Preface:
Being a journalist, I know that you all also know that most magazines and literatures meant for women are read by men in good numbers and with great interest and curiosity. I truly feel, it surely is good for both men and women. Knowing about each other is unquestionably great for the mutuality of male-female bonding. However, what many men may not know and somehow seem uninterested to know is – men are more and deeper in the minds of women than men ever allow and accept as; though the popular perception is that men always have women in their minds. What many men are not always aware of is – men and women have different brains and that is why women’s consciousness and cognition differ from that of average men. Therefore, why and which way, men are in a woman’s mind consciousness and cognition, is greatly different from why and which way women are in a man’s mind. As we all live in very complex socio-cultural milieus with very competitive and cluttered lives, men need to accept that there is greater need for them to be more receptive to a woman’s worldviews, perspectives, consciousness and cognitions. This is part of their wellness and excellence. Men are men and they have to lead in all good things. The male-female bonding and mutuality is cardinal to very survival. Men need to lead every enterprise of survival, wellness and excellence. This narrative fiction is my humble endeavour to present a woman’s consciousness and cognition about bonding, intimacy and mutuality. However, I definitely wish, men read the book with greater intent and sincerity. I am truly indebted that my previous fictions on women viewpoints have fetched me good response from men. Thanks.
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At The Very Outset:
There has to be a humble admittance – Any word, however well meant and well spelt, is a possible suspect of misinterpretation. There is a simple reason. People are in different consciousnesses and culturally as well as personally inclined to a specific value-summation of utilities. As a writer it is a huge temptation to take liberties, not only with imaginations, ideas but also with the words, as against their common and popular use. Do kindly accept my latitude with language, choice of words and interpretation of contemporary realisms, as I understand, many times, they may not conform to popular usages and sentiments.
I share with you whatever is part of my consciousness and its honest innocence. All wisdoms say, what stays with you is what sinks in. Wisdom is what we internalize. I share with you whatever I have internalized in my life. This may not be mainstream, however, may have utility in some meaningful way. I believe, as a reader, you shall enjoy this novelty and pleasant awkwardness of the writing.
It is not that people await good times, the good times also await good people to come and hoist the potential seeded in the soil of future. Good words also wish for good readers, to be in reception of and be in linearity of the innocent intent, which ride on the shoulders of the words, for the finality of their fruition...
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Thanks For Your Magnanimity, The Story Begins Now...
REALISM... THIS COSMIC MECHANISM and pragmatism of perspective tells us loud and clear about everything being ephemeral... nothing lasts and this is the cardinal rule...
Life’s own artistry of engendering the majestic sub-rules of transience offers a mystical workshop of beautifully magnificent architecture of emotions... they land as lasting joys of life-living experiences....
Humans alone have this endowment of brilliant mind consciousness, which enables it to stretch its probabilistic capacities beyond the boundaries of matter and milieus... true joys of being human however always succumb to cognitive conundrum of painfulness...
Metacognitive splendours of sentient sensations reach beyond the seeds of matter and ride on the waves of fragrance of ideas... This inventiveness is somehow more of a feminine domain... even women seldom see and accept this structural endowment in their body-mind realism... Mystically enough, women have men in their minds, more than men have... thankfully; few men see and accept this realism...
Human inventiveness and symmetrical artistry of playful-metaphorization of pain and pathos into something meaningfully and intuitively enjoyable, in time-space situationality is sheer joy of life and living.... Both men and women of substance and excellence have this artistry... women may be credited with more and better use of this genius...
Change is the primeval energy of all realism; still, what stays, even though in limited space and time is the overriding deep consciousness, prevailing aloof and above ephemeral shades of cognitions, which ever-changing life-living experiences and ambient milieus engender, in the progression of life. This is true possession...
This realism apart, there always is enough space for lot many things to stay, remain constant and not change, for a comfortable chunk of time and space... and that is why, even amid this silence of absolute realism, human lives have so many beautiful endowments, which speak, rather sing the song of perpetuity of poise of purpose...
