The Art of War for Dating by Spencer Michaels - HTML preview

Chapter 3: Confidence

People feel good about themselves when they are around confident

 

people. When you exude confidence and feel great about yourself,

 

people (and most importantly females) will want to be around you.

 

You create a glow around you that women want to be a part of. They

 

can tell that you feel good about yourself and they want to feel that

 

way about themselves. They will draw close to you, hoping it will rub

 

off on them.

 

When I was younger, I wasn’t always confident around women. I

 

sometimes felt inadequate and unsure of myself. Instead of letting

 

this lack of confidence eat me alive, I went out and learned all I could

 

about how to increase my confidence. I went to the library and bought

 

every book imaginable about confidence. I started applying

 

everything I learned in my real life and eventually I became the

 

strong, confident guy I always dreamed of being. I’m about to share

 

with you the most important things I learned and the confidence

 

building techniques that made me who I am today.

 

Why you are actually just as good looking as Brad Pitt

 

Before I get into specific techniques about how to become confident

 

let me break down the myth that you must be the quintessential “good

 

looking” guy to get women.

 

What if I was to tell you that you are equally as good looking as Brad

 

Pitt? I bet you’d think I’m crazy. Well actually it’s true. The

 

expression, “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder” is 100% accurate.

 

What is it about slight variations in facial and body structure that

 

make one person better than the next? It’s the way the viewer

 

perceives them. In fact, modern science is beginning to show us that

 

we don’t actually see anything with our eyes. What actually happens

 

is that we gather information from our eyes and create an image in

 

our brain based on millions of variables stemming from social

 

conditioning and pre-conceived notions. I want you to picture

 

someone who you’ve known for several years. How do you look at

 

them? Would you say they are attractive overall? Now think about the

 

first day you met them. Really try to picture how you viewed them the

 

first day you saw them. I bet it’s at least somewhat different than how

 

you view them now. More proof that you are really no different than Brad Pitt comes when

 

we examine the historical perception of beauty. In Ancient Egypt, fat

 

men were considered extremely attractive, as it indicated that the

 

person was rich enough to afford a lot of food and avoid physical

 

labor. While we spend time on the beach working on our tan, in the

 

early Mediterranean societies women were seeking out pale men.

 

This was an indication that a man was wealthy and didn’t have to

 

work outside. In fact, people used to cover their entire bodies when

 

going outside to avoid getting tan.

 

If a woman of today sees you having yellow teeth she’ll assume you

 

have bad breath and you don’t take care of yourself. In Japan and

 

Europe there was a time when men would dye their teeth black

 

because women found it attractive. Sugar at the time was very

 

expensive. Once they became aware of sugar's ability to rot teeth,

 

many rich, fashion-conscious people blackened their teeth to prove

 

how much sugar they could afford. For centuries men used to purposely scar their face because it

 

showed that they were brave and didn’t back down from battle.

 

Women found grotesque and numerous scars on a man attractive.

 

Fast forwarding to modern times - I remember seeing a special on TV

 

about the supermodel Giselle and Leonardo DiCaprio recently. They

 

were doing some kind of missionary work on an island in the middle

 

of nowhere. Based on our American standards, the people on the

 

island were hideously ugly. An interviewer asked one of the natives if

 

they’d like Leonardo and Giselle to stay on the island with them. Not

 

knowing that Giselle and Leo were dating, the guy answered that he’d

 

love them to stay but they’d probably never find mates because they

 

are so ugly. This guy actually thought that these two American icons

 

of beauty were the ugly ones! So back to my original point and the

 

really good news; YES - you are as good looking as Brad Pitt. That’s

 

the good news. The bad news is that women of our time and culture

 

are socially conditioned by everything around them to find him more

 

attractive than “us mere mortals”. While it’s certainly an uphill battle

 

to try to convince a woman that you are better looking than Brad Pitt

 

off the bat, with proper technique you can shift her perception of beauty. Think about it this way. For every feature on him, there is

 

some specific socially or genetically programmed reason why she

 

finds it attractive. Let’s examine a couple of Brad’s features and show

 

how eventually she can find your features equally as attractive.

 

Let’s look at his prominent cheek bones and strong jaw line and chin.

