Ch11
I had a list of conversation topics running through my head that I could use when I talked to Sara, but when I actually stood in front of her, I did not remember any of them. In fact, I still felt like everything was surreal. Magic (Boldo told me it’s a mojo/dark magic) really did exist in this world and through that magic, I could see and talk to Sara. After I talked to Sara yesterday, I felt exhausted. I lay down on the couch, and it was like lying down on a cloud.
The world I am looking at now is very different from the world that I was looking at when I was old. Back then, I felt like my world had stopped a long time ago. Everything was dull, like wearing gloves and trying to feel things; I could not feel anything close. I cannot say I am all better now, but at least, I have something to do, that means I am moving toward something worth it.
After today, I will have 78days to live. I exhaled. It used to be hard to get up once I lay down, but now my body is full of energy. Young people don’t know how good they have it.
I grabbed my laptop and used Facebook. I saw my family photo on Nancy's page. It was my family, but I was not there anymore. I tried to hide my feelings, but I knew that I always regretted my choice to give up my family. I was immature. My emotions were bouncing while I was looking at my family photos. I saw Hannah in the picture. 'Hannah Corman.' They stopped using my last name a long time ago. I could not see a lot about her, but I wanted to know if she was doing alright. I saw John working in his police station. There was a picture of him eating with his friends, arresting criminals and also him with Nancy and Gary. That should have been me. I felt anger towards Gary. My body habitually craved alcohol as I stressed out. I realized this was what I have been doing for a very long time; running away from pain and my past through drinking. I went downstairs and drank water instead of beer. I am not an old man anymore. I am revived. After I calmed down, I stood against the wall. I’m going to die soon, and maybe that’s a good thing. I won’t have to deal with this kind of pain ever again. No one will miss me or anything. I looked outside of the window. It seemed dark and cold.
-R-
A little after 7 in the morning, Robert opened his eyes. As soon as he woke up, he went to see the mirror. There was a young man. He exhaled with relief. He had already checked the mirror many times to make sure he wasn’t imagining things. He walked down to the kitchen and Boldo was making breakfast.
“Hey, good morning, man,” Boldo said while he was cracking an egg on the pan. It had been a very long time since he lived with somebody. It was a little bit strange, but it wasn’t bad.
“How are you feeling, young man?” Boldo asked.
“I’m good,” Robert answered. Boldo was sprinkling salt on the egg.
“Hey, Boldo.”
“What?”
“Do you know what happens after death?”
“Are you asking if there’s heaven? I think I already told you about this. I don’t know. Probably, a good person would go to a better place than a bad person. Why? Are you afraid?”
“I am not sure. This is great, but kind of overwhelming at the same time.”
“I will go to hell. I killed two people, and I did a lot of bad things.” Boldo looked at Robert and smiled. Robert did not understand how Boldo could talk like it was nothing. The pain Robert went through during the mojo was indescribable. He thought hell must be worse, and he could not even imagine the pain that hell would give people.
“I used dark magic; would that affect me after my death?”
“I don’t know.” Boldo answered shortly while he was cooking. Robert was not sure if he could trust him.
“Here is the thing.” Boldo was putting his plate in front of Robert. There were eggs and bacon. “Why don’t you enjoy this moment instead of worrying about going to hell or not. You already suffered enough.”
“I guess you are right, but I think I need to organize my stuff before I die, so I was thinking yesterday about starting to write my will.”
“That’s not a bad idea. See? Knowing when you are going to die is actually pretty good.”
Robert put a piece of egg into his mouth. “This is really good.”
“Yeah, it's a gypsy recipe.”
Robert wrote an email to his work and quit his job. He really liked the fact that he did not have to go to work anymore. Later, he organized his assets. He prepared money for Hannah, and drew out the money for Boldo. Boldo just nodded his head and took the bag of money without checking it. Robert cleaned his car and put in a caramel scent. He mowed his lawn and cleaned his yard. He thought it would be nice to plant some flowers and trees in his ugly yard. He went out and found a good restaurant to take Sara to, and ate fried chicken with Boldo for lunch. When the date was drawing near, Robert could not calm down.
