It was early afternoon when I wandered off to the barn. I was hoping to avoid Jeremy, knowing he was going to make me work again, but I wanted a little time to myself. The calluses on my hands were already cracked and bleeding from this morning, and they felt like they were burning. He was so determined to turn his land into a productive farm and, at the moment, I didn't care.
Instead, I retreated to the back of the barn out of view from the house and pulled out my carving knife along with a piece of wood. Seth had taught me how to carve shapes into the wood, but my carvings never seemed to turn out as pretty as his did. He told me to keep trying and someday I would be the best in the world.
Before I got started, I set out a wooden panther that Seth carved for me a long time ago. It was one of the few things I had left of him, and I cherished it. It was all the company I wanted out here.
A couple times, I had even tried carving my own likeness of the panther, but it never turned out even close to what Seth had given me. I abandoned the whole idea of trying and decided it was better to make my own things. I was just getting started on the figure of a girl with wild hair when I heard Jeremy's voice calling me to the house.
"Kevin! Becky!" He bellowed. "Joss!"
I groaned, not wanting to move. For a second, I closed my eyes and let my head fall back against the splintered wood of the barn wall and listened to world. The breeze carried voices from one of the nearby houses, along with the sounds of barking dogs.
Sighing, I finally pulled myself to my feet. Reluctantly, I gathered all my things and placed them back in the proper pockets. I knew I had a responsibility to help this small community thrive, so I answered Jeremy's call. He would be assigning the afternoon tasks.
This farm ain't gonna rebuild itself, y'all hear? His voice clattered around in my head. He said it all the time, and I knew he would say it again today. He was waiting for us at the porch, and I saw that Becky was already standing next to him.
Becky was a year or two older than me, but not as old as Ali. She had long, straight blonde hair and blue eyes where Ali had wavy red curls and bright green eyes. She was very petite too, where Ali was strong and fierce. It wasn't fair to compare her to Ali, I knew that. I caught myself doing it from time to time without even thinking about it. Ali had been like a big sister to me, and Becky was just... distant. A stranger. She had never been cross with me, but she had never been nice to me either. It seemed like I was nothing more to her than the charity case that lived under the same roof as she did.
Kevin, on the other hand, was closer to my age and was the one that had reached out to me when Ali left. He was a nice kid, talking to me and dragging me into his games, but I felt more comfortable being alone. I wanted my time to remember Seth and Ali. These people never knew Seth and didn't know Ali well enough to help me keep their memories, so cherished them on my own.
Kevin ran from around the house, a shovel already in his hands. It looked like he was working on a project that I didn't care to know about. Seeing the shovel in his hands made me wince as I glanced down at my own damaged palms.
Looking back to Jeremy, a round man who had the same blue tint to his eyes that Becky had, I waited for him to dole out our assignments. I was hoping mine didn't involve helping Kevin with the shoveling, or using the axe. That's how I'd gotten these stupid blisters in the first place.
Jeremy gave another version of the same speech he repeated every day. My mind drifted to other thoughts as his deep voice droned on, but I knew the gist of what he was saying.
We are a family and a community.
With our hard work, times are changing for the better.
We need to prepare for the colder months ahead. Winter is coming.
"This farm ain't gonna rebuild itself," he grumbled at the end, and I snapped back to attention. I shared a quick glance with Kevin to see that he looked as bored as I felt. When he started to smirk, I looked away, hoping Jeremy wouldn't notice. I knew he'd give Kevin a piece of his mind if he caught him. The last thing I wanted to do was have Jeremy think I was disrespecting him.
The moment passed, and Jeremy didn't seem to notice or care. He sent Becky back to the house to help his wife Mary, whom he commonly referred to as 'Mother.' Between the two of them, they kept our clothes washed, the food cooked, and the house clean.
Sometimes it felt like I was in one of those old-timey movies that my granddad liked to watch. I didn't figure that would have gone over well at my house, at least what I could remember of it anyway. My dad cooked just as much as my mom did, while Seth and I did a lot of the cleaning. I didn't know why that had to change just because the world was all shot to hell now. Also, the thought of them trying to get Ali in the kitchen made me laugh.
Jeremy was talking about a storage project with Kevin before he sent him back around the house. Then he turned his gaze to me, and I shifted nervously, almost feeling guilty over my own thoughts.
