To say that I am so embarrassed by my behavior last night would be a conspicuous understatement. I can’t even make up a good excuse about it. It’s not like I myself know exactly why I did it—I don’t even remember half of what I did or said yesterday. Memory loss, that could be a good exactly but it’s a little biased because I remember enough to make me cringe.
Or I can quote popular poetry. No I don’t read at all and poetry is something that never came to my mind ever since I graduated high school and I was free from Mrs. What was her name again? Literature class. But there is a poem I always remember because it’s the only form of literature I found interesting enough to keep in my head.
‘Where ignorance is bliss, it is folly to be wise.’
Urgh that won’t help me explain myself either. It would have been better if I had just innocently kissed him but I begged him to take things further. And thank god the man has brains in his head because I surely would have regretted it this morning.
Somebody should just shoot me now. Wild nods in agreement. How do I get out of this one? Maybe he will just brush the topic aside. But recalling last night I don’t think this one is ignorable. Crap! What am I supposed to do with myself now? I can sneak out of the house and call him later—but that bull dog is not tied now right now and I can be his breakfast.
So I give up trying to get out of this easily and decide to face it. It’s six in the morning and I am sitting in the kitchen because I have decided not to chicken out and face Taylor and get this over with.
But as I hear a door closing and his feet approaching the kitchen I start to sweat. My eyes start to twitch and forget my stomach. So much for bravery!
But this is not so bad why am I so embarrassed? Who am I kidding? This is way over the top embarrassing. I need a hole to crawl in and hide.
‘Good morning!’ he smiles at me as soon as he enters the kitchen and I jump even though I heard and saw him walk in.
‘Morning!” I stammer, okay I already am nervous but I wasn’t expecting him to be in his full formal clothing at six am in the morning. A crisp white shirt, two buttons open and untucked. Black dress pants and does his hair grow overnight? I remember the feel of it on my fingers yesterday when I was—get a hold of yourself, you are here to fix this not recap the memory.
I clear my throat, maybe I should have made a cup of coffee or something because now I feel like I had been wading through the desert and I’m in desperate need of water. But it would be weird if I stand up right now and get a glass of water. So I will just endure this as a form of self-punishment for the way I presented myself to the world yesterday.
I take a deep breath and I am ready to plunge into my speech when he pulls a chair and sits opposite me his coffee in front of him as if he knows that I am about to start my self-defense speech and I need his full attention. But why does it look like he is one of those guys you see at six am in the morning on live TV and you are still trying to wake up wondering what disaster you are about to add to your life history for the day?
But that is not the point right now, I have to say something not try to enter a staring contest with Taylor.
‘About last night--.’
‘About last night--.’
We speak at the same time, pause, look at each other and laugh.
‘You can go ahead,’ he says like the true gentleman that he is, but I don’t think what I want to say is more sensible than what he has to say
‘No go ahead.’
‘What were you going to say?’
‘What were you going to say?’
‘Why are you up at this hour?’ he raises his eyebrows
‘That is not about last night!’ I blink, ‘I mean, I couldn’t sleep.’ I am not going to admit that I woke up early to ambush him and close the topic before my day progresses and based on my life history I know it’s not going to go so well. ‘You are also up so early.’ I mumble unintelligently because I’m already chickening out—I didn’t do anything wrong, maybe we could just avoid the topic and laugh about it fifty years later.
‘I couldn’t sleep either.’ Pause, ‘why won’t you tell me why you are run away from home?’
Oh that!
‘It’s complicated!” I mumble, how I tell someone that I am being sold, that is just embarrassing and I don’t need to involve him in all this.
‘Yes I already figured out the complicated part.’
‘Are we really going to talk about this at six am in the morning?’
‘Its seven now.’
I bite my lip, gosh I wish I really had that coffee I eye his and he pushes it to me. I take the cup and take a large swig before the cup lands back on the table a little too noisily. There now that I have taken my energy drink I can think clearly.
‘I am not marrying Charles, whatever it takes.’ I begin, ‘so I am leaving.’
‘Leaving?’ why does he look like he is panicking?
‘I am not going back home father will probably chase me out—I will return to my relatives.’
He takes the cup and gulps some coffee before setting it back on the table, noisily as well. Is it weird that at this moment I find it cute that we are drinking from the same cup? Yes, it’s weird, you are creepy, wild nods at me.
‘When you say leaving to your relatives, you mean going back to Zimbabwe?’
I nod slowly, if Taylor is freaking out about me returning to Zimbabwe then I guess I should not go home first because father may just shoot me.
‘I have nowhere else to go,’ I suddenly feel the need to explain myself, why does he look so wounded like I am doing something wrong, I am just trying to survive all this for heavens’ sake.
