Whenever You Want by Stephanie Van Orman - HTML preview

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Chapter Nine

On the Couch

Christina pushed open the door to her apartment a little after midnight. She thought she was going to have to stay out with Dominic until dawn, but luckily, he believed her when she told him she was really tired after spending all week getting ready for her interview with Alexander. So, he took her home. He clearly knew how hard the week had been on her after a little explanation of Mindy’s schedule, unlike Mark, who didn’t know anything about women. When Christina thought about it on the car ride home, she wasn’t sure if she preferred a guy who was so inexperienced with women that he couldn’t guess how detailed her primping routine was or a guy who knew everything and therefore knew how to coddle her like a princess.

She also didn’t know what to make of Dominic’s 'almost' confession of love. She didn’t know if he meant it or if he was just playing another game with her. She’d have to put the idea on the shelf and wait to see what his behavior was like in the future. There was something appealing about being treated like a goddess. She wondered if Dominic had the ability to make her feel like that—the way she’d made so many men feel working as an escort. No man had ever made her feel like that before. Well, at least he wasn’t pushy. He hadn’t grabbed her or forced her into anything, not even when he slid five crisp hundred dollar bills in her hand when they said ‘good-bye.'

“Thanks,” she had said to him as she opened the car door.

“Good night, Tina,” he said. He was sans sunglasses and the look on his face was so tender.

Christina wanted to tell him that no one ever called her ‘Tina’ when she wasn’t an escort, but then when she looked at him, she realized he wasn’t calling her by her name. For him, it was the same as if he had called her ‘darling’ or ‘sweetheart.' She didn’t know what to say. In the end, she bit her lip, shut the car door as quietly as possible and went inside.

The TV was flickering when Christina entered her apartment. Mindy’s work must have ended early if she was home watching television.

“I’m home,” Christina called into the living room as she kicked off her shoes.

 “Have a good night?” a deep male voice called from the living room couch.

Christina froze in her footprints. If she wasn’t crazy, then Mark was waiting for her. Christina shook her head. She must be hearing voices. Mark wouldn’t actually have come to her apartment, would he? Christina unfroze herself and popped her head around the corner. Sure enough, he was sitting on the couch. He had Mindy’s afghan over his knees and he was holding the remote control.

“Mark!” Christina exclaimed. “What are you doing here?”

“You said I should call you next time I happened to have some spare time. Well, after Laura left, I had some spare time, so I called,” he said easily.

“That still doesn’t explain why you’re watching late-night TV in my living room.”

“You weren’t home, but your cousin Mindy was. She’s a charmer, isn’t she? When I gave her my name, she said I could wait for you to get back.”

“You mean… Mindy’s not here?” Christina gaped.

“No, she’s out.”

Christina looked at Mark. Yes, she wanted to see him, but hadn’t she suffered enough? That day had been the longest in Christina’s history. She’d been under Mindy’s care until her meeting with Alexander. Then she had her polly-wolly-crappy date with Mark and then her date/meeting with Dominic. She was fried. Even her eyebrow was twitching. Standing there, she had the impulse to throw Mark out, but as she looked at him she realized she couldn’t do that. He had gone through so much trouble to show her he was sincere. Curse him…

So, instead, Christina plopped herself on the couch next to him and said drolly, “Did Mindy leave you with any good snacks?”

“She got me a bowl of… Hey! Is that all you have to say after I went through the effort to come here?” he shouted hotly.

Christina put her finger to her lips, “Please don’t make so much noise. You’ll wake the neighbors. Mindy will be mad at me if there are complaints.”

“What! How can you be thinking about that?”

“Shhhh… Pass me those cheesies and let’s find something good to watch.”

“But weren’t we supposed to be getting to know each other on a more honest level?” he asked, actually having the nerve to get up from the couch and bring her a can of pop from the fridge even though it was his first time visiting.

“Thanks,” Christina said snuggling down with the root beer and not answering his question.

He stood, hovering above her, waiting for her answer.

“You read my mind. If I’m going to eat these, then I need a drink." She popped a cheesie into her mouth.

He didn’t budge.

Finally, Christina felt like she had to give in. She rolled her eyes and said, “Look, Mark, it’s after midnight. I’m exhausted. It has been such a hard day. Can’t you just curl up on the couch with me, maybe put your arm around my shoulders if you feel like it, eat junk, laugh at stupid stuff, and relax? I can’t have a serious conversation right now. I don’t even think I’m capable of coherent thought right now. Can’t you just mellow?”

“I can put my arm around you?” he asked cautiously.

“Why not?” Christina retorted. “You’ve already done more than that with me,” Christina said, thinking of the New Year’s party and their kiss.

He shook his head. “I know. It’s just I thought maybe you wouldn’t want me to touch you.”

