I sit down in the middle of Times Square on the only available chairs left. Jase pulls my chair in front of his, so my legs are between his.
“Sophie, when I first met you, I thought you were gorgeous. Stunning. And I still do. You take my breath away. And yes, I was only after fun. I was going to walk away from the beginning. That night at the Masquerade ball, I was going to stop chasing you, and let you be. But there was something about you that kept drawing me back.” He looks down and then back at me before continuing.
“You opened up to me. About your fears and anxieties, and it brought things up from my past that I have been blaming myself for, for a very long time.”
I look at him and am torn between telling him to stop, that I don’t like where this conversations is going.
But he continues.
“I knew Tracey back in High school, she knew Sarah – the girl that she mentioned. That’s how I know Tracey. I was sixteen when I met Sarah. She was beautiful and fun and I loved her. I did.” He pauses again before continuing.
“But Sarah was sick. She had severe clinical depression. After two years of dating, I began to fall out of love with her. We were both moving in different directions, I was changing as a person, and we didn’t have the same interests anymore. I knew she was depressed, she was always in and out of hospital. When we broke up, she took it really bad. She became really depressed, and I felt guilty and I didn’t know what to do. So I got back with her, terrified she would take her life. But after several months of staying with her out of fear, I just couldn’t do it anymore. I couldn’t be with her out of fear. So before I went to Harvard, I finally broke it off for good. She took it pretty well at the time and told me she understood and thought it was for the best too.
I was starting my first week at Harvard when I got a call from Sarah’s parents. It was a phone call I never want to re-live. And it was the worst day of my life.”
I look back at Jase with sorrow in my heart. I could tell Jase was struggling to tell me the next part. I touch his hands, and hold them softly in mine.
He looks down at our hands together before he speaks again. “They told me Sarah had committed suicide. They found her in bed; she had slit her wrists open.”
My heart broke for Jase. I felt an unimaginable sorrow wash over me, realising that Jase had been keeping this unimaginable secret all his life. I couldn’t imagine what it would have been like for him.
“So,” he continues looking back at me, “I blamed myself. I blamed myself for her death. Guilt ate away at me. I didn’t sleep or eat or see my friends for weeks. I was fucked. She died because I couldn’t save her.”
“No Jase, that’s not true. She was not well. You can’t blame yourself,” I whisper to him.
But he just shakes his head. “Over the years, I lived a life of work, work, and more work. I never got close to a girl. I could never love again. I just couldn’t go through that again. And I was plagued with guilt. I would rather girls think of me as an asshole. It’s what I deserved. Through all the years, I stayed away. I would break it off with every girl.
You asked me how I could donate so much money to your charity that night at the masquerade ball?
Well it means more to me than you could ever know. I do everything I can for those who are going through what Sarah did and what you have gone through. I attend support groups for those suffering depression and anxiety. I tell them they have all the hope and love out there, and I tell them about Sarah. And how much it affected me, and everyone else, how much we miss her. And how life should be cherished.”
By this point, I have tears streaming down my face. I can’t believe what Jase had endured. It seems like we all have our secrets. Things we kept to ourselves. And we just put on a front to the rest of the world.
“I’m so sorry Jase. Gosh, I’m so sorry. I never knew. I had no idea.”
He cups my face with one of his hands and looks me in my eyes, his eyes that intense green, burning right through my soul.
“For over ten years I have spent my life in hiding. Living it alone. But then I found someone who made me feel like I deserved to feel love again. And that woman is you Sophie. I love you. I love you so much, I just never had the courage to tell you. And I’m terrified of losing you,” Jase says with worry all over his face.
“Because I have anxiety and have gone through depression?” I say with understanding.
He nods his head at me. “I know it sounds like a cop out. I just think of Sarah, and I think I couldn’t bear to lose you. I lost once. I can’t lose again. But I know how unfair that is of me to think that way. And I love you either way. No matter what, I will stick through the ups and downs; I’m going to be there for you. When you walked out my hotel that day, I felt like the biggest asshole ever. I fucked up so bad. That week without you was torture. I missed you so much. And I realised I was living my life in fear. You tell me you think you’re living your life in fear, trust me, you’re not, I have been. You took a risk and opened your heart up. Your stronger than you think Sophie, you just have no idea. I fell in love with you the night of the masquerade ball. When I danced with you. You lit up the fucking sky for me. And I knew, there and then, I was screwed.”