Even though he seemed gruff, I knew it was only because the situation was so dire. I truly respected Jeremy and what he was accomplishing here. In fact, I was quite grateful that he and Mary had taken me in when they did, even though I knew I didn't show it very well. I was too quiet and sullen for their tastes and it felt like Jeremy didn't know what to make of me at times.
Mary, on the other hand, had more patience with me. She would let me have the space that I so desperately wanted, although she always wanted me close to the house. She would not have liked me going out behind the barn without telling anyone.
As Jeremy's eyes scrutinized me, I swallowed hard and took a chance, turning my sore hands out to him. My palms were up so he could see the bleeding calluses, and he immediately pursed his lips together.
"Well boy, no point in working you till your hands fall off,” he said, falling back into thoughtful consideration, stroking the whiskers on his chin with one hand. "Why don't you go have Mother clean those up for you? Then see if she might have something you can put a little muscle to in the house. I'll help Kevin out back till supper."
"Yes sir, Mr. Powell," I nodded politely, and he grunted in reply. That was the extent of our relationship for the most part, and I was happy with that.
Not waiting for Jeremy to say anything else, I entered the house, finding both Becky and Mary in the kitchen. Becky gave me a solemn glance as I walked in, but Mary offered me a warm smile.
"Well, what do we have here?" She said, coming to me as I held out my hands for her to inspect.
"Mr. Powell sent me in to be bandaged up," I stated, but she was already gasping and pulling me over to the sink before I had even finished talking.
We didn't have running water in the house, but there was a well out back and a wood stove in the kitchen that was almost always smoldering. It was hot as hell in the depths of summer, but it kept Mary with a handy supply of clean, fresh water. She used some of her store to wash the dirt off my hands and out of the sores so she could get a better look.
"Hrm, looks like you might get a break for a day or so while these heal up, huh?" She smiled at me, turning to leave the room. She was probably heading for the medicine cabinet in the washroom. If I was lucky, there might even be some cream to help with the healing.
I sneaked a look at Becky while she plucked a scrawny hen for dinner. Her blue eyes flashed up at me briefly but she quickly returned her attention to her task. Thoughts swirled in my head, and I wondered if she was as scarred and numb to pain as I was. Maybe that was why she would never talk to me. That wasn't a topic of conversation I wanted to bring up, though. It would result in questions about my past, and I wasn't ready to share. These people knew about Ali, but neither Ali nor I had told them about Seth.
I looked at my hands, my thoughts again drifting to my brother and I wondered what he would do right now. I desperately wanted to make him proud of me, so I often thought about how he would handle a situation. He would smile at Becky, and be as nice to her as he possibly could. He might even be able to get her to laugh. That's the kind of guy Seth was.
I tried to think of something, anything, to say before Mary came back in, but my mind failed me. I was still standing silently at the sink when she returned.
"I found something that will help with those sores, love. Why don't you come have a seat at the table while I fix you up?" Her voice was so warm and inviting that I had no trouble smiling and talking to her.
"Yes, Mrs. Mary," I returned her smile as I sat beside her. "Is there anything else I can help you with in here? Mr. Powell doesn't want me working outside today."
"Is that right?" she mumbled as she started rubbing some ointment into my blisters. It stung, but I managed to only wince a little bit. "Well, Becky and I have dinner handled, but there’s a lot of sorting that needs done from the last haul you boys pulled in."
"I can do that!" I quickly jumped at the opportunity. I actually liked looking through all the new supplies that we brought back from our hauls. It was easy work, too. It consisted of separating clothes from tools and other useful items we brought in. Normally the food was pulled out first, so there wouldn't be anything left from the last haul as far as that goes. It had already been over a week since we had gone into Sweetwater.
Mary laughed richly at my enthusiasm, and she nodded. "Sorting it is then. Just let me get these bandages on and it's off you go."
She started humming an old song as she continued to work on my hands. I thought I recognized it, but I never paid much attention to music and lyrics when I was nine. Mary sang and hummed all the time, but if it wasn't a Christmas carol, I couldn't even begin to sing along. I didn't care, though. The humming seemed to make this place more like home.
Becky knew the song and surprised me as she started singing along. Her voice carried softly through the house.