... all these however have common seed of deep consciousness, which handles this hugely mesmerizing business of fragrances of playful-metaphorization...
So, the change takes place in the life of this woman... a young and beautiful woman, who accepts with mystically marvellous feminine grace and poise, this realism that her man has now moved away and their honey-dew phase of intimacy and mutuality has been eclipsed by the cosmic pragmatism of change...
Change is more of a constant in a woman’s life. Her body-mind mechanism is probably designed this way. Evolution surely geared her consciousness for this constant in her life. Loads change in a woman’s life. As years add on, in her body and mind consciousness, change is writ large. Her body changes at times seem so out of bounds... she is still so young to accept all those changes and yet, the family, the society, the culture makes her accept more than what she can on her own. She accepts and adapts... she has to... adaptation is feminine forte... she may not even know it but she is definitely wired for adaptations... her brain structures have evolved this way....
Good and successful cultures ensure that all milieus offer sanity and symmetry to all changes and adaptations that women undergo. Inversely, in milieus where women can change and adapt in a culture of sanity and symmetry is a good and successful one...
Change is more constant in a woman’s life! Adaptations are even more than constant. They are visceral to woman’s consciousness and cognition. However, what is not in-built and intrinsic to all women is the mystically marvellous feminine grace and poise, which a woman of substance has to cultivate and nurture through persevered practice. This is not even easy as the milieus around her and popular culture she lives in has so many elements, which extend luscious invite to wear the protective cosmetic layer of neuroticism. However, thankfully, our woman in this story has this grace and poise...
She writes... she makes it known to her ‘ex’, which he never had the finesse and innocence to feel and accept. Her elegance, her poise and adaptive excellence extended her man the full chance to breathe the fragrance of a woman’s deepest intents, when they were together and in good times. She knows he didn’t care...!
Fruition and finality is not always the purpose of an enterprise of life and living. Often, there is a beautifully magical positioning of a mystical middle about some realism in life. There may not always be either black or white. The shades, the duality of tones and tenures between the two extreme situations of life-colours is the mystical middle, men seldom understand, appreciate and care for... this is a woman’s wisdom, a feminine fortress and definitely, a synthesized cognition of the adaptive artistry, which a woman’s consciousness instinctively holds true and upright.
Our woman writes... she wishes this to be known to her ‘ex’, just because, she has the shades and the man who abandoned her, must confront. Not because she wished an outcome out of her saying them. It is just there and has to find expression...
.... she writes...
“... what changes, presents itself to us a mechanism to see ourselves more deeply and laterally. Good times never allow this golden respite to ask and say so many things, which should have been said and asked... thankfully the low and bad times do it...
“There is this very happy and satisfying realization that if you could possibly stand as a witness to my deep consciousness and sense of me, not only as a woman, but also as a person, that could surely have been very desirable. But I know, you never were... you didn’t care...
“However, this is not important, I understand that. Important it is that we all – you or I – must always remain in constant continuity with our own evolved deep consciousness. All things, especially between two people change and they may or must. I know and accept that we all live in this stupid clutter culture and mad milieu of pulsating pace. This somehow sweeps our consciousnesses and keeps us in a constant drift. The worst; the contemporary milieu and culture ensure that people never last long in singular and rooted consciousnesses and cognitions. Naturally, even two people under one roof drift in two directions, often mutually competing and conflicting ones.
“Still, it is good to accept that one’s equation, one’s deep intimacy, one’s perfect mutuality with him or her must never change; not drastically, at least.
“So, I am happy, even when you are not with me – not only physically but also emotionally. I always know and accept that being together is not a priority. This joy and utility of togetherness and mutuality anyway has tough competition from so many instant-self-gratification slices of time and spaces. Indulgence sure has the brute force to strip every other thing off utility and righteousness. Still, being true to your consciousness and your inner self always stands as the last and best choice to remain with sense of sanity...
