Ch8
Just like other schools, there were nerds and geeks at my high school. I never paid attention to them. However, one time when I was coming back from a football game, I saw a girl with dark hair and glasses walking next to me. She seemed smart, and she was carrying a large instrument, maybe a trombone. She had kind eyes. I wanted to talk to her. I liked her. I wanted to spend time with her and get to know her. However, we popular kids did not talk to band players or geeks. I saw her several times, but I did not even say hello to her. How stupid was I? I thought I was better than other people because of the way I looked and the people I hung out with. This was wrong. If I had been honest with myself and ignored what other people thought, my life would have been very different. Why didn’t I do that? Now I do not have anything left. Among all those people I looked down on, how could any of them possibly be living worse than I am now?
-R-
Robert was going crazy. He couldn’t get Sara out of his head. He thought that was ridiculous and embarrassing. It was something that should not have happened. At first, he thought he liked to see her because she looked like Audrey Hepburn, and because she had a special energy, he liked to listen to her. After that day at the festival, everything had changed. He could not even sleep without thinking about her. He really wanted to go to the festival the next day and see her, but he did not, and then regretted not going.
It's creepy... I am a creep. He felt guilty for just thinking about her. At home, on the street, in traffic, at work, he was filled with only one emotion; love. He felt nervous when he was around her house. He tried everything to stop thinking about her. He tried driving, drinking, working hard, but no matter what he did, his heart kept picturing her face, hearing her voice, and smelling that delicious apple scent. His memory of her was so warm and sweet. She was an angel in his mind.
He stood up in the middle of working. I need to stop thinking about her. I am going crazy. My mind is not working. Should I talk to Dr. Albert? Could he help me?
"You look different today. Did you do something with your hair?” one of the secretaries asked Robert.
"No, why?" Robert asked.
"Nothing. You just look different." She smiled.
I look different…what does that mean? Robert looked into the mirror, but he could not see any differences. The only thing that had changed was that he could not calm down.
After he came home, he was still feeling unsettled. He could not believe that he liked somebody that was so young, younger than his daughter. I am losing it. I need to do something. This is like a crime. However, his intentions were pure. There is nothing I can do, nothing will ever happened. It’s impossible. He realized this and felt discouraged.
He made a simple dinner for himself and watched the television. The news was still talking about the Festival and the psychic who killed his wife and ran. He changed the channel to a classic movie channel as always, and there was Audrey Hepburn on it. It was not Sara, but he felt embarrassed, and quickly changed the channel.
He tried to sleep that night, but he could not. In fact, he hadn’t slept well for a couple of days, but he did not feel tired. Every time he had a little bit of time, he always thought of talking to Sara, or what had happened at the festival. He thought how happy he would’ve been if he had taken a picture with her there. He wondered if he could see her again, and then, he thought he was expecting something wrong, and tried to forget everything. He repeated this cycle over and over again.
Until that event happened to Robert, he thought he was like a cow waiting to be butchered. He was surprised that he still had that kind of emotion to give to anyone or the energy to like somebody. That night he had a dream about Sara. She was smiling at him. He was so excited to see her. He told her how lonely and sad he was and how much he regretted his life. He talked about his family, Neal, his dreams and everything that had been on his mind for a long time. It was the first time he did that—opened his mind completely to someone. While Robert was talking, his emotions burst out and he started crying in front of her. Sara listened was a wonderful listener and softly embraced him. She was rubbing his back and said, "It is ok, Robert. Everything is ok. It's not your fault. You are fine..." Robert felt happy like he never had before, but when he woke up from his dream his heart was filled with terrible emptiness. He wished that he had died while he was dreaming. He thought it could be a happy ending to his life.