Well it seems to me you lived your life
Like a candle in the wind,
Never knowing who to cling to
When the rain set in.
The song seemed haunting and beautiful at the same time. I became entranced by Becky's soft voice. It was better than any radio I could remember.
I would have liked to known you
But I was just a kid
Your candle burned out long before
Your legend ever did.
Mary stopped humming as she finished with my dressings, and Becky fell silent. I looked at my hands, opening and closing them a few times to check my flexibility. Mary had done a fine job dressing the wounds. I found the sores restricted my movement more than the bandages.
Thanking Mrs. Mary, I left the table and started for the stairs. Something made me pause as I passed Becky. I realized I finally had something to say to her.
"You sing really pretty. You should do it more often." It sounded dumb to my own ears and heat began to seep into my cheeks. She looked startled that I had spoken to her for a second, but then she smiled. I saw the blush rising in her cheeks as her blue eyes sparkled.
"Thank you," she whispered, and I fled up the stairs.
~ ~ ~ ~
A few hours passed and I was sorting clothes into different piles when I heard the front door slam. Jeremy and Kevin had come in for dinner. I finished up the pile of shirts quickly before I headed downstairs. Jeremy and Kevin had already washed up and were sitting down to the table. Jeremy caught me peaking around the corner from the stairs and waved me over. Feeling awkward for no reason, I took my usual seat beside Kevin.
"So how are those hands, boy? Will you be out in the garden again tomorrow?" he asked, and it was hard for me to tell if he was joking or not.
"Now, you leave him be. I need his help tomorrow too." Mary gave me a sly wink behind Jeremy's back. "He did an excellent job today, and it helped free up my time." She made a round of the table, setting down bowls and plates for all of us and I smiled at her as she passed by me. She patted my back affectionately.
"Well," Jeremy said, scrutinizing me as he gnawed on a celery stalk. "Can't disappoint Mother, now can we?"
He smiled a bit as he reached for the salt. At least I think it was a smile, but his eyes were thoughtful. Now that I was hurt, he had to be calculating the extra days it would take to finish the storage project. It meant more work divided between himself and Kevin until I could get back out there.
The Powells had been farmers before everything happened, and had taught me quite a few things about raising crops. We even had a couple big horses and a nice cow in the barn that Mary could get milk from. Milk meant butter and cream and cheese.
They also weren't the only family out here raising animals and crops. Some tended chickens and pigs, and there were as many dogs as anything else. All dogs hated dead-brains, and were a great alarm if one actually wandered close.
The families shared or traded to help each other out. It reminded me a lot of the way it was when I was in Oklahoma. We had been secluded there, just like we were here, but bad things still managed to happen. I guess it was okay to feel safe here, but I didn't want to let myself believe any place was safe anymore.
Jeremy had grown up on this farm, even though he had been living in Sweetwater with his family when the outbreak happened. He came back to find the couple that had bought the place turned into mindless dead-brains. Jeremy and his brother Jacob took the farm back the hard way. That old couple is buried outside now, beyond the garden.
This area hadn't been very populated. Some of the neighboring houses survived, others didn't. New survivors had come in to take their places, though. We were up to eight houses occupied with families now. It seemed odd to me that there were so few travelers here, but considering how close we were to Dallas, I guess it wasn't so odd after all.
I watched Becky as she brought out the soup pot. Her blue eyes flashed me a look so quickly I thought I might have imagined it. Mary was right behind her, and they both took their seats. Jeremy said grace, and I respectfully bowed my head with the rest of the family. Prayer seemed useless to me now. I knew I was like Ali in that respect. Either God wasn't there, or he was no longer listening.
"Amen." Jeremy ended, and we echoed him. He stood up to serve us, making sure to divide the portions evenly. It was enough to get us full, but never overeat. Even with Jeremy taking those precautions, we didn't have leftovers often.
I could feel my mouth salivating as I looked down at the rich chicken and vegetable soup swimming in my bowl. It was no small amount of torture waiting for it to cool to the point it wouldn't burn my mouth. I caught a glance from Kevin and knew he was thinking the same thing. Between the two of us, we could probably eat the whole meal ourselves.