“So, I wish and pray that wherever you are and whatever you do, you must feel happy and satisfied with your deep consciousness. I say this because, I know, I am still with it and this gives me the satisfaction that any change, any eventuality of this ephemeral life has little impact on me, if I am with my deep consciousness, because, this remains a constant companion to me, even if my own consciousness is ever-changing, landing me to different shades of cognitions.
“Surely, when I am all with me, this is the time I realized, I could happily accept separation from you, because, I am happy with myself. Yes, I always was happier when with you as, I know, a man and woman together can create such joys, which even Gods cannot.
“And, this I also wish for you. Always remain connected and happy with you first, and then only a woman or anyone else in your life shall add more to it. I know, you were not happy with me in your life but I know it was because you had things within your consciousness and perspectives, which made you unsettled and unhappy with yourself. I could know and accept it as, after you left me, it made me realize that. I am overall happy and satisfied with myself and my deep consciousness and that is why I am still happy, even when you are not with me, to add more to it.
“This core and constant joy source within must not change... this world is ephemeral and everything else may and must change...
“This last thing I wished to say you because you are a sailor and you can relate this well with your own experiences. There are huge ships in the oceans and they come to the shore not quite often. When they come, there is this small iron anchor, insignificant compared to the size of the ship, which is thrown on the shore. This anchor is so inconsequential compared to the might of the ship that one may think how this small iron piece can hold such a large ship steady and fixed to the shore. The fact is, the anchor does this because this iron piece is grounded with soil, which lends it the required strength to do what it does.
“... being grounded and accepting the larger utility of our deep consciousness being anchored to soil of life does not come natural to us; we train our consciousness to see and accept that. We all see and accept that on Earth, seventy percent is water of the oceans and only thirty percent is soil. Therefore, it is only natural for most people to see and accept the utility that aligning with the majority of oceans is larger worth than being grounded with the minority utility of soil. What we fail to see is; oceans and their vast waters too are held and bounded by soil beneath, which is so deep that we cannot see and accept. Surfing and drifting in the oceans of life is actually just a small part of the soil of life, which holds everything. Grounding and anchoring our deep consciousness with the soil beneath is the primary and ultimate utility...
“I know, men are very much like large ships and they consider their lives as one huge sail. I understand the surfs and the drift beckons men to play with them. I know men relish the challenge of the sail and the thrill of slaving the tides and surfs. Being with you, I realized it more that how crucial it is for a man to see and accept life as one huge enterprise. Naturally, the action and struggle instils in men a great sense of pride of purpose. Women usually never see life and living as an enterprise but a system of sanity and symmetry – an anchored realism. However, what most men do not care to see and accept that life is not an enterprise in the ocean. It is rather at the shore. The soil, the land has the business as well as the customers. You only fish in the sea. Most men do not care to see and accept the utility and fruition of this small iron anchor in the overall perspective about shipping business of life and living.
“You think I am going to say that women are the anchors of men’s life ship? No, I am not. I know most men see and accept women in a way, which their own cultured consciousnesses see and accept. That is why I said, you didn’t care to see and accept things from a woman’s perspective. Anyway, what I am trying to say is – your own deep consciousness is the anchor of your life. It is your constant-connect with the real life at the shore, even when the ship of your cognitions in the life’s sails wander to distant places.
“It took me a long while to understand this simple thing. We perform so many roles in a day. Like, someone is a great cook, an expert in finance, a great teacher of life, a truly beautiful friend, a hugely family person and favourite of all kids, etc. We also lend our personality to different domains. Like, someone sings so well, loves to dance well, knows lot bit about gardening, plays snooker so well, etc. Still, in all our roles and different domains, one needs to remain his true self, remain rooted to ground with his or her deep consciousness anchored well; never ever drifting under the influence of the action-behaviour causality of the role. Life’s different roles and domain are about voyages in the oceans but all voyages need to hit back to the shore, the ground of life to unload the utilities that the voyages fetched. Roles and domains are important. However, anything we do must have a strong stamp of our core personality, our deep consciousness, detached of the karma of different roles and domains, we lend our personalities to.
