Ch13
Hey, Neal. It’s me. Sorry that I haven’t been here for a while. I put a bouquet of red carnations on Neal's grave. I don't remember what flowers Neal liked. I thought it was very weird for a guy to like flowers so I never asked; but a positive man like him would like any flowers. I sat down on the ground. The weather was great, and there were many people in the cemetery. I had no idea what would happen to me after death, but I think Neal may know everything that has happened to me. After I was changed to a young man, I kept remembering the times when Neal and I were young. He looked up to me, and he was very supportive about everything I did. I wonder if he would still support me in making this decision about my life.
The wind was blowing my hair. The scenery was beautiful. Neal must be in a place like this, or somewhere better. He was a great man. I think he deserved to go to heaven. Will I be able to see him again? I don’t think I can go to the same place as him.
There are people gathered up there. People wearing black reminds me of a bunch of ants. What would my funeral be like? It will be quiet and I will be alone, I guess. Should I ask Boldo to stay with me? And Sara; will she remember me? She probably will. What do you think, Neal? What should I do for my funeral?
Even though he always supported me, there were a few times he tried to change my mind. One of them was my decision to get a divorce. I did not listen to him, and everything was ruined. But it’s ok. I am happy now, and I will try to die happily. I hope you can hear me.
-R-
Robert was looking at his yard. He tried to fix it before, but it still looked ugly. He went out to buy a new lawn mower and tried to work on it, but it was still ugly. Some parts of the grass were totally dead. He remembered Martin Luther’s quote. “Even if I knew that tomorrow the world would go to pieces, I would still plant my apple tree.” He decided to plant something in his yard and went to the plant farm. There were many kinds of flowers and trees.
“What are you looking for, sir?” A young man came to him. He explained the situation and bought flowers like roses, narcissus, sunflowers, tulips and some other flowers that he did not even know the names of. He also bought tools like a rake, trowel, and some other stuff. He must have had tools in his garage, but he just bought new ones to save time.
“You have a good eye,” one of the employees said while he was helping put stuff in Robert’s car.
“Uh. No, but I would like to have some plants. On the way back, he bought some hamburgers from McDonalds and ate with Boldo. Every time Robert went outside, Boldo always expected him to bring some food, and Robert did not disappoint Boldo.
“Where did you go?” Boldo asked.
“I went to the plant farm.”
“Why?”
“I wanted to make my yard look better.”
After lunch, Robert started digging into the ground. Robert sweated, and it felt nice. He remembered that Sara liked flowers, and wished he could plant some for her. It had been a week since the dance, and he only saw her a couple times. Robert was wondering if Jack was with her. Robert sighed and decided to take a break, dropping the spade.
“Are you planting something?” Robert turned back, and Sara was standing behind him. She seemed to be returning from her running.
“Yes, I thought I could make my yard look better, and uh, I am planting some flowers.”
“Flowers? Where?”
“Here let me show you.” As soon as he saw Sara, he was not tired anymore. Robert and Sara went to his garage with her and showed her the flowers in his car.
“These are so pretty.” Sara looked at the flowers.
“You said you like flowers?”
“Of course, who wouldn’t?”
“I have plenty of them. I can plant some for you.”
“Oh, it’s ok. You must be busy.”
“It’s definitely fine. You know that I’ve got nothing to do.”
“Well, then… I can pay for the flowers.” Sara smiled, being shy.
“No, no. That’s totally fine.” At that moment Robert got a good idea.
“Actually, there is one thing you can do for me,” Robert said.
“Oh, sure. What is it?”
“You can teach me how to dance.”
“Dance?”
“Yes. I thought it was fun, but they are not doing it anymore so…”
“Sure. I can teach the guy’s part. It will be easier if we have one more person, I can probably ask Michelle or other girls or maybe Jack.”
No, not Jack. Robert could not say that out loud.
“That’s great. Choose the ones you like.”
“Ok.” Sara seemed very excited. Robert was very happy to make her happy. She chose several roses and tulips.
“You can take as many as you want.”
“These are enough.” They moved the flowers to Sara’s yard.
“There is someone in your house.” Sara pointed at the window in Robert’s house.
