Damian the Cyborg Vampire
Damian set the Cosmic-Glider to full power. It was pretty hi-tech for a lifeboat. He glanced back at the pirate spaceship behind him. Smiling, he checked the timer on the control panel.
He counted, “three, two, one.”
BOOM!
The pirate spaceship exploded.
“May your wretched souls haunt the seven galaxies,” Damian said as the Cosmic-Glider picked up speed.
Damian liked to think that he was a smart, young cyborg vampire with a thirst for adventure. In reality, he was once a pure vampire from Planet Crisane, whose countless misadventures had rewarded him with injuries that needed android cures. But he was still more vampire than android. Deathly-pale skin, pointy teeth, overwhelming charisma; he had them all. A robotic arm bulged out from his right shoulder and he had iron guts, literally.
Those space pirates shouldn’t have messed with him. They had abducted him and paid for the consequences. Not only did he escape, he also installed a bomb on their spaceship and stole their treasure maps. Plus he snacked on a few pirates.
Now he chartered a course towards the planet where the treasure was concealed. If Damian had a shortage of anything, it was cash. He dreamed of riches for all his life.
Damian smoothly steered away from black holes as the Cosmic-Glider traveled on. An asteroid belt loomed ahead and he was tempted to barge straight through it. No, he thought. I’ll get the treasure first, buy myself a warship and then blast these asteroids into pebbles. Struck by impatience, he circled around and accelerated. A few hours later, Damian switched to autopilot and took a nap.
When he woke up, the first thing he noticed was that everything was bathed in golden light. Then he saw it.
The Cosmic-Glider was heading straight towards a star.
The maps were a fake! Those space pirates had tricked him. Cursing, Damian tried to change course but it was too late. He was already within the star’s gravitational field. And the lifeboat’s engines were not designed to escape it. He was doomed.
The Cosmic-Glider shook violently. What was going on? Damian looked up and realized that another spaceship had captured him. As the other spaceship took his lifeboat aboard, he noticed the color of its fuel injectors; they were pink. Great, there’s only one spaceship in this universe with that color.
“Damian Blood Turbo!” a voice shouted. “So that’s your new code name?”
“Yes, Mama,” Damian answered in a soft voice. He climbed out of the Cosmic-Glider, shoved his hands into his pockets and faced his mother.
“Didn’t I say that you’re too young to travel alone? Don’t you realize how dangerous this is? Tell me, what would have happened if I hadn’t saved you?”
Damian lowered his gaze to the floor.
“Uh… not something good.”
There was silence. He looked up and then dropped his eyes again. His mother continued to glare at him, pressurizing him. “But Mama, no one likes to hear bad news,” he added finally.
Mama made no comment. The silence dragged on. Suddenly Damian got an idea. If I acted cheerful, then Mama might see the funny side of things and be less strict. In a jolly voice, he began to sing:
“Twinkle, twinkle little star
Don’t burn me; I’ve liked you so far.
‘Cos if you really make me fry
Then my Mama’s gonna cry.”
“Twinkle, twinkle little star
Please don’t burn me, how nice you are.”
If anything, the song seemed to make Mama even angrier. Now that his glorious adventure was over, it was time to stay grounded for a long, long time.