Chapter Three
Jason Demovic's lips pressed against Melissa's and his hands searched lower. Finding the top of her panties he slid them off her ass and left her fully exposed. He was barely clad himself with his shirt hanging open to reveal his ripped, movie stars six pack and tousled 'I'm ready to fuck you now' hair.
"So what would you like to talk about today?" David's voice was soft, unhurried, gentle and wrenched Melissa back from her reverie into reality. She looked at him as though he had just appeared out of thin air before her. Since the news of her disciplinary hearing she had been meeting with her counseling supervisor at least once a week just to keep her on track. He was the only person who knew how deeply the whole ethics committee thing was getting to her.
The highly experienced psychologist was tall, good-looking and ruggedly handsome in a blonde blue eyed sort of way, but Melissa felt no attraction to him physically or romantically. As a therapist who she respected and looked up to however, she certainly felt drawn to him and the truth was that just at the moment he was the support to her that no-one else in her life could be.
"Melissa. Did you hear me?" He said.
"I'm sorry David." She shook her head. "I'm so distracted lately and today I had this unusual client--" She cut herself off. She hadn't planned to talk about her unsettling experience with Jason Demovic. She had other much more pressing things to deal with.
"Unusual? How so?" David smiled at her in his comforting big brother way.
"Not unusual just… different. Look, can we forget about him--"
"Him?"
"Yeah, it was a guy, just some guy--"
"You said he was an unusual client and you mentioned him as a reason for your being distracted. I think that might be worth discussing, don't you?"
"Can we come back to him later? I got the letter today with the date for my hearing. It's getting to me David, no matter what I do I just can't shake this anxiety."
David didn't say a word.
"It's next week. and this could be it. All those years of hard work and dedication, gone. For nothing. Just because of one tiny, stupid..."
David waited.
"God damn you." Melissa said. "Why are you so good at this?"
Her supervisor smiled.
She knew he wouldn't let it go and she knew he was right. Demovic was an issue. It was no accident that she had mentioned him, she knew better than that. In psychotherapy there was no such thing as an innocent slip of the tongue. Sure she was worried about the hearing but somehow her encounter with the incredibly handsome and obviously rich young man was playing on her mind, unsettling her.
She still wasn't sure if she wanted to tell her supervisor about it though.
She needed her work than ever and if he advised her not to take him on as a client then she would feel obliged to take that advice.
"I'm good with you Melissa. I know you. Now why don't you tell me what's really been eating you today."
A standoff ensued. Melissa knew the game well--she had used it often enough herself. The power of silence, the waiting, the openness and lack of judgment. Worst of all she knew how effective it was and she could feel it working now. She felt tears begin to come, as they so often did in David's office; the tears she denied herself anywhere else in her life.
David pushed a box of quilted, floral tissues towards her.
She snapped one angrily from the box, wiped her eyes and then blew her nose.
"Screw you David." She said.
He smiled.
"Come on Melissa, we're running out of time and you're acting like a new client on the first day. Stop avoiding and let's deal with this issue head on, whatever it is. Have I ever let you down?"
"Okay, you win. I got the letter about the hearing today and--"
"The guy Melissa. Tell me about the guy."
"Jesus Christ almighty, okay, okay. There was a client today and he wanted to…"
"He wanted to what?"
David watched her like a hungry hawk. He was an excellent psychotherapist and very well respected in his field. He could smell a psychological rat a mile off.
"He flirted with me." Melissa cringed inside. She had never lied to David in all of their time together and it pained her to feel herself dodging the issue at stake.
David waited for more.
"I had the feeling he wasn't serious about therapy at all."
"I'm not getting why this is so upsetting Melissa. Why don't you tell me about the flirting?"
Melissa bit her lip as David fixed her in his gaze. She didn't feel like going into detail but it would be better than coming clean and talking about the offer of a retainer to sign off on fake therapy sessions.
"He said it was a problem for him that he found me attractive."
David made a note in his pad.
"He said he knew I was one of the best new psychotherapists in the city but that he hadn't expected me to be the most beautiful as well."
David didn't move, didn’t blink an eyelid.
"He said my gorgeous green eyes had made him uncomfortable from the first moment I looked at him."
