, I am. Don’t you remember what my mouth was like?”
“Umm…” I stare down at the salt grains and orange crumbs in my palms, and my stomach tightens as a deluge of memories from the night before overwhelms me.
“Yeah, you remember,” he states arrogantly. His hand on my thigh moves up, taking the hem of silk up too. “I remember what your moans sound like. I remember what your face looked like. I remember what you taste like.” He shifts forward, pressing his lips to the shell of my ear.
I shiver and squeeze my eyes shut.
“Everything about you was heaven.” He flicks his tongue against my ear, causing me to moan and ball my hands into hard fists.
“Stop, Hunter.”
This is too much. He’s messing with my head. Torturing me with these kinds of antics is just a game to him. I’m just a disposable toy while breathing in his air is a precious gift to me.
I’m nothing.
Invisible.
I don’t exist to him.
My breathing is labored for an entirely different reason now.
He instantly reclines.
My eyelids snap open, then I notice my fists are clenched tightly. My nails are cutting into my palms.
I flex my fingers, ignoring the burning ache from the tiny red moon crescent-shaped cuts from my nails. Tipping my head back, I stare into steely eyes that look back at me. “You asked me a question. Do I get the privilege of asking you one?”
His jaw ticks, but he nods.
“You cut me off years ago. Cold turkey. Why?”
His eyes move to the flat screen, then he reaches for the remote, presses a button and powers the TV. Hunter scrolls through the guide until he settles on some weird show on Adult Swim.
“Hunter?”
His eyes flicker back to mine.
“Are you going to answer me?”
He slouches back against the pillows, taking me with him. “The truth is always harder to hear than the false reality you build in your head. When the time comes, I’ll tell you everything. I promise.” His arms curl underneath mine and he presses me to his chest as if he never wants to let me go.
“Promise?”
“Promise,” he confirms.
We laugh a lot and watch a few hilarious animated shows that curse excessively (some are pretty gross and vaguer by the way but still amusing). Hunter has to take multiple trips to his truck to get more discarded snacks because my stomach won’t keep quiet. The last thing I remember before falling off to sleep is devouring a Twix candy bar and the weight of Hunter’s arm comfortably around me, wishing he held me tighter and pleased when he did.