"Hey, why don't you sit down? You’re driving me crazy," Boldo complained.
"Shut up, if you don't like it, you can leave," Robert said reflectively.
"Wow. Someone is a little tense."
Hearing that made Robert remember when he was young. He was good at many things but he was prideful and selfish. Not many people were around him. He realized he had misspoken to Boldo.
"Hey, I am sorry. I was nervous and stressed out." Boldo put his hand on Robert and gestured to him that it was okay and all was forgiven.
"What's your plan? You can stay as long as you want." Despite that he was a murderer and a shaman who practiced voodoo, Robert actually felt comfortable around Boldo. He was not sure if it was because him and Boldo had things in common or because Boldo was the only one who could read his mind.
"I will be here a little longer until things quiet down, then I will probably go to Mexico or something.”
Boldo was watching Charlie Chaplin on the Comedy channel, but he did not laugh. Robert realized that Boldo never reacted to any shows, and the shows that he was watching were quite random. Robert realized that Boldo was not actually watching the television. He was sitting in front of it as if he needed something to distract his mind.
“This is one of her favorite shows.”
“Whose?”
“My wife, I keep remembering," Boldo said.
"Oh." Robert did not know what to say.
"I wish I hadn’t killed her. I could have just forgiven her. Just talked to her maybe."
Robert did not know what to say. Nancy's face flashed back on his mind.
"It's funny, huh? I used to love her so much. We loved each other so much, but slowly everything changed, and..." Robert could only see Boldo's back, but Boldo's voice was different than usual. It was a little bit shivering. "I just couldn't believe that she betrayed me."
"I know how you feel; my wife did the same thing to me. It was my fault though."
"You didn't kill anybody. That's wise."
"Yeah, but I beat up the guy pretty bad and I went to jail."
"Ha, I knew you had a temper. Remember? You tried to fight back when you were still an old man."
Robert scoffed. "The funny part was, I wasn't that mad at her at the time. I was mostly mad at the guy. I didn't know why back then, but I think I was like that because I never really loved her. You are obviously different."
"I guess," Boldo answered shortly. They did not talk about anything for a while. The only noise was coming from the Charlie Chaplin show on the television.
Robert knocked on Sara's door. His heart was pounding and he was filled with excitement. No one answered and that made him a little bit nervous.
"Just a minute!" Sara called back, and her voice calmed him down. She smiled as she opened the door.
"Hi, Joe. How are you?’ She was wearing a blue t-shirt and black pants. She was smiling at Robert and Robert thought he was losing his breath.
"Doing good. How about yourself?" His new name was a little bit awkward, but it did not matter to him.
"I'm doing pretty well." Robert opened the car door for Sara and sat in the driver’s seat. Robert could not stop smiling.
"What? What is so funny?" Sara asked.
"No, I, I think the weather is really nice today."
"Yeah it is." Sara giggled.
"So where did Mr. Mitchell go?"
"He said he was going to Europe and some other places."
"That's so cool. You have a sweet uncle."
"Yeah. He is great." Robert started driving.
He took Sara to the restaurant 'Beautifule Rivière.' They took a seat next to the window. The restaurant was filled with weak golden light and there were flowers everywhere.
"I love flowers." Sara was looking around at the flowers.
"What is your favorite flower?"
"Well. I like roses, tulips, uh I like pretty much everything." Robert thought it might be nice to give her flowers later.
"This place looks nice."
"Yeah, I heard the food is really good here."
"Who told you that?"
"My uncle did."
"How long have you been here?"
"Uh. 3days."
"Really? You know the place pretty well."
"Oh, I drive a lot so it's kind of easy." Robert made an excuse.
"I've been here around two months. I really like this place."
"Here? Seattle or the restaurant?"
"Actually, both." Sara smiled and Robert felt happy. The waiter came with glasses of water and menus.