‘You can stay here!’
No, he did not just say that. I stare at his face, no he did say that and he is serious
‘I can’t. That would be---.’
‘If you go to Zimbabwe I may never see you again.’ His eyes look all glassy and he manages to look like he means it. I want to laugh hysterically. Because I am about to have a panic attack. So he meant it that he loved me? No that can’t be it. I just need to get away from all this. What if I tell him what my father wants to do. He will see how screwed up all this is and stay away from me.
I look away from him and gaze into space.
‘Heather!’
I just shake my head, not meeting his gaze, ‘no, I don’t want to stay here. This is ridiculous.’ I mumble and start to rise out of my chair casting a glance at him, only he is not there but already in front of me pressing me against the table behind me. Panic attack is fully on. He plants his hands on the table caging me between them.
I clench my hands because even at this moment I want to touch him.
‘I understand the need to get away from your family but are you going to throw away this.’
I bite my lip as I inch away from him, ‘I don’t know what this is.’ my voice is small, ‘and point of correction I am not getting away from my family I am particularly getting away from Charles and father.’
‘Why won’t you tell me the real reason you have decided this?’
I sigh, ‘fine.’ I thought he would move a little and I can have a little breathing space to think clearly but he doesn’t even budge. ‘Charles’s family are loan sharks and father owes them a great amount of money, I imagine they are at his neck so if I marry Charles the debt is cancelled.’ I speak very fast and take a deep breath at the end.’
‘And you think he’s going to let you go?’
‘He will if I refuse to obey him.’
Taylor shakes his head, ‘he will carry you there kicking and screaming—he has no other way to pay back his debtors if he decided to sale you,’
And it dawns on me. Father will never let me walk away. Loan sharks would have his head if he doesn’t pay and I am the only way out. Now I really start to panic
‘That’s why I have to go!’ I say and I almost shout in relief that I had packed my passport, ‘if I stay here he will have another way of taking me back.’
‘Don’t you think your relatives will give you away?’
Well they did turn their backs on me when the camping incident happened but of course they were shocked I don’t blame them. But they wouldn’t support father to sell me to loan sharks.
‘No they won’t.’ I say surely, ‘I will be fine.’
He takes a deep breath, ‘well I’m not letting you go!”
My mouth hangs open, oh he means it, has he gone mad? No maybe I am the one who is mad to still be here trying to reason with him.
‘That is my decision not yours.’
‘Your decision sucks and I am deciding for you.’
I put my hands on his chest to push him away and miserable failure. ‘No you are not—just leave me alone.’
Hasn’t he figured out that I hate it when people decide for me?
‘You don’t feel anything for me?’
‘That has nothing to do with trying to save my own life.’ I snap
‘You can’t save it by running away—he will just find you anyway, but you haven’t answered my question.’
Do I feel anything for him? The man has invaded my mental existence since I met him in the parking lot. But even so I can’t just stay here—am I mad? Okay maybe I lost my wits last night and tried to seduce him but staying is a whole entire dimension in a relationship and I happen to be running away from marriage in case he hasn’t noticed. Which he hasn’t because his expression hasn’t changed.
‘No I don’t!’ my voice is pathetically strained even I don’t believe it. I swear his eyes turn darker right in front of me. I could write an entire bible about those eyes which are looking at me intensely at the moment. My eyes dart around, trying to find an escape and if I can manage to push him away from me then I would have escaped. Well because if someone is looking at you like that you have to run for the hills screaming right? Wild nods in agreement.
I feel his hand flat on the small of my back and he crashes me against him. My eyes snap to his. What’s he doing now? And I don’t have time to react before his lips land hard on mine. Taking all my breath away. I open my mouth to get some air and he plunges his tongue inside my mouth. I taste that coffee we shared minutes ago as all my mind defenses begin to thaw.
He pushes me on the table and I grab his arms for balance as his body presses firmly against mine. I happen to be wearing one of my oversized t-shirts that I sleep in and it is slowly riding up at the moment.
‘Taylor!’ I manage to say when I break away from his assaulting lips
‘I am not letting you go!’ he says
Okay I get the point. Even Taylor is not going to let me run away. I start to nod when he grabs my leg and hooks it on his waist while pushing me further down the table. I gasp and his lips close over mine again. Forget it, I am not going anywhere.
My hands slide up his arms and find his hair which is still a phenomenon to me. When I lace my fingers into the soft curls he kisses me harder and I moan. Moan? I actually moan.
‘Gah! Hunter it’s just me! Taylor!’ the high pitched voice is followed by a bellowing bark from the bull dog. ‘Taylor!’