Twice since I'd been here, the people in our community had come together to butcher one of the cows. All the families shared the meat, and we ate on it for two days. Those two times were the only times I could remember being full in the past year.
The meal was spent in silence for the most part. When Jeremy let his spoon drop into his empty bowl, he finally spoke. "Jake and I have been talking, and we both think it's getting time for another run. With one worker down anyway, this might be the time to do it."
Both Kevin and I looked up in interest while Mary snorted her disapproval. We both knew that being able to get off the farm and away from the daily chores always made for a nice break in the monotony. "I'm going to run over to Jake's in the morning to see if he wants to go with us up north."
I turned back to my stew almost immediately, hoping to hide my face and my reaction. Even though Jacob was Jeremy's brother, I didn't much care for him. He lived in the neighboring farmhouse with his new wife and baby. His wife came to visit us often with the little one, but I only saw Jacob during hauls. I preferred it that way. He enjoyed killing the dead-brains way too much. After witnessing the brutal way he took them down, I found myself uncomfortable being around him.
"Papa, can I go this time?" Becky said, and I glanced up in surprise. She never went on hauls. Mary give Jeremy a warning look, but Jeremy just sucked at his teeth in contemplation. His refusal to acknowledge Mary had her face turning three shades of red.
"Now Rebecca, I'll need you here working with me tomorrow," Mary said, obviously irritated that Jeremy hadn't responded negatively yet.
Becky looked down at her plate, frowning. She spoke again, but she didn't have the courage to look up. "It'll be safe, Papa. We haven't seen a madman in nearly a year now."
"Harrumph," Jeremy grunted, lost in his contemplation. "We'll see in the morning, child."
Jeremy pushed himself back from the table and retired to the master bedroom. Mary immediately followed, slamming the bedroom door behind her. I could hear them as they argued behind the door.
Wanting someone else to break the awkward silence, I turned my attention back to the stew. No one else spoke, though. Becky finally rose from the table, gathering up the dishes to take to the kitchen. I finished quickly and decided I would help as much as I could. When I brought my bowl into the kitchen, Becky was already washing the dishes.
"I can help with those," I said. She glanced up to meet my eyes briefly, then her gaze dropped to my hands. I noticed her eyes were red-rimmed from crying.
"Your bandages... You shouldn't get those wet," and she turned back to the sink.
I flexed my hands, looking at the bandages and shrugged. "I can help you dry at least."
She didn't look at me again, but nodded after a few seconds. Kevin joined us a few minutes later, storing the extra food as best he could. I knew the stew would be our breakfast in the morning since it would only last a few days. The vegetables would keep a bit longer.
The three of us cleared the dinner table and cleaned the kitchen in silence. We retired to our beds without seeing Mary or Jeremy again that night. Their voices drifted up to my bedroom on the second floor, though. I knew they had lost their youngest daughter before I met them. Mary had understandable fears. She didn't want to risk losing her last daughter. I didn't blame her. I didn't want to lose anyone else either.
Sleep came slowly for me. I had gotten used to the hot nights, but tonight was different. The wind that rustled through my open window wasn't enough to keep me cool. I was thinking about Seth and Mom and Dad, missing them all. I didn't want to be alone anymore. I didn't want to feel so alone anymore. I cried.
We only had one working clock in the living room, so I had no idea what time it was when I finally drifted to sleep. When I did sleep, I dreamed of Ali. She was coming back for me, but the dream was long gone by the time the dawn gently woke me. That, in itself, was a refreshing change from Jeremy's harsh wake-up calls. Not wanting to linger, I hastily got dressed and went downstairs to find Mary patching up some of our clothes. Becky was outside working on the wash.
"Good morning, love," Mary flashed me a quick smile, but the light that was normally in her eyes wasn't there this morning. The talk she and Jeremy had must have been rough. She was back to her sewing without another word.
"Morning, Mrs. Mary,” I replied politely as I made my way to the back door. I wanted to find Kevin so we could talk about the haul today. I figured Jeremy was already over at Jacob's and we would have a free morning until he returned. I could take the time to work on my carving, but for once, I didn't want to be alone. I found Kevin helping Becky hang the wash.
"Hey, Joss!" Kevin replied, overly excited to see me. I actually got a smile from Becky as I walked up. "Guess what?"