David's eyes dropped from hers momentarily but then darted back again. It only took a micro second but it was like a slap in the face to Melissa. David never reacted that way. He was hiding something. Or more accurately, failing to hide something. Talking about herself in these terms was profoundly awkward for Melissa--she had to force the words out, but why would David look awkwardly away from her?
Her supervisor cleared his throat.
"Do you want to, uh, tell me why these remarks made you feel so uncomfortable?"
"I… I guess I'm just not used to hearing those things and certainly not from a client like this."
There was a short silence.
"Like what?" David asked.
The feeling of being trapped was excruciating, but she knew from experience that this was often the precursor to a breakthrough, an insight of some kind. She sighed deeply and looked down at the floor while she spoke.
"This new client, he's young, extremely arrogant, good-looking, obviously wealthy--"
"Good-looking?"
"Among other things."
"But you said 'good-looking'."
"Yes."
"How good looking?"
"Very. I would say unusually attractive."
David was silent for a moment, deep in thought.
"Are you attracted to him?" He asked.
"Of course not." Melissa bit back, far too quickly.
There was another silence. Melissa felt her exasperation rise. It always did when David was onto something. The man was like a blood-hound when it came to human analysis.
"Maybe a little bit." She conceded.
"How little is a little bit?"
"He reminds me of a guy I had a crush on in high school."
"I don't imagine you as ever having had a crush on anyone." David said.
It was an odd comment, but Melissa instinctively trusted her supervisor. He had guided her through so many difficult encounters in the past.
"Well I did. A terrible one. I was a total geek and he was a total jock. An arrogant ass, just like this guy."
"And what happened?"
"I fantasized about him. Just briefly."
"Well I presumed you would, it was a teenage crush after all."
God damn it.
Melissa felt herself redden. She had misunderstood David's question.
"Are you blushing?" David sounded awestruck. He had seen the whole gamut of her emotions in his years with Melissa, but he had never seen her go red with embarrassment.
"You were talking about your client, not your high school crush." He said.
"No I wasn't."
"Yes you were. You fantasized about your client while he was talking to you."
"I didn't."
"There's no point in lying to me Melissa, it will only slow down the therapeutic process and besides, this is a perfectly normal reaction. Therapists feel attracted to clients all the time, we're only human beings, I don’t need to tell you this."
Despite her discomfort Melissa felt relieved. It was painful for her to talk about things like this but at least it would keep David off the scent of the thorny issue of being bribed for fake therapy. She lifted her eyes from the floor and looked David directly in the eye.
"An image flashed through my mind. Just for a second." She said.
"Would you like to share with me the image that 'flashed' through your mind?"
When David asked if you would like to share something it meant that therapy would go no further until it was out in the open. Melissa sighed. The image flashed through her mind again and she felt a thrill of pleasure run straight through her.
God, this is ridiculous. She thought. He's just a guy not some archetype of male sexuality.
David was still waiting, still staring at her, still waiting for an answer. She took a deep breath
"Tell me about the image." He said.
"I'd rather not."
"Was it sexual in nature? Is that why--"
"It was an image of him fucking me on the carpet in my office." She blurted out.
David didn’t move.
"Don't tell me you've never had a fantasy about an attractive client in your life David. Come on, you just told me it's a perfectly normal reaction."
"That's a fairly graphic image Melissa. Did something specific give rise to that train of thought?"
She searched back in her mind.
"It was something he said. When we shook hands there was a crackle of static electricity and he said I needed to change my carpet."
"Change your carpet?"
"Yes. And then I had the image of him on top of me."
"On top of you." David said slowly.
How does he always do it? Melissa thought. I show up promising myself to only talk about certain things and he always gets to me.
"Do you want to go into any more detail?" He said.
Come on Melissa, this is going to help you.
"He was on top of me." She continued. "He felt huge and primal and I was lost in it, as though he were using me like a plaything." The words were having an effect on her. She felt her nipples swell against her blouse and her panties were beginning to moisten.
This was just crazy.
No client should make her lose control like this and no client, hell no man had ever had this effect on her before.
"And you wanted him to…" David hesitated in his choice of words, "to fuck you." he said as though the coarseness of his choice of words was distasteful but necessary.
"Of course I did. Why else would I have a fantasy like this?"
"I don't know. Do you normally fantasize about attractive clients this way?"
"No. I do not. I never have. It has never occurred to me."