“This artistry I learnt, rather unlearnt after practising the art for long. I too had my share of drift, when I was quite young. I was never the same person or consciousness, while I multi-tasked myself and drifted to roles and domains. I can clearly remember and now I have no qualms in admitting that while I was donning different roles, I often overlapped it all. I got into the skin of every role I performed. This was like I was assaying different characters in a movie, even while I was in real life. This cognitive conundrum gets worsened when we are in contemporary clutter culture and mad multi-tasking to maximize instant-self-gratification. There was a Me in everything I did but there was not a singular and central me in anyone of them. I was in a perpetual drift of consciousness, faking my being, in all of these, without ever being sure; what of these different me was the real and true me.
“Now I know, this made me fear things. Now I know, I feared them all and often ran away from them because I was not sure who I was. I accepted myself as what people around made me label myself. This labelling of being and consciousnesses, women have to face more in our contemporary societies.
“You too ran away from me but not because I had something so nasty in me that made you fear and run away. This I wish to tell you that most of the times, when we are in the drift of life and living and when we are not rooted to our singular deep consciousness, we are not sure who we are. The roles and domain start defining us and we subconsciously accept the personality and consciousness labels, the roles and domains slap on us. This fills us with insecurity and unknown fear. It is only natural that we think it safe to run away.
“This all has happened with me too and that is why I can understand why you ran away from me. This also makes me accept your decision with poise and equanimity. However, I always loved you and this makes me tell you all this. I know, you didn’t care.... may be still, you don’t care...
“I just wished to say that always have this happy and satisfied connect with the anchor of your life – your deep consciousness as this shall make all your journeys good and meaningful. And remember, even when you are sailing at the sea, this anchor is safely and securely placed on board; never ever done away with....”
.... Often, life’s anchor, which holds us steady and stable in life’s tumultuous sails, is so insignificantly small that their true importance is seldom registered. It is also intangible, not tangible like the iron anchor of the ships. Deep consciousness, which stands throughout our lives as ‘objective observer’ is so intangible and insignificantly vague that we seldom register its utility and fruition. However, it is this anchor, which facilitates awareness about our drifts.
A man in a speeding train can never feel the speed his own body is moving at. The inertia of the train movement blurs the cognition of the speed of the drift. However, when the same man stands anchored at the railway platform, he feels the true speed of the same train whizzing past him.
Our woman has this rooted deep consciousness and she could see the drift of her man. She truly loves him and wishes good for him. Love is like that. The reciprocity in love is magical and nothing compares to this joy in love. However, more meaningful and satisfying is the realization that two persons in love must grow and evolve together in a mutuality mode. Intimacies either journey together or stand at the platform together. Our woman knows, if two people are not evolving together in singular linear dimension, there is no point in hanging on to the intimacy insistence.
Her rootedness makes her see and accept the realism and pragmatism of change. Her grounded consciousness can see and accept the drift of her man. The happy situation in such proposition is to accept the change. She is happy as she happily accepts it. She loves her man and that is why she wishes her ‘ex’ to see and accept this mechanism and procedure of happy acceptance of life’s pragmatism. That is why she wrote to her....
Though, she also knows, all this may not have the utility and fruition as her man never cared for all these... he still doesn’t care...
Mind is not designed for being comfortable with changes, especially fast and sizeable changes. The brain does offer fair share of resistance to such changes, especially a male brain. If big chances trickle down to the bottom of people’s consciousnesses with peace and sanity, it surely means, people and cultures are evolved ones. However, often, big changes settle down only after tumultuous and cacophonous brouhaha by all mind consciousnesses, on either side of the change – those wanting it, those not. Changes in gender roles and relationship are up for big time changes and happening fast. Minds on both sides of the change, therefore, are bound to be prone to psychotic cognitions and behaviour.
