Chapter Fifty-Four
INDEPENDENCE DAY
1
Jonesy sat quietly on the highest boulder on top of Pike’s Peak, California. Next to him were his backpack and his canteen. In his hands was a pair of powerful binoculars. It was Thursday, June 01, 2023 and the sun had just set. There was not a cloud in the sky. Ever so gradually, Venus emerged out of the purple twilight.
He steadied his binoculars with his elbows on his knees and focussed in on the spectacular event, which was keeping everyone on the planet totally mesmerised. Venus appeared three times its normal size. It looked like the right side of it had exploded. The view became clearer as the western sky darkened. There was only about an hour and a half of viewing time between when Venus became visible after sunset and when it set below the horizon.
He put the binoculars down for a moment and looked down the southern slope of the rocky hill. He could faintly see his motorbike parked down there on the trail. He had been scouting out the trail over the last few months. He wanted to make sure that it was clear enough of obstacles for when he intended to drive his Winnebago up the mountain with his family. He had already moved some large rocks that would have impeded his progress.
He looked through his binoculars once again. If he really steadied them, he could just make out a secondary point of light coming out of Venus. He knew, because he heard it on TV, that Travers’ comet would probably glance the planet and ricochet off it leaving an explosive trail of light. He had seen close-up photos of the comet on the Net. The whole world knew that it was one of the largest comets ever discovered, measuring some thirty miles end to end. They tracked it as it approached the sun and thought that it would just miss Venus right up to two weeks before, when NASA put out a press release stating that Travers’ comet would in fact actually come into physical contact with the planet. The scientists stated that although such a glancing blow had not been witnessed before, computer models predicted that most of the comet would break up into little pieces, some of which may go into orbit around Venus while others could possibly ricochet back into outer space in a direction away from Earth. No one predicted what actually happened. The computers were not even programmed for an aero-braking scenario. It seemed at the time that not one scientist at NASA, or any other organisation for that matter, foresaw the terrible truth that was to unfold.
Jonesy observed the Venusian light show right up to the time it finally set below the horizon. He then pulled a torch out of his backpack and climbed back down the hill to his bike, which he rode off the mountain to his Winnebago, where he cracked open a beer, rolled a big fat joint and kicked back to the soothing melodies of Willie Nelson.
2
Everyone was invited to Snake’s ranch for the 4th of July holiday. Snake had built a small, motel-style, row of eight, self-contained, holiday units behind his house. He said that he built them for his family. What he really meant was that he built them for his crew, seeing that he had no real family to speak of.
‘Build it and they will come,’ he joked, quoting from the movie Field of Dreams.
And they came, all of them, happy and wealthy beyond their wildest dreams, thanks to Snake and his astute business practises. And to him they were his family. It actually surprised him how much he had grown to love them all. They felt like the children he never had and he harboured a deep concern for their happiness and security.
Jonesy rolled up in his new, all-wheel-drive, Winnebago, accompanied by Lori, his beautiful wife, and their four, spirited daughters. Ludwig came with Ivana, his young Russian wife. Cowboy styled-in in his Porsche Panamera, accompanied by Lauren Cole, the world-famous movie star from the last completed Hollywood blockbuster, called Fury, which was a film based around the old TV series about a wild black stallion. Dirk DeRongo arrived in his metallic-blue Lamborghini Aventador, accompanied by Inga, who had just recently become Miss Sweden of 2022. Melvin rode in alone on his huge, HarleyDavidson Desert Ghost, while Ace flew in with his own, state-of-the-art, prototype multicopter, accompanied by a young Italian goddess named Johanna. The one other person that was there, of course, was Trixie, Snake’s buxom private secretary.
They spent the whole day around the pool. Snake manned the barbeque, Trixie made the salads while the others took turns at choosing the music and organising drinks and smokes.
‘Have you heard the latest they’re sayin about the comet?’ asked Jonesy.
‘Yeah, some bozo reckons that it’s coming this way,’ said Ludwig.
‘They’ve been saying all along that it got deflected out into outer space, away from Earth,’ said DeRongo.
‘Now this one jackass from NASA is sayin that it’s comin this way. Apparently, NASA is denyin his version of the story an I believe that they fired him for sayin it.’