“If there’s a reason for that, I can’t think of it right now,” Christina answered. Her mind was a complete blank.

“Aren’t you mad at me because of what happened with Laura tonight?”

“Oh yeah,” she said. Mark had invited Laura to have dinner with them without asking Christina if she was okay with it. Christina shook her head. “Yeah, you are pretty rotten. But… that’s okay,” she yawned. “We’ll talk about it later.”

Mark looked confused. “So for now, you just want me to sit on the couch, cuddle with you and watch T.V.?”

“I’ve got too much on my mind right now to let you add more. We can talk about everything later, but right now, I’m tired." She paused. After thinking for a second more, she added, “And I want to rest my head on your shoulder and don’t you dare try to attach any strings to it.”

Mark looked more confused than ever. “Are you drunk?”

“No, I’m not drunk,” Christina fumed. She wasn’t sure if he was trying to make a joke. “I don’t drink—ever. I’m just past my exhaustion threshold. Did you know sleep deprivation is a form of torture? I’m done.”

Mark didn’t say anything else, but obediently sat down on the couch and put his arm around Christina’s shoulders. She immediately put her legs over his lap and pulled the afghan over both of them. Christina was used to sleeping with the radio playing, so the noise from the TV didn’t bother her as she rested her head half on the couch and half on Mark’s arm.

Christina didn’t start to have doubts about the intelligence of falling asleep in his arms until it was too late for her to struggle against it. She thought to herself that she should really get up and send him home or toddle off to her bedroom and leave him to sleep on the couch, but she was too tired to talk. Her last thought before she fell asleep was of the cologne he was wearing. What was it called again?

***

Christina woke up to the sound of the phone ringing next to her ear. Some thoughtless person had left it on the side table next to the couch rather than putting it back on the cradle. Christina fumbled around for it but knocked it onto the floor. It was Saturday and it felt too early for anyone to be calling them. Christina saw Mark’s slender brown fingers effortlessly pick up the phone through her eyelashes. So, he hadn’t gone home.

“Hello,” he answered calmly.

Christina flinched. What gave him the right to answer their phone? Especially so early in the morning? What if it was her mother calling? But all the same, Christina was still nine-tenths asleep and she didn’t much care. He could come up with something to cover his can if her mother jumped down his throat, couldn’t he? Wasn’t that what public relations were all about? Christina rolled over.

“No, Laura. I can’t do anything today,” he paused.

When she heard Mark say that, Christina flipped to only one-tenths asleep and listened carefully. It was at that point she woke up enough to realize the phone that rang wasn’t her home phone, but Mark’s cell phone.

“No, it doesn’t bother me,” he continued. “You can date whoever you like." There was another pause as Laura answered him. “If Dominic found a guy who he thinks would interest you, then you should go on the date and see how it turns out. You might end up liking him.”

Christina sat bolt upright and looked at Mark. What was he saying? That Dominic was setting Laura up with someone? Wow! The devil didn’t waste any time.

Mark had his back to Christina as he continued his conversation. It looked like he still thought Christina was asleep because his voice was almost a whisper. “I’m sorry you don’t want to date anyone other than me, but Laura, how many times do we have to have this conversation? I’m tired of offering excuses. Please, just give up on me.” He paused again. “No, this doesn’t have anything to do with Christina. I just—” He was interrupted.

The moments stretched before he had the chance to talk again. Christina waited tensely for his next words.

“Please don’t cry,” he said gently. “No, I don’t think there is anything you could do to change my mind. I said I don’t want to talk about this anymore. Just please believe me when I say I’ll never change my mind, but I’ll always be grateful for our friendship.”

Christina had never been dumped as harshly as Mark was dumping Laura. At first, she felt proud of him for finally saying what he had been thinking all along, but it didn’t take long for that feeling to evaporate. It was obvious it wasn’t his first try breaking up with Laura. It probably wasn’t the second time either… and Laura was crying on the other end of the phone. Self-assured Laura from Financial Services was shedding tears because Mark didn’t love her the way she wanted him to. Christina couldn’t imagine liking someone that much.

“I’m sorry,” Mark said, clearly finishing up the conversation. “Please stop crying and let’s try to talk normally when we see each other at the office, okay? Let’s not let that part be awkward." There was another pause before he finally said mildly, “Goodbye.”

Mark clicked his cell phone off and turned around to meet Christina’s gaze. “Did you hear all of that?” he slowly questioned.

“Yeah,” she mumbled.

“Did it bother you?”

“A little, but don’t worry about me. You’ve already said I’m not the reason you’re rejecting her, so I don’t feel responsible. It’s just a shame her feelings had to be hurt. That’s all.”

He squinted and brought his eyebrows together in a line. “Christina, I don’t understand you. Wasn’t the reason you took off your makeup in front of me because you didn’t want your escort glamor tainting my feelings for you? Because you wanted me to fall in love with the real you? If you want to date me yourself, then why do you feel sorry for Laura?”

