What am I going to do now? is the first question I ask myself when I open my eyes and I think I may have slept the whole night and half the day, because when I check the time on my phone its well past five pm. I feel a little refreshed after being able to get some sleep and my mind clears enough for me to realise the mess I have made at work and the fact that Brian hit on me. The worst that can occur with a bully is when they start to hit on you. Maybe I have watched too many movies but I think I watched enough to form a theory.
I sit up in my hard bed and look at my small shelf table of foodstuff. I don’t even feel nauseous anymore. Maybe I can eat normally now. That gives me a little hope. If this can fade with time, maybe my life can also change with time. My little celebration is short lived when I try to stand on my feet and a dizziness hits me. I fall bad on the hard bed and groan. At this point I can talk myself into calling someone. But the fear of being discovered stops me.
Maybe I can sale the bed and return to my relatives. But that won’t be enough. At this point even going to the village is an option. No I must not give up so easily. I have to keep my eyes on the goal, which I’m not so sure what it is at the moment.
My phone buzzes in my hand. I lift it to my face hoping that it’s Mr Diphina calling to tell me that he has changed his mind about my job. After all he is the only person who calls me with my new number which I registered using my middle name Chiedza. Or it could be a weather update or advertisement. I tap on the messages icon and the new sms is in bold because I haven’t opened it. The contact is unknown to my phone but not to my mind.
I sit up and my mouth drops open as panic sets in. oh crap!
‘Come out.’
I read the words over and over again with shaking hands. It could be a prank. There is no way he would have found me. Even Celine had no idea where I was. Logic raises as eye brow at me. Oh there is no way I can be so sure about that. The night I left I made sure that I wasn’t being followed and I even indirectly interrogated the driver to make sure that he wasn’t an accomplice for any of my captors. I’m not Sherlock Holmes, but I was one hundred percent sure that I had vanished from the face of the planet. I even left a note for Taylor explaining why I left so that he won’t put me on the missing person’s report. And when I realised that I wasn’t on any missing person’s report it also occurred to me that of course they wouldn’t want the police sniffing in their business— whatever it is they do for a living.
So how did Taylor find me? My heart starts to pound so hard I think I am having a heart attack. I imagine my heart as a frail version of me with glasses and a nervous expression on her face. I slowly climb off my hard bed and look around my room. Can I run again? I start to laugh at myself. To where? I am practically starving here already. I may as well face him and try another plan. Or if I live long enough to do that.
No I can’t do that, heart shakes her head vigorously. Better than dying, logic reminds me with drooped eyes. Why am I afraid of Taylor again? Sense raises an eyebrow. Because you don’t know him. Emotion hedges.
You love him, wild marvels.
No I don’t, logic raises a finger. I clutch my phone closer to my chest as my feet start to move. My mind has a lot of thoughts running around such that I had the mind to peek out through the window to see if he might be outside but instead I realise when it’s too late that I have opened the door full blast and the sun heats my body as I step fully into the sunlight.
Its blazing hot today, and the heat makes my skin to prickle and itch. My own room is at the far end facing the gate. There is no tree or even grass to cover me from seeing and recognizing Taylor’s car outside the gate. Its shiny black color looking like vain glory in the simple structures of the village/ town community.
Taylor is standing beside it, arms folded and his head is turning in all directions. Searching and looking.
He hasn’t seen me, I can rush back inside and lock my door. He will just think that he got the wrong yard and drive on. But as soon as the thought crosses my mind his stops and his eyes land on me. Well his shades actually. Because he is wearing dark shades over his eyes. He is dressed like a man on a mission as well. Dark jeans, white t-shirt and I don’t know which caliber his jacket falls into. His curly afro hair has brown shades under the full sunlight.
If my heart can beat any faster it picks up speed and starts to soar off the ritcher scale. I start to back up into my room. Far as he is from where I am standing I can tell that he is mad. I have never seen him mad before and seeing him now I hope to never witness it again. Well if I live that long. Yes I already said that.
I turn sharply to dash into my room when I trip on nothing and before I know it I’m on my knees and my palms are pressed into the sandy soil. A dizzy spell twirls all over me from the sudden movement and it takes a while to taper off.
I cuss under my breath as I lift my hand to grab the wall so that I can stand.
