Lessons in Spirituality
Tristan was finishing supper when Pastor Rook entered the dining hall.
‘Can I bring my plate?’ he asked.
‘And some bread for me too, please,’ Rook replied. He was a kind old man with a curtain of black hair around his bald scalp. His dark-eyed face was somewhat similar to a badger.
‘A little wine too, I suppose?’
‘No, not for me, boy. You should know we men of the church must fast for three days before the festival. Abstinence is also a common practice if not exactly a rule.’
‘Then why not bend the rules?’ Tristan asked.
Rook chuckled, holding his round girth, clothed in a plain brown hooded robe. ‘The truth is boy: I’m trying to kick the habit.’
‘Then I shall pile your plate with unleavened bread and a little cheese.’
‘Cheese is not allowed. Perhaps after the festival.’
‘I thought Master Feligrihir was taking my evening lesson. He was telling me the tale of El’Tihir and his Great Sacrifice.’
‘Which is why I insisted, my lad.’ Rook looked as if they had had a slight argument. ‘Old Felli, he can spin a good yarn, though I felt his telling was too dependent on the old religions. What you need is a good moral schooling on the principles of spirituality. Devoted in service to the One Living God.’
‘Do I get to hear the rest of the story?’
‘We will continue the story, Tristan. Though I wish to focus on a telling that is more in line with the church and the ideals of the Eromulari.’
‘So, you’re going to take out all the parts with fairies and wizards and replace them with Tihiran dogma?’
‘I don’t like the way you said it, boy. But yes, the old gods are just fairy tales. They have no place in our religions or our society. The days when we attempted to blend the old with the True have been laid in the past. What we teach now is in line with the Holy Scriptures.’
‘But the Elven Kin are real. My father has met the King of the Elves.’
‘Yes, well … some of the stories are perhaps true. Though this evening I will instruct you on the true telling of El’Tihir’s Sacrifice for all mankind.’
‘If you say so, Pastor Rook.’ He cut a few large slices of various cheeses and placed them on a third plate.
‘Do you want me to carry that tray?’
‘I’m twelve-and-a-half years old,’ Tristan replied. ‘I can manage.’
‘Oh, I forgot to mention it. Lady Elysia will be joining us for the lesson.’
Tristan stumbled and nearly sent the entire plate of food flying. He managed to keep his balance as his shoulders flexed in irritation. ‘Why is she going to be there? You know she called me stupid?’
‘Slow-witted was the term Feligrihir used when explaining the matter.’ Rook looked amused. ‘Nevertheless, the two of you shall be seeing a lot more of each other in the days to come. There are plans for the two of you. Heirs of two great Houses. You will behave yourself and show the courtesy and manners of a proper gentlemen.’
‘Yes, of course.’ Tristan’s shoulders slumped.
He followed Rook through a number of passageways to enter the small chapel built into a room where two of the outer walls met in a right angle. There was an altar with a wooden carving of the Great Tree of El’Tihir. Painted in silver and gold.
Pews were arranged on either side of the altar. Five rows that would seat four to every pew. It was really just a place for people to come and say a few silent prayers, or to worship the One God in private. The main church was much larger and very grand. It was separate to the castle and had its own bailey about one hundred yards north of the castle grounds.
Elysia was seated on one of the back pews, her head down as she played with a fine porcelain doll in her lap. She wore a fine white lace gown that covered her ankles. Black polished shoes swung back and forth as she hummed a cheerful melody. Black hair in twin braids tied with white silk bows. Elysia was forever dressed to suit her place as a royal maiden. She was also fanatical in her bossiness, elegantly spoken, and an all-round fussy eater. He grinned when considering her response to his tray of flat breads and cheese. Elysia hated cheese.
He stepped towards her, as she looked up and gazed upon the tray with evident disappointment. She waved a casual ‘no thank you’, then stepped down off the seat and made her way to the front row. Tristan stood there wondering what had come over her. She didn’t make one scathing remark about the food. Maybe she was ill.