‘I haven’t trusted a word NASA has said since the Moon-landing bullshit,’ blurted Melvin.
‘Don’t you think they went to the Moon, Melv?’ asked Snake.
‘No way, Jose.’
‘What makes you think that?’
‘There’s heaps of reasons, but the main one is horizontal motion in one-sixth gravity. Every frame of video in existence of the Apollo Moon missions is proof they were never there.’
‘Would you like to elaborate,’ asked Ludwig.
‘Sure, but there’s some simple physics involved.’
‘No matter, tell us your theory.’
‘OK, in one sixth gravity your body only has 16.66 percent weight but still retains 100 percent of its mass. Now, gravity, which is weight, is the engine that powers horizontal motion. On Earth, 100 percent weight moves around 100 percent mass. When we begin to walk, we subconsciously allow ourselves to fall in the direction we intend to move. At just the right moment, we bring our foot out to stop ourselves from falling over. We keep falling and bring out the other foot. That is what walking is. It is using gravity and converting it into horizontal motion. When we want to change direction, we allow ourselves to fall in that direction and balance the lean against the centrifugal force …’ ‘Oh, Melvin, my poor little brain,’ complained Lauren.
‘It’s a bit tricky, I know, but I’ll try to make it simple. All this falling and catching ourselves, and leaning and balancing centrifugal force, is done subconsciously and automatically by our neuromuscular system. We have practised it since we were babies. The people who understand this best are motorbike riders because they rely on more extreme lean angles to manoeuvre. I am not saying that man could not adapt to walking on the Moon, he probably could, but the physics and lean angles of his horizontal motion would be quite extreme compared to walking on Earth. In lunar gravity, lean angles would be as much as 60 degrees. The angles for acceleration, deceleration and change of direction would be three to four times greater than the maximum obtained in the one-G environment of Earth.’
‘So, what you are suggesting is that the astronauts aren’t leaning enough when they’re changing direction.’
‘That’s right, Cowboy, but it goes much further than that. The laws of physics dictate that the whole nature of human horizontal motion on the Moon would look quite bizarre when compared to motion here on Earth. For example, leg movement would be blatantly, obviously different. Hip flexion angles would be larger in Moon gravity compared to Earth gravity because the legs would have to be carried farther forward in the lunar gait. This is attributed to the fact that with the large body inclinations the legs would have to be carried farther forward to maintain balance. This in turn would result in reduced knee flexion and give the astronaut an appearance of walking stiff-legged.
‘There are two basic components to commencing forward motion. One is the fall in the direction of the intended motion and two is the placement of the foot forward to prevent falling too far. Had they actually walked on the Moon, the first noticeable thing would have been the much slower and more extended fall into a more extreme angle, say 45 degrees. The second noticeable thing would have been the exaggerated length of the first stride. They would have only had 16.66 percent weight to accelerate, decelerate or change the direction of 100 percent mass. Imagine that you have a 120cc motorbike on Earth. It gives you so much acceleration. Now imagine that you change the engine of that motorbike to 20cc and keep all the weight the same and try to accelerate with that. You will accelerate much, much slower, at least six times slower. If you make the brakes six times weaker you will decelerate six times slower as well. These are the laws of physics, which are immutable. The change in performance of the weaker bike would be plainly obvious. The velocity of acceleration and deceleration on the Moon should have been much slower, should have involved extreme body-lean angles and should have been plainly obvious and bizarre looking. What the astronauts’ horizontal motion in all the Moon videos clearly shows is bungee-supported motion, in Earth gravity, giving the appearance of less weight in a lower gravity field, but without the essential lean angles to account for the unreduced mass. There was no way that they could fake that. There is not one frame of footage from the Moon that is congruous with the laws of physics.’
Everyone just looked at Melvin unsure how to respond. Ace thought he saw a flaw in Melvin’s logic and asked him,
‘Hang on Melv; the astronauts wore heavy backpacks on the Moon. That would have brought their weight closer to Earth weight. The extra weight would have created more Earth-like movement.’
‘That is a common misconception, Ace, and smart of you for pointing it out, but every pound of weight the astronauts carried on their backs, on the moon, increased their mass by six pounds. That only made it more difficult to move around.
