CHAPTER 29
It came as a shock to realise just how well Gabrielle had been known and in what high regard she was held. In the days that led up to the funeral, letters and cards of condolence flooded in by the hundred, sorted for the most part by Tom, who knew most of the well wishers. The funeral itself was quiet, attended by fewer than a dozen people, only Donald, four relatives and a couple of close friends. The church, however, was full to overflowing and long rows of people lined the cold and bleak streets as the cortege passed, many having made the trip in from the town to pay their respects.
’I always knew that people cared,’ said Donald helplessly at one point, ’but I never knew they cared as much as that.’
The vicar, guided by Tom, who privately thought that Donald had taken about as much as he could bear, kept the service short and simple. His address lasted less than five minutes but made up in quality for its lack of length, a quality that had a good many of the congregation weeping unashamedly. At the churchyard gates, two of Gabrielle’s old school friends approached, carrying a small posy of flowers each. Donald wrapped his arms around the girls and held them close for a brief moment of time, their tears blending together in the bitter winter wind.
At last it was over and a more than usually sombre Donald could relax in his house, free from the gaze of sympathetic onlookers. It was a relief to be alone. No, not quite alone. There was Tom, waiting for further instructions and Natalie, who even now had made herself busy in the kitchen. She could hear the low tones of the men as they conversed, leaving them together until she thought they had finished. Picking up the tray she had set, she pushed open the door into the living room and tried to bring her voice under control.
’Tea,’ she announced. ’Sandwiches, and a bit of cake for afters. I’ll make a proper meal later in the day when there’s more time.’
’I’m not hungry,’ said Donald.
’No doubt,’ she answered drily. ’Nevertheless, I want to see you take something. You had nothing for breakfast Donald and you ate precious little yesterday. Please.’
Unwillingly, Donald reached out for a sandwich, bit into it, and realised almost immediately how hungry he really was. Half a plateful disappeared rapidly under the approving eyes of his companions.
’Is there anything more I can do, Mr. Vickers?’ asked Tom.
’Thank you, no. Not at the moment. You’ve been a tower of strength, lad. I don’t know what I would have done without you.’
’Well in that case, I really should be getting along. I’m taking the rest of the day off but there’s a pile of reading waiting for me and that simply has to get done by next weekend.’
’I understand,’ said Donald. ’Keep in touch. That thing I mentioned, what we were talking about just now, may come off fairly soon. If so I’ll want to tell you more about it.’
Tom looked uncomfortable. ’Yes, well, you know my opinion, Mr. Vickers. As far as I’m concerned you can go ahead, though I realise I’m not the only person to be considered. Goodbye then, for the moment. Goodbye Natalie. Hope to see you again. When are you going back home?’
’I’m not sure,’ she answered. ’I don’t think it’s a good idea for Donald to be left on his own for a while but then I’m only a visitor. Donald, would you let me stay for a few more days at least?’
’Of course, Natalie,’ he said. ’Stay as long as it pleases you. I don’t want you to go just yet anyway, as I have certain things I wish to talk to you about.’
’Mysterious,’ Natalie commented. ’I can hardly wait to hear.’
Tom left and Donald and Natalie were on their own, with only a ghost to keep them company.
’There must be something I can do, Donald,’ said Natalie. ’Housework, meals, that sort of thing at least.’
Donald smiled, the first time he had done so for days. ’That’s very kind of you. I’ll take you up on it. There is another thing as well. Would you come up to Gabrielle’s room with me? It’s silly, I know, but I don’t want to go there alone, not the first time. It’ll be all right after that. It’s just that I’m afraid of seeing her and I know she can’t be there, at least not physically. Perhaps you might help to sort her things out.’
’Of course, Donald, whatever you wish.’
She took his hand as they went up the broad staircase. It was an unconscious action, yet seemed the right move to make. Strength flowed from her simple act. Donald drew in a deep breath and pushed Gabrielle’s door open. Apart from the fact that the room no longer contained the girl, everything was as it normally was. A neatly made bed, two chairs, a cabinet holding a water jug and the remains of a no longer needed medication, a wardrobe with a nightdress hung tidily from the handle, shelves of books and videos, a television mounted on a wall bracket, slippers peeking from under the bed. Donald gripped Natalie’s hand until it hurt, then relaxed.
’Sorry,’ he murmured.
On the bedside cabinet, propped up against the water jug was a diary, with a gold plated pen beside it. Underneath the diary was an envelope, unsealed and bearing Natalie’s name. Donald took it and held it out.
’This seems to be for you,’ he said.
’From Gabrielle?’