She paused for breath. Good therapy was never easy.
"He was on top of me and he had taken me because I wanted him to, but then it was more than I could have imagined. The thought of him... God, the thought of him inside of me."
She had to stop again. Her breathing was becoming rapid, her heart beginning to race. David's presence next to her was profoundly uncomfortable.
"But then he reminded me of that boy at school who never did anything but treat me like a joke, a laughable geek. I thought I loved him because he was everything I wasn't; athletic, popular, good-looking, but he turned out to be just an arrogant bully, just like this client Jason--"
"Stop there Melissa. Don't tell me his name. No breach of confidentiality, you know better than that."
She hung her head down. She did know better, but it didn't seem to make any difference anymore. Knowing better and doing better seemed to be growing further apart by the day.
"Look, Melissa, I've got to go now, but there's a simple plan of action here. You can't see this client ever again."
A jolt of fear went through her.
"Do you understand me? You and this person cannot work together. It won't help either him or you and the breach in professional ethics would be unforgivable."
Melissa was stunned. David had never forbidden her to do anything before. Ever. Ultimatums weren't in his therapeutic repertoire.
"This goes beyond therapy and into ethics and will have serious repercussions on your ethics committee hearing if it gets out that you are actively entertaining sexual thoughts about another client."
"Another client? What do you mean by that?"
"Your last indiscretion was also with an attractive man."
"There was no indiscretion David, I thought we had discussed all of this?"
"I'm sorry to have to break it to you like this Melissa but with the hearing coming up we don't have time for slow therapeutic breakthroughs. You have to set this denial aside once and for all and acknowledge that what you did was wrong, learn from it, and then change your behavior in order to move. If you go down the same road with a new client then I will have no choice but to report it to the board. Do you understand me?"
Melissa was reeling. David was helping her through the process of dealing with the implications of her hearing but he had never framed her actions in these terms. She felt as though the ground were being taken away from under her feet; he was supposed to be on her side. Without his support things were almost guaranteed to go the wrong way.
"I didn't do anything wrong David, you've got to--"
"Melissa." He stopped her firmly. "We don’t have time for this denial of the facts. Come on!"
He held her in his famous fixed stare while she tried to square up this new version of reality in her head.
"Okay." She said finally in a shaky voice. "Maybe you're right..." Her voice trailed off.
"I may already have to discuss what you've just told me with the board when I meet with them in advance of your hearing." His voice was filled with disappointment and disapproval, as though she were a child who had let him down.
She looked at him in amazement.
"Can I go now?" She said.
"Can you go now? Melissa, this is your hour. This time is totally for your benefit. Of course you can go whenever you please. You're a grown woman."
He stood up and walked over to her.
"It's getting late." He said.
"Of course. " Melissa stood up and gathered her things. David escorted to the office door and then stood in front of her blocking the way.
"Melissa, our hour is already up so this is just from me to you, okay?"
He put his arms around her and gently kissed her forehead. Her body stiffened instinctively against his. This was something he had never done before--something totally unprofessional and almost exactly the same action that now threatened to ruin her career with the ethics committee--something David knew very well indeed.
He lowered his mouth from her forehead and then whispered into her ear.
"Everything is going to be okay Melissa. Trust me."
"David, please… I'm not sure this is okay."
He released her from his arms and looked at her with his intense blue eyes.
"You're right." He said. "Is that how it felt when you--"
"I don't get where you're going with this David. Can we just--"
"No. You're completely right Melissa. I'm sorry, I overstepped my boundaries there but I just… sometimes as a therapist… as a person, you want to give more than just words. You of all people should know that. I thought you would understand, but I can see I was wrong."
It was true. She had never meant to upset anyone. All she had wanted to do was comfort a man who had been badly treated by life and who was falling apart in front of her eyes--but then his reaction had been to blow things out of all proportion. How could she hold the same simple action of human comfort against David, one of her most trusted friends and colleagues?
"It's okay David. I understand--really I do. It's just been a difficult, uh… a difficult session."
"Don’t worry." He said with just the glimmer of a smile on his lips. "We can work everything out Melissa. I'm on your side." He pulled her in close again and squeezed her rigid, resisting body against his own.
"No-one understands you like I do." He said softly into her ear.
The knot of anxiety in her stomach tightened another notch at the sound of his words.