‘What amazes me is how nobody has seen this. I mean, this is high-school physics not rocket science. Another thing, if an astronaut began to walk down a slope on the Moon, it would not take much of a slope angle before it became physically impossible for him to stop. He just wouldn’t be able to lean back far enough and get enough traction to brake to a stop. Conversely, if he got stuck at the bottom of a crater with steep enough sides, the laws of physics would dictate that he could not lean forward enough and get enough traction to move his mass out of that crater. He would be stuck there and run out of oxygen. NASA never even considered any of these potential problems because they never intended to go to the Moon from the git-go.
‘And who designs a four-legged Moon lander? A jackass, or somebody who knows that it will never go to the moon. Give me a break. How many camera quadropods are there? None, because they would rock on uneven ground. Anybody with a high-school education, given the task of designing a Moon lander, would have begun with a tripod and worked from there. Total common sense. You only get one shot at landing on the guaranteed, rough ground of the moon and it has to be right the first time. You cut your chances of a successful landing by about a million percent with a four-legged lander. But that doesn’t matter if you never intended to go in the first place.
‘And the Moon buggy, have you seen the photos of that? The wheels are made of mesh so they let the dirt get in. The dirt built up inside the wheels, which made them heavier and heavier. The buggy ran on batteries and the calculations for the run-time had to have been pretty accurate or the astronauts could have gotten stranded away from the ship. As far as I could tell there was no compensation for the wheels filling up with dirt in any NASA calculations.’
‘Boy, Melvin, you really got into this, didn’t you?’
Melvin took a breath and replied,
‘Yeah, I hate being bullshitted to.’
‘Are you suggestin that our government actually lied to us, Melvin?’ Snake asked sarcastically. Everyone laughed.
Ludwig contributed with an insight.
‘There is a conspiracy theory out there that NASA hired Kubrick to fake all the Moon missions. The theory goes that it was all shot here on Earth; that it was all faked. We have all seen 2001 A Space Odyssey many times. We were all amazed at the phenomenal effects that Kubrick so masterfully achieved. However, there is one scene in that movie that makes me believe that he might have tried to tip everyone off about the whole Moon hoax. It is the conference-room scene on the Moon. Clearly, without a shadow of a doubt, the gravity in that room is 1G not 1/6thG. It is plainly obvious because of the way the photographer darts around the conference table. It is also obvious that Kubrick, although going to an awful lot of trouble simulating a variety of gravitational conditions, purposefully neglected to simulate one-sixth gravity in that conference room.
‘That scene says two things at the same time. Following the narrative of the story, it says that the conference room was on the Moon. However, the clear depiction of 1G gravity, in that scene, says that the conference room was on Earth.
‘I believe that there were three possible reasons for this blatant deception.
‘One: I think he did it because if he had depicted moon gravity realistically it would have given away the fakery in all of his NASA moonwalking videos in which 1/6th gravity is clearly faked with bungee support. The world was never going to be allowed to see realistic walking in 1/6th gravity.
‘Two: Kubrick might have wanted to tip us all off. He might have wanted us to focus on Moon gravity and wake up to the fact that all the footage of the NASA astronauts’ moonwalking was faked.
‘Three: Depicting 1/6th gravity absolutely realistically might have been too difficult, too tricky, even for Kubrick, so he avoided it altogether.
‘In a nutshell, I wholeheartedly believe that the whole Moon-landing extravaganza was a complete sham, an elaborately-crafted TV and data show, pre-recorded on Earth and then played back as if it was in real time from the Moon. And everybody, including the dumb-ass NASA technicians gawking into their monitors, swallowed it like a bunch of schmucks.’
Trixie stepped out of the kitchen and announced,
‘President Griffin is about to come on TV and give his weekly address.’ Moans and whines were heard all around the pool. ‘I’ll put him on the speakers. He might mention the comet.’
The ice-cool voice of President Robert Griffin III spoke to the people of America.
‘Hello and happy Fourth of July, everybody. This holiday is a time to get together with family and friends, kick back, and enjoy a little time off. And I hope that’s exactly what all of you do. But I also want to take a moment today to reflect on what I believe is the meaning of this distinctly American holiday.
‘Today, we are called to remember not only the day our country was born, we are also called to remember the indomitable spirit of the first American citizens who made this day possible.