“You wouldn’t fall in love with me, Mark. The real me isn’t flirty, or frilly, or vivacious. The real me is more like what you saw last night. I’m not the type to manipulate a guy into treating me the way I want him to. That’s just an act Mindy taught me so I could work as an escort. You probably want a woman who pouts her lips, has to have her way, wears pretty clothes and bothers to dress up for you every day of her life. What I really want is just to be able to say what I want, what I don’t want and for my man to give it to me. I never thought you would fall in love with me. You are stacked up to your chin in class and you want a woman who can match you. I never could.”

“So, are you interested in me or not? Sounds like not,” he said pensively.

“No. That’s not it,” Christina denied fiercely. “You have got to be the hottest man I have ever seen in real life. Everything about you makes it seem like you were designed to break my heart. Just by looking at you—I know it’s a dream. There’s no way you could care for me the way I truly am. I’m the type who drools over you in my cubicle while you are the type to date a woman with real eyelashes, flowing hair, and a body that would make grown men cry. Do you know what I’m saying?”

Mark plopped himself down in Mindy’s recliner and looked bored. “It sounds like you’re spouting the most elaborate load of B.S. I’ve ever heard.”

Christina scowled. How could that possibly be the most elaborate load of B.S. he'd ever heard? He made up crap worse than that daily.

“What happened after you left with Dominic last night? It must have been something terrific for you to change your tune so drastically.”

“I’m not ‘changing my tune,'” Christina almost shrieked. “Besides, I didn’t act differently after I met with him and found you in my living room, now did I?”

“Well, you didn’t want to have our ‘serious’ conversation and… you fell asleep on my arm,” he reminded her. “That wasn’t my idea. I’m almost starting to feel like your whore, or at the least, I feel like I was a tool you used for convenience.”

Christina’s mouth fell open. She had never been accused of using a man for her own purposes. “I didn’t…”

But Mark interrupted her. “Listen,” he said stiffly. “There is one way to test out the waters of your little theory about the ‘type’ of person I am since you clearly don’t know me well enough.”

Christina was ultimately perplexed. What the heck was he about to suggest?

“And that’s if you agree to be my girlfriend. Then we’ll see how much of what you just said is fact or fiction.”

Christina flushed, but managed to say nicely, “How will it go at work if we start seeing each other?”

Mark shrugged his shoulders. “Nothing will change.”

“Are you sure?” she demanded sternly. “You were pretty freaked out before when you were worried there would be a scandal.”

“Yeah, I was, but I see now that was pretty immature of me. Trust me; there won’t be any trouble with Collin.”

“How can you be so sure?”

Mark sighed. “Because he already thinks we’re dating.”

Christina’s mouth fell open and stayed open. What had Mark done? It didn’t fit in with the picture she had drawn up of him. She didn’t know what to say, but at last, she found her voice enough to ask, “And how did he get that idea?”

Mark shrugged. “He just assumed after we met in his office, when I told him you were the escort I hired.”

“And you didn’t correct him?” Christina blurted.

“Why would I correct him when I want to date you?” he said evenly, meeting her eyes with his steady gaze.

Christina’s heart fluttered. She was speechless.

Mark lifted himself out of the recliner and came over to the couch. He got down on his knees in front of her and put one arm on either side of her. Their eyes met.

She squirmed. He didn't understand. He had no clue how she felt even though she tried to explain it. She was trying to protect herself from getting hurt in the worst possible way, and he was on his bleeding knees. He couldn't see the disaster in store for her heart if she dated him. She would see him every day, work with him every day and in her young, naive way, she would begin to think of him as hers. She'd see the slight bend in the muscle of his arm and think, 'That's my boyfriend.' Or she would hear someone in the office talk about him and think, 'They're talking about my boyfriend.' Or he'd bend to kiss her and she'd fall head over teakettle for him and believe there was a future before them. She would believe all these things so completely she wouldn't even recognize it when the relationship was over. When he dumped her, it would be devastating. She'd probably die of the shock. And he would walk over to some other girl sitting on the couch and say he wanted to try out a relationship with her instead. He'd be fine, but Christina would never recover. She would stay dead and never, ever feel alive again.

“Christina,” he said quietly. “Sorry, I accused you of using me. I don’t feel used. It was cute of you to fall asleep on me. I want you to do it again… tonight… tomorrow night—anytime you want. Just pull down your carefully constructed layers of reserve for me—just for a little while—we’ll learn all about each other and I'll show you how well we fit together.”

His voice was so persuasive that even though Christina was certain it was going to turn out to be a fatal mistake, she couldn’t open her mouth and tell him to leave. Finally, she nodded her head and let him take her out for breakfast.