He placed the tray on a small table to the side of the altar, then took a seat on the opposite front pew. Rook gave him a gentle glare, and with a sigh he moved to sit a space apart from Elysia. She continued to play with the doll without looking up.
‘Now then,’ Rook began, ‘as I understand it, Feli had finished telling his version of the Sacrifice. I want to go over it again, from a different philosophical and metaphorical point of view.’
‘He wasn’t quite finished,’ Tristan said. ‘He was in the middle of explaining what happened when El’Tihir Divided his Soul. He said that the one half ascended to heaven, and will return one day, but he didn’t explain about the other half.’
‘Then we will pick up from there,’ Rook said. ‘Now listen carefully, children, for what I am about to tell is something you must memorise and always keep close to your hearts.’ He stood staring at Elysia as she played with the doll’s hair for a little longer, until she looked up with embarrassment.
‘My apologies, Pastor Rook,’ she said. ‘You have my full attention.’
‘Dividing the Soul is something that has only been attempted twice in all of the world’s history, at least as far as we know. El’Tihir was the second to make the attempt, and each time there has been … certain consequences.’
‘Who was the first to attempt it?’ Elysia asked.
‘Nice to see you’re really listening, girl, but please don’t interrupt.’
‘But who was it?’ Elysia asked again. ‘We might better understand the concept if you give us another example.’
‘I’m not done explaining the first,’ Rook replied with a grimace. ‘But very well, to explain it in full we need to first consider the doctrines surrounding the concept of good versus evil. The Founding Scriptures explain that there is good and bad in all of us, as we are all born with an innate potential for behaviour that we call sin.’
‘And all sinners will go to the depths of hellfire unless they repent,’ Elysia said with a hint of scorn. ‘Are you really going to wear us down with outdated beliefs from a lost age?’
‘You were ever the one to question our ways, young lady,’ Rook said with some reproach. ‘I was not about to condemn all that sin as some of my brothers may still do. I was simply laying the foundations for the issue of mankind’s struggle to remain good when so much of our world forces us to think, speak, and behave in a sinful and vulgar manner.’
‘What does this have to do with El’Tihir?’ Tristan asked.
‘It has a lot to do with El’Tihir and his decision to Divide the Soul. As well as the one who chose to Divide his Soul long, long ago. To Divide the Soul means that this balance between human nature’s yearning to do good, and propensity to commit sin become split, and therefore unbalanced.’
‘So, you get two souls?’ Elysia asked. ‘One that is positive and the other negative?’
‘Exactly,’ Rook said with a small smile. ‘This is what happens when someone attempts to Divide the Soul. Heed my warning that no good can ever come from it. In the case of El’Tihir, it resulted in the pure form ascending to heaven, and the impure form remained here on the earth realm. That half was more demon than man.’
‘And did the demon soul cause any trouble?’ Elysia asked with a frown.
‘He did,’ Rook said. ‘Quite a bit in fact. Have you ever heard of the Hundred Years War?’ When both Tristan and Elysia shook their heads Rook waved it aside, ‘No matter, it is a tale from another culture and does not exactly fit with the purposes of today’s teaching. Rest assured the lesson for today is you must never Divide the Soul, nor allow any other person to make the attempt. I stress this in the utmost.’
‘So, what about the other one?’ Elysia asked. ‘You said you would explain that one first.’
‘I did, indeed,’ he gave a light chuckle. ‘The first attempt at Dividing goes back to the Creation Texts. Remember when the Lord was first setting about his work of Creating the Heavens, and he required extra hands to assist him in his work?’ He watched them both nod in agreement. ‘It was then that the Creator made Michael, the First of all the Higher Angels.’
‘So, Michael made the Devil?’ Elysia asked.
‘I am glad you did not invoke his correct name, child,’ Rook said. ‘even in the House of God it is frowned upon. But yes, to an extent, this began the formation of the being to which we gave that title. At first Michael was beautiful and powerful and emanated the Light of Ardua. Though as I have explained, to Divide brings unbalance, and there is the potential for evil even in the Power of Ardua and his Light.