‘We are called to remember how unlikely it was that our American experiment would succeed at all; that a small band of patriots would declare independence from a powerful empire; and that they would form, in the new world, what the old world had never known … a government of, by, and for the people.
‘That unyielding spirit is what defines us as Americans. It is what led generations of pioneers to blaze a westward trail.
‘It is what led my grandparents’ generation to persevere in the face of a depression and triumph in the face of tyranny.
‘It is what led generations of American workers to build an industrial economy unrivalled around the world.
‘It is what has always led us, as a people, not to wilt or cower at a difficult moment, but to face down any trial and rise to any challenge, understanding that each of us has a hand in writing America’s destiny.
‘It is what kept us united through the tragedy of the Myxoma-H2022 virus and the subsequent failure of Operation One World. But we were not knocked out, we were just knocked down, and we rose back to our feet.
‘However, my fellow Americans, it now appears that our spirit shall be called upon once more. It appears that we will be forced to face a challenge on a scale never experienced in the entire history of this proud nation.
‘Today is the 34th day since the world witnessed the collision between Venus and Travers’ comet. As many of us with binoculars can plainly see, the comet did not bury itself into Venus, but broke up and continued on its journey through the heavens. There have been many conflicting predictions as to the final post-Venus-encounter trajectory of the comet. To tell you the truth, I don’t know why we employ some of these people, and I have taken steps to have all their dumb asses fired, as of today. But I digress. Not one of these, and I use the term very loosely, NASA scientists, got it right. Not one …’
There was a brief pause in the speech and the President could be heard conferring with someone out of earshot. He then spoke into the microphone again.
‘I stand corrected, there was one lone voice within NASA that tried to warn us of the potential true outcome, but he was summarily dismissed. I believe his name was Tavish McTavish, I kid you not, and I will instruct NASA to reinstate him into the organisation and have him head up the Travers’ Comet Task Force. I have also asked my staff to fly him up to Washington from Houston and bring him to the White House tonight so that I can meet him in person.
‘Tonight, my fellow Americans, it is my sad duty to report that Travers’ comet is headed our way.’
There were gasps all around the pool. The sound of Ivana’s glass shattering on the sandstone paving dramatically punctuated the shock of the moment. Trixie was there almost immediately with a dustpan and broom. The president continued,
‘It appears that the unthinkable has happened. It appears that none of our existing computational models were capable of predicting an aero-braking encounter between Travers’ comet and Venus. If you ask me, this is a classic case of garbage in, garbage out. Tavish McTavish was the only person who got it right, and the yo-yos at NASA fired him for it. I can’t tell you how angry that makes me.
‘Now, we can all see the comet, or its remnants, in the western sky just after sunset. Even though it does not appear a threat to us, I have been reliably informed that the immutable laws of orbital physics are going to ensure a very close encounter with our planet. How close? The jury is still out; we’re working on the calculations. How long? We’re working on that as well. One thing is for sure, though, as soon as I know, you, my fellow Americans, will know as well.
‘So, this is the challenge that our generation has been called on to meet. We are not a people who fear the future. We are a people who make it. And on this Independence Day we need to summon that great American spirit once again.
‘A challenge has been set before us. We will meet that challenge and defeat it. That is how this generation of Americans will make its mark on history. That is how we will make the most of this extraordinary moment. And that is how we will write the next chapter in the great American story. Thank you and happy Fourth of July.’ ‘I gotta buy myself a decent telescope,’ exclaimed Snake.
‘I preferred him when he was quarterback for the Redskins,’ said Cowboy.
‘They’re having a panel of experts going to talk about Griffin’s speech after the ads. Who would like me to wheel out the TV?’ asked Trixie.
Everyone agreed.
‘I’ll do it for you,’ said Melvin. He rose to his feet and wheeled out the big TV from the living room. Trixie turned it on.
