Coffee!’ I say in a grated thirsty voice, ‘I need coffee.’
Judith looks at me cautiously, ‘not water?’
I sigh in exasperation. Moments ago I asked for a cool wet towel and someone suggested water. I asked for a soft stuffy chair to lie back on for a moment and they asked if I was sure I didn’t want water. If I wanted water I simply should have included water in my sentence!
‘Water! What water? I am not giving a speech,’ I shouldn’t have yelled because now I am breathing hard for air. I actually can’t breathe. Maybe I developed a lung disease overnight.
‘Celine, water, a chair and aunt.’ Judith yells in alarm. I can imagine red lights of code-red going off everywhere. The inhabitants of my brain are looking like they just escaped an earthquake.
What is wrong with you? My sense asks me cautiously as if I am a raging wounded animal. Nerves! My logic nods nonchalantly while my heart, emotion and wild mind are running all over the place screaming SOS.
Yes SOS—I’m about to have a freaking anxiety attack and they are getting me water.
‘Heather dear,’ Aunt is suddenly in front of me wearing the gentlest of smiles, ‘why don’t you sit down, relax and let Celine finish with your hair?’
Relax? Is she serious? I can’t relax. It was okay last night when this very day was still ten hours away and Celine, that crazy woman was not plunging her creepy fingers in my hair.
Judith takes my arm and guides me to a stuffed chair. I sit slowly, in order not to ruin the dress. It’s all white lacy and bell shaped. They even made me wear six inch heels under it. I would have preferred my comfortable sneakers or pumps, something that would guarantee I won’t fall on my face down the aisle.
The aisle—bile rises to my throat.
Crap, I’m getting married today. Not the sick crooked deal made in father’s study but the vows, rings and till-death-do-us-part wedding with a certificate in the end. I wouldn’t have minded a private court wedding or even just to sign the paper and move on. But Taylor insisted that we have a wedding. Seriously I am the woman here—I am the one who was supposed to wail for wedding party not him.
We argued over it and of course Taylor won as usual.
Mr. Abiwu even agreed with me that we didn’t have to have the big ceremony and ignited a few rough words from father which he laughed at of course. Celine actually took Taylor’s side and produced a ridiculously long guest list of people I have never met in my entire life. For such unfriendly people they had a lot of acquaintances.
‘Just think of Taylor,’ Celine drones softly while I’m trying not to flinch each time I register her hands in my hair. ‘Forget everything else.’
Yes that’s how I am here in the end because I kept my focus on him. How I loved him, how I wanted to be with him or I would still be making plans of running.
‘Can I at least have that coffee?’
Judith raises eyebrows at me, ‘Heather you are not going to a board meeting, you don’t need a caffeine fix.’
I scowl at her through the mirror, Celine says, ‘how about whisky?’
I literary hear the sound of heads whooping to stare at her direction. She gives an innocent shrug, ‘she is a nervous wreck, and she needs something to hold her up.’
‘I thought you were encouraging her just now.’ Judith gives Celine a hard scowl.
‘I don’t think thinking about Taylor is keeping the panic attack away.’ Celine says as she slips a pin into my hair, I think. ‘Besides the man is obviously as nervous as you are.’
Judith chuckles under her breath and mutters something about dying to see Taylor as a nervous wreck. Celine steps away from me and peers at her masterpiece and aunt claps her hands in delight.
‘Beautiful, just beautiful. You could be a princess that man would be blind to not think you fit in the family.’ Aunt says loudly and turns to Celine, ‘no offense.’
Celine rolls her eyes, ‘don’t worry about it—just don’t bring up family disputes—Heather you are marrying Taylor not his father, just ignore his existence.’
Judith blinks and holds her tongue. She is still trying to wrap her head around Taylor’s family ever since she met them. She did try to probe some information out of me.
‘All this time as my best friend I have tried to not push you into baring your heart to me.’ She had shocked me by saying, ‘but if you can just tell me that you are okay?’
I searched the eyes of my only friend in the world. I appreciated her not pushing me to tell her things—having spent enough time with me surely she would have noticed that something was wrong with me but she never pushed it. For the first time I really got to see how deeply Judith cared about me and how I deeply cared about her.