‘It was some many eons before the other Higher Angels were first made, that the Lord could discern this unbalance in the High Angel Michael, for he saw within Michael the desire to rule the heavens for himself. After this the Lord created a force of male and female Higher Angels to assist him in his Creation of our world. Yet the real purpose of their creation was to aid the Lord in defeating Michael.
‘Then in a last attempt to purify himself of his evil nature, Michael made the decision to Divide the Soul. What followed was the battle in the heavens between Michael and the Dragon, the evil half of the Higher Angel that rebelled against Ardua and was finally defeated by Michael and his Angels.’
‘I think we know the rest of this story well enough,’ Elysia put in, to which Tristan gasped at her audacity. She really had no respect for the church.
‘So, what happened to the demon half of El’Tihir?’ Tristan asked. ‘Where did he go?’
‘That question has been a topic of great debate amongst the churches of the east and the west for many centuries. The Holy Scriptures state that this demon rebelled against heaven and fought a great series of battles that lasted over a century. This is the Hundred Year War of which I spoke. Animals, demons and trolls were amongst the immense armed forces that fought on the side of the Monkey Demon.’
‘Wait a minute,’ Tristan said in stunned wonder. ‘I still can’t get over this idea that the bad side of El’Tihir’s soul was a monkey!’
‘Remember that one of the names of Ardua, the Many-Faced God is also the Monkey-Faced God. There are many texts amongst the Chin, the Pan, and other nations of the east that suggest a close relationship between humankind and the world of apes.
‘Have either of you ever seen a monkey close up? A chimpanzee or gorilla? Apart from having a bit more hair on their bodies and a different posture, the resemblance is uncanny.’
‘Well I can’t deny that,’ Elysia said. ‘But wouldn’t the church be very upset with you for even entertaining such a thought?’
‘I merely stated that there are some texts that suggest a relationship, and that there is an uncanny social and structural resemblance. Perhaps also a resemblance in personality, though we are far superior in that regard.’
‘I should hope so,’ Tristan said with some surprise. ‘Does the Monkey Demon look like a monkey?’
‘Somewhat,’ Rook said. ‘He also looks very much like a man, and there is supposedly a strong resemblance with the true El’Tihir, though far removed from its former splendour. But I’m getting distracted again, and I still have much to teach you.’
‘Why are the stories so important now?’ Elysia asked.
‘Because of the great evil that has arisen in the world,’ Rook said. ‘The stories can serve to provide us with special knowledge. Secrets that could provide us with the shield to defend, the armour to protect, and the weapon to defeat such enemies.’
‘You mean talismans?’ Tristan asked. ‘Like the Hyperion Bow?’
‘Yes, boy, that is a sacred talisman lost to legend. If you could wield such a weapon when you are full grown; your enemies would tremble facing your wrath.’
‘Do we have any talismans such as this left in the world?’ Elysia asked.
‘There are some, though they are scarce, and perhaps none so powerful as the Hyperion.’
‘Do you think Feligrihir could craft me a bow like the Hyperion?’ Tristan asked.
‘I don’t think so, boy,’ Rook gave a light chuckle. ‘That bow was said to be crafted by the Titan Gods.’
‘But they were massive,’ Elysia said. ‘How could Tristan wield such a weapon?’
‘If the myths are to be believed, such talismans can change size to suit their wielder,’ Rook explained. ‘But these are not the topics of which I must speak. I am trying to prepare you both for your Sacrament of Confirmation. It will be held during the festival, on the Day of Sowing. The day when the Great Seed was planted in the earth by the Fist of Ardua.’
‘You mean the lightning bolt that planted the Seed?’ Tristan asked. ‘The one that El’Tihir transformed into when he Divided?’
