Chapter One
I was seated in the back, between Kelvin and Chucks. Tayo shared the front row with George, and that made me an easy target. That's right, at some point during the journey, I became the topic of discuss and I almost hated myself. It was briefly after we made a detour to fill our tank...the car that is, and rehydrate ourselves; the sun was killing. I was so glad we were traveling within a convoy; I still can’t imagine what my life would have felt like if we had opted for a ride on the Coaster bus as originally planned. Perhaps, my relationship life would have been X-rayed in several shades of unconstructive criticism.
My name is Victor and alcohol is my girlfriend. I know it doesn’t sound like a responsible thing to say, but since I broke up with my ex five years ago I haven’t been able to rearrange the puzzle of my life. Don’t get me wrong, I like girls; I just wouldn’t go out of my way to get their attention. It’s not as if I haven’t flirted with one or two after the demise of my previous relationship, it just didn’t seem like the normal thing to do. I want the real thing but I am so scared to reach out and grab it. I’d rather buy myself a few bottles of beer and melt into moments of immeasurable fantasies; thoughts of a perfect relationship that would lead to a beautiful marriage.
“Vicko, na to find wife for you for this Akure wey we dey go so. It is abnormal for a man of our age to still be single” Kelvin mocked me. Kelvin and I have been friends for years now; we attended the same secondary school and higher institution. He is one of the two people who know every single detail about my relationship life. Him, along with Sauce (another close friend) have been there for me through thick and thin. Fortunately for me, the mockery was bearable because Sauce couldn’t make the wedding; he was too busy at work. However, he left me some instructions coupled with a stern warning.
He said “By the time you return to Ibadan, I want to hear tales of how many girls you conversed with at the wedding. You don’t get a girlfriend by keeping to yourself. Meet girls, respect the good ones, smash the bad ones and before you know it there’s a girl willing to spend the rest of her life with you. You dey feel me?”
“Yes sir” I replied. I knew agreeing to his demands was the quickest way to get him of my back. Trust my buddies to joke with anything.
As we pulled up to a young lady selling bread and akara, Tayo blurted out "You know say Victor no fit man up yarn and negotiate better deal with this Akara babe"
“Did you see the way that pretty girl was looking at him? Victor couldn’t even look at her face. Make I die if this one get babe in five years’ time.”
I looked at him with disgust, and then Chucks said,
“Don’t forget, you are going to see mama before the wedding, abeg give the poor woman someone to talk to. No one is saying you should get married tomorrow, we all understand the situation of things. But trust me, at this age every mother wants to know their son is dating someone. Except of course you are impotent or gay and you are hiding it from us.”
That really got to me and I replied in a calm manner, “Chucks, that’s enough. I will get a girl-friend.” He raised his hands in a bid to surrender and get of my tail, after which he gave me the thumbs up sign. As if to