‘I am fine.’ I answered with a slight smile, ‘I love him.’ I added seriously
‘Love him?’ Judith had rolled her eyes snorting, ‘you are obsessed with the guy—you couldn’t even see Charles in front of you.’
‘Why can’t you get over Charles?’
Judith blinked, ‘I am just saying you lost all your right senses ever since you met Taylor I wasn’t even surprised when I heard that you were married.’
My eyebrows hit my hairline, ‘oh you weren’t?’
‘I knew it was coming but it still surprised me.’ I laughed while she heaved off a sigh, ‘look Heather I am not an expert in this field of romance but I just wanted to make sure you were alright… you two are moving so fast and you are all tense.’
I rolled my eyes, ‘I’m getting married that nerve wrecking biggest decision of my life and in case you haven’t noticed, my in laws are a bit nutty.’
Judith chuckled, ‘by nutty you mean intimidating mysterious and people you should stay away from but still feel like getting a feel first?’
My mouth hung open, ‘Judith Anne Thapelo, is there something you want to tell me about?’
Judith rolled her eyes, ‘you have got to stop with your church-girl stereo type of me—those uncles are just not good for any girl’s imagination and Taylor’s cousin also completes the package with a weird name.’
I rolled into a full blown laugh hugging the pillow close to my chest, ‘who are you and what have you done to Judith?’
‘I just keep this side of me under lock and key.’
‘Well I should say....’ I flashed her a wicked smile, ‘was it hard to practice dancing with Lawyer?’
Judith gave me a dirty look, ‘as intimidating as he is—it would help if he tried to keep up with a conversation. He acts like he is mad at the world or something.’
I smiled and gazed at the ceiling. Weren’t they a sight to behold when I first met them? And the rest of the family members who were curious about Taylor’s future wife. I am not sure what they were expecting but they did regard me with surprise. Not in an unpleasant way but something I didn’t understand. That alone made me more nervous.
Taking a deep breath I rise from my chair and manage a small smile as three pairs of eyes settle on me, following my every move.
By the time I am ready to come out my nerves haven’t settled a tad bit. I hold up the skirt of my dress as I maneuver the heels towards the door. Oohs and aahs from Celine and others follow me out the door I have to fist the material of my skirt to not check whether there was something else they were marveling at.
I still don’t feel better as I walk into the next room and my parents are there waiting for me. This would have been funny under different circumstances. Father all tucked up in a suit, he actually looks good and mother looks all prim and elegant beside him. It’s almost hard to believe that these people actually gave birth to me.
Mother gives me a brief affectionate hug before releasing me and giving me a proper look. Somehow I have no other memory of her looking at me like that. My childhood is filled with different faces that always reminded me that my parents were away and out of reach. It had been a wish when I was a child that my parents would be present like the rest of my friends then.
I blink as the sudden memory vanishes from my mind and father offers me his arm. A sudden sick feeling fills me as I connect my arm with his. The lonely incomplete feeling I had as a child comes back to me in that moment of realization to the absence of these people in my life. It’s ridiculous anyway—or maybe it’s not. I really don’t know.
I slam it down and put it at the back of my mind as we begin to make our way outside. Heels click and material hiss as the bridesmaids rush up ahead of us. Soon the double French doors are opened to reveal a prim red carpet dusted with flower petals.
People rise from the chairs as soon as the tip of my shoe pokes out from the door. Father gives my arm a gentle squeeze. I am momentarily thrown off by the gesture. I suppose he does have a soft side. You really must do this well, logic reminds me with a cruel smile. Who has a nervous breakdown during their own wedding? Sense asks. I don’t take life changing events really well, emotion counters.
I turn to give father a brief smile before taking a deep breath and getting ready to face this. A certain piece of music my brain doesn’t recognize immediately starts playing the same time I raise my face and look forward. The garden chairs and umbrellas of the backyard garden have been replaced by rows of white chairs and red carpeted aisles. At the end of each aisle are large pottery vases filled with blooming flowers.
