Chapter 28
A flood of light burns my eyes. The outside air suffocates me and the world suddenly turns into a hostile place where I am no longer safe. I feel weighed down by an old burden I can no longer remember.
Mother, mother, mother…I cry in the inarticulate language of new borns.
“Iris, calm down…Iris,” I hear Arthur’s voice try to sooth me.
“Why? Why did you do this to me? Why did you get me out?” I scream, ignoring his attempts, gripping his arms and shaking them with anger.
“Iris, what is happening? Where have you been? When Matt and Wilhelm came back you were not in the time machine. And now I’m finding you here, right beside me. Thanks God. I tortured myself all night, I couldn’t fall asleep for the longest time and at last I collapsed, not knowing what to expect when I’d wake up. And no, you are not going in that machine without me ever again. Understood? Never,” Arthur speaks in frenzy. Now he is the one who’s gripping my arms.
Arthur’s grip and voice shake me out of the trance in which I awoke, and I realize where I am.
“Sorry…are you ok?” I ask.
“I am not,” Arthur retorts, “I am most definitely not”.
“Because I went missing?” I ask, my voice soft now.
“Yes, because you went missing. But that’s not all,” he replies, his tone snappy.
“What else, Arthur?” I want to know.
“What else…how can I phrase this…perhaps I am not at all who I think I am,” he replies, his tone angry and disheartened at once.
“Tell me what happened,” I insist.
“Bloody time machine. This would have never happened had we not come up with our most brilliant invention,” Arthur curses.
“Arthur, tell me what happened,” I repeat.
“Wilhelm and Matt must have learned something about me, something I have forgotten. Whatever it is I’ve done, it is not a good thing. I think I’ve betrayed you. There you go. Now you know too,” Arthur says.
“Why do you say so? What have you done?” I ask.
“Wilhelm and Matt did not want to get close to me after getting out of the time machine. They said I was not to be trusted. They pointed their fingers at me and said, ‘Most of all, stay away from Iris’. God, that hurt. I always thought that if I’d let you down I would never be the same person again, and now I found that I actually did it. When you didn’t come back I thought…I thought-” Arthur starts, and does not finish.
I struggle to believe in people’s love for me, perhaps even in Arthur’s love for me. I doubt him even if I love him fully, or perhaps precisely because of that. I suppose it’s a mechanism of self defense. And yet, seeing him coiled in a corner of the bed and tortured by the thought of having betrayed me, I am touched. Tears pool in my eyes and I hug him tight. I wouldn’t ever want to let go off this embrace, and I wonder for how long Arthur will let me hold him.
The answer is: not for long.
“I must go see someone now,” he suddenly says, getting up.
“Who do you have to see?” I ask.
“Her name is Kathrine, and she’s a psychic,” Arthur replies, and leaves before I can utter a single word.