Taylor reluctantly draws away from me and lifts me back to my feet as he stands and sighs
‘Celine!’ he whispers with a fond smile
Even in my deranged state I manage to scowl in confusion, who?
‘My cousin sister.’
I just nod, I don’t know her but I want to hug her and spin her around for showing up just in time. Oh I didn’t say that out loud did I? Why is Taylor looking at me with an amused look on his face? I look away, feeling heat on my face.
I hear the front glass door slide open followed by a low thud and then a huge sigh and a high pitched irritated
‘Taylor!’
Taylor’s smile grows and he pulls me along with him to the living room. When I manage to peek around Taylor’s tall frame my eyes land on a tall beautiful woman. Long ebony hair falls over her dark skin in the most fascinating way. Her big brown eyes narrow at Taylor irritably and Taylor chuckles
‘I knew you would not come quietly.’
She huffs, ‘you—I will butcher that dog can it and feed it to you next time it tries to bite me.’
‘Your violent tendencies are worse than before, where were you exactly?’
‘Where you were not and you are supposed to be.’
‘Touché!’
Her eyes move from Taylor and they land on me. ‘And who might you be?’
‘Celine this is Heather and Heather Celine!”
I wear a polite smile and stretch my hand to shake hers, ‘nice to meet you.’
‘Likewise!’ she takes in my large t-shirt and smirks, ‘I’m his sister in case he hasn’t told you.’
‘Does it matter?’ Taylor says
‘I am trying to divert a misconception!’ Celine flashes him a sweet smile, ‘I’m sure your girlfriend appreciates it.’
‘Oh I’m not.’ I start to say I’m not his girlfriend when he turns to me with a sharp gaze
‘We have not really discussed that yet and you don’t have to answer her.’
‘What’s there to discuss!’ Celine quips, ‘you are either a girlfriend or a hook up and you two seem to have already taken things further.’
My mouth hangs open. Why is this woman suggesting that I slept with Taylor when I didn’t? Well that would have been the case if Taylor didn’t have enough brain cells in his head. Wild pouts at me.
‘It’s none of your business—and what are you doing here anyway?’
‘I live here.’ Celine rolls her eyes, ‘you can’t have this house to yourself forever you know.’
I take my hand out of Taylor’s, he turns to look at me
‘I am going to get dressed.’ I mumble and return Celine’s polite smile before I dash in the hall way. I hear their squabble before I shut the door of my room and lean on it. Only a few seconds and I have worked out that his sister is a piece of work. I know a piece of work when I see one.
Well it doesn’t matter what she assumes, I am pretty sure she is familiar with all of Taylor’s hook ups. Why does that make me feel like acid is rising up my throat? I gnaw at my lip. I have to get over myself. I am leaving anyway. Taylor can’t stake a claim on me neither can father. I am moving away from all this madness. Yes madness. I repeat in my mind as I finally start to move towards my bag.
I choose some leggings and a flowery dress top. It’s comfortable and makes it easy when you are on the run. Because I am on the run and the money that I have is enough for me to get a bus and figure out where to leave once I get to Zimbabwe. I made a mistake of telling Taylor. Now when I leave he doesn’t even have to know. Taylor and I won’t go anywhere. This is just a confusing passing passionate time. And I need to leave before anything happens between us.
My heart skips a beat when I start to think whether we would have stopped if Celine hadn’t showed up when she did. I was too far gone to stop anyway. This is just too dangerous.
I pull my hair into a ponytail and fi my bag for a journey. I contemplate calling someone back in Zimbabwe but then decide against it. If they turn out to want to sale me as well I would still have a chance to escape when I hit them by surprise.
My phone buzz in my hand and I flinch. It’s Charles. No way! The man never called me even once since the day I met him. Maybe they finally figured out that I am serious about this.
‘Hello!’ is it weird that we still say hello even though we know who was calling.
‘Heather! ‘His deep voice booms in my ear, ‘where are you? I just heard what happened from father.’
‘It doesn’t matter where I am—I’m not coming back.’
A sigh, ‘look I think there could have been a little misunderstanding—why don’t you come and we talk about it?’
There is nothing to talk about. This is all madness and I am not buying it. An and since when did Charles care to talk things out with me, he set the wedding date without even discussing it with me first.
‘no, just let me go.’
‘Heather please!’
He said please, the tyrant said please. Uh, point of correction, Charles is not a tyrant my father is and since Charles is following my father’s instructions that automatically makes him a tyrant.
‘No!’ I snap
A sigh, ‘fine stay where you are, I’m coming to get you.’