There was an ad for Kentucky Fried Chicken. Then there was an ad vilifying gay vilification. That was followed by an ad listing the penalties for tax evasion. That was followed by an ad explaining the benefits of the National Public-Surveillance Network. That was followed by an ad depicting a speeding driver being caught by the police, brutally dragged out of his car, thrown to the ground face down and handcuffed. The final message was; ‘Break the road rules – Go to prison!’ That was followed by an ad for the Satellite Surveillance System. It opened with a shot of continental USA from space. It zoomed in on a state, then a city, then a suburb, then a house, then a backyard. It showed a man tending a garden. Text appeared on the screen showing the date, time and address of the house. The name of the occupant appeared. The camera zoomed in on the garden and clearly focussed in on a Marijuana plant. New text on the screen read; Plant, Cannabis sativa - Federal breach - penalty, 15 years in Inc. Inc., (Incarceration Incorporated). The camera zoomed back slightly, revealing a para-military police unit breaking into the person’s home, beating him to the ground, handcuffing him, dragging him to a van in the street and driving him away. The final message of the ad was; ‘We see everything you do. Break Federal Law – Go to prison!’
Finally, after all the ads, the panel show, called Through the Microscope, began. The new presenter was Alex James, a popular Internet personality. He replaced the longrunning, celebrity presenter, Bill Reilly, who sadly succumbed to the Myxoma-H2022 virus. Alex James began,
‘Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and a happy Fourth of July. I don’t know about you, but my head is still spinning. Did I just hear what I thought I heard? Ladies and gentlemen, I don’t know what RG3 is smoking, but I want some.’
Alex turned to an assistant just off camera and laughed,
‘Was that for real? Mikey is nodding his head, so it must have happened, I wasn’t hallucinating … er … What’s happening? … Can somebody tell me what is frigging happening? … yeah … OK … er … ladies and gentlemen, it seems that we will not be having our advertised guests on tonight’s show. We’ll have to put China, the military option, on the back burner. It looks like RG3’s been hitting the presidential crack pipe again. Our screens are running hot with comments … excuse me … yeah … yeah … Ladies and gentlemen, my producer tells me that we are linking up to Mischa Koko. I am being reliably informed that these days he is domiciled in the Golden Sunsets Nursing Facility in Santa Monica … To tell you the truth, I thought he was dead, ha, ha, ha, ha … How long’s this gonna take? … OK … we’ll make some money, folks, and then we’ll be back with the immortal Dr. Koko.’
The program broke for more advertisements.
‘Did RG3 say the comet was coming this way?’ asked Ludwig.
‘That’s what it sounded like to me,’ replied Jonesy.
‘Well, at least the government is onto it,’ said DeRongo.
‘Is it going to hit us?’ asked Lauren.
‘That’s not what they said. It’ll probably come flying past us,’ replied Cowboy.
‘Ooh look, the show is starting again,’ announced Trixie.
‘Welcome back, folks. I’ve just been informed that someone tweeted us that RG3’s speech was a rip-off of Obama’s 2009 Fourth of July speech. We aren’t certain of the verity of that tweet, but we’ll check it out … I believe that Dr. Koko is ready for us … Dr. Koko … hello? … Have we got him? ... Hello Mischa …’
‘Hello Alex … sssssssss … it’s so nice to speak to you again … ssssssssss’
‘Er, sorry to see you flat on your back, Mischa Koko, er, what is that you are breathing?’
‘Sssssssss … oh, just your plain-old, run-of-the-mill Oxygen, Alex … ssssssss …’
‘What is going on with this comet, Mischa?’
‘Ssssssssss … Alex, we don’t have to invoke parallel universes … ssssssss … we don’t even have to invoke the multiverse … ssssssss … in order to explain most celestial phenomena … ssssssss … however it does raise the other question …ssssssss … is it ever possible, on any measure … ssssssss … to perhaps flip between different universes … sssssssssss … and the answer there is actually rather … ssssssssss … unclear. … ssssssss … We physicists believe … ssssssss … for example … sssssssss … that there is really a multiverse … sssssssssss … that exists even inside our living room … sssssssssss … we are waves, Alex, vibrating waves … ssssssssss …’
‘Er, let me cut you off there, Mischa, er, I was wondering if we could cut to the chase and talk about the comet?’
