We went to a local pub on the Saturday evening, had a meal and listened to a band. They were quite good but we were too near the stage and they noise was deafening. After half an hour, I said I wanted to leave. Once outside, I shivered slightly. Sean immediately put his arm round me and pulled me to him. His body warmth was welcome and I made no objection. We went back to my house and listened to some music, much quieter than that in the pub. Sean sat beside me on the settee and tried to pull me to him. There was no doubt he had interpreted my reaction to having his arm round me on the way home as indicating I was ready to move the relationship forward. I wasn’t. I removed his arm from around my shoulders, telling him I still hadn’t resolved my feelings for Oliver and him.
“You can’t blame a man for trying,” he beamed at me. “You’re a gorgeous woman. What man wouldn’t want you?”
“My Granny Wise once told me I could tell what a man was really like by his reaction when I wouldn’t sleep with him,” I told him.
“Devastated,” was his reply, but he was laughing. “Looks like I’ll have to bide my time. My old granny used to say ‘everything comes to him who waits’. Grannies have such wise sayings. But please, don’t make me wait too long.” He laughed again. There was no doubt about it; Sean was fun to be with.
The following day, Sunday, I needed to do some shopping. Sean insisted on accompanying me. It was a very long time since I’d been shopping for clothes with a man and I soon realised how difficult it could be. If I asked his opinion about any item, he umm’ed and ah’ed and couldn’t give a definite answer or he’d simply say ‘It’s OK’ and shrug his shoulders. On one occasion I picked up something awful, held up to myself and asked his opinion. I could tell he thought it was awful but didn’t want to say anything in case it upset me. He finally said it was OK. I laughed and told him to tell me what he honestly thought. Again, he stressed it was OK. “It’s awful,” I told him, laughing. He sighed with relief.
I then wandered into the lingerie department. I needed a new bra and some knickers. Sean was decidedly uncomfortable as I held out one item after another. I was enjoying his embarrassment. If we did get together, he would have to get used to see me in whatever I bought. I chose something slinky and sexy. As I paid, he wandered away.
And it was a similar story when I went to the supermarket and bought a pack of tampons. I couldn’t believe he’d never been with a woman when she bought such items. I also put a pack of condoms in my basket. When I decided to go to bed with one of them I wanted to be sure of total protection and not just against getting pregnant.
Sean was relieved when we finished shopping.
Oliver returned earlier than expected on the Tuesday afternoon. He called round briefly in the evening to say that he was going to London that evening as his elder sister would be arriving from Canada. It was earlier than he had expected but it was the only flight she was able to get at short notice. Although the flight wouldn’t arrive until 11:40 the next morning, he was staying in London overnight as he was immediately driving his sister back to their parents’ house. There were still several things he needed to sort out for the funeral and after. He didn’t want to be tired before he started. Once again, we were fated not to meet.
And once again, Sean stepped into the breach. We didn’t do much, just stayed in and watched a DVD. I cooked a meal, but it was simple fare.
“You never see him,” Sean said as once again I removed his arm from around my shoulder. “You ought to take that as an omen. If you don’t see him, you can’t choose him, so why not choose me? I’m always here for you.” It was logic I was beginning to have some sympathy with, but I wasn’t ready to let Sean know that. From our first intended date, when the washing machine flooded, to the present, there was always a reason why we couldn’t meet, or at least, not as planned.