"I am a potential regular customer, what would you recommend?" The waiter explained about the menu and Robert watched Sara listening to the waiter. He felt like he was watching a movie.
"What about you, sir?" His question snapped Robert back to reality.
"Oh, I will have this." He pointed to a random steak.
"Garlic steak?" the waiter asked.
"Y-yes, that one." Robert smiled at the waiter. After he finished ordering Sara asked,
“How long are you going to be here?”
Robert did know what to say, at first, but he remembered that he could only live 78 days.
“A little more than two months.”
“Are you a student?”
“I just graduated, and I will be leaving soon to study abroad.”
“That’s cool. Where are you going?”
“France.” He randomly said France. He realized that he did not prepare enough. He should have thought about his back story more instead of just walking around the living room.
“Cool. I always wanted to go to Europe. You should send me some pictures.” Sara laughed.
“What about you? Do you go to college?” Robert wondered.
“Yes, down in Nevada.”
“Which part?”
“It’s called Carson City.”
“I think I know where it is. What do you study?”
“Communications.”
“Cool.”
“Thanks. What about you?”
“Stock market stuff. I used to want to be a rich businessman.”
“What about now?”
“I am looking for something that is better than money.” Robert thought that was a good line to say.
“What is that?”
“I don’t know. That’s why I am looking.”
Talking to Sara was much easier than Robert thought. Sara was talkative and every time Robert ran out of things to say, she brought up a new topic. Robert could tell that she was genuine, and he was very happy about that.”
“So, how long will you stay here?” Robert asked.
“I am not sure. Until I feel comfortable going back home.”
“Oh, what happened?”
“I don’t know, just some complicated stuff.”
“Sorry to hear that.”
“That’s ok.”
Robert did not even know if the food was good or not because all his attention was on Sara. Just a couple of days ago, he could only see her through a flier or in his memory. He wished he could run into her and talk to her. He thought he was wrong, and wanted to move away. Now she was sitting in front of him, talking to him like a real person.
“So have you made any friends yet?” Sara asked.
At that moment Robert thought about Boldo. “N-no. I haven’t.”
“Well. Now you have one.”
“That’s cool. Well. Since we’re friends, if you have some spare time, could you show me around?”
“Yes, sure. When do you have time?”
“Anytime. I got nothing to do now. It’s my break.”
“Do you like running?”
“Yes.”
“Ok. Let’s run. That’s how I learned about the area.”
“Sounds good to me.”
“Is 8 ok?”
“Perfect.” Robert was shouting in his mind. Every word that he spent on Sara was precious. Every second, every minute, Robert focused on each moment. After he dropped her off, he put her number in his phone. Robert walked home with a big smile. Boldo was still watching television.
“How was it?” Boldo asked without looking at him.
“It was good. I want to try to be friends with her on Facebook. Is it too soon?”
“You can do it.”
“Oh, now?”
“Yeah, now a days kids do stuff very fast.”
“Kids? Am I a kid?”
“Well. You have the vessel.”
Boldo took a picture of Robert for a profile picture. Robert changed his name to Joe, and sent the request to Sara.
“Well. You don’t have any friends. You better come up with a good excuse.”
“How about I wanted to restart my life?”
“Well. Something like that.” Robert smiled while he was looking at Sara’s picture.
“You are creepy,” Boldo said.
“Yeah, whatever.”
“But I can understand.” Boldo moved to the couch and sat and kept talking. “When you are really into somebody, your mind fills with them. It’s not like you can control it, and it feels good too.”
“Yes, it does.” Robert tried to find Boldo’s page.
“It’s Boldo Cashimeh Lovel.”
“What?”
“It’s my name. You were looking for me.”
“How did you know?”
“It’s an easy guess.”
Robert found Boldo’s page. Boldo was smiling with his wife in a big conference room. Robert thought Boldo actually looked very happy in the picture. His wife was a dark haired beautiful woman. Now, Boldo looked like a man who lost something. He loved his wife, he was angry at her betrayal, he lost her, and now he was regretting it.