The sweet scent permeates the atmosphere as an early winter May breeze wafts past and around. My stomach knots as all eyes turn of me. I am grateful for the veil covering my face. I have met most of these people. The crowd consists of relatives and family friends. I still couldn’t get my head around the many of Taylor’s family I met the past weeks and I hope I will remember most of them. At least the ones that demand to be remembered.
My eyes focus at the end of the aisle I am to walk down. At the end of it is a makeshift platform with a glass alter. Different flowers fence the whole place and with the background of lash bushes and the tall green hedge the place is the best picture of my fantasy dream.
The early winter sun is just lovely. It’s warm and cool at the same time as my eyes lift past all the faces and they settle on the very reason I am willing to go with everything. The reason I have not been understanding my world for a while now. The reason why I am doing the very thing I swore would never occur in my lifetime.
He is beautiful. He flashes a wide smile that nearly makes me swoon when his eyes settle on me and for a tiny second, everything else has vanished and it’s just us. Spiraling in the sweet passion that has brought us here. The same passion that has us erase everything outside and not even acknowledge it.
My heart swells with it and I almost sigh loudly with happiness as my hand finds his, my heart speeds up as warmth fills me from his touch. My momentary emotional turmoil is cut short when father plants a kiss on my cheek before letting go of me. My brain companions stop short in their varied tasks at the new gesture.
I don’t even register the ridiculous picture of having Mr. Abiwu himself marry us like the respectable pastor that he is. And it’s even more ridiculous for the fact that he openly aired how disappointed he was that Taylor would end up tying the knot with a family such as mine. It made me think that he didn’t meet swindlers very often. Or maybe smart ones like my father.
People sit in their chairs as Mr. Abiwu raises his chin to start the ceremony. Yeah I could add this to my infamous life history that I was married by a mafia king. Its historic, it’s not as if that happens very often in the world.
‘Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to witness this lovely man and woman join together in holy matrimony.’,’ a discreet small smile at the word lovely because yes he did tell me that he didn’t consider either one of us lovely after we ditched the contract signing dinner weeks ago
A silence in the audience and a sniffle? I steal a glance right there to catch mother dabbing her eyes with a tissue. The best men consist of Malcom from church, Henry the farm manager and childhood friend and Lawyer, Taylor’s cousin from his father’s side.
I hand my bouquet to Judith who smiles warmly at me before I turn back to Taylor and place my other hand in his.
Mr. Abiwu or pastor Abiwu in this case says the speech and a few words of encouragements that I am sure he doesn’t mean before we exchange our vows.
‘I Heather, take you, Taylor, to be my lawfully wedded husband, my constant friend, my faithful partner and my love from this day forward. In the presence of our family and friends, I offer you my solemn vow to be your faithful partner in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad, and in joy as well as in sorrow. I promise to love you unconditionally, to support you in your goals, to honor and respect you, to laugh with you and cry with you, and to cherish you for as long as we both shall live.’
‘I, Taylor, take you, Heather, to be my lawfully wedded wife, my constant friend, my faithful partner and my love from this day forward. In the presence of our family and friends, I offer you my solemn vow to be your faithful partner in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad, and in joy as well as in sorrow. I promise to love you unconditionally, to support you in your goals, to honor and respect you, to laugh with you and cry with you, and to cherish you for as long as we both shall live.’
The ring bearer comes forward and present the rings. I place Taylor’s ring on first, then he places on mine. Mr. Abiwu nods and asks, ‘If anyone objects to the marriage speak now or forever hold your peace’. Silence follows his words and he carries on ‘With the power invested in me by the Church I now pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss the bride.’
Taylor leans in and kisses me softly. The audience claps and cheers as we pull away.
We turn to face the crowd for a brief moment before we climb off the platform and start down the aisle hand in hand, bridesmaids and groomsmen at our heels.
The reception goes in a blur. Laughter, chatter and clinking of dishes and utensils mingled with the music in the background. People stroll easily around the large green picturesque garden in an array of colorful attires. Women clothes vary from beautiful African print dresses and crowned head scarfs and glistening jewelry to traditional blue skirts, blouses, head covering and shawls.
