The good weather continued for a few more days. I had called into the café to see Sean as I was going to Jane’s that evening and would be sleeping at my house. As I was walking to the bus stop I heard my name being called by someone behind me. I stopped, looked round and didn’t immediately recognise the man approaching me. And then I did. It was Crispin’s friend George. “I don’t want to talk to you,” I told him as I turned and started to walk away. He grabbed my arm.
“You’ll listen to me and then forget we ever met,” he told me quietly but sinisterly. Well, the second part wouldn’t be too difficult I told myself. “If anyone asks you about Crispy, say you’ve never heard of him. If you value your life you’ll do as I say and not tell anyone about this conversation. Do you understand?” His voice was cold and a chill spread through my body.
“Who would want to talk to me about him?” I asked nervously.
“It doesn’t matter. Just remember you’ve never heard of him. And especially, never met him. Don’t say I haven’t warned you.” With that, he let go of my arm and walked briskly in the other direction.
I was shaking. Why would he threaten me? What had Crispin done? And who would try and contact me? The pleasure I was looking forward to, of spending an evening gossiping with Jane, suddenly felt leaden. I’d been told to forget the conversation. How could I? And yet I couldn’t tell Jane, or anyone, about it. Would any harm come to me if I told Jane? Could I take that risk? I couldn’t. I rang Jane and said I had a headache. I was going home to sleep.
Except I couldn’t sleep. I tried to think why anyone should want to know about Crispin and me. Why anything I might have said would have affected anyone. Nothing made sense. No scenario I could think of justified George’s warning. And then I’d worry about what might happen to me if I accidentally admitted knowing Crispin. George had said ‘if I valued my life’. Did he mean I might be killed? If not, what did he mean?
I thought about going to the police. Would they believe me? It sounded so melodramatic. If I did tell the police, would George find out? One heard of corrupt policemen, ones who passed on information for money.
I called in sick the next day. Just after 5:00pm, the doorbell rang. Briefly, I considered not answering and then I heard Jane calling, saying it was her at the door. I let her in. “You look ghastly,” were her first words. “Have you seen a doctor?” I shook my head. Suddenly I burst into tears. “What’s the matter? Has something happened?” she asked tenderly. I nodded. “Want to tell me about it?” I shook my head. She led me to the sofa, sat me down and put her arms around me. “Is it Sean?” she asked. Again, I shook my head. “Your parents?” I barely shook my head. “Come on Rusty, you know you can trust me, whatever it is. Please, please tell me,” she assured me.
“I can’t,” I pleaded. “I just can’t.”
“Have you eaten?” She switched the subject. I found it easier not to talk, so I shook my head. “Right, then I’ll get you something. Soup?” She didn’t wait for an answer but left me, returning with a bowl of tomato soup and some crispy bread. I hadn’t realised how hungry I was as I wolfed it down. Besides filling me up, it also made me feel a tiny bit better.
That was when I knew I had to say something. Jane knew all about Crispin. If I was to deny having known him, then it was important that Jane didn’t say anything either. “If I tell you something,” I began in a whisper, “you must promise not to tell anyone; not Simon, not anyone. Promise?” I begged. She promised. “I met someone yesterday. It wasn’t arranged, he was waiting for me when I left the café. He threatened me. Told me I was to deny ever having known Crispin. I had to promise. But you know about us. You have to promise not to have known about him. For my sake.”
“Why? Who was he?”
“He was a friend of Crispin’s; he was why I finished with Crispin. I told you. I’m sure you remember. I never liked him. But I don’t know why. Nor who might come asking. Why would anyone be interested in my time with Crispin, Jane? You promised. You will keep your promise, won’t you?” Jane held my hand and patted it.
“Of course I will. Probably, no one will ask about him, so try not to worry.”
Over the next few days, when no one asked about him, I began to relax. Jane was probably right.
May 13th was my 35th birthday. Sean and I had planned to have a romantic dinner with champagne, just the two of us in his flat. Or that was what I thought we’d agreed. Jane cornered me as I was about to leave work and insisted I went with her to have a drink to celebrate my birthday. Just one drink, she insisted as she and Simon were going out later. As we walked to the pub, she asked if anyone had asked about ‘you know what’. “See, I said there was nothing to worry about,” she told me when I said no one. True to her word, she left after we’d had one drink, but I hadn’t realised how long we’d been chatting. It was almost seven. I had to get home. Sean would be getting frantic, not knowing where I was.
As I rushed up the stairs and into his living room, determined to apologise for being late, I was confronted by not only Sean, but by Neeta and Rich and Simon. “Happy birthday,” they chorused. Two minutes later, Jane arrived. Jane and Sean, it transpired, had planned the surprise party. It was Jane’s idea to hijack me after work. Neeta had taken the day off work to help prepare the food. It was one of my best birthdays for many years. What wonderful friends I had.
I felt particularly proud of Sean. The last week or so hadn’t been easy for him. I was moody, sometimes withdrawn, and uncooperative, although I had been better the last two or three days. He had stood by me and planned this wonderful surprise when he could have taken umbrage or left me to get over my moodiness. I had made the right decision. And that night, for the first time, I had an orgasm with Sean. I was really happy again.