“Do you have children?” Robert asked.
“No, but we were planning to have one next year. I thought having a child might help our relationship. When was the last time you talked to yours?”
“I can’t even remember.” Robert sighed, and sat back on the couch. He tried to think about meeting Sara tomorrow instead of John and Hannah. But what do I want to do with Sara? I can only stay here for a certain amount of time. Is it good to be just friends? No, I want, I wish I could be more than that to her. How much closer can we be in 78 days? I just wanted to talk to her at first, but now I want more...
The next morning, he woke up early. He wanted to look good for Sara, so he took a shower and wore some of the clothes and cologne he bought the other day. He watched the news while he was eating breakfast. It seemed like people stopped talking about Boldo. He went outside at 7:50 a.m. Sara was already there. She was wearing an orange shirt and shorts. She tied her hair back with a black hair band.
“Good morning.” Sara said first.
“Morning.”
“Are you ready? Do you want to do some stretching before we go?”
“Ok.” Robert was staring at Sara more intently. He noticed she had some freckles. Wind blew and touched her tied hair. At that moment Sara laughed a little bit.
“What?” Robert asked.
“Nothing. Are you ready?” Robert was worried that he looked funny in his new clothes. He checked himself, but he did not see anything weird.
“I will show you around first. There is a small park and a stream. It’s very pretty. If we have more time later, we can run downtown,” Sara said while she was running. It seemed like she already knew a lot of things about the town.
“Look! That house’s roof is so cute.” Sara pointed to a blue house. She told Robert that every time she saw a pretty house. Robert did not even know about these houses even though he had lived here for decades. She often said hello to neighbors and Robert did the same after Sara. After 15min of running they arrived at the park. There were only a few people outside.
“This is a good place to read!” Sara told Robert. Robert tried to not show it, but he was already exhausted. He had not run for a very long time. He was gasping, but when Sara saw him, he tried to smile and pretended he was fine.
“Let’s take a break here.” She slowly stopped running.
“Sure.” Robert thought he was going to die.
“Are you ok?” Sara asked.
“Y, yes. I just went to bed really late.” They went to the bench and sat down.
“Thanks for showing me around. It’s really nice around here,” Robert said.
“No problem. I usually run downtown.”
Robert almost said, I know. We met there before.
“Isn’t it too far?” Robert asked.
“Nope. It takes 20-25 minutes, and after I run that amount, I’m always on a running high.”
“How is your roommate?”
“Michelle? I love her. She is one of my best friends. We went to middle and high school together in Nevada. This is actually where she’s from and my grandmother lives here so I am visiting her. Anyways, Michelle is very funny; you need to get to know her. We used to dance together a lot.”
“Dance?”
“Yes. Social dance. Like ballroom dance.” Sara gestured a dance pose.
“So you dance well?”
“I guess so. I’ve been dancing for a while. Do you dance?” Robert thought about it. The only dancing he did was in a club.
“No, but I would like to learn,” Robert said.
“Really? That’s good. You should come with us. There is a place next to Kadson University. We are going this week. You can meet my friends. I think Jack is coming, too. Ah, Jack is a guy who lives around here.”
Robert remembered the guy who Sara talked to the other day. That punk was dating her?
“It sounds fun.” Robert answered shortly and continued. “So, are you, uh, dating him?” Robert asked carefully.
“No way. We are just friends. I think he wants to date me though.” Robert felt relief when she said that. Sara continued to talk.
“I am not looking to date anyone right now. I broke up with my fiancée recently.”
“You were engaged?”
“Well. Not technically, but we’ve been together for a very long time. Since we were young, so it was kind of natural that we thought about marriage. Anyway, I don’t want to date now. Nope.” She shook her head. Robert wondered what had happened between those two, but he noticed that she did not want to talk about it anymore.
“I am sorry to hear that.”
