Ch14
There is a small fire in our mind. When you are by yourself, it is hard to keep it burning through the coldness of the world, so we try to find others and put the fire together to keep them both ignited. It is not always easy, and some people give up on finding someone.
Also, even though you are being surrounded by other fires, it is not a guarantee you that you will be warm. Being connected is different than just being beside. Loneliness is not being able to connect with anybody.
-R-
Robert felt empty after Sara left. Even though he was not seeing her every day, and he was not doing something special with her, just knowing that she was there gave him comfort. Before Sara left, she told Robert that she was sorry for not inviting him to dinner, and to make up for it she invited Robert to her house to eat ice cream. He had been to her house once before and it was actually to see Mrs. Olverman. She was keeping everything the same as her grandmother kept it. Robert was wondering if Mrs. Olverman would come back any time soon.
Robert, Sara and Michelle were talking about their lives. It was a very normal and plain conversation, but it helped Robert to get to know Sara better. Robert wished that he could spend time like this with her every day.
"It was fun. We should do this more often," Robert said.
"Yes, we should. When I come back we will talk more," Sara agreed.
"Hey, Joe, Sara won’t be here, but you can still hang out with me and my friends," Michelle said and Robert said thanks. The next day, Sara left, and Robert sent a text saying “Have a great trip.” She replied very late at night. It had been two days since Sara left; Robert was watering his yard, and he looked at Sara's yard. He remembered how excited Sara was. Robert went to her house and rang the bell. Michelle came out. Her rounded face was smiling and she greeted him.
"Hey, Joe, what's up?"
"Hi, Michelle. I have a question for you."
"Yes."
"I want to plant more flowers as Sara's birthday present. What do you think?"
"That will be good. Don't say anything to her, so she can be surprised later."
"Thanks. I thought I would need your permission."
"It's not my house, but I am pretty sure it's ok."
"Thanks." Robert smiled and started thinking about how he could make the yard look better.
"Hey, Joe."
"Yeah."
"You like her, don't you?"
Robert was taken aback by Michelle's question. Michelle kept talking.
"I can tell you like her. Your eyes are always on her, and you light up every time you talk to her."
"Uh..." Robert did not know what to say.
"You are a good guy, you don't push her or anything."
"I think she is... I don't know what to say, but..."
"Did she tell you about Keith?"
"Yes, her fiancée, right?"
"Right. She is just a little bit insecure about meeting someone, but she will be ok soon."
"That's good."
"I got your back," Michelle said.
"Thanks." Robert was grateful. "You won't tell Sara, right?"
"About what?"
"That I have a crush on her."
"Oh, no. Don't worry."
After he talked to Michelle, Robert felt very happy. Now he had an ally, and that gave him more confidence. In the afternoon, Robert bought more flowers and seeds. He started working on Sara's yard. No matter how much he worked, he did not feel tired. Being young is amazing. I am full of energy and passion. He tried to remember what he was like when he was about 23 years old.
He was getting good grades, and planning to transfer to bigger cities. He had met many girls and drank with them. Back then, he thought it was what he was supposed to do. He only pursued his desires, and he thought it was a great life. It was a stupid life, he realized. He worked hard and finished planting. Now there were three times more flowers and Robert organized them by type of flower and colors. He came up with this idea that he also could plant seeds that bloom in different seasons. Fall, Winter, and Spring. That way, Sara would be able to see flowers in her garden all the time. He would not be there, but he could still make her happy and smile. He tried to make an arch shape of flowers and it worked very well. Under that arch, he divided the section by seasons, and planted the seeds in there. He sat down under the tree near the house. Fresh wind touched his face. Now he was used to being a young man, sometimes he was afraid what if everything happened to him if it was just a dream or an allusion. He touched his face and looked at his hand. This is real. Robert liked the changes in his life, but sometimes, he felt insecure about something, but he did not know what that was.
The next day, Michelle texted Robert how much she liked the yard. Robert imagined Sara being happy and excited about her yard. He felt so accomplished.
Robert watered the flowers every morning and night. He was doing his best to keep the yard pretty. One day while he was watering the flowers, he saw two girls riding a bicycle. One of the girl's names was Hannah, and he remembered his own daughter Hannah. How is she doing? Robert wondered if she got another surgery and how it went. He had not checked his family on Facebook because that only made him sad. Robert realized he was better at taking care of Sara’s yard than he was at taking care of his own family. If he was half as nice to his family as he was to Sara, his life would have been a lot different. Robert stopped working and started thinking about that. He felt guilty. Why did I realize this so late? He was not in a good mood and did not do anything that day. Fortunately, Boldo was next to him, so he did not have to be alone.
"Are you ok? What's wrong?" Boldo asked.
"Yeah, I am fine." He wanted to drink. Memories of his family always triggered his drinking. He stood up and started walking around. Nothing will change no matter how much I regret it. He was going to talk to Boldo, but decided not to. He remembered Dr. Albert. This would be a good topic to discuss with him. But I can't go see him anymore... While he was thinking about it, he heard a car parking near his house. It could be Sara. Maybe she saw the yard and... when he went to the window, he saw a dark gray sedan in front of his house. He did not recognize the car. Who is that? When Robert saw the person who was getting out of the car, he was so surprised.