Our woman is however an evolved mind and she has this poised consciousness to see and accept the genesis of psychosis in both men and women in contemporary cultures. She has it; that is why she wishes this her ‘ex’ to know and benefit from. She loves him and true love is always aligned to the wellness of who we love...
... that is why she writes...
“... This thing, I really wish you could understand and accept and that is why, this last chance I am availing to tell you. I came to know about how you have been telling our common friends that you moved out because I was becoming too complicated and even neurotic to handle and live with. Sure, you must have felt this way and that is why you have been telling people about it. I know, you are honest and not inclined to being manipulative about your own perspectives. That is why I wish to say this to you.
“This I am also saying with utmost honesty and my sincerity makes me accept that I may at times be struggling with my poise and equanimity. It is not that I was not aware of phases of negative emotions and emotional instability. I also somehow knew that at times, you looked quite at loss to handle me when I fell for such a state of mind. However, what I want you to accept that if I ever crossed the fine-line and hit the mind state of neurosis, you were not the cause but you didn’t help either.
“You need to believe this realism about the worldview and perspective of a woman, when it comes to we seeing things the way they are out there. It is not only I who feel this way. I even went to a counsellor and there were other women who also had similar perspectives, which troubled them the same way. And many of them I talked with had this similar regret that their men were not supportive and caring. Unfortunately, like you, most men took negativity of emotions of their women personally.
“If only you could accept things the other way. It may seem that most of my negativity of emotions was directed at you but you surely were not causing or creating them. But the fact remains that we share our bodies and souls, therefore a woman expects their men to be partners in their troubles. My instable emotions were never directed against you but surely were directed towards you. This subtlety of situation a woman can see and accept but I know, men fail to differentiate between the two distinct realism.
“I know, my counsellor also told me that men also acquire negativity of emotions from their work and other milieus but men prefer not to share their woes to anyone else, never with their women. They keep struggling with them all alone. They would choose to hurt them all alone but never share it with anyone as instinctively, it is a man’s top pride to wage and win his battles on his own. This I know was there with you and that made you unsettled and unhappy with you. If you had shared and accepted that between couples, everything needs to be shared, we could have managed together something good. That is why I wished that you find your poise and settled consciousness. I wished, you cared...
“Not only me, I know that every woman, in modern contemporary cultural milieu finds life and living very challenging. Believe me, I am not directing this all against you or men at large. I saying this as this is the reality. Women like me, who are out there in the middle of a men’s world, trying hard to install a stamp of their own personality, perspectives, personal preferences and work models have to face tough times. Lots of women are working and doing great in many fields of work but we are still in small minority. It is essentially men’s world with all structural and functional handles suited for men’s way of success and excellence. A woman has loads of unnecessary struggle to fit into this men-frame of established structures and functional modes. It subconsciously infuses hell lot of negativity of emotions in women.
“I know, it is tough for you to understand this but I wish to tell you that when a man does well, rises up in his profession and makes success for himself, he earns a lot of fans, friends and well-wishers. Believe me, this same does not happen with women. A woman on the same path and same attainments in fact earns the reverse. As she becomes more successful and rises up in hierarchy in profession, more people turn away and begin to have bad and negative vibes against her. Men earn more fans, women face more foes...
“I accept, sometimes, it is difficult to have your discretion right and poised. Even when you are a man and have born advantages of doing well in a man’s world, you too know how the contemporary world order and modern socio-economic-cultural milieus often challenge your poise and settled consciousness. The clutter all around, complex living, looming threat perceptions, killing competitiveness, multi-tasking and good-living benchmarks etc are all not particularly suitable to one’s poise and positivity. For women, all these surely double up as threats on their poised discretion.