A familiar delicious smell envelops me and I freeze. He is close. Damn it.
And I am not surprised when hands grab my arms and help me to my feet. I bite down on my lip so hard it’s almost painful. I lift my eyes to look at him, feeling the intensity of his gaze even behind those glasses.
I stare back at him with wide eyes. Being me I am thinking how he ended up here. What is he going to do? What’s going to happen to me now? Will he punish me for running?
His hands move to my upper arms, his hold so firm I think he is going to shake me. But he crashes me against him and wraps me in the tightest embrace I have ever experienced. I wasn’t expecting that either
‘Heather!’ he whispers in my hair. ‘Thank god you are okay.’
I admit I had missed that voice. I have missed him. It all comes crushing down on me in that moment. This is so unfair. I spend three weeks fighting this feeling. And it takes a second in his arms to abandon all my resolve.
Taylor is like a drug and I am a junkie who hasn’t had a fix for way too long.
After a while, or maybe after he is satisfied that I am real, he draws away and looks at me again. I do the only thing I can do at the moment. Stare speechlessly at him. No reaction comes from me until sudden trepidation appears and I start to draw away from him, finishing my earlier plan, escaping into my room. He steps inside before I do and even shut the door when I enter as if he owns the place.
I step away when he reaches for my hand
‘Don’t touch me!’ is what I manage to say finally. He takes off his glasses and I think he throws them somewhere but I am too overwhelmed with the intensity of his gaze to notice
‘Heather!’
I hug my arms around my body as I step away from him and my body is flat against the door. His eyes leave me and scans my room. It’s not fancy but it’s decent. My precious hard bed I almost went bankrupt buying. My food table which is mostly empty containers and a primus stove I last used three days ago. My bags are in the corner. Which is my wardrobe and from there is the door which leads to the bathroom.
I am proud of my room. It’s mine. Well not exactly because the landlord is going to kick me out next week when I don’t pay the rent.
I look back at him cautiously when those dark eyes settle back on me. Why did he have to be so damn beautiful that I have to mentally comment on it every time I see him? And it’s an inappropriate thought for the moment at hand.
‘How did you find me?’ I want to give myself a pat on the back for maintaining my defensive composure.
‘You are not good at running away Heather!’ he steps closer to me, ‘and at least this time you tried.’
‘Stop.’ I say and he does, ‘why are you here?’
‘What kind of question is that?’ he snaps
‘I ran away from you, why did you come here?’
‘You ran from me?’ he stares at me with unguarded surprise, ‘why did you do that? I didn’t read that note, the moment I saw it I knew you had already done something stupid.’
‘Stop yelling at me and just leave.’ I say in agitation.
‘I’m not going anywhere—don’t even suggest it. You are going to talk to me and we are going to fix this—I am not going back to what I was through the past three weeks.
‘Look at you, I don’t know what to do with feelings like this.’
He removes his jacket and sits on my bed, making himself at home. Well I can’t make him leave at this point so maybe I can talk him into it. I cross my arms across my chest and settle for indifference.
‘What do you want?’ I ask keeping my gaze locked with his. It’s hard for me to keep my stance and by the expression on his face he also knows it. I had almost—almost forgotten the intensity that currents between us. And right now its mercilessly strong and deep down I have no desire to subdue it.
‘Why did you leave like that? Without talking to me—at least tell me that part.’
I scoff, ‘tell you what? Everything was happening so fast, I got scared—it didn’t help that you were acting as if it was all normal. I am surprised that you didn’t see it coming.’
‘You are right I didn’t see it coming—I told you not to do this.’ He says quietly, ‘I know we hadn’t really talked and you wanted answers, I was going to tell you Heather it had only been a day since it happened why did you have to--.’ He trails away taking a deep breath
I open my mouth and I close it. This is all messed up, he wasn’t supposed to find me and it’s not like I can tell him that I listened to his cousin sister and I know about Zelda. Maybe I should have talked to him about it but it would be pointless if he had confirmed it so I ran before that could happen. Before I care too much about him such that it will be impossible for me to turn away and never look back.
Wild is sitting on a stuffed chair chewing popcorn—you set this scene for yourself, now find a way out of it.