‘Yes, boy, there is a relationship between the symbolism of the Sowing of the Great Seed, and the ritual of First Communion. The growth of the seed to a sapling is another symbol, to which we attribute your Confirmation. To put it simply, for the two of you at your current age of twelve years, you are in a transitionary stage. The symbolism of a human lifetime is that of the seed that sprouts and eventually grows into a tall tree.
‘When you reach your teenage years, the journey into adulthood has begun. This has always been considered the appropriate time for this ritual of welcoming you into the church.’
‘So, if the Communion symbolises the planting of the seed,’ Elysia said, ‘and the transition from sapling to tree is symbolic of young adulthood, is adulthood symbolised by the stage where the tree bears its own fruit?’
‘Close enough,’ Rook said. ‘The church has always encouraged a well-arranged marriage between a suitable pair and then what follows is the Cycle of Ages, but that is for another time. Can either of you tell me why the seed within the fruit is symbolic of life up to seven years of age? Before First Communion?’
‘It’s because that is when children are still so closely tied to their mothers,’ Elysia said with some enthusiasm. Tristan couldn’t deny the girl was brilliant. She hardly ever needed to study and learnt everything first time, and never seemed to forget a lesson.
That’s why it hurt even more when she had called him an idiot. Well, ‘dim-witted’ but it meant the same thing. He wasn’t so flash with advanced mathematics for example, but he’d always shown a keen interest in learning the old stories.
Yet she was always beating him at that too.
Rook’s lesson lasted some time, as he explained the importance of the ceremony of Confirmation. Why they were taking part, and all of the smaller details about what to wear, how to approach the altar, when Tristan was to bow and when Elysia should curtsy.
It was very tiresome.
During that time Frostgale and her pups entered the small church. They made their way towards the altar and the mother spread out in front of Tristan’s feet, laying on her side for her pups to suckle. Being of sabre-wolf breed the pups were extremely hyperactive, always rushing about, yelping and jumping on things. And they chewed everything. But sabre-wolves were sacred beings amongst his people, and their visiting a place of worship was seen as a divine blessing.
They had trainers, but they seemed to have been shirking their duties so far. But Tristan’s people had been keeping sabre-wolves in their halls as guests for millennia. It was just taking him some time to get used to new pups in the castle he supposed.
Tonight, they were docile, looking worn out from a busy day as they huddled around their mother after feeding.
Neverend, the Snow Wolf, sat licking his paws, red eyes half lidded. He often showed his independence from his mother and the other pups by sitting further away, as he did now by moving closer to Rook’s feet as the old pastor continued his lecture.
Already he was bigger than the others, his fine white coat like fresh snow reflecting the lamplight in a golden tinge.
It was then that Rook paused for a moment to look down at Neverend, as he sighed before uttering, ‘This one spells disaster for us all, I fear.’ Then he coughed and turned to step behind the altar. ‘Now, before I forget, as Guardian to the Snow Wolf, young Tristan, son of Rodin, I bestow upon you, this holy relic.’
Rook stepped forward with something wrapped in thick dark-blue silk cloth. There was a golden radiance when the cloth was unfurled. Rook pulled forth a bow-quiver that gleamed like polished gold. ‘Do not fear, it is not heavy as gold, boy. Try it.’
Tristan put the harness over his chest to try out the feel of it. The quiver was bristling with arrows, then Rook brought forth a stunning new bow.
‘Don’t go firing that thing in here,’ Rook said, ‘but let me tell you of the Replenishing Quiver. It does use the Power to Divide, however, there is one important rule. Whenever an arrow is spent, those that are left within the quiver will divide when necessary to refill the quiver. You must remember that if you nearly empty the quiver, you must leave one spare arrow within it, or else it will no longer work. It does not create arrows. It merely Divides them. Understand?’
‘I do,’ Tristan said. ‘How long will it take the last arrow to divide again?’
‘It can take hours in its current state.’ Rook replied. ‘An expert in enhancement of such relics could reduce the time it takes for each Division, but our people have lost such skills many an age ago. Yet once the first Division takes place, it should only be a full hour before the quiver goes from one arrow to full.’