“Oh, that’s my friend. He is staying here for a couple of days.” Robert made up an excuse.
“Wait.” Sara ran into her house and started measuring something with her fingers. Soon she ran out and picked the location.
“Here. I want them here. I can see it well from my house.”
“Ok.” When Robert was about to dig into the ground, she changed her mind.
“Let’s move it a little bit to the left.” Robert thought Sara was very cute when she was thinking hard about something. At that moment, Robert remembered Nancy asked him to help her paint the wall a long time ago. She asked Robert’s opinion, and he just told her to hire somebody to do it and left to play golf with his bosses. Nancy also asked him to set up the children’s porch swing and fix the broken parts in the house, and he never helped her and told her to call somebody and let them do it. Robert just realized she may have asked him to do those things because she wanted to spend some time with him. He started feeling pretty bad about the way he treated her.
“Joe?”
“Yes?”
“Are you ok?” Sara asked Robert. Robert realized he was spacing out.
“I’m fine. I was thinking of something.”
“Wait.” Sara took the spade from Joe.
“I always wanted to try this.” Sara started trying to dig into the ground. It was not easy and she was having a hard time.
“Here. Like this.” Robert taught Sara how to use a spade.
“Put your right food on the blade and push it with your weight, and hold it like this and lift it up.”
“Oh. I got it.” Sara tried again, and it worked much better this time. After they finished digging the holes, they put in the flowers and covered them with dirt with their hands. Robert really enjoyed working with her.
“Hey,” Sara started talking.
“Yes.”
“It’s my birthday this Saturday.”
“Really?” Robert knew about it through checking her Facebook, but he pretended he did not know.
“Yes, and I will be going home, but before I leave we are all getting together for a birthday dinner. Would you like to come?”
“Yes, of course.” Robert had fun working and talking with Sara. He thought working on the yard was a great choice, and he was excited for the dinner. He started thinking about buying her a birthday present.
Boldo was watching television.
“Hey, you almost got caught.”
“No, I was behind the blinds. I’ve never seen her before. She is a very good girl. How was planting?”
“It was actually really fun because she is going home soon because it is her birthday.”
“Oh, so you won’t be able to see her for a while? I’m sorry man. Your clock is ticking.”
“I know.”
If Sara comes back next week, I will only have 50 days left.
After he washed up, he went to Neal’s grave. Green trees and grass were all around. He spent two hours there. He talked to Neal and wished that he could listen to him. He thought about his death, and then thought about Nancy, and how mean he was to her. Anger that he had harbored for a very long time started melting down. He never thought that was possible. He lay down watching the sky, and fell asleep. He expected to meet Neal in his dream and talk to him, but he didn’t dream at all.
Robert bought dinner at an Italian restaurant. He also dropped by the bookstore and bought some books for Boldo. Boldo did not say anything, but Robert knew that he was having a hard time. But if that tragedy hadn’t happened to him, I wouldn’t have had the chance to change myself. I wouldn’t have been able to talk to Sara, and I would have died in pain with nothing more than an empty life. Things were complicated. He wanted to help Boldo as much as possible. When he arrived at his house, he saw many people were going into Sara’s house. He saw Jennifer, Bailey and some other guys that he had never met before. Maybe they are having some kind of meeting. When he got in his house, Boldo greeted him.
“Oh, Italian! Pasta?”
“That and spaghetti, and some lasagna.”
“Good, good, oh, bread. Good job, man.”
“And here.” Robert handed Boldo some mystery novels.
“I don’t know what you like.”
“Oh, this looks fun. How was it?” Boldo started setting the table. “You went to your brother’s grave.”
“Did you read my mind again?”
“Sorry, but when I see people’s eyes, their memory and thoughts just flow into me.”
“Well, ok.”
They started eating. Robert saw Boldo and recognized that his dark circles had become darker. He was wondering if he could sleep at night. When Boldo cut a piece of lasagna, people next door screamed ‘Surprise!’
“Oh, a party.”
“Yeah, they are having one.”
After they finished dinner, they started watching television. Robert kept checking his cell phone just in case Sara invited him, but he did not hear from her.