‘Ssssssss … sure Alex … ssssssss … we are celebrating the fact … ssssssss … that we have found a new particle … ssssssss … that has never been seen before … ssssssss … in mother nature … ssssssss … by slamming two beams of protons … ssssssss … at trillions of electron volts … ssssssss … and this particle was … ssssssss … we think … ssssssss … a particle … ssssssss … like this was the fuse … ssssssss … that set off the explosion … ssssssss … that created the universe … ssssssss …’
‘Let me stop you right there, Mischa, we have to go to an ad break. Just hold onto that thought, er … right now, folks, I wouldn’t mind a hit on RG3s crack pipe myself.’ ‘Do you wanna see what’s on another channel, Trix?’ asked Snake.
Trixie changed channels. There was a close-up image of Venus and the comet on the screen. A group of people were having an in-depth discussion.
‘… this is straight out of Wikipedia. Aero-braking is a spaceflight manoeuvre that reduces the high point of an elliptical orbit by flying the vehicle through the atmosphere at the low point of the orbit. The resulting drag slows the spacecraft. I think that what they are getting at here is that you have two choices in how you can slow your spacecraft down when you get it to the target planet. One is by using retro-rockets; the other is by using the atmosphere of the planet itself. It’s a huge fuel-saving technique.’
‘So, what they are telling us is that Travers’ comet aero-braked in the Venus atmosphere and slowed down?’
‘Actually, more importantly, it slowed down and changed its trajectory in the opposite direction to what was expected. Instead of being deflected off Venus, like a billiard ball, it got slowed and attracted towards Venus and set on a trajectory, which, it seems, is going to intersect with Earth’s orbit sometime in the near future.’
‘So, it never actually made physical contact with the planet?’
‘NASA doesn’t believe that there was any physical contact. The comet burned deep through the Venusian atmosphere. They now believe that some of it vaporised, and pieces of it came off the main core, but essentially it came through the Venus encounter unscathed. It is now actually more potentially lethal because it has a couple of dozen pieces of debris accompanying it.’
‘So even if the main core misses us, chances are that we might get hit by some of the debris?’
‘That is correct.’
‘How big are the debris?’
‘NASA is still analysing the data. They still aren’t absolutely sure how much of the core remained intact either. We should know in a few days.’
‘What about the date? When is this thing supposed to arrive?’
‘A few days and we will know everything, I’m sure. NASA has marshalled all its resources at solving this problem.’
They watched show after show about the comet until they were all exhausted from it. Snake suggested,
‘Switch the bastard off, Trix, I’ve had enough. It’s obvious that they don’t know any more than they’re tellin.’
Trixie turned off the TV and wheeled it out of sight.
Everyone around the pool was visibly unsettled by the whole experience.
‘Is this thing supposed to hit us?’ queried Ace.
‘They didn’t say,’ said Ludwig.
‘This is scary shit,’ exclaimed Cowboy.
‘Let’s not any of us jump to any conclusions and freak ourselves out,’ advised Snake. ‘It’s a big space out there, and Earth is a small target.’
Jonesy changed the topic. He suddenly remembered something that happened years before.
‘You know, about twelve years ago, somethin really strange happened to me. I ain’t told nobody about it. I pretty much forgot about it, but for some reason it’s come to mind now.’
Everyone turned towards Jonesy and listened intently.
‘I was flyin my trike about fifty miles south of Salt Lake City. I remember that my fuel tank was about half full when I took off. My tank takes 2.6 gallons of juice to fill up, but there was only about one and a half gallons in the tank on that flight. I use about 0.6 gallons per hour, on average, when I’m flyin. That means that I had about two hours flyin time. Seein as I wasn’t goin anywhere, I was just gonna fly around the area, I didn’t bother fillin up.
‘I checked my wristwatch. I remember it was 11.00am when I took off. I flew around checkin my watch from time to time to make sure I had enough juice left to get back to the Winnebago. I landed at exactly 1.00pm. As far as I was concerned, I flew for two hours. The amount of fuel left in the tank also indicated that I flew for two hours. But here comes the rub. When I stepped into the Winnebago, the clock on the wall said 2.05. I turned on the radio and the announcer said it was 2.06. I checked the time on my computer and it also said 2.06. My wristwatch, however, said 1.06. Everything except my watch was suggestin that I flew for three hours, but that was impossible because I didn’t have enough fuel for a three-hour flight. Sometime durin my flight, the whole world jumped forward one hour without me noticin. To this day I still can’t