’Yes, she said she was writing you a letter. This must be it. She was writing to several people I know but most of the others were posted. She obviously guessed you would be here in person to pick yours up. Why don’t you read it now?’
Natalie sat on one of the chairs and opened the envelope, removing the paper she found inside. She noticed the date, a little over two weeks ago, then read on, her face deepening in colour as she did so.
My Dearest Natalie,
First I must tell you that I love you. I’ve known you for only a short time, yet it seems as though you have been at my side all my life. No, I haven’t mixed up the letters. This is for you and not Tom. He got one of his own which should make his ears curl or I’ve lost my vamping skills. I really wanted to tell you this, and lots more in person, but I’m afraid that circumstances have gone a bit beyond my control. I’d hoped to see you at Christmas but I know now that such a hope will be unfulfilled. It’s time to go and I’m ready for it, or as ready as anyone can ever be. It’s quite exciting, really, considering what happens next. Pity I can’t let you know. Still, who can tell? Perhaps there really will be some way in which I can let you know what it is like to go to the next stage.
There are some regrets, naturally. Poor dad will be left on his own and he won’t know what to do. Will you help him, Natalie? He does so need someone to be at his side. It’s asking a lot, I know but you can’t refuse me. Well, you can but I won’t be around to hear it. You’ll have no-one to argue the point with. Frustrating, or what?
There’s another thing. I remember my mum only very vaguely, as I was little more than a toddler when she died. Yet the picture I get in my mind is of someone very like you. Not that you look alike but I think you have the same or a very similar character. Of course, my view of mum is necessarily distorted and is probably rather fanciful. Nevertheless, dad has agreed that you do remind him in many ways of her. I always wanted a mum, just like other girls have, but since that was impossible, I always thought I could settle for a stepmother as long as she wasn’t the wicked type of fairy stories. Since I doubt if you know how to be wicked, it would have been very satisfactory if you had filled that position. Over the months we have known each other, I have come to regard you as rather less of a friend and rather more as the mum I never really knew. Well, such a decision wasn’t mine to make, worse luck. If it had been, you would have been wedded and bedded long since. I think that’s a quotation from Shakespeare, but I’m not sure. Anyway, whoever said it first, it fits the way I feel about you.
Also, I do believe it fits the way dad feels. He loves you, just as I do, only in a rather different way, naturally. It wouldn’t be much fun for you otherwise, would it? I’ll say that again, so there’s no mistake. Dad loves you. He’s a bit slow and probably doesn’t realise it yet, so I guess you will have to tell him. I’m assuming here that you want him to know. If you don’t, there’s nothing more to be said. Otherwise, you could take the plunge. You would be very good for him. And, I dare to say that he would be very good for you. Not only that, he would be very good to you. I can guess what you think about men since you were disillusioned all those years ago, but Donald Vickers will never let you down. Never, never, never. He’s not capable of it. I could go on about how you would have a very comfortable life, not having to worry about work or money but I know that’s not so important to you, so all I will say is, that he needs you. I happen to think you need him. I classify myself as being broadminded, so I’m not even suggesting marriage, though I think it would be a jolly good idea. In any event, being bedded without being wedded is at least a possibility, whatever your thoughts on the subject. The other way around doesn’t sound to be very satisfactory, which is why I never married Tom, even though he wanted to. He never actually said but I know he did. It was obvious really, otherwise why should he hang around a lost cause? I wanted it as much as he did but unfortunately I couldn’t be a real wife to him, not in the physical sense and it didn’t seem fair. You, however, can be a real wife to dad, whether married or not.
Well, maybe you can’t go that far. If not, please stay friends. He doesn’t have so many. Here endeth my last attempt at matchmaking. The rest is up to you.
All my love mum, now and forever,
Gabrielle
With tears streaming from her eyes, Natalie looked up from the letter to find Donald holding out a handkerchief.
’She has a gift with words,’ he murmured. ’I rather thought you may need this.’
’Have you seen this? Do you know what she wrote?’ asked Natalie unsteadily.
’No, I knew the letter was there for you. Naturally I didn’t read it. Nor did Gabby tell me about it, except the fact that she had written. I know nothing more.’
’I think you had better see it yourself,’ said Natalie, handing over the sheets of writing paper.
’But it’s a personal letter,’ said Donald.
’Very personal but it concerns you. Honestly, I think you should read it.’
Donald took the letter and perused it swiftly, pursing his lips at intervals.
’As I said, she has a gift for words. Other than that, I’m not quite sure what to say.’
’There’s no need to say anything, Donald. I mean, we can’t just pretend this was never written but maybe we can ignore it for practical purposes. If you want to, that is.’
Donald rubbed his eyes wearily with the flat of his hands then faced Natalie with a serious expression on his face.
