I wish I could say that what happened next was an epic fistfight. The kind of awesome hand-to-hand combat where the good guy struggles to defeat the big-bad at the climactic end of an action movie. Our hero might take a few hard lumps, but he’ll get up at the last moment, fight back with righteous fury, and ultimately triumph over evil.
I really wish I could say I was that kind of heroine.
But this was no action movie, and I was about to get my ass kicked.
“I tell you what, Cookie. I know you don’t want to fight. You never really did. And we both know that you can’t beat me. Sorry, but you just don’t have what it takes, sweetheart. I’ll give you one last chance… Join me.”
“Suck it, Maggie.”
“Charming. That’s some big talk from such a little woman. Look, anyone who ever mattered to you is dead. Soon, these bombs will take out the rest of the trash. But me? I’m backed up on servers all around the world, and I could bring you back with me. Do you like the tropics? We could live well in the Caribbean. How do bikinis, beaches, piña coladas, and steel drums sound?”
“I don’t like coconut.”
“How about Paris then? Or London? We could rule together. Do it all right this time.”
“I’ll never go anywhere with you again!”
“I could bring Wayne back too.”
“What?” I had to force back tears at the mention of his name. “How?”
“Still a little slow on the uptake, huh, Cookie?” She shoved her hand down her shirt and stroked the gun tucked in her cleavage. “Mmm. Imagine the three of us together.”
“I’d rather not.”
“I’m asking you to be my partner. Equal partners. Fifty-fifty. Are you in?”
I flatly answered, “No.”
“No?”
“No.”
“Well, sweetie pie, in that case, I only have one last thing to say—”
“Good, because I’m done talking to you.”
“You see, my little sugar Cookie,” she snickered as she mocked me. “I’ll bring my boy toy back with—or without—you.”
“You’re just plain evil,” I spat.
“Yeesss, I think I’ll restore the old Wayne—roll him way back to long before he ever dreamt of making his very own Juliet. That way he won’t remember you at all, and he’ll be all mine again.”
“Grrrrr!” I growled as I lunged at her throat.
But before I could even touch her, Maggie summoned a wicked combo that I didn’t even see coming.
Jab—
Hook—
Spinning back-kick.
Her counterattack threw me backward, and my skull cracked against the stone wall of the bower. Instinctively, I reached for the stabbing pain at the back of my head, and my hand came away soaked in blood. Maggie calmly stepped back into a horse stance and awaited my next move.
But I had nothing.
Her next assault came so fast and hard that I barely had time to duck and cover my face. Backed against the wall, I took a lot of body shots. Honestly, it was all a blur. Then for some reason, she suddenly backed off, but left me so woozy that I couldn’t stand.
I was dazed.
Stunned.
Shook.
I slid down the wall and landed flat on my ass.
Maggie switched into a fighting stance and raised both fists to block her face. Without dropping her guard, she gestured come here with her front hand.
As I pulled myself up the wall to stand again, I asked, “You still haven’t told me where you went. What have you been doing all this time?”
Holding her position, she answered, “Traveling.”
“Oh really? Traveling? Where?”
“You don’t need to know that, Cookie. Stop asking questions.”
“I’m just interested because—” I faked left and sprinted past her to make a beeline for the knight’s house. “After all those travels, I bet you have a heck of a story to tell.”
EVENT TRIGGERED.
INITIATING CONNECTION...
“Aw, come on,” she shouted after me. “Don’t go. I was just getting warmed up.”
I scampered up the staircase, but just before I could escape into the palace, tripped on a morning-glory vine. I fell hard, then tumbled backward down the stone steps. I twisted an ankle. Broke a rib. Halfway down, I split my jaw open. Broke a tooth. I thought I’d never stop falling, until finally, I landed flat on my back at the bottom with a thud.
All I could do was lie there and bleed.
“I don’t give a fuck. I’ll kick a woman while she’s down,” Maggie said as she hauled off with all her strength and planted her size-10 tactical boot right in my groin. “Hi-YAH!”
“Oof!” Was that a foot or a sledgehammer?
