Chapter 7
I see Ashley in the distance, standing outside of a department store, talking on her phone. Once I arrive, she hangs up and we hug.
"So, how was your lunch date?" she asks. We head into the department store toward the formal dress section.
"It was good. Anthony made chicken salad sandwiches and lemonade," I say.
She gives me a blank stare. "I don't care about the food. How was Anthony?"
"He's good." I smile as casually as I can, pretending that my heart doesn't beat twice as fast at the mention of his name. Thinking back to the moment when I kissed him on the cheek and he kissed me on the collarbone makes me weak in the knees.
But then a flood of guilt and regret washes through me. I shouldn't have given into my urges, and the more I come down from the high I was on, the worse I feel. Now I'll never know whether or not he likes me for me, and not because my flair is controlling him. I'm so stupid.
"Are you going to make me pry out the information? Give me the juicy details, Sonia," Ashley says.
We arrive at the formal dress section and Ashley leafs through the dresses like she's a professional shopper.
I huff. "We had a great time. He didn't kiss me, but we hugged."
"That's sweet." Her rounded eyebrows rise.
"Sure," I say flatly.
"What?" she asks, pausing to look at me.
"Nothing." I shake my head.
"You sound down."
"It's nothing. I'm just...thinking about prom," I say. I refrain from telling her the rest of what happened and that it was the most romantic experience of my life so far—and the most insane.
Ashley says, "So did you ask your mom about the prom yet?"
"No, I thought I'd get my dress first, and then maybe if she sees how great I look in it, she'll let me go."
Ashley nods proudly. "Now you're talking."
"What about the other stags?" I ask. "Are any of them going?"
"Yes, they all think it's a great idea."
I wish I were going with Anthony. After what happened today, I know I'll get jealous when I see him dancing with another girl.
"What's the matter?" Ashley asks.
"What? Oh, nothing," I mumble.
"Yeah, right, you look like you've just been told the world is going to end."
Part of me wants to accept another boy's invitation just so I don't have to be so alone and focus on Anthony with his date all night. "If I said yes to one of the guys who asked me—" I let my voice trail off as I rummage through the dresses.
"What do you mean you would say yes? Just so you could make Anthony jealous?" she asks.
I know it sounds bad, and that it is bad, but I still nod.
"Seriously?" Her expression turns judgmental. "Sonia, you know I love you, right?"
"Yes." I feel a lecture coming on.
"That suggestion is just cruel."
"How cruel?" I shrink.
"Think of it like this. If Anthony went to the prom with you just so he could be close to another girl he liked better than you—"
I interrupt her. "Okay, okay, I see what you mean. I'm ashamed."
Ashley laughs. "Good, at least you have some sense of conscience, though you are a little selfish sometimes."
I frown, wishing I wasn't that way, but I know she's right—especially lately. Things have just become so confusing, and trying to find out who I really am—what I really am—doesn't make it one bit easier. Especially when it's my mom keeping these important facts from me. I thought we had a very open, trusting relationship. Now I'm starting to realize she's keeping tons of secrets, and it's probably even worse than I suspect.
"What?" she says.
I throw my head back and sigh. "Sometimes I just wish I was someone else."
"All girls do at some point, I'm sure. If you really want me to cover for you and you go with one of the guys, I'll do it."
I consider it for a moment, but decide against it. "No, you're right, it would be extremely cruel."