’At the moment, I can’t really say. It’s too soon, too early. I hardly know what to think. To be honest, it’s enough just to struggle on from day to day without having any great thoughts about any one of possible futures. All I want to do right now is to sort out Gabrielle’s things before I get any silly idea of making a shrine of the place. Later, when that’s done, then we’ll talk. Oh, before I forget, this is for you as well.’
He reached into the bedside cabinet drawer, pulled out and handed over a small box, unwrapped. Natalie took it from him with trembling fingers and opened it. A ring nestled inside, a ring made of intricately woven gold threads, with a single dark blue stone in an equally complex setting.
’I’m sorry, Donald, I don’t quite understand.’
’It’s a present to you from Gabby,’ Donald explained. ’Originally it belonged to her great grandmother, hence the rather old fashioned workmanship. It’s been passed down ever since from mother to daughter. Since she would never have a daughter to give it to, she wanted you to have it.’
’But Donald, I can’t take this. It’s a family heirloom.’ Natalie sounded distressed.
Donald explained further. ’Read your letter again. As far as Gabby’s concerned, it stays in the family. Keep it, Natalie. It’s really yours.’
’It’s a beautiful thought, Donald,’ she said, sitting on the edge of the bed and bursting into tears again.
’And one I fully approve of. Not that I need to do so. The ring was Gabby’s to give as she pleased, not mine.’
Donald stroked Natalie’s hair almost unconsciously. She took his hand and pressed it against her wet cheek.
’But now to sort everything out,’ he said.
In near silence they worked on, clearing the room of memories. The bed stripped and remade, the support frame on which Gabrielle had spent so many hours dismantled, ready for contributing to the local hospital, the books and videos packed away until such time as space was found elsewhere in the house, all was gradually removed. At length, Donald expressed his satisfaction.
’She’s always with me,’ he said. ’She will never quite go away but this is better now. I don’t feel as though I expect to see her when I come in the room.’
He looked tired and weary, utterly spent. Natalie viewed him with concern.
’Why don’t you go to bed, Donald? Or do you want to eat first?’
He nodded. ’I’m surprisingly hungry. Yes, I’ll take something then I’ll turn in for the night. Things will look better tomorrow, I’m sure.’
Sleep did not come swiftly to him. There were too many impressions of a past life flitting through his mind, going round and round without form or meaning. Gradually he subsided into slumber, a disturbed, restless sleep that nevertheless refreshed as his mind offloaded the strains of the recent past.
Natalie too, had difficulty in falling asleep but eventually did so with the memory of Gabrielle’s letter sending a warm glow through her subconscious.
Morning came. Natalie woke up with a start then relaxed as she recalled where she was. She lay for a while, luxuriating in the feeling that there was no need to get up just yet. There was no work to go to, nothing to do at all. With a sudden pang of conscience, she looked at her watch, realising that perhaps she could get dressed and see about breakfast. She wasn’t, after all, exactly a conventional visitor. The thought was father to the deed. Swinging her legs over the edge of the bed, she dressed quickly, then doing little more than rinsing her hands and face in the bathroom, made her way downstairs to the kitchen. It was empty and showed no signs of being used since the night previous. Natalie gathered the few dirty cups and dishes there found and stacked them in the sink, then searched the cupboards until finding what she looked for, tea, coffee and sugar. The refrigerator yielded eggs, milk and juice. Opening another cupboard door revealed a selection of cereals. After setting the table, she turned her attention to the stove, switching it on while she made another search of the refrigerator’s nether regions. Soon, the kitchen was filled with a delicious aroma of fried eggs and tomatoes. She hummed happily to herself as she worked.
A slight sound, not of the cooking, attracted her attention. Turning, she saw Donald watching her through the doorframe. He was dressed and even appeared to have shaved.
’That smells good,’ he said. ’Is there enough for two?’
’You take this,’ answered Natalie, loading a plate and placing it on the table. ’I’ll do some more. Coffee?’
’Yes please. It’s very good of you to do this.’
’Nonsense Donald, I’ve been here well over a week already and this is the first time I’ve made breakfast. Indeed, you are the one who has seen to most of the meals. It’s time I lent a hand.’
’As you say. Thank you anyway.’
Breakfast over and washing up completed, Donald and Natalie collected several boxes from Gabrielle’s room and packed them in the car, ready to be taken away and distributed, some to places which could use them, others to be disposed of as rubbish. This task took most of the day. On returning, they slumped in sofas facing each other and drank a welcome mug of steaming coffee. Natalie was the first to break the companionable silence.
’Donald, could I use your telephone, please?’
’Of course, there’s no need to ask.’
