CHAPTER 15
While Donald and Marie were lost in a passion of their own making, developing the strong bonds that held them together, all but unaware of the world around them, other people settled into lives of their own. Some were not unlike Donald’s and Marie’s. Some were far from that level, living their lives in misery and deprivation. There was happiness to be found in every street and there was unhappiness to counterbalance. One such was Natalie.
After leaving Rob and moving to another town many hours travel away, she tried her best to come to terms with her altered circumstances. It was far from easy. Much of her spare money had gone on the house and wedding arrangements. None of that was now available to her, nor did she want it. On finding somewhere to live, a small flat in the centre of the town, she unpacked listlessly and started putting her things away. Tears came to her eyes as she lifted out the underclothes that had been intended for the honeymoon. Angrily, she pushed them into a plastic bag, intending to get rid of them. They would be of no use to her now. The outer clothes were usable for normal, everyday purposes, but the fine lace, she knew, would bring only bitter memories. She looked at the third finger of her left hand, now bare of any decoration save a thin mark, slightly paler than the surrounding skin. Bare it was likely to stay. Who would give her a ring now? From whom could she take it in the unlikely event of one being offered? Trust had gone, vanished as quickly as a snowflake in a furnace. She had sold the engagement ring already, taking to a jeweller’s shop and asking a price for it. She accepted the handful of coins offered without comment but thinking that even in that way, Rob had acted cheaply. It wasn’t a question of the actual amount, that was unimportant, but he had pretended to her that the ring had cost many times more than its real value. A brass curtain ring or a piece of twisted wire would have been more than sufficient, if only he had kept faith. It didn’t matter now. Nothing mattered any more. All she could do was to sink into a quiet life, unregarded by anyone, going her own way and never getting involved again.
After setting her flat to rights, she went for what was meant to be a short walk and surveyed the sea with distaste. A fresh breeze blew from the water on to the land, causing her to wrap her coat around her more closely. It was probably a mistake to come to a seaside town but that was where the work was. There was very little choice in the matter. Here, at least, she could not be found, and she took comfort from the thought. She continued along the sea front, walking a good deal further than she had intended. The sun had long gone down and already it was dark enough to warrant having lights on in the houses. Those lights were not for her. They represented comfort and caring. She felt suddenly weary and in need of a rest. A bench seat was nearby, facing towards the sea. Sitting on it gratefully and shivering in the chilly night air, she looked out across the water, disturbed by strange thoughts. There was an amber moon sinking in the west, already more than half way below the horizon. She felt it would be so easy to walk into it and go down with it to get the rest she craved. Straight ahead, a hundred steps only and all her troubles would be over. Peace, oblivion and nothingness. Low, plate like clouds heightened the impression of the end of everything, matching her misery. She sat for a while, considering the thought, appalled to discover she was contemplating it seriously. That was no answer. However she felt now, Rob wasn’t worth that. He wouldn’t even notice, or if noticing, was unlikely to care. Angrily she shook herself and stood up, forcing her tired legs to take her further on, away from the rolling sea. She reached a break in the seemingly endless row of houses, where the darkness enveloped her as a friend, making her invisible and anonymous. Five minutes later, another row of houses began. It was difficult to see in the little light that was left, but it looked pretty here. Natalie sighed as she thought of her flat. It was adequate, but only just so. When getting established, she must look around for something better, assuming it could be afforded. This seemed like the sort of place she might settle in eventually. Well, it was a thought. Better than the cold water at any rate. Slowly she returned the way she had come, resolving to come back for a closer look later. There would be time for that. There was plenty of time now. Whatever her problems, time was not one of them.
On the following Monday, Natalie started her new job in a medium sized department store. It was then she received her first shock. She knew that the job involved working with ladies’ fashions but had been under the impression that that meant coats, dresses and sweaters. What she was not prepared for was lingerie. Not that it mattered, she was ready to sell anything, but after she had just disposed of certain of her own, it was an unintentionally cruel reminder of what might have been. About to protest for a moment, a sense of humour came to her rescue just in time. At least, she mused, there shouldn’t be too many men in here.
The work was not demanding. As the youngest of the three who worked there, part of her time was taken up with sorting the stock, pricing individual garments, even making the tea, but without a great deal of customer contact. For that, in the early days, she was duly grateful. At the end of the first day she went home, having bought food on the way. Preparing and eating it took a little time. Reading a newspaper took up a little more, until she felt it was time for bed. She lay awake for some time, listening to the raindrops on the window and reflecting on her new life, the pattern of which she had forged on this first day of work. Doubtless it would be dull and boring, but better boredom than a life of fragile and easily fractured excitement.