Men varied from boubous attires to crisp fitting tuxedoes.
A local band is performing on the platform, a few guests who are not fixed on me and the rest of the people at the high table seem to get lost in the performance. A while later people give their speeches.
At the entrances and exit points men and a few women stand innocently studying the moving crowd. They are making me nervous every time I spot one of them after Mr. Abiwu had me know them in case of an emergency. I suspect the man just wanted to put me on edge that something is bound to happen. And I have already spent a number of sleepless nights putting my overactive imagination to the test.
I remove my eyes from the security personnel. The curtains of the living room are drawn and the glass doors wide open. Inside a number of people are cluttered around wedding presents that are arranged in the middle of the room.
I see Celine talking with Lawyer and Judith who are looking at her as though she has sprouted horns before they burst out laughing. I almost roll my eyes. The woman has a wayward mouth and a cruel streak but I hate to admit that she is growing on me. Celine moves away from the two who are still shivering from laughter before they sober up and Lawyer says something to Judith who looks back at him with the doe eyes she has been doing around him lately.
Worry sprouts within me and I shake it off. I love Judith she’s my only friend but I didn’t think it was a good idea for her to start liking the likes of Lawyer. I more than know there are dark things underneath these people and I don’t want Judith entangled in any of it.
I turn my eyes from them to the woman who has just come to speak to me. One of Mr. Abiwu’s relatives. I smile back at her as I nod at what she is saying before she comes up behind me to take a selfie. When she leaves I turn my eyes at Taylor beside me.
He is sitting easily in his chair watching me. I still can’t believe that we are married. A few months ago when I ran into him in the parking lot if someone had told me that I will marry him one day I would have laughed in their face. It’s amazing how the twists of life take us sometimes.
I lace my fingers with his as our eyes connect in an internal dialogue. He raises our joined hands and plants a soft kiss on mine. My heart beats almost melodically, I wonder if his matches mine. I have the strangest urge to rest my head on his chest and hear it.
The MC suddenly announces that its time for the bride and groom to dance, breaking our connection. Everyone seem to vanish in the background as we waltz in each other’s arms, and the love I see in his dark eyes captures my senses into an oblivion I have never thought possible. Even now, at our wedding, married I still can’t figure out how I was able to capture the heart of this beautiful person.
‘Don’t give me that look.’ He whispers into my ear as he pulls me close, ‘I am the lucky one who has won your heart and love. I will cherish it for as long as I live.’
I lift my head to look into his eyes again, ‘I love you too.’
And he kisses me like there is no one else around. Like a thousand pairs of eyes are not fixed on our dance. The only thing that brings us back to the reality is the loud cheering and clapping from the crowd.
We break apart and heat goes to my face at the number of wry smiles that are shot at us. I want to burry my head in his shoulder and hide.
‘A road trip would have been nicer than a flight.’ Aunt says as I just finish putting on my dress for the trip.
‘It’s ten hours.’ Celine rolls her eyes as she gets the last of the pins out of my hair
‘It’s romantic.’ Aunt says. I look at her with bulged eyes, ‘oh please I was young before.’
‘During a different era.’ Celine mutters.
‘Not that long ago.’ Judith says, ‘are we done here? Some people are itching to get rid of you and I want to save you from nutty relatives.’
Celine snorts and laughs while aunt says, ‘Judith that is so uncalled for.’
‘Not here aunt.’ Celine nods as she speaks, ‘not here.’
I roll my eyes before I throw my arms around aunt for a brief hug. In more ways than one I have to admit that this woman has been close to being a mother to me more than my very mother ever was. With mother it feels like I am just another face in the crowd. We have no memories of fights or tears or laughter—there I go alone being all poetic—but seriously, it’s all weird. If I hadn’t screwed up my life by hanging around with the wrong group I doubt I would have ever lived with my parents. But right now was not the time and day to think about why they kept me out of their lives until I became a social reject.
As I step outside I meet Taylor and we go through biding everyone good bye hand in hand. We wave at them as the car pulls away from the farm premises.