"Um..." I started, but Kevin had no intention of letting me guess.
"Becky gets to come today! Pa went to get Uncle Jake's truck and we're heading out as soon as they get back!"
"That's great news." I smiled at Becky and tried to match Kevin's enthusiasm, but I fell short. It wasn't because Becky was going with us, and I hoped that she didn't take it that way. It was the mention of Jacob that soured my mood, even though I wasn't really surprised by it. After all, he was the one with the running vehicle. Chances of him letting us use it without him were slim, but I didn't want to be reminded of it.
I habitually started to help hang the clothes and asked, "Are we going into Sweetwater?"
"Nah, Pa thinks Sweetwater has been too cleared out," Kevin replied. "There's a small town just up the road to the north he wants to start going through. It's not far, maybe twenty miles or so. He said the Wilsons have been up there a few times already," Kevin chattered, his excitement bubbling over. "And there's that little airport up there too, maybe we can check that out sometime!"
I was frowning to myself, hoping the Wilsons had been able to clear out the dead-brains. New places normally meant running into a few, and that meant having to watch Jacob sadistically kill them. Unease spread inside me and I briefly thought about offering to stay with Mary to help her today. I didn't want to look like a coward in front of Becky, though, so I dismissed that idea pretty quickly. The worry was making my stomach upset, and I was glad I woke up late and missed breakfast.
Kevin continued to rattle on about the airport and maybe learning how to fly a plane someday to find other survivors. I nodded and grunted at appropriate times during his one-sided conversation while Becky stayed silent through it all.
Kevin may have been older than me, but he hadn't seen what the world out there looked like now. They'd moved from Sweetwater to this farm not long after the outbreak started. He'd lost his little sister to the flu, but I had lost my whole family to the outbreak. He was so naive.
The dread was building in me every second. No wonder Mary was so worried about Becky going. Going to Sweetwater was one thing, but knowing that we were going to a new location, I didn't even want her to go. It wasn't my place to say anything or intrude in this family's business. By the time I heard the horse galloping up the driveway, I was back to my sullen, quiet self. Turning to watch Jeremy guide the old mare to the barn, I could see the dust trail being kicked up by Jacob's old Ford truck.
Kevin actually jumped with his excitement and took off for the barn. I barely even glanced at him as he left, determined to finish hanging the wash first. Becky wore a puzzled expression for a bit as she noticed my mood, and she soon drifted back to her indifferent attitude toward me. The smiles were gone. I sighed to myself as I finished hanging the last shirt.
"Becky," I started and she looked at me while she gathered the baskets. Again I felt foolish for what I was about to say, but I had to get it out. "If we see any of those diseased out there, please don't get near them. Let Jacob and Jeremy take care of them."
She straightened and stared at me for a second, the puzzled expression back on her face. I wished I could hear her thoughts. Finally she nodded her agreement and said, "Of course."
With that, she walked to the house and my gaze turned to the barn and the rusted, blue truck that was rolling up. Even though the unease was sitting heavy in my stomach, I decided it would be best if I joined them to help with the preparations for the trip.
~ ~ ~ ~
In less than an hour, we were on the road. Despite my best efforts to skip breakfast, Mary gave me a thermos of soup for the trip. I could hear the liquid sloshing around in the can as we drove. The thought of eating it wasn't appealing, but I gave it a shot.
Jacob drove, and Jeremy was sitting in the passenger seat. That left the three of us kids to cram into the backseat. Kevin and I were at the windows, and Becky sat in the middle. This left me little room to manage the thermos, but I did my best. My nervous stomach only allowed me to sip at the broth.
Kevin was rambling about all the things he wanted to find in this little town. He had only been to Sweetwater before, so he could hardly contain his excitement. I was lost in quiet contemplation, questioning Jeremy's decision to take us to a place he hadn't scouted first. They hadn't seen much of the world since the outbreak. From the stories Kevin told me, I had picked up on the fact the dead-brains weren't thick around here. Maybe they had never seen a real swarm of them. If that was the case, they weren't aware of how dangerous it could be.
I swallowed down the nervousness. I didn't feel it was my place to tell them what to do or how to do it. Instead, I sat quietly and fiddled with my thermos while everyone else talked excitedly. Even Becky spoke every now and then, but I just let the conversation drift by me unheard, watching the countryside pass by.