I kiss him. It’s all I can do. His admission of Sarah, and his love, and his need for me is too much. I can’t stand to see him torture himself over the past. I understand why he ran. I understand why he was scared to love me. I understand it all. And I forgive him. I think anyone in his situation would’ve been just as scared. I wouldn’t even know how I could handle it.
Our kiss is different this time; it’ slow, and full of love, and promise. And it doesn’t matter that we were surrounded by hundreds of people, and with flashing billboards signs advertising my jewellery line. All I care about in this moment is Jase.
He pulls away abruptly. ‘Shit we’re almost out of time, I have one final surprise for you,” he says pulling me into his arms and hailing a cab.
He must’ve seen the worry on my face because he kisses me again. “Don’t worry, no more bad news this time. This surprise you will like.”
I smile back at him, entwining my fingers in his and jumping into the cab.
*******
“No Way!” I say to Jase, realising we have arrived at Madison Square Garden. The place where Kings of Leon are performing.
Jase pulls me into a hug and kisses me on the forehead. “I did say I would be taking you and only you to their concert.”
I giggle and jump up and down in his arms like a kid who’s about to open their Christmas presents.
Once we’ve taken our floor seats, Jase grabs me into his lap and cradles me like a baby. “I’m so glad to have you back in my arms gorgeous. I fucking love you babe.”
We kiss like two high school kids falling in love for the first time.
Kings of Leon take the stage and the crowd goes wild. So crazy that it’s deafening. And I’m right up there with them. I can’t believe I’m here! In Madison Square Garden with this gorgeous man who loves me in floor seats listening to King of Leon play. I sing along to their songs, and Jase nibbles my air when “Sex is on fire” comes on.
“Oh the things I’m going to do to you,” he whispers in my ear.
I smile back at him. “I can’t wait,” sexual desire evident in my eyes.
After the song stops, the fontman, Caleb grabs the mic and looks in our direction.
“OKAY GUYS. WE HAVE A FRIEND, WHO WANTS TO DEDICATE THIS SONG TO HER. SOPHIE JACOBS, THIS GOES OUT TO YOU, FROM OUR GOOD FRIEND JASE.”
The band turns our way with Caleb giving Jase a quick salute and Jase waving back.
Oh my god, Jase got them to dedicate a song to me?
I look back at Jase in disbelief who just stares back at me with a shy smile.
The melody of “Wait for Me” starts playing and the crowd goes wild again. It was the song I remember the most with Jase, it was the song he first played in the car, and it was when I realised I had strong feelings for him.
“You did this, for me?” I ask with shock.
He nods. “Yep, I remember it playing in the car when I first held your hand. And it explains exactly how I feel. You know I’m not the best with words.”
I jump back into his lap and kiss him through the entire song. Our eyes only on each other. Losing ourselves in our private universe.
I don’t know what our future holds, I don’t even know how we’re going to figure out the whole living apart arrangement since he’s all over the place with work and now, so am I.
I know Jase is not the best with words, and I know he will need time to adjust. To not be afraid that I’m not going to go anywhere. But I love him, and his declaration of love for me was a huge step for him. I know it wasn’t easy opening up about his past, but he loves me. And with love and trust, we can get through anything.
After the concert ends and we’re able to go backstage to meet the band, we decide to head back to Jase’s luxurious penthouse apartment. We’re barely through the door before we start kissing and ravaging each other’s bodies. I feel I’m high on life, a feeling of ecstasy having this man kiss me up and down and making me wet with the idea of him inside me.
He slams me against the wall and starts grinding into me, he’s erection evident.
He grabs my ass and I wrap my legs around his waist, my short dress riding all the way up. He rips my underwear off and buttons his pants, letting his bulging cock free.
He looks at me with hunger in his eyes, and my breath comes in short bursts, anticipating the feel of him in me.
“Your mine now Sophie. All of you. This pussy. Your heart. Your ass. Your entire body inside and out, is mine. And tonight I’m going to love you the way you deserve. I’m going to fucking love you senseless.” And with that, he slides his throbbing hard cock inside my slick wet pussy and thrusts in and out of me. A beautiful and pleasurable torture that lasts throughout the entire night.