"Boldo, hide. Hide now!" Robert told Boldo.
"What? What happened?
"It's a cop!'
"A cop? How did he know that I was here?"
"He doesn't. It's my son."
"What is he doing here?"
"I know as much as you do!"
Boldo ran to the downstairs and John started knocking on the door. Robert nervously opened the door.
"Yes." He saw John and he seemed a little bit surprised.
"Hi, do you live here?"
"Yes."
"Isn't this Robert Mitchell's house?"
"Yes, it is, but he went on trip so I am staying while he’s away."
"Really? Where did he go?'
"He did not tell me. He just said somewhere far. Europe, I guess."
"Europe? Hmmm. ok. What's your name?" John offered a handshake.
"I am Joe. Joe Mitchell. I am his cousin."
"I am John, and I am Robert's son."
"Oh, yeah, I've heard about you. Nice to meet you." Robert shook hands with his son.
"Are you... Uncle Neal's son?" John asked.
"Oh, no. I am not, but I knew him, I mean heard about him."
"Yeah, he was a great man. Anyway, I was just dropping by because I couldn't reach him and I called his office and they said he quit." John glimpsed at the house. "Do you know how to contact him?"
"I have his email." Robert went to another room to grab his business card and gave it to John.
"Thanks, man." John went back to his car, and Robert was relieved. Robert started searching for his old phone. He found it under the table. There were some missed calls and voicemails, and several text messages. There were phone calls from his work, Dr. Albert, marketing calls and John. He checked the texts, and some of them were from John.
-Are you busy? You haven't called me back. I would like to meet you if that is ok.
-Are you mad at me? Can we eat some lunch during your break?
Oh, no. What does he want to talk about? Is it about Hannah? Do they need more money? I hope it is not a bad news.
He played the voicemail from Dr. Albert:
- Hi, Robert. This is Dr. Albert. I was worried because you didn't come to the session last week. Uh. I am sure that you were just busy. If you are ok, please call my office this week. Thanks.
Robert completely forgot about his counseling session. Robert sent an email to Dr. Albert. Robert appreciated Dr. Albert's kindness. Other voicemails were from work and it was about his retirement fund and his stuff at work. He wrote them an email too. With his retirement money, he could maybe help his family more.
Boldo was slowly walking up to the first floor.
"Is he gone?"
"Yes."
"Why did he come?"
"I am not sure."
"Hmm. Is he coming back?"
"I am not sure." Robert asked himself. Do I want to see him again? It was out of the blue, but Robert did not expect that he would see his son again.
"I guess he did not recognize you."
"What?"
"It's your son." Robert realized that John did not recognize him. It was a fortunate thing, but at the same time, Robert was also disappointed.
A week later, Robert saw Sara’s car parked in front of her house. She is back. Robert was excited. He was wondering what she had said about the flowers. He expected some kind of thank you from her. He kept looking at his phone waiting for Sara’s message or call.
“What are we eating for dinner?” Boldo asked.
“I don’t know. Whatever you want.”
“I want something homemade.” Boldo went to the kitchen and checked the refrigerator.
“I think we can cook something with beef. Do you like Asian food?” Boldo asked from the kitchen.
“Yeah, that’s good.”
Robert checked his Facebook with his cell phone to see if Sara said anything. There was nothing. He was looking at his cellphone all day, but he did not hear anything from Sara.
Until that weekend, he had not heard anything. He wondered if anything happened to Sara. He thought maybe she went back to her old fiancé, or maybe she was dating Jack, or maybe she simply did not like the yard. He wanted to ask Sara or Michelle, but Boldo told him to not to contact them first. On Sunday late afternoon, when Robert went out to water his yard, he heard someone coming out from next door. It was Sara.
“Hey, Joe!” Sara said with excitement.
“Hey, Sara. You are back!” Robert pretended he did not know.
“I heard you did all these, thank you so much.”
“That’s your birthday present. Do you like it?”
“Yes, it’s perfect.” Sara smiled and walked to Robert and gave him a hug. Robert almost did not let her go. He wanted to say something cheesy like ‘You are more beautiful than any of these flowers.’ But he did not.
“Are you going to teach me how to dance?”
“Of, course! I will let you know! I have to go now, but we should hang out.”
“Sure.” Robert saw Sara leaving. She was waving at him in the car. At that moment, a hot feeling filled his heart and he became emotional. Until that day, he did not know how rewarding it was to serve the one he loved and be shown appreciation for it. He had never shown this much dedication to anyone, but he realized he should have. He went to his room, and texted Nancy with his old phone. Soon Nancy texted him back.
-She got a lot better from the last surgery. Thanks for asking.
Robert exhaled with relief. He thought it was really nice to give her money. He wished he had more chances to help his family, not only his children, but Nancy as well. Robert did not realize that he had made a mistake sending a text while he told John that he was traveling in Europe.
“Hey, eat dinner.”
“Alright.”
While he was walking down to the kitchen from his room, he started feeling weird and remembered when he was a boy, and walking down to his living room. When he went down to his living room after finishing his homework, Neal and Jane were always watching television. His mother was doing some chores, because his father was not at home often, but there was cozy feelings in his house. Every time when he said something, Neal always replied, ‘Wow, that’s cool. You are awesome,’ and Robert always answered, “Yeah, I am.”