‘You haven’t answered my question.’ I say surprising him.
‘How did I find you? I did because Celine knew where you were all along it wasn’t that hard. And what I want—I want you to come back home and that is not a request. Now stop demanding for answers as if you have achieved something great. There I have answered your question—now it’s your turn.’
I blink twice, ‘I did achieve things Taylor and I don’t need your accreditation.’ I glare at him
‘Why that’s quite an achievement Heather. You got swindled by that half-wit crook after working for him for three weeks.’
Swindler—yes. But Diphina was far from being half-wit. And do I even want to know how he knows about that?
‘Your big neighbor soldier wanna be finds a way to bully you every chance he gets, while you think you are hiding he is here to keep watch over you because Celine sent him.’
Brian is big and a bully but the man is barely ever around to be Celine’s spy but the prospect still sends chills all over my body.
‘And you are so skinny, you have no food no money, I can’t begin to think what would have happened to you if I hadn’t found you. And this room.’ He gestures around distastefully, ‘how can you live in a place like this?’
I take a deep breath, ‘first of all Diphina and I had a normal organizational fall, secondly Brian doesn’t bully me and he is not Celine’s spy maybe he is just a little wrecked guy who needs a break. And lastly, I am not skinny you just haven’t seen me for a while and there is nothing wrong with my room.’
‘Right—well it doesn’t matter it’s over, I am taking you away from this place, you can put all this behind you.’
‘No you are not.’ I raise my voice. Has he gone mad?
‘If you think for one second that I am going to leave you here you really don’t know me that well.’
‘You are right I don’t.’ I drop my arms to my sides and clench my hands into fists
‘But that’s not why you left.’ He says as a matter of factly, ‘I still can’t figure out that one.’
And I’m not going to tell him.
‘You told me that I can leave if I want to.’
‘I lied.’ He stands from the bed and stalks over to me, I move from the door to the middle of the room before he gets to me
‘You lied about a lot of things.’
‘Why didn’t you talk to me?’ he narrows his eyes at me.
‘There are just some things not worth talking about.’
‘I guess it wasn’t worth much to you to try to hold on to what we have.’
‘What we have.’ I mutter under my breath. Maybe there is something, I acknowledge that but we have different perspectives on the issue. I care about him because I see him. He sees someone else instead of me; a familiar tightness comes in my chest. This is what I didn’t want to deal with. ‘I’m not her.’ I whisper in the middle of my thoughts but he catches that and his eyes widen quizzically
‘Heather,’ this time he manages to come close to me before I move and he hold my shoulders, ‘what do you mean?’
I keep my eyes down—I didn’t want to tell him that damn it.
‘What are you talking about? Who is her?’ he put a finger under my chin and raise my face to look at him, ‘Heather?’
Maybe we could talk reasonably about this. But I have dwelled on this thought for a month to just change my perspective on it. Or maybe I don’t want to reason myself out of this. I did cringe a little whenever the sensible part of me always tried to put in my head that I just took Celine’s words and reacted without even trying to find out the truth.
But because I don’t want to admit to myself how inane I acted, I refuse to acknowledge that reasoning.
‘I --.’ I pause, how do I say this and erase the part whereby my ignorance is not realised? And also this is the part I recall why I also ran. ‘It doesn’t matter.’
He shakes his head, ‘please talk to me.’
‘Like you do?’ I push his hand from my face, ‘why didn’t you want to tell me how you knew my father?’
He stiffens but quickly recovers himself, ‘I know your father but I only recognized him the time I arrived at your house.’
‘You already told me that part. And he snaked his way up the social hierarchy the moment he realised the chance—that’s typical of him. What I didn’t get is why you played along. If I could believe for a moment that you really cared about me.’
‘I do!’
‘Only because I look like Zelda.’
He jerks away from me as if I have electrocuted him. I watch as comprehension comes over him—yes he does recognize that name and by the look on his face, the name meant a great deal to him than is healthy for my emotions right now.
‘How did you--.’
‘Celine did me the favor of informing me.’ I say with a tight smile
‘Oh she did!’ and I am grateful for her sake that she is not here because Taylor looks like he could chortle her right now
‘Where you ever going to tell me about that.’