Natalie put down her empty mug and moved into the hallway, where she picked up the phone and dialled a number. Shortly afterwards she came back and sat beside him, looking subdued.
’Anything wrong?’ asked Donald.
’No, not exactly wrong. It’s just that I have to go back home. That was my employer I called, to inform him that I may be away a day or two yet. He wasn’t exactly unpleasant about it, but he told me that if I wasn’t at work tomorrow, he might be obliged to give my job to someone else.’
’I see. Well, that’s simple enough. Ring back and tell him you’re staying, that you don’t need the job.’
She smiled. ’But I do, Donald. It’s not much of a job and it would give no heartache to give it up but the bills do have to be paid. I’m not likely to get another, not so easily.’
’I see,’ he said again, leaning back in his chair to regard her with a thoughtful look upon his face. ’Why don’t you stay here?’
’I’d love to Donald but it just isn’t possible.’
’To use a word you threw at me yesterday, nonsense. As it happens, I’m getting back to work. Writing, that is and that’s work that’s done at home. Let me explain. Don’t worry, you’ve got plenty of time to get the train if you don’t care for my explanation. For that matter I’ll take you in the car if you wish. It wouldn’t be any bother and it would give me the benefit of your company for a bit longer.’
’Nonsense again, Donald,’ said Natalie. ’Two days travelling? You aren’t up to driving that distance in safety, not yet.’
Donald sighed. ’You’re right, of course. Anyway, to explain quickly, I have several pieces of writing I want to tackle. They have built up over the years, I’ve made copious notes and there’s just the drudge of writing out. They’ll keep me in work for quite a long time. But there’s a particular story I need to write. It could be important. It may be the most important piece of writing I’ll ever do. Whether I do write it or not depends partly upon you. An outline has been written already, along with a few sample chapters. My publisher is enthusiastic and has taken out an option on it, though I have warned him it may never be completed. My agent has seen the synopsis as well and is already talking about film rights.’
He hesitated. ’It’s Gabby’s story, of course. The day she died she reminded me of it. Some time ago now, she asked me to write about her, to have it published if possible. Well, I’ve gone so far with that, but now I’m at a standstill. Gabby can’t be bothered by anything that may ensue from publication, not that that would ever have troubled her, but she’s not the only one to be considered. She’s not the only person in the story. You appear there, of necessity. Gabby insisted on it. She’s right, of course, as she so often was.
’What I want to know is this; could you take being written about? Names will be changed in the time honoured tradition, naturally, but the main characters will inevitably be identifiable.’
’There’s Tom as well,’ said Natalie, her mind racing and seeking for time to think about the extraordinary proposition. ’I imagine he must be in it.’
’Yes, there’s Tom. I’ve spoken to him already. He agrees. In fact, his only real comment concerned the apparent lack of love interest and suggested that I might beef it up a bit.’
’Is that between him and Gabrielle, or you and me?’ asked Natalie.
’He didn’t specify, but I think he was referring to Gabby’s emotional attachments,’ said Donald, amused. ’He’s still a young man and can’t really imagine the old and wrinkled falling in love. The thing is this, if you have any objection, on any grounds at all, the project will be scrubbed. I’ll go ahead and write it, but it will remain as a private journal and nothing more.’
’And if I agree?’
’Then it gets published. And you’ll get yourself talked about.’
’So will you,’ she remarked.
’So I will. It all helps the sales.’
’And Tom? What about him?’
’Tom doesn’t mind. It will do his career no harm, especially when it is known that he intends to specialise in cancer research.’
’So it all rests on me. It seems an awful responsibility, Donald.’
’I’m sorry. It is a little unfair. But I can see you’re not sure about the idea. No problem. The publisher can look elsewhere for a best seller.’
Natalie placed a hand upon Donald’s arm and looked hard into his face.
’You’re wrong, Donald. I’m very sure about the idea.’ She sniffed, blinking back the tears with difficulty. ’I think you ought to write what may well be one of the finest love stories ever written. Even if I wanted to stop it, I wouldn’t. I have no moral right in the matter. I think you ought to go ahead.’
’You do? Honestly? You realise that the press will be hunting you down when it comes out?’
’Yes, I suppose they will. That doesn’t matter in the slightest. Since I’ve done nothing to be ashamed of, it doesn’t matter at all, not even if you do beef up the love interest.’
’Thank you, my dear,’ said Donald, sending a pleasurable shiver running up Natalie’s spine at his unconscious use of the endearment. ’But now I do have a problem. In order to write, I need several months of undisturbed living. I’m always ready to eat a meal but making them cuts into writing time. Cleaning, shopping, all the things that I’ve been busy with for so long destroy the ability to work as I prefer. Would you come and keep house for me?’