“I think it was a good decision for both of us. I am enjoying being on my own now. I feel comfortable. That is another reason I came here. I wanted to be able to relax.”
Robert felt disappointment. He felt that Sara was completely closed off to him. It would be hard to expect her to change while he was alive. Suddenly the morning air felt very cold.
“What about you? Are you seeing anyone?”
“Me? No. I uh, just broke up with someone, too.”
“Well. If you want to date, I can set you up with one of my friends. I think Michelle would like you.”
That was not what Robert wanted. Not her. Not anyone else. I only want you. He could not say it aloud.
“No. I mean. I want to take a rest, too so…”
“I agree. I think I really like being single now. Being with friends for once is really nice, but let me know if you change your mind,” Sara said with a smile.
What about you? Are you going to tell me, if you change your mind?
When he came back from running, he lay down on the living room floor. He felt tired but it didn’t matter. He felt something sinking in his chest. It felt like he had a broken heart. He thought that was ridiculous. He closed his eyes and sighed. When he opened his eyes, he saw Boldo looking down at him.
“Ah!” Robert was surprised.
“What?”
“You just showed up out of nowhere.”
“I think you are having some trouble. What is it?”
Robert sat up and sighed.
“Tell me. You will feel relieved.”
“Maybe later.”
“Hmmm. Ok. You should know that there are so many people who want my counseling. When I do that I get paid $5,000-$10,000.”
“You’re lying.”
“Nope. To rich people, it’s nothing. They are willing to pay more because I always give them a solution.”
“Where is all that money?”
“In the bank.”
“So it’s gone.”
“Far gone.”
Boldo sat on the couch and turned the television on. Robert felt so tired and nodded off a little bit. When he woke up, Boldo was asleep on the couch. Robert turned off the television and quietly went out and took a walk for a little bit. Robert came this far, but Sara was still very far away. He thought about just going after her, but it was not convincing. If he went after her, she could possibly shut him down completely.
“Just go for it.” Boldo told Robert when he said what happened that day.
“I knew you were going to say that.”
“Who cares? Be a man.”
“I guess you are right in normal situations. For other people, there are a lot of women outside but…”
“But you have only her.” Boldo finished Robert’s sentence. Boldo smiled at Robert.
“What? Do you have a solution?”
“Give me some time. There may be some ingredients left over.”
“Ingredients?” Boldo went to the basement. Robert sat down for a while and started cooking dinner. He took out the bread and barbequed the pork. It did not look good, but it tasted ok. When the dinner was almost ready, Boldo came back with a proud smile. He was holding a small brown bottle.
“This usually costs around $20,000.”
“What is that?”
“This is the potion of love. You must have heard about this.”
“Yes, I did. “
“With this, you can fall in love with anybody.”
“But I don’t think that is a good idea.”
“Why?”
“It’s not real love. Her feelings would be fake.”
“So what? You have only like 78 days to live. This is more than enough.”
“No, I don’t want that.”
“Why not?”
“It’s not fair. I don’t want to cheat her.”
“You risked your life, you deserve it.”
“No. I won’t take it.”
“So you will just die like that?”
“Well. If I have to.”
Boldo started laughing. “You’ve watched too many movies!”
Robert flipped the meat on the pan without saying anything. “Here. I made it for you, so you decide.” Boldo put the bottle on the table. “And let me know when dinner is ready.” Boldo walked out of the kitchen.
Robert was cooking and watching the meat, but his mind was somewhere else. He glimpsed at the potion. Even though he said no to Boldo, he was really tempted by the offer. He hated the fact that he was even thinking about it. He slowly walked to the table and grabbed the bottle. There was a bluish liquid and small particles were floating in it. Since he made it, this must be the real potion. I can change Sara’s mind. She can be my girlfriend, and I will be happy until I die. For the last time, I can be happier than any other time in my life, but… He pictured Sara’s face. Could he do that to someone he cared about so much? Robert dropped the bottle in the trash can and flipped the meat again. He did not notice that Boldo was watching him from a distance.