‘no.’ he says simply and somehow that scares me. How many other things has he simply said –no- in his head and I may need to know.
‘Why?’ I breathe out the word
‘It doesn’t matter Heather, it’s in the past.’
In the past? The woman died because of his lifestyle and he says that it’s in the past. The part of me that felt guilty for listening to Celine vanishes completely. He wasn’t going to tell me. Even now he wants to brush the issue aside as if it wasn’t the very same revelation that had me packing and running for my life
‘It matters because you may be confusing me with her.’ I mirror his dismissive calm tone
He looks at me like I have grown two heads, ‘what? Why would you think that?’
‘I just said that. Why are you dismissing the issue right now?’
He snorts like he is laughing, I really can’t tell because he is acting like I told him that the earth is flat and falling stars make wishes to come true.
‘Why don’t you believe that I love you Heather?’
The answer to that is very simple from my perspective. When I met him I had made myself invisible to the world. No one looked at me. No one paid me attention. I simply fell in the background like I existed but without anyone’s knowledge. I was like a ghost. But one look at him and he broke down every barrier of invisibility that I had built around myself. If he saw something in me it had to be because of Zelda.
‘I haven’t really done well in showing my feelings I know—but I never thought of that woman or your resemblance with her until now.’
He has to be joking. And he does look at me like he is just having an epiphany.
‘Maybe you hadn’t realised it,’ I say, ‘but the part of you that did is the reason why we are here.’
‘I don’t know what to do to convince you that is not the case.’ He says quietly, ‘but even if you refuse to believe me I am not letting you go.’
I shut my eyes and deep shuddering breath fills my lungs before it escapes again in a bitter laugh. No way out. This is what I get for even believing that quack woman.
‘I don’t know what Celine told you.’
My eyes snap open and he is standing so close to me, his breath fans my face as he speaks
‘I didn’t approach you because I was thinking about Zelda and yes her life and death hunts me, everyday among other things.’
When I don’t say anything, he continues, ‘I was going to be the best man my father wanted me to be and I was proud to work hard as long as it pleased him—I didn’t care about my own happiness that meant little to me.’ he takes a slow shaky breath and an ancient pain flashes in his eyes, ‘until I found out what he really was. And what he wanted me to become.
‘Why did you take a chance on your life by running Heather? Because of Zelda—why didn’t you ask me about it? Tell me that you ran because you hate me. That would make more sense.’
‘I don’t hate you.’ I whisper, tears welling in my eyes. I swallow them down before they spill out of my eyes. His fingers come to my face and he uses one of them to lift my chin by tilting head upwards
His lips come down on mine in a soft kiss and it happens again. Drug. My entire mind is wiped out in seconds turning off the reasoning conscious part of me. I open my mouth and start to kiss him back hungrily. So this is the real me saying that I missed him. Admitting that it was painful being away from him.
He kisses me hard, hungrily with passion and my fingers are already in his hair. Admitting that I had missed that one as well.
‘You don’t hate me.’ he whispers and I can only nod through the numerous heady feelings charging through me. ‘Let’s go.’
‘no.’ I manage a weak shake of my head, ‘I mean it Taylor I am not going anywhere with you.’
He sighs and rests his forehead against mine, his eyes closed, ‘okay then if that’s what you want.’
My eyes narrows at him, just like that? That was too easy.
‘Have dinner with me then. We can talk then.’ He continues whispering with closed eyes, forehead pressed against mine and arms possessively around me.
‘I don’t think we have made up enough to go on a date and the last dinner we were supposed to talk that didn’t come out so well.’
He opens his eyes and sighs, ‘please?’
Ah why is he making that face? I can’t even look away to regain my better senses.
‘Fine!’ I snap and push him away from me and I don’t miss the small smile that forms on his lips.
‘There is a nice restaurant down Shashe road.’
‘no.’ I raise a finger at him, ‘no fancy places I don’t feel like dressing up, we are going to talk and we each go back to our own lives.’
‘You like living here.’ He says nonchalantly
‘Yes I do.’ I flash a taut smile, ‘in case you haven’t noticed.’
He nods impassively, ‘okay then.’
I narrow my eyes at him. What happened to Mr. ‘I am not leaving you here—you don’t know me very well’?