 

In Western societies, men and women of all races often agree that a

 

face with pronounced cheekbones and often a heavily-set jaw is

 

physically attractive. These are currently viewed as indicative of a

 

masculine, confident personality. Now, let’s say you have no

 

cheekbone structure and an extremely tiny chin but you are incredible

 

confident and masculine. In fact, you are the most confident man

 

she’s ever met. You have just set a new precedent for what confident

 

means to her. I agree that for the first meeting or two she’ll probably

 

still say that Brad is more attractive than you, but after a while those

 

old cultural views that she had associated with a strong chin can be

 

replaced by even more powerful associations about having hardly

 

any chin at all. A “chinless” guy will actually become her new symbol

 

of confidence and masculinity. If you were to break up with her, she’d

 

actually go out and search for a guy with a tiny chin because she now

 

assumes that it’s somehow associated with confidence. So what’s the lesson to be learned about all this? If you don’t look like

 

Brad Pitt, don’t worry about it. With extreme confidence and the right

 

techniques you will actually become her new standard for beauty and

 

masculinity. Keep this in mind when you are out meeting women. You

 

need to know that her view of beauty is so paper-thin and penetrable

 

that you have no reason to ever feel insecure. Be confident that with

 

the right attitude you can actually become the vision for what beauty

 

is in her eyes.

 

The Soprano Factor

 

Here’s an example that proves that a strong, confident personality

 

can blind a woman to the fact that you aren’t classically handsome. I

 

was hanging out with a group of girls I know watching Sopranos a few

 

of years ago. To my complete shock one of the girls bursted out

 

almost as if she couldn’t help but say it ,“Mmmmmmmm… he is

 

sooooo hot!”. On the screen all I see are Tony and Carmela Soprano.

 

I immediately think she couldn’t be talking about anyone on the

 

screen because obviously Tony Soprano is a fat, balding guy. So I

 

start looking around the room and see some photos on a table next to

 

the TV. In one of the photos I see a picture of one of the girls with her

 

arm around some guy. I assumed that must have been who she was saying mmmmmmm about. I didn’t really give it much thought and

 

kept watching the show. A little while later, one of the other girls says,

 

“Yeah, he really is hot”. I finally realize that they are talking about

 

Tony Soprano. How could this possibly be? I was so confused. These

 

girls were drooling over Tony Soprano like he was a piece of steak. I

 

asked the other three girls in the room if they thought he was

 

attractive as well. To my astonishment, all but one of them thought he

 

was hot. They said, “There’s just something about him. I don’t know

 

what it is”. I couldn’t believe my ears. This was the ultimate proof to

 

me that with the right attitude, ANY man can be considered attractive

 

to women. Now after years of studying the psychology of attraction, I

 

understand what it is they were talking about. Tony Soprano displays

 

a huge amount of confidence and strength. He speaks in a

 

commanding, authoritative tone. He’s the kind of guy that will put a

 

woman in her place if she gets out of line with him. He will call her out

 

on any silly games she plays. He is always in control of the situation.

 

So no matter how ugly you are, if you can get women to think that

 

you are strong, in control and confident – they will find you attractive!

 

This is great news for all of us that look more like Tony Soprano than

 

Brad Pitt.

 

Become The “Cool”, Confident Guy

 

Okay, so know that we realize the importance of confidence, let’s look

 

at some ways we can begin to develop it. I often have guys ask me

 

how to how to become a “cool”, confident guy. The first step to

 

becoming the guy you’ve always wanted to be is to close your eyes

 

and imagine every aspect of his character. Don’t rush through this.

 

Without a very vivid picture of who you want to become, you’ll never

 

become him. I want you to take a moment to ponder each one of

 

these questions: How does he walk? How does he move? What does

 

his voice sound like? Does he hold his head high? How does he

 

dress? I want you to go through every aspect of his character. Get an

 

extremely clear vision in your head of this fictional character. Now I

 

want you to say to yourself, “If I can see him, I can be him”. Now take

 

your face and put it on this character. I want you to brand this image

 

into your subconscious. In your mind, get used to walking around like

 

this guy. Get used to talking like him. Just as you wouldn’t expect to

 

be the best piano player in the world without practicing, you shouldn’t

 

expect to be a “cool”, confident guy without practicing. Become

 

comfortable with the new guy you’ve created. I want you to really

 

embrace the concept that you can be anyone you want. No guy was born a “ladies’ man”. Practice this visualization for at least 5 minutes

 

a day and you’ll become more and more comfortable being this

 

“character”.

 

Another similar drill I want you to try is called “Acting as if”. Right now

 

I want you to stand up and try something. Come on, get up and really

 

do this! I want you to stand how you’d stand if you had 100 times

 

more confidence. Imagine that you were unstoppable. Stand how you

 

would if you were the most powerful, confident guy on the planet.

