Story of a Secret Heart by Cassi Ellen - HTML preview

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Dating again

After a month of ‘hanging out’ with Ben, we went on our first date. I had a feeling he ‘hung out’ with a lot of girls but didn’t take many on actual dates. God knew why he chose to take me, but I was glad he did. In that month, I had relaxed a lot. Although still extremely self-conscious of the way I looked, after all, his world was filled with beautiful and confident women, no longer was I overly worried that he would murder me. I trusted him a little and I began to trust my own judgment a lot more too.

He asked me to have dinner with him. It was a Monday, and I was feeling fat, bloated and tired, but the little single woman voice inside my head insisted I go. After being told what to wear (I was actually starting to enjoy the control he seemed to need to have over me. When you know what you are going to wear and you are not allowed to wear any makeup, it takes no time at all to get ready), I nervously walked out to a very hot, sporty, red Ferrari in my driveway. I hopped in, and he pushed down hard on the accelerator, and we sped off. He was obviously hoping to impress me, and I’m sure most girls would have been impressed, but I was a small town girl with small town values.

I lived on a very quiet street with a number of families, and of course pets. I nervously ask him to be careful as there might be cats around. I did really mean to say ‘pets’ but first and foremost I am a cat lover, so that was the word that came out at the time, probably because of nerves. To be honest, in my and any other cat lover’s world, that was a completely normal thing to say. However, he looked at me, totally bewildered, not for the first time of course, and laughing, said, ‘Oh, don’t worry about the people.’

Before I even realised what I had said, I nervously answered with, ‘Look, don’t get me wrong. I don’t mind people. I just really like cats.’ Although that was the truth and probably how I felt most days, it was not something you should ever say on a first date. Especially to a man who ‘doesn’t really get pets’ and definitely doesn’t agree with animals living inside, let alone sleeping in your bed. He didn’t say anything for the rest of the fifteen-minute car ride, but instead randomly just burst into fits of laughter. Every time I tried to speak and back track on what I had said, mainly to make it sound less crazy, Ben would lift up his hand in a gesture that told me to be quite and start laughing all over again. The kind of laughing where he had to bend over the steering wheel and slow the car down in order to compose himself. I felt like such an idiot!

Surprisingly, despite our obvious differences, we had a very lovely evening that night. For the past month, we had only really gotten drunk and had sex. All very good distractions for me, since Guy had not done what everyone assumed he would do, namely, beg me to come back. But that night, Ben was charming and extremely funny. After a joint shower, which for some reason took two hours and where we somehow managed to flood the entire ensuite bathroom and bedroom because, assumingly, we both passed out / got very distracted while covering the plug hole, I went home a very happy girl. If someone had described this date to me a few years previously, I would have probably called it a date from hell, but it was honestly one of the best dates I’ve ever been on, regardless of the stupid things I did or said, or how much I flooded his apartment! Apparently it took days for the floors to dry out and Ben had to explain to a very disgruntled Sammy what had happened! Of course, I’m sure if Ben told it, this story would go very differently and might contain the words ‘crazy’, ‘mental’ and ‘cat lady.’

After a really heavy night out the following Saturday, I had crashed in the spare room at Ben’s apartment, and to my amazement, when I had woken up, there was someone in bed with me. Now, obviously, I had stayed over at Ben’s place many times. I guess, in the back of my mind, a tiny part of me wanted to bump into Guy there, and so I would often stay over, even long after Ben went out. In truth, Ben had always mysteriously disappeared to work by the time I woke up. That particular morning, however, my heart nearly skipped a beat when I woke and felt someone next to me. I naturally assumed it was Ben and was kind of excited to see what he was like in the mornings, as I had never experienced it before, but when I rolled over I found Sammy in bed with me.

It wasn’t one of those nights where I couldn’t remember anything, so I knew nothing sinister had gone on, but why he was in the bed with me I still don’t know to this day! It was only the second time we had ever met. After a very interesting and somewhat awkward conversation, where he informed me that his friend owned a brothel in the city where he could easily get me a job if I wanted one (bear in mind that prostitution and therefore brothels are legal in Australia), I decided to get up. I remember thinking, What have I gotten myself into? At the time, I obviously thought this man was mental, but honestly, if it happened today, after hanging out with Ben and his friends for so long, I wouldn’t even flinch. Sammy obviously knows me way better than that now, but at the time I honestly think he was trying to be helpful! As always, Ben was nowhere to be seen, but as I was getting ready to leave, Sammy, asked me if I’d like to go to the spa with him.

At last, someone on my level, I thought. Hopefully, it’s the Four Seasons, I pondered to myself. 

So, we jumped into Sammy’s blacked out BMW and off we went. I remember smiling away to myself, again very much enjoying yet more newfound freedom and for the first time not being scared of those men. As we entered the spa, I was handed some pink PJs and told to spend half an hour in the ladies’ sauna and Jacuzzi, then I was to meet Sammy back in the main room. I did as I was told, but not before I took a good look around the changing room. I was the only person in there, the PJs were absolutely disgusting, and the place was filthy. Not quite the Four Seasons, I thought to myself, but I tried to just go with the flow, no matter how loud the voices in my head screamed something was wrong. 

I opted out of the Jacuzzi and sat in the sauna. After thirty minutes I went back out to sit on a large black leather sofa and wait. There were a number of men were getting foot massages around me. All very normal, but for some reason I still felt uncomfortable. The men all seemed to be staring at me, and I felt very out of place although I didn’t know why. After a while, I was summoned by a very small Asian lady to a couple’s massage room, where Sammy was lying face down on one of the beds getting a massage from another small Asian lady. My little Asian lady urged me to do the same on the other bed. I did as I was told and enjoyed a very lovey one-hour full body massage.

When it was over, the lady put on some very lovely, very romantic music—Bryan Adams, as I recall. How lovely, I thought to myself. She then pushed our two massage beds together and both Asian ladies left the room. I remember thinking that was a little strange, but as a foreigner, who was I to judge Australian spas? As they left the room, I turned to thank Sammy for bringing me to the spa and for the lovely massage. I politely went to get up and giggled like a school girl, mainly because I only had my knickers on and was nervous. I asked what we would do next, hoping we could go and get something to eat. The response could have knocked me over with a feather.

‘We have sex,’ he said.

I knew those men well enough to know he was not joking. For some reason, and I honestly had no idea why, I broke out in uncontrollable laughter, the kind where it hurts to actually breathe. Sammy said nothing, but just stared at me in amazement.

Eventually, once I’d caught my breath a little, I asked, ‘Are you serious?’

He responded with nothing more than a frim, ‘Yes.’

I tried to make up some story about how I couldn’t do that to Ben, but as I had only known him a few weeks, even I didn’t really believe Ben would care that much. Surely that would bring Sammy to his senses though, I thought.

But no, it didn’t. He insisted that we have sex and asked me very bluntly and honestly why I would come for a massage with him if I didn’t want to have sex. That statement just made me laugh even more, and I literally could no longer talk, I was laughing that much.

Sammy just continued to stare very uncomfortably at me. He honestly looked like a child when you break a promise to them. After a lot of nervous laughter (from me) and debate, we left the room, obviously without having sex. Waiting outside were the two small Asian ladies and again I was asked to wait on the black leather sofa while Sammy entered another room with both ladies. He returned twenty minutes later, and I don’t think I need to go into detail about what went on in there, but in case you didn’t realise already the place was a brothel, not a spa. Thank God I hadn’t used the Jacuzzi!

‘You can’t stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.’ — Unknown.