‘Let’s go.’ He walks to the door and pulls it open. It takes a precious few seconds before my feet can move. I look down at my sweat pants and sweater and flip-flops. It’s almost dusk—maybe around to six pm, as I step out of my room, the sky is turning into that sleepy sky sunset color.
I look around once I am outside. Maybe I can just run. But the resolve is not as strong and it comes as a wild idea. I am sure one of the grandmas will happily take me in and chase Taylor with a broom.
No I don’t want to give the laid back community something to talk about for the next fifty years. Besides, it’s not like he will kidnap me, I will make sure that he brings me back to my room and I can formulate another escape plan.
Wild raises an eyebrow at me. Don’t act like you are not glad to see Taylor. That part of my brain is a traitor. In times like these I should listen to my sense and logic not my incurable romantic self.
With a deep breath I close my door and I approach where Taylor is waiting for me in the middle of the yard. He reaches to take my hand and I stuff mine in my pockets. I look at him about to snap a remark about him keeping his hands to himself when Brian’s door opens.
It makes me jump. Taylor takes my arm and pulls me to him and ignores my glare as his eyes settle on the big guy in his army pants and today he is shirtless. With a towel hung over his shoulder. What the…
And of course he sees me first before he registers Taylor’s presence.
‘Neighbor.’ He grins, ‘you haven’t knocked on my door for a while I was thinking that you have given up on me.’
My mouth hangs open as his eyes turns to land on Taylor beside me. ‘And who are you? I haven’t seen you around here.’
‘You were not meant to.’ Taylor says simply
I think Brian starts when he hears Taylor’s voice. I know the man has a nice voice and all but that can’t be the reason for Brian’s reaction. It happens again like the day it happened with Charles. I see recognition come on Brian’s face then the expression that falls on his usually cocky face is priceless.
‘You are right I wasn’t meant to.’ He says in a strained voice?
‘Who sent you here Brian?’
He blinks, ‘I haven’t told you my name.’ he says with slightly widening eyes
‘You are not answering my questions.’
The big man bristles, ‘I don’t really know,’
‘Brian I don’t have all night.’
I try to move but Taylor’s hold tightens around my shoulders
‘I had no idea that she is your--.’
‘Wife!” Taylor finishes, ‘now my other question?’
‘A woman instructed me,’ he stammers, ‘and that’s all I know.’ He even holds his hands up in the classical surrender form.
Holding my breath, my eyes lift to see Taylor flash a small smile with a menacing undertone, ‘it’s good for you that you never even laid a finger on her.’
Brian shakes his head, ‘I swear. I was told only to watch.’
‘You better be right—if you lie I will know and that is not a good scene for you. Leave immediately, you have better chances if I never lay my eyes on you again.’
Brian steals a glance in my direction looking at me with an expression I have never dreamed to see on his face when he would look at me before. I hear Taylor inhale sharply and Brian quickly looks away before he stumbles back into his room.
A fear comes down on me. The same fear that came over me that day I had seen Charles’s reaction.
This is the Taylor I didn’t know—they Taylor I hadn’t met yet.
He leads a dumfounded me to his car. I don’t look at him or say anything as he opens the door for me and I slide inside. He walks to the driver’s side and I flinch when he closes his door. I start to put the seat belt on just to have something to do because I feel his eyes on me as he starts the car and the engine purrs to life.
As his car turns into the highway I note that my only chance of escape is off the plate.
I bring my lip between my teeth as I turn to look at him his eyes are fixed on the road. And did I mention that I had almost forgotten how beautiful Taylor is? What am I doing? I can’t hit on him right now. So what am I going to do? I can’t go back to that horrible messy scene I ran from. And Celine’s words keep coming to my mind. God that woman is scary. Forget that. The two of them are all scary. I can’t even begin to think what his father looks like. Whatever these people are recognized and respected for cannot be because they are helping the poor.
All my brain companions nod vehemently is agreement.
‘I won’t ever hurt you!” Taylor’s quiet voice makes me flinch as it breaks into my racing thoughts and I slowly return to the present.
I turn away from him and stare at the road. I should take deep calming breaths but I just stare rigidly at the road. You can’t blame a girl for being freaked out after learning all this
And expect me to not run for the hills screaming.