‘Do I get a relic?’ Elysia asked.
‘It would only be proper if you were gifted something equal in value,’ Rook replied. He then produced a small brown leather pouch from pockets within his robe and drew forth a sparkling golden necklace with a ruby the size of a quail egg.
‘I’m not fond of rubies,’ Elysia said.
‘Your father has informed me that you shall wear it anyway, young lady.’ Rook said as he handed it to her. ‘It is called the Maiden’s Ward. A powerful spell encases the stone that protects against demons and other such villainy.
‘There may come a time when even stone walls cannot keep the threat at bay,’ Rook said in serious tones. ‘Your father’s heart would be at ease if you would wear it at all times.’
With a sullen expression she lifted the golden chain when Tristan jumped up to reach for the pendant. ‘You’ll get it caught on your hair,’ he said. ‘Here, let me help.’ He had some trouble with the clasps which seemed to agitate her. When it was secure, he stepped back with a humble bow. ‘It looks lovely on you,’ he said.
‘Thank you,’ she replied. When their eyes met, he swallowed a burning lump in his throat. The way her dark-blue eyes regarded him; it was as if she was seeing him for the first time. He stood there wondering how he had never noticed how beautiful she had become. His chest was suddenly warmer than before. A strange feeling was taking over. It made his chest ache; but in a good way.
‘Yes,’ Rook said under his breath, ‘you will make a fine couple.’
‘A couple o’ what?’ Tristan asked in shock, staring up at Rook in disbelief.
Frostgale and all five of her pups suddenly began a low growl in their throats. A moment later the lamps were all extinguished, casting them into pitch blackness! In the first seconds of panic, Tristan noticed the ruby still glowed like fire in the darkness. In that way he at least knew Elysia was still safe, as he suddenly felt a great responsibility to protect her from whatever danger they were about to face. Rook mumbled a few words in the language of the Scriptures when a small golden light suddenly danced above his palm that was held out flat before him.
‘What is it?’ Elysia asked.
‘I do not know, children,’ Rook whispered. ‘Stay close and we shall try—’
A burst of red flame flew from the shadows to strike Rook in the stomach. The pastor fell in a ball of flames as Tristan turned to see a tall figure in a white mask approaching. The figure held a staff with a bright red stone at its peak, and as Tristan stood dumbfounded the creature aimed the staff at Neverend.
Frostgale leapt from the shadows to drive front paws into the figure’s chest, pushing him to the floor. The staff was held up to block Frostgale’s jaws from biting into flesh, as her claws shredded through the dark silken cloth that covered the man’s chest.
Tristan notched an arrow, half drawing the heavy bow, but the pair were rolling about now. He had no clear shot. He did not want to leave the pups or Frostgale, but his need to protect Elysia drove him to reach for her hand and draw her to the sides of the pews.
For a moment she pulled free from his grasp, and in the glow of Rook’s burning robes he saw her clutching Neverend to her chest, dropping her doll in the process.
As they moved to the small space between the walls and the ends of the pews, Rook was climbing to his feet. He had extinguished the flames on his robes and the light in his palm was now a fierce golden sphere. He turned to them to shout, ‘Run!’
Tristan was pushing his way along the wall between the pews, with Elysia close behind still clutching Neverend. The wolf pup was snarling and trying to claw his way out of her grip, but she held on to him with a surprising amount of strength.
During this time, Tristan heard Frostgale give out a yelp, then the wolf was thrown aside as the sorcerer stood with staff aimed for Rook. Moving between the tight spaces was taking too long, but they scraped their way along with backs to the grey stone wall, until they reached the last two pews. Tristan made room for Elysia to go through first, as they would need to cross the space between the last two pews to sneak out behind their attacker.
As Tristan watched Elysia scramble towards the centre aisle, the room was lit up in an intense golden blaze. Rook was still chanting words of the Scripture, and that light in his palm was pulsing in retaliation to a bolt of garnet flame that fizzed from the staff of the sorcerer.