All my insides freeze, ‘what—how?’ then it dawns on me. I press the red end call icon but I know it’s too late. The damn phone and technology also had Taylor track me down yesterday. What am I going to do now? Charles will take me back to that house and I will go with him and be married to him. No, no, -- I have to go now. If I leave now, I may have a chance of escape. I grab my bag and pause holding the door handle. I can’t just leave this house either. But I have to
So I decide to see what Taylor and Celine are doing and formulate a way of escape. I can hear their voices in the kitchen. Good, I smile, I can easily slip past them and they won’t even notice. But Celine’s words stop me death in my tracks
‘Why are you starting to bring those girls here Taylor?’ she growled, ‘don’t you remember what Mr Abiwu did to the last girl he found in the house? Have you no pity for them, and she is so young.’
‘Stop assuming things you are driving me crazy.’
‘I am not assuming things but you must keep that part of your life separate from the family image.’
‘Who cares about family image?’
‘your father does, he will skin you alive if he finds you openly jeopardizing it like this—and this time he promised to make you find a wife if you bring any girl to his house.’ Her voice rises
‘Keep your voice down, this isn’t a protest.’
‘Oh you don’t want the little girl to hear it? Does it even matter to her? She’s probably just after your money.’
A table is banged, ‘stop talking about her that way! Heather is not after my money.’
‘well your looks then—women like to throw themselves at popular man whores just to gain a reputation—you may not care about what your father thinks of your behavior but you should know that it—
I stop listening and rush back to the room. Why am I so surprised? Wasn’t I the genius who figured out who Taylor is the first days I met him. And he did say with his mouth that he was after one thing and then he wasn’t. He could be confused about his feelings and I can’t stay here anyway. The man seems to have a piece of work of a father just like mine. But I can imagine that he being a pastor’s kid, his reputation eludes him. I put my bag on my shoulder and purposefully march out of the room.
I am half way to the front door when Taylor emerges from the kitchen and he freezes. Our eyes lock and I back away to stand close to the door.
‘You are leaving!’
Why do things like this always happen in fiction and in real life? Couldn’t I just walk out the door smoothly and have he figure it out when I am gone?
‘Yes.’ I say simply, or maybe I should be a little firm or hurt his feelings so that he relents on the issue because I can imagine Charles flying his way here and I don’t have much time left.
‘Maybe I didn’t make myself clear when I said that I don’t want you to leave?’
I gape at him, ‘stop talking like you own me.’
‘You are making a mistake.’ He says
‘I am making a mistake!’ I resound his words, ‘well staying with you will be a very big mistake.’
And I have experienced enough treacherous mistakes to last me this lifetime and the next. But I am sure that getting away from my tyrant father and him is not a mistake. I am simply just trying to survive all this without getting into more chaos. And based on what I have eavesdropped (and I beg to differ on that point because it happened by accident) his life seems to be more dramatic than mine I don’t want to be a part of that.
‘I can take care of you.’
‘I have heard that before.’ I move towards the door but he doesn’t move though that doesn’t mean he couldn’t just bolt after me and catch me in two strides. The disadvantages of being a small person.
He sighs, giving up on the hard stare, maybe he has figured that I’d seen and experienced enough tyrants from father I simply won’t back down because you have put on a scary face.
‘Please just stay and hear me out.’ He holds up his hands towards me, holding that gaze I can feel my defenses slowly starting to thaw. I mean the man looks so sincere in his plea but I quickly recover myself, I have to get out of here—now!
‘no.’ I snap more forcefully than is necessary, ‘I don’t want this.’ I gesture between us, ‘you live in your own world that I wouldn’t dare step a foot in,’ he scowls, yeah I have to stop speaking my wild ideas out loud, ‘I mean I am not the girl for you—this thing is just off balanced – and you may just be confused about your feelings for me.’
There I said it. Now acting as the counsellor. Well someone has to. I was obsessed with Taylor enough to blindly want to throw myself at him but the thought of a real relationship makes me cringe. I mean I still don’t know what I was after when I was chasing him around but still--- no I don’t have time to explain this I have to go.
‘I have to go.’
‘No!’ he says flatly
I just shake my head and turn to the door, stepping out in one stride and he’s already behind me. I turn to face him and back away towards the gate. Is he really going to stop me? Man handle me?
‘I don’t want to hurt you.’ Taylor says, appalled by the expression on my face.
‘Then what are you trying to do?’
Because why else would he be here hovering over me like an old mother hen?
‘I--.’ He runs a frustrated hand into his curly afro hair and either I am totally screwed up or thoroughly obsessed to the point of no return because seeing him run his hands through his hair makes my fingers twitch to touch it. Maybe I could just feel it one last time. I mean it’s not every day I get to meet a person with such a lovely phenomenon of hair covering his head.