The road was clear, allowing the truck to travel at a decent speed. At one point, we passed by a mess of cars that were abandoned on the side of the road. Jacob slowed down as we passed, and three dead-brains wandered out. Kevin fell silent immediately, and Becky gasped. Jacob started to slow the car even more but Jeremy intervened, which I was thankful for.
"Nah, Jake. Keep it rollin'," and he pointed to the field beyond. There were more dead-brains out there, drawn by the noise of the car.
Jacob grunted a reply and sped up, skirting around the monsters. As we passed them, we had a clear view of their blood red eyes staring into the car. They were curious at this point, not having been able to sense us inside. They weren't in attack mode yet.
Kevin and Becky stared at them wide-eyed. They had seen dead-brains before, I knew, but I wasn't sure if they were fully aware of what they were capable of. They needed a healthy fear and respect for them because once they frenzied, if you didn't have a plan of action, you were dead.
I avoided watching them. I had no curiosity towards them anymore, and wished they were all dead.
After that, Kevin’s enthusiasm grew again, evident by his excited chatter, but I just wished I could tune him out. I couldn't believe how excited he was. Jeremy and Jacob didn't seem fazed by it, but Becky didn't say another word. She was staring straight ahead, and she looked paler than normal, too. I wanted to say something, do something that might be reassuring, but everything I thought of felt too awkward. I turned my gaze out the window again.
I would guess the drive only took a little over thirty minutes. Now that we were rolling up to the edge of the town, the drive seemed entirely too short. I became more alert then. This was what I was dreading.
I scanned the countryside leading up to the town. Dead-brains milled around out in the fields, but they were too far away to take interest in us. Unless they heard a frenzy call, they'd probably stay put.
Dead-brains in the field meant that this little town probably wasn’t looted clean yet, but it also meant the town could have its fair share of infected inhabitants. There was no activity outside the buildings, but that could be misleading. The first two buildings on the outskirts of town were a bar and a gas station. The town itself looked deserted, but I knew every building could have something trapped inside, unable to get out.
People hid in buildings when the outbreak started. That's where they turned and that's where they stayed. At least until someone uninfected came along and let them out. I didn't like buildings.
Jacob rolled into the nearest parking lot and killed the engine. We were too close to the building for my taste. A dilapidated sign signified that this used to be Bobby's Bar and Grill. I briefly wondered what became of Bobby, and had the macabre thought that he might still be inside.
Even though Kevin and Becky hadn't been exposed to the new world, they knew the drill at least. We sat in silence for five minutes. Since sound attracted the dead-brains, we waited to see if any heard us. If five minutes passed, you were normally in the clear. They weren't conniving enough to wait for us to exit the vehicle before they attacked.
Five minutes passed that felt like an eternity. I could see how eager Kevin was to go, but Becky didn't have the color back in her cheeks. Once again I had the overwhelming urge to reassure her, and this time I found the courage to awkwardly pat her hands. She had them clutched together in a white-knuckled grip in her lap, and she jumped at my touch. When she turned wide eyes to me, I gave her what I hoped was a reassuring smile. It felt like a grimace. She did manage a nod though, and she visibly relaxed a little.
"Kevin, Joss," Jeremy whispered, but it sounded loud in the silence. "You stay here with Becky and the truck. Hit the lights if you see anything."
"Can't I come with you?" Kevin started to plead but Jeremy cut him off before he was even finished.
"No. You stay with the truck till Jake and I say it's clear." His tone brooked no argument. Kevin slumped back in his seat, and Jacob and Jeremy exited the truck, making sure not to slam the doors.
The bigger weapons were in the bed of the truck, and I watched Jacob walk past my window to grab his half-moon sickle. I looked back toward the building, avoiding even looking at Jacob. I hated that weapon. I suppressed a shudder as a bloody memory flashed through my mind.
Kevin immediately moved to the front seat, wanting to get a better view, but Becky and I didn't move. She didn't even slide to the empty space that Kevin had left. Whatever reassurance I had given her earlier was completely gone now. She was as rigid as she ever was, if not more.
I sighed. I didn't like this any more than she did and wondered why she had even wanted to come in the first place. I thou