 

How does it feel? Get your chin up and your shoulders back. Now

 

step away from this book for a minute and walk how you’d walk if you

 

were 100 times more confident. Walk like you’re a lion marking his

 

territory. Walk with long deliberate strides. Take each step with total

 

self assuredness. Now I have to ask you – Why don’t you walk

 

around like this all the time? What are you afraid of? I’m sure you’re

 

thinking things like, “People might think I’m arrogant” or “It’s just not

 

me”. It’s these thoughts of fear that women can smell on you. You

 

need to erase these concepts immediately. Women respect a man

 

who’s not afraid to let the world know he’s confident. You have

 

nothing to be afraid of. Let everyone around you know that you’re someone important. What you’ll find is that they’ll start to treat you

 

differently. By “Acting as if” you’re someone confident and important;

 

you’ll start to actually become that way! For the next few weeks I

 

want you to take 5 minutes a day to practice standing and walking as

 

if you had 100 times more confident. After a while you’ll notice that it

 

will begin to reflect in your own natural stance and walk.

 

She’s Already Bought You

 

Companies across the country teach sales teams a very key rule that

 

helps them sell. They are taught to assume that the buyer already

 

wants what they are selling. In the same way, in order to be

 

successful with women you need to assume that she wants you.

 

Assume that she is interested in you and your body language will

 

follow along.

 

In the documentary “Pumping Iron” Arnold Swarzenneger says that

 

he called his mother before the Mr. Olympia bodybuilding contest

 

took place to tell her that he already won. It’s no coincidence that he

 

was the 7 time champion. By the way, go out and buy “Pumping Iron”

 

as soon as you can even if you’re not into bodybuilding. The

 

confidence that Arnold exhibits in that documentary is incredible and inspirational. You can see that Arnold would have been irresistible to

 

women because he not only displays an amazing amount of

 

confidence but he’s really enjoying life. People just flock to him.

 

Everyone wants to be around him. Watch Pumping Iron once and

 

you’ll see why he has become so successful today.

 

Become The Ultimate Movie Character

 

Pick 3 movie characters that you feel exude confidence. Go rent or

 

buy the movies they are in and carefully observe every move the

 

characters make. Take notes on the characters. Listen to the lines

 

they say and the way they say them. Skip to scenes where they are

 

speaking to a woman and pause the movie after they say lines that

 

you find well delivered. Rewind and listen to the line several times.

 

Then practice saying the line out loud in the exact way they said it

 

and model their posture and stance. Get out a pen and write down all

 

of the details you possibly can. Where are his eyes looking? How

 

much distance is there between him and her? Is he using touch at

 

all? Do this drill with a least 3 movie characters and try to find

 

similarities between them. What is it that makes them seem

 

confident? If you can pin point EXACTLY what it is they are doing,

 

you can do these exact same things and seem confident as well.

 

Be A Master Of Your Domain

 

When you’re out with a woman, use deliberate, powerful movements

 

any chance you get. When reaching for a beer at the bar, grab it

 

tightly and pull it in to you. When you put seasonings on your food

 

use a couple of good hard shakes and then put the shaker down 20%

 

harder than you normally would. This shows you are in control of the

 

situation and that you’re decisive. You may not realize it, but she

 

processes all of this information. 99% of guys don’t realize that

 

something that seems as trivial as slow, wimpy, indecisive seasoning

 

shaking can turn a woman off. On a date you are being judged on the

 

hundreds of little, seemingly insignificant things you do.

 

Strong animals in nature make every move with power and authority.

 

You also need to learn mark your territory. An easy way to start doing

 

this is to take up more space. When you’re on a date, spread out and

 

enjoy being a man. Be the master of your domain. Literally tell

 

yourself, “I am the master of my domain and I enjoy it”. This thought

 

process will reflect in all of your actions from the way you open a door

 

to the way you sit in your chair and she’ll notice. Another way to establish and maintain dominance is to walk 2 steps

 

ahead of her (on the side closest to the street is you are walking near

 

one). This creates the illusion of leadership and protection. She

 

probably won’t realize what you’re doing consciously but she will feel

 

safe following your lead.

 

Thank you for reading this free preview of The Art Of War For
Dating System by Spencer Michaels. What you just read is just
the beginning of The Art Of War For Dating ebook course. The
rest of the ebook course offers specific techniques and the
exact dialogue you need to know to attract women. To order the
complete course which includes the full ebook, the Confidence
Builder audio program and free bonuses, go to:

 

http://www.datingwar.com