It was the following evening when my PC again told me someone wanted a Skype conversation. My heart was in my mouth as I accepted the call. For a few seconds we looked at each other and were silent, waiting for the other person to start the conversation. “Eleanor has told me she talked with you yesterday,” he began sheepishly. “She says I’m a fool. I guess she’s right about that. And, she was cross with me for having lied to you.” He paused, presumably waiting for me to speak. So far he hadn’t said what I was anxious to hear. What he had said was positive, but not primarily important. I waited.
“I guess I owe you an explanation.” I nodded. “I didn’t want you to come to me on the rebound after Sean. I wanted you to come because that was what you wanted. When you offered to come to Canada, I was overjoyed. It was an opportunity to see whether there was anything between us. And when you came, I was embarrassed. I had made a pig’s ear of looking after them. But you, you were a breath of fresh air. You took control; you brought a semblance of order, of normality into our lives. Eleanor and the boys worship you for the way their lives were changed for the better. I worshipped you, but I also had other, mixed emotions. In a way, I was jealous that a total stranger, to them, had achieved such a connection with them in so short a time, whereas I had struggled to achieve any connection at all. But the overwhelming feeling was one of inferiority. I could never aspire to be as good as you were. I could never deserve the love of one so caring. In a way, I am an old fashioned male – I wanted to be the provider; the one who always had the answers and solved life’s problems; the one who took the lead. But I wasn’t any of those things. I marvelled at what you were achieving. It was only when you had gone that I realised life wasn’t about who was in charge, or who was best at this or that. Life is about caring for people, and, maybe, for one person above all others. I have loved you since you first walked into my office. I will never stop loving you.”
This speech had exhausted him. He had bared his chest and looked deflated. The reasons he had given me had never crossed my mind. Why should he be jealous? We were different people; we had different skills. He had taken control when my washing machine flooded; I had taken control in an area where it appeared I had more expertise. I had promised Eleanor that if I felt he was sincere, I would tell him how I felt. Now was the time to keep my promise.
“Eleanor is full of praise for what you did before I arrived and after I’d left. The advantage I had was that I am a woman and more able to relate to her needs. Please don’t put me on a pedestal. I don’t want to be there and I don’t deserve it. Eleanor is a perceptive woman. She knew why I had come to Canada and it wasn’t to look after her. And I wasn’t on the rebound. You were polite and friendly, but nothing more. I tried desperately hard not to feel anything for you, but I could never get you out of my thoughts. I came hoping, that by being together so much, you would fall in love me. It appeared to me that my visit had been a failure. That was why I saw no reason for me to visit Canada again. I love you, too.”
It had been a long speech but I had seen him relax with relief the longer I spoke. His face filled with hope and finally with exultation. We spoke for another hour or so, sharing our innermost thoughts.
“I can’t believe I could be so happy,” he said at one stage. “Will you marry me?”
“Let’s walk before we can run,” I laughed. “I understand you will be coming back to England in a few weeks. Let’s see how that goes.”