I clench my fists—earth to Heather! And I instantly snap back to the present. Taylor’s lips are moving, he is saying something and I manage to catch the last part of his sentence, ‘but I feel differently about you—it’s simply too late to stay away from each other right now,’
I blink at him, ‘does that make any sense?’
Of course it doesn’t make any sense, I didn’t hear half of what he said because I was busy fantasizing about running my twitching fingers into his hair.
He looks at loss with himself for a moment then narrows his eyes at me that is when I distinctly hear tires screech to a stop outside the gate and Taylor doesn’t even flinch because well I am the only one expecting my tyrant in trainee fiancée to drag me back to slavery.
I hear the car door slam shut and I jump away from the gate as if it would bite me and yes I get behind Taylor staring at the gate as if it has the teeth of Jaws.
‘What--.’ Taylor is still deciding between what is going on and who it could be and what he could do to lesson my being freaked out when a heavy knock erupts on the gate. It makes me flinch again
‘Heather!’
I glare at him, maybe not the way to react to the only human being on the planet who is at least concerned about your well-being but it was because of him that I couldn’t get away on time
‘It’s Charles!’ I choke out, ‘he’s going to take me back.’
I watch his rigid expression as he put the puzzle pieces together, ‘you were running from him?’
I nod, ‘yes.’ My eyes are wide as another knock comes.
‘Heather!” Charles calls from the other side of the gate. That surprises me and I pause mid-fright because the man never seemed like the dramatic type. Either he really cares about me or father does owe them a huge amount. Though I still haven’t figured out what marrying him would benefit them unless they are planning to butcher me and sell my kidneys.
Taylor slowly walks to the gate and pulls it open. I swear he glanced at Hunter as if contemplating to release the vicious animal on him. Hunter himself stands erect with his ears stuck upwards and large eyes fixed on the gate. He should just release the dog, I second the motion.
As soon as the gate is open enough for a human being to fit through, Charles jumps inside the yard and Hunter bellows a bark at him barring his teeth. Charles does look like he was running a mile, though I don’t know how that happens when you are driving a car. He is wearing a complete suit, only his tie seemed to have been carelessly loosened along with another button on his shirt.
And yes, I admit again for a hundredth time that I am screwed up because at this moment seeing the two men standing together I do consider them fitting for duet photos of drool worthy male models.
‘Who are you?’
‘Heather come!’ Charles ignores Taylor, ‘why are you here with this man.’ He finally turns to glare at Taylor. Whoa if looks could kill.
‘Why are you here?’ I still manage to ask anyway
‘What kind of question is that?’ Charles snaps first time seeing him angry and yes I definitely have to run from this one, ‘we are getting married tomorrow.’
‘I don’t want to.’ I snap back, ‘why did you come here?’
‘You are here with another man.’ He keeps his gaze locked with Taylor’s. Taylor remains impassive and is studying Charles closely. Now I’m not sure which of the two men is scarier.
‘oh look what the cat dragged in.’ Celine drawls as she emerges from the front door and comes to lean on one of the verandah colonnades with her arms folded against her chest. Charles looks at her and his eyes widen a little bit.
Celine gapes at him and laughs, ‘why this is very interesting!”
What the—
Charles collects himself and looks at me, ‘let’s go Heather!’
‘no.’ I fold my arms, ‘you need to leave,’
‘I am not going anywhere.’ He says absently because he seems to be thinking about something as he glances at Celine then back at Taylor. And he looks nervous all of a sudden, ‘why are you here.’ He ask me
Taylor tilts his head to one side and the two men seem to share a silent dialogue, if I am not mistaken. And I am not mistaken but I just don’t want to consider the possibility that these two know each other. Or to put it more clearly, Charles just recognized Celine and then Taylor. Who are these people?
I know that Taylor’s father could be a prominent evangelist—or so I was told. But I have been a Church goer for a long time to recognize people’s behavior around preachers to know that this was not the reaction. There is something else. I feel my gut twisting in alarm and might I remind you that I usually don’t experience gut instincts, and right now I know Taylor could turn out to be more dangerous than Charles and father. That automatically set me into a panic mode.
I hug my bag tighter and start to march towards Charles but I don’t make it past Taylor before he grabs my arm, snatches my bag from my hands and hands it to Celine. All I can do is gasp and gape and Charles is watching him warily.
Okay—I am now official screwed.
‘let’s go!’ he holds Charles gaze as he speaks and with so much authority that Charles pockets whatever drama he had come grilling to spill and turns outside the gate. Even I silently trot beside him as he pulled me to Charles’ car.