R Is For Bleeding
After Hero leaves, insisting he walks home, I called Max. He agreed to have me over at his house. Now, I sit across from Max at his kitchen table. I told him everything I’ve been hiding: the cutting, Hunter giving me a concussion, Hunter spanking me, Hunter fucking me, Green Frog telling me to get close to Rex, the photo album in my mom’s closet. Once information starting spewing from my mouth I was helpless to stop it. I had to come clean about everything, except Hunter and Sally’s personal business.
His periwinkle-colored eyes are focused on mine, his expression indecipherable. He doesn’t say one thing when I finish.
My throat tightens and my heart constricts. Unable to take the deathly silence anymore, I reach across the wooden table and squeeze his hand. “Say something, Max. Please.”
His brows furrow, his forehead creasing as he stares down at where my hand is. “Just out of curiosity…what were you expecting me to say? Because what you are expecting and how I feel are probably two very different things.”
“I don’t know. I didn’t really think about it.”
His heated gaze flickers up to my face. “It doesn’t seem like you think a lot.”
Swiftly removing my hand, I recoil away from him. “Ouch.”
He sighs and irritably rakes his hands through his wavy hair that has grown a few inches since the last time I’ve seen him. The hair only adds to his allure.
“Look, Max. I’m so very sorry. I didn’t know who to trust when all this madness flipped my world. You’re the only one who knows it all. I can use your help.”
He eyes me for what seems like forever. “Fine, but we’re doing it my way. You’re staying here with me. Your safety is my priority now. You don’t talk to anyone else about what we just spoke about. In case you didn’t notice, someone is trying to kill you. I’ll go in my father’s office and see what I can find; if he has tapes of what happened on the bridge the night your brother died, he would hide them there. As for Hunter, stay away from him. Dude sounds obsessed. You should file a restraining order, but I know you never would.”
“He’s not obsessed,” I mutter defensively, quickly coming to Hunter’s rescue.
His eyes narrow slightly and then he surprises me by smiling, but his smile is a mocking and deceitful one. “I’ve been keeping a little secret as well, Isabel.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Just stay where you are.” He strolls out of the kitchen, disappearing from my line of sight. Max reemerges with a faded piece of white paper in his hands, smirking down at it. “Back in high school, Hunter kept notebooks by his side at all times. He was secretive about them, never let us read what he would spend most of his time writing. But I think it’s time for you to take a look at one of his poems that I tore out a long time ago.” Max passes the paper to me:
I hate you.
But I love you.
I love you so much that my heart stops beating.
The fact that you’re untouchable has my head fucking screaming.
When I hear your name it’s difficult for me to breathe.
I hate you.
I hate you.
I hate you.
But I love you.
The thought of you being with him makes me want to vomit.
I see you and you kiss him.
He smiles and kisses you back.
It makes me sick with fury.
I’d kill both of you just to stop it.
Stop it.
Stop it.
Stop it.
I love you so fucking much and you don’t even know it.
I watch you while you sleep and you don’t even know it.
I can touch you where he touches you and you wouldn’t even know it.
I hate you.
I hate you.
I hate you.
But I love you.
When the time comes, I’ll make you mine.
MINE.
MINE.
MINE.
MINE.
Look at what you’ve made of me.
I’ve turned into a scary monster, but not really.
I was born with a few screws missing, silly.
Your skin is peachy soft.
And your hair is dark silk.
You smell like sweet berries.
I want you so bad.
I don’t think I can control myself any longer.
A madman free from the crippling defect of a tortured mind.
He’s delirious and he’s thirsty for forbidden hunger.
I hate you.
But I love you ISABEL.
I love so much that my heart is bleeding.
Bleeding.
Red.
Red.
Red.
Every time you cut yourself, I die a little inside.
And each time the pain is worse.
You are splitting my soul into shreds.
Stop before you kill me.
I’m hardly alive as it is.
Please don’t hurt me like I hurt you.
I’m sorry.
I jolt out the chair and run to the bathroom, pressing the note to my chest. Max shouts and tries to catch me but I reach the bathroom and lock the door before he can reach me. Tears stain my face as I lean my back against the door and sag to the cool tile beneath me. Soothing black wings wrap around my body and I pass out.