“Being honest to you, which I am always, I have no qualms accepting to you and anyone that at so many times, fighting all these challenges and negativity all around in the milieus, I am sort of confused as what is my poised reaction and what crosses this fine-line of poise. May be, as our subconscious minds become attuned to over-reactions and counter-negativity upfront, it spills over even at normal situations. My counsellor also told me that negative emotional state is an outcome of gap or conflict between our conscious and subconscious mind states. I surely accept that I have been struggling with this required poise and symmetry between my subconscious and conscious mind state. It is surely quite a fight for working women...
“However, having said that, I also wish to tell you that you too were the same victim of conflicts and imbalance. The difference is I know and accept my conflicts and working towards correcting this challenge, which is a huge misfit to my overall happy and settled state of mind and living. You however, didn’t accept it as some trouble and rather unilaterally chose to ascribe your own personal troubles to my emotional negativity, which you label as neurosis.
“I simply wished to tell you; we all live in very difficult and fast changing times, where the first casualty is poise and equanimity of consciousness. Both men and women are coping hard with milieus outside; in professions especially. For both you and me, troubles may have varied in degrees of intensity but troubles had the same origin. Both you and me struggled in our milieus outside but when we came home, we surely needed to have a heaven, where both you and me should have felt rejuvenated, so that every morning we went out recovering our poise back. Home is where we have all things, which we lose outside. Home is where we have all things, we do not find or can attain outside.
“I knew, we had trouble with our home milieus. Our home surely missed what it should ideally have. I know, it is the story of most homes in our modern world. In such un-replenishing home milieus, the man thinks, most troubles are because of the woman and women think the man is creating them all. The reality is, most women fail to understand their men with a standpoint, which the men have and hold dear. Men do the same. They don’t care to see and accept the women’s worldview and perspective.
“I am not saying everything in our relationship was wrong and troubled because you created them. We all have our fair share in most troubles around us. What I wish to say is; you didn’t care to see and accept some basics of our mutual wellness. You treated your own wellness as separate from my wellness and even considered both as competing domains. You didn’t care to see and accept the basic reality that for a man and woman in intimacy and mutuality, wellness is a collective and singular domain. Or, both domains of wellness are so inter-linked, inter-dependent that segregated solutions don’t work. Rather, they are calamitous for the very sustenance of mutuality and intimacy.
“I simply wish, as you move ahead in your life, you could just sit in for introspection and try to care for small things. Life and living successes are all about this very intricate mechanism of wellness. Men and women need to step out of their individual domains and see and accept the utility of building planks of mutuality and symbiosis. Man-woman mutuality is huge component of life-living wellness. A man is a man, he has to see and accept. He has to lead. He has the larger onus of success on his shoulders, when it comes to organizing the success of wellness enterprise of mutuality and intimacy. Men surely can do it, if they just care a bit more. I wished you did. But you didn’t care....”
Acceptance, somehow works magic for compatibility and cooperation. Different entities may not necessarily be competitive as complementarities are better with distinct things. This is a difficult acceptance, seems only metaphoric but surely has core pragmatism and practical utility for all of us.
Once we admit with affection and compassion that men and women have been designed differently by evolution forces and this distinction was actually very suitable for the intrinsic good and wellness of humanity, we are all well off. Often, practical utilities of an idea get acceptance when we internalize the primary hypothesis of holism. Sadly, most of us are trigger-happy riding the waves of sliced and partial perspectives of life and living. The contemporary clutter culture makes this sliced worldview a fashionable attitude. Dispensability of holism is often intelligent choice... it shouldn’t be...
Men and women are different and so are their innate consciousnesses. The mind consciousnesses are different because their brains are different. They look and function differently. It is therefore natural that utility and wellness have distinct meanings for male and female. For example, male brains contain about 6.5 times more gray matter; also called thinking matter than women. Female brains have more than 9.5 times as much white matter, the stuff that connects various parts of the