Natalie’s heart jumped. Her mind went into a turmoil and it was several seconds before she could speak.
’You mean, come to live here, make your meals, do the shopping, clean...?’ Her voice faded to a whisper.
’Keep casual callers at bay, answer the telephone, pay the bills, keep the car topped up with petrol, remind me of appointments. All that and a good deal more besides. And only the job, irrespective of Gabby’s thoughts on the subject. It’s not much in the way of a career, I know, but maybe little worse than what you’re doing now.’
’But Donald, I couldn’t think of a job that would give me more satisfaction. I’m not a career woman. I’m a domestic type, always was. Yes, I’ll come. I’ll come with pleasure.’
’I’m a lucky man,’ Donald murmured. ’I can’t think why you weren’t snapped up long ago.’
’I almost was. Gabrielle said something about it in her letter. Perhaps I had better tell you about that.’
’I don’t say I wouldn’t be interested but that’s a private matter. I don’t need to know.’
’Not so private as you might think,’ returned Natalie ruefully. ’Gabrielle wormed the story out of me within a few hours of our first meeting. I’d like to tell you, anyway. It’s simple enough. I was engaged to be married once, many years ago. Everything was set for the wedding only a few days later, when I found my fiance in bed with the bridesmaid. In our own house at that, in what was to be our own bed. She was, had been, my best friend, the only friend I had, in fact. I don’t know who I hated the more at that time. It was hard to believe that not all men were like that but I’ve learned better since. You aren’t. Tom isn’t.’
’Poor Tom, perhaps he should have been. He’d have got a bit more out of an otherwise rather hopeless courtship.’
’I think that’s called love,’ said Natalie softly, casting her eyes downwards.
’I think perhaps it is,’ said Donald. ’Not that I can make it up to him in any way that matters. I only had the one daughter and there was only ever the one Gabby but I can put him on a sound financial footing. That’s a thing you need to know about Gabby’s story. Any proceeds from the book go to Tom for cancer research. He doesn’t know it yet but if it is made into a film, he gets the money from that as well.’
’But that’s wonderful, Donald. It could be worth a fortune.’
He shook his head and smiled. ’Maybe, I don’t always trust my agent when he lacks enthusiasm. He may not necessarily to be trusted when he does show enthusiasm. We’ll see. There’s a long way to go before that happens.’
’Donald.’ Natalie hesitated. ’May I ask you a personal question?’
’Of course. I don’t promise to answer it.’
’Did you ever think of remarrying?’
Donald breathed in and blew his cheeks out as he considered. ’Life’s been a bit too busy even to think about it but the answer would have to be no. It wouldn’t have been fair to ask any woman to take on an invalid girl. There wouldn’t have been much of a married life, you see. Until Tom came to lend a hand, I don’t think I had a single night’s unbroken sleep for over five years. That’s not much of an option for anyone.’
’Some people would have been proud to take the task on, if only for your sake,’ said Natalie.
’Would you have done it?’ asked Donald gently but pointedly.
Natalie stared up at him almost defiantly. ’Yes, yes I would. I think you are the most wonderful person I have ever met. I don’t know if I love you or not, but I have come to respect you enormously.’ She smiled tremulously. ’No, forget I said that. I do know. I’ve known for some time. You are an easy man to fall in love with. Maybe Gabrielle was right. I loved her too. You, all of you, showed me what love really is. I never had it before. What I thought was love in my past was nothing more than something rather basic. It was selfish, and wouldn’t have made me happy. You especially, Donald, you taught me that love is unselfish, that it gives without asking anything in return. I think I always knew that, but it was a thought that was a bit difficult to keep hold of after Rob let me down.’
’Is that why you agreed to come and work for me, without even asking the rate of pay?’
’Partly, yes. You indicated the need and I would far rather it was myself who filled the position and not somebody else who may not understand what you’ve been through.’
’I see,’ remarked Donald. ’I’m not sure I can reciprocate your feelings, you understand that? It’s not a thing I’ve even thought about.’
’I understand. It doesn’t matter.’
’Do I love you, as Gabby said?’ Donald mused. He sighed pensively. ’Maybe one day, if there’s anything in the theory of consanguinity. If you feel there’s a need, you can let me know later, but please don’t tell me yet. At the moment I can’t think straight. I need to get down to work and allow the stresses to drain off before I can be half way coherent. After that, well, we’ll see. I promise you, you’ll be the first to be informed, just as soon as I know it myself. In the meantime, it feels good to have you around. Why don’t you pick up the telephone again and inform your boss you have better things to do?’