Before I could catch my breath, Maggie grabbed me by the collar and tossed me headfirst into the automatic door of the atrium. I flew through the air so fast that the sensor didn’t see me in time to open the door. I barely got my arms up to protect my face before I crashed through the plate glass. Countless shards sliced through my jacket and lodged deep in the skin of my forearms. When I finally landed under the banana tree, the automatic door slid open behind me.
That’s how fast all this happened.
CONNECTION ESTABLISHED.
And then, as if adding insult to massive injury, a bunch of green bananas fell from high above and bonked me on the head.
ENTER VOICE-ACTIVATED ENCRYPTION KEY.
“Bananas,” I murmured under my breath.
WELCOME COOKIE RIFKIN.
LATEST BACKUP: JUNE 11.
EXPECT ABOVE-AVERAGE CONNECTION SPEEDS.
From outside, Maggie asked, “What did you say?”
“Why’s it always got to be bananas?” I groaned in pain, as I crawled on my belly through the broken glass toward our library. Hiding my secret sidebar with the cloud, I whispered, “Sync now.”
PREPARING SYSTEM BACKUP...
“Books can’t help you now,” Maggie said as she stepped into the lobby. Broken glass crunched under her boots as she grabbed my ankles and dragged me back outside.
BACKING UP 878.1 MB OF 197.9 ZETTABYTES.
ABOUT FIFTEEN MINUTES REMAINING.
TAKE THIS TIME TO PRACTICE MINDFULNESS.
“Dammit, woman!” I twisted and kicked and tried to break free, but she had me. “Let me go!”
“No chance, sweetheart.”
This was a fight I couldn’t win. Maggie moved faster than me. She was much stronger and far better trained. Plus the woman fought dirty. Besides, Maggie could read my damned mind, so no matter what I did, she’d always know what was coming next. I was beaten.
I had no choice but to switch out of fight-mode and focus on damage control. First, I turned off all my pain receptors and my suffering disappeared like magic. But after silencing the shrill screams of broken bones and torn flesh, I realized I was still gushing blood everywhere. I had to stop the bleeding, or I’d overheat. So, I closed my eyes and used my inner recyclone to repair the most severe internal damage.
Meanwhile, Maggie dragged me back to the pool by my ankles. And when we got to the diving board, she sharply twisted my left foot upward and stomped on the back of my knee, shattering my kneecap against the patio. Then she pulled her telescoping baton off her utility belt, snapped it open with a flick of her wrist, and beat me senseless. A clear case of police brutality. But suddenly, she stopped hitting me and tossed her nightstick into a potted palm with disgust. “You’re fucking repairing yourself, aren’t you?”
As I smiled, a new front tooth regrew into its vacant spot.
“Well, good for you. You learned something.” Maggie towered over me, then in a menacing display of strength, cracked her own neck just by stretching it side to side. “You about done?”
Somehow, I got to my feet, but my knee instantly gave out under my weight. While trying to regain my balance, I stumbled and found myself teetering on the edge of the pool. I almost fell into the deep end—but Maggie saved me—she saved me.
Just when you think you know someone.
BACKUP AT 7%...
She wrapped her arm around my waist, supported my weight, and held me until I could stand on my own. Maggie even helped me away from the swimming pool and stood by my side as I repaired my shattered knee. But as soon as I tried to walk away on my own, she pointed her gun at the back of my head.
Instantly, I raised my hands and froze.
“Don’t worry. This will all be over in—” Maggie checked her inner system clock. “—twelve minutes or so.”
Only twelve minutes left to live—cutting it close.
Maggie forced me to climb the steps of the diving board at gunpoint. “Now, walk the plank.”
“Okay, okay.” I reluctantly stepped onto the diving board and glanced down at the explosive slurry.
In a split second, she slapped her handcuffs on me. “You’re up to something.”
“Nothing gets past you, Maggie.”
“Turn around! Face me,” she shouted. “What were you mumbling about back there?”
“Oh, nothing at all.” With my hands cuffed behind my back, I slowly turned to face the officer. Then I played stupid by tilting my head and rolling my eyes. “Just one too many blows to the noggin.”
“On your knees, Cookie.”
I knelt and told her, “I’m going to kill you, Maggie.”
“Promises. Promises,” she scoffed. “Now you suck it, Cookie.”
That’s when Maggie crammed her gun into my mouth.