Chapter Five
Scarred
I stared out over the valley of my homeland. It was good to be back. We had received a hero’s welcome, when we had returned, but things were different somehow.
It had been good to see Gavin, Mother and even my sisters again, but I was a different person than when I had left.
I was even more alone now then when I had left, because of that perceived difference. Talaric hated me of that I was sure.
Father had been distant from everyone since our return. He was working on something. He would disappear for long periods at a time.
Every time I showed my face in public I felt like I was some kind of bug being held up to the light to be inspected. Talaric took every opportunity he could to make fun of me or get back at me for what he saw as a usurpation of father’s attention. It was getting so that I almost wished I was somewhere else instead of at Thunder Ridge.
Storm clouds were moving in and I could see lightning in the distance. It was a fitting backdrop for how I felt right now.
“My! My! Don’t you look down in the dumps!”
Startled I looked up to see mother making her way into my lofty perch overlooking the castle and the valley below.
“I thought I was the only one who knew about this place.” I said.
“Oh no your father’s brought me here several times. Just to enjoy the view of course.”
I gave her a quick look not believing her for a moment and she confirmed it by giving me a suggestive wink.
I couldn’t help the burst of laughter that escaped out of me and I looked away shaking my head. It was no secret to anyone within the castle of my parent’s passionately amorous affections for each other.
“My how you’ve changed! It wasn’t that long ago that you would have reacted with a resounding, ‘Eww gross! I’m never coming back here again!’”
She had me there. She sat down next to me on my bad side. I usually kept my hair long and I had recently taken to letting it spill over the side of my face that I had the scar on.
I felt her pull the hair back and tuck it behind my ear with a finger. Her lips kissed the rough still enflamed ridge of the scar gently.
“You my son are one handsome young man. You have nothing that you need to hide Zevin Ta’lont from anyone.”
I turned to look at her and gazed into her face, which carried its own scars. I had always thought of her as beautiful, scars and all. I could tell that she was sincere about what she had said, but then she was my mother.
“You’re so like your father. You doubt yourself too much. You’ve convinced yourself that you’re all alone and that no one will ever care for you as passionately as you want to care about a special someone. The reality Zevin is that men like you and your father make the best friends, husbands, and lovers a girl could ever ask for!”
My face red I started to stand up. I was not having this conversation with my own mother!
Before I could rise to my feet her hand was pulling down on my arm. I could have broken her hold on me, but it wasn’t in me to be so disrespectful to her. I settled back down reluctantly resigned to my fate of being embarrassed.
“Zevin, do you know women and men are quite different.”
No kidding mother, I thought to myself.
I was rewarded by a slap to the back of my head for my derogatory thought that I must have revealed somehow.
“I was referring to the way they think and express themselves, silly boy.” She stated pointedly.
“Women want to be loved and cared for. They seek the comfort and security that a man can offer and not necessarily his passion, which can scare them. They like smooth words and adoring attention that makes them feel pretty, feminine and highly sought after. A lot of men know that and exploit those needs of a woman to get what they want, a passionate no strings attached physical release. The woman’s concepts of love and self worth are brought into question, when she’s left alone and less respected than she was before. The man is not content in what he has achieved and moves on to his next conquest ever seeking something better. You know who loses out in this scenario Zevin? They both do. The man misses out on the benefits of a lasting relationship, which could have fed his continual need for respect and the woman wounded by the pursuit of love grows bitter and often settles for less or values herself as less and thus achieves and experiences less in life. Don’t be envious of the crowd around you Zevin that you see enjoying themselves and hurting each other in this vicious cycle! You and your father aren’t like that. You’re both blessed with noble traits such as caring natures, protective instincts, and self control over your desires. Many men will often mistake the way you are as being weak, but the truth Zevin is that you are far stronger than them, because you are a master of yourself and do not allow yourself to be controlled by your lusts, as many men do. Other men will often be jealous of the finer elements of which you are made of and revile you for your restraint, but in time like your father they will respect you above all others, because you exemplify strength and are a leader by example. Credibility is essential to leadership and you must guard yourself against ever losing it Zevin. Now the side of you that most will never see is that highly controlled men such as you are seething pots of passion, simply waiting to explode when given the right opportunity. More specifically when you feel it’s safe to express yourself and lay yourself bare before someone you love and trust is when you explode and it can be intense for any girl to even attempt to handle. It really can’t be handled and as I said it can be scary to be around, but if she’s smart she’ll embrace your passion and encourage you to show her more. Her willingness to except you as you are, and how few rarely see you, will unlock all of your caring nature and she will be showered with all she needs to feel loved and adored. When you unlock each other like that it only gets better with time, as you grow emotionally and even spiritually closer together. There’s a girl out there somewhere Zevin, who will recognize the many gifts that you have built up inside of you and freely step into the fire of your passionate need to love and be respected in return by likely the only person, whose respect you’ll ever care about achieving. Look at how it turned out for me and your father. That passion of love and commitment will be yours one day, I’m sure of it!”
My gaze tracked the flight of a butterfly, as it journeyed from flower to flower, “It feels more like torment to be the way that I am right now than it does the privilege that you make it sound like.”
“Yes, Zevin it can be a living torment and if you let it, it can turn you bitter. But I encourage you to hold on for something worth waiting for and have faith! God will provide what you need; you’ll see that if you stay faithful to the plan He has for you. Trust me Zevin it’s worth the wait! And this…..”
Her fingers traced the length of the scar on my jaw bone, “Is not a problem, I assure you! Display it proudly my son, because it’s a part of who you are now, and there is no shame in it only honor!”
I nodded.
I loved my mother! She always had a way of communicating with me and getting through my shell to help me with the issues I was dealing with, even the hard ones.
She brought my face around to look at her again, “I’ll make you a deal son. If you haven’t found your dream girl by your twenty second birthday, you have my blessing to go buy yourself a pretty sex slave.”
My mouth fell open as I stared at her speechless.
She couldn’t be serious!
I saw the corners of her mouth start to crack into a smile as merriment took over in her eyes, “It worked for your father didn’t it?”
I shook my head, boy she’d gotten me this time!
She leaned against me now laughing so hard, tears were running down her cheeks.
She wiped the tears away and got to her feet, “I’ll leave you now to resume your moody brooding.”
She had started away, when I said, “Mother.”
She turned back to me, “You’re wrong about something.”
“What?”
“Father didn’t buy a pretty slave he bought a beautiful one!”
Her smile deepened and she blew me a kiss before continuing on her way back down the mountain.
Krista made her way down the trail with a smile still gracing her face. Yes, he was exactly like his father, his last gracious comment proving it.
She knew something he didn’t know though. Spoken words can often be prophetic and even though she had said what she had in jest she had a feeling that her son would experience in some degree what she and Roric had.
She hadn’t told him how rough and often rocky along the way even a great relationship could be. He would have to find that out for himself and persevere through it as she and Roric had.
There was pain along any mortals’ journey through life to find and keep love. She just prayed that there wouldn’t be too much pain, but oddly even the pain was worth it for the joy that there was to be found in the arms of the one you loved.