A moment later the room shook as a terrible boom filled the air.
Light exploded in all directions. Light so bright Tristan’s vision was encompassed.
He must’ve fallen, because when his vision returned, he was climbing to his feet by instinct. Elysia was on her knees, clutching Neverend as the demon figure stood over her.
He knew it was a demon now by the thin black wrists and claw like fingers that tried to snatch the pup from her grasp. But it was also the crackling blue bolts that surrounded Elysia each time that black claw closed around her form that made him know this creature was not human. The fact that he could not touch her meant he was surely a demon of some sort, for the Maiden’s Ward was clearly protecting both her and Neverend.
Rook was climbing to his feet as Tristan was drawing an arrow. They were plain arrows, though when he drew one, he thought it emanated a slight golden glow. Taking aim, he didn’t hesitate to unleash, the arrow slicing into the demon’s right shoulder. The creature screamed in a horrid manner, as black blood gushed from the wound. That same arm raised the staff at Tristan to force him flying back into the wall behind him.
All this occurred in an instant as the demon then wove some sphere of entrapment that shimmered cobalt and white but was translucent. He placed the staff tip at the top of the large sphere and rolled it along the floor like a ball.
A golden bolt flew from Rook that struck the escaping demon, which allowed Tristan to fall from his pinned position. He and Rook ran to meet in the aisle where Elysia had been taken, both were struggling for breath and in a state of terror and outrage.
‘We have to stop him!’ Tristan cried.
‘Right you are, boy,’ Rook replied, leaning in close with a hand on his shoulder. It seemed the man was needing support. ‘We will sound the alarm. Frostgale is wounded,’ Tristan turned to see the other four pups licking their mother’s face as she lay still, ‘but there are plenty more wolves we can set on the hunt. But they’ll need something to track.’
‘The demon’s blood?’ Tristan asked.
‘That will help. But wolves like to pick out a scent.’
Tristan rushed back up the centre aisle towards the altar, jumping the pups to skid and lean in to scoop up Elysia’s toy doll. He held it up high for Rook to see.
‘Perfect!’ Rook shouted. ‘Let’s get out of here boy! The roof could fall in after that blast. We’ll have to send someone to get Frostgale.’
That part was plain truth. There was no way Tristan could drag the massive wolf-mother out of the church, and Rook was looking seriously wounded from that blast of flames. His tunic was scorched and there were burns across his neck and chest.
‘Do not fear yet, young Tristan,’ Rook said as they made their way into the next hallway. ‘I believe the Maiden’s Ward will keep him from harming Elysia, and he cannot force her to give up the pup as long as she wears the Ward.’
‘So why is he running?’
‘I fear he may be taking her to someone that is able to do both of those things.’
Panic clutched his chest as he paced quickly while allowing Rook to rest a hand on his shoulder. He had another arrow notched and half drawn to the floor. The hallway was also darkened, and they soon found the two guards lying in pools of blood, lit up by another golden flame from Rook’s palm. Senton Maddox and Callon McCraw, they were barely into their twenties!
‘WAKE!’ Rook roared. His voice carried a powerful resonance that Tristan knew must be some form of magic. ‘WAKE! Wake and to arms! Demon in the Keep! Assassin in the Keep! He has taken the Lady Elysia! Guards! GUARDS! Sound the alarm!’
The howls and growling of wolves could be heard in the distance. Shouts of men approaching. Help would arrive soon. Tristan wanted to rush ahead, but they needed to remain near the church to ensure someone helped to pull Frostgale out before the roof collapsed. He wondered if the alarm was being raised further out due to more murders by this demon assassin.
‘I’ve failed her!’ Tristan cried.
‘Do not give up yet,’ Rook said. ‘I think I can guess this enemy’s identity. If it is the demon I’m thinking of, he is normally able to teleport. That would explain how he got inside the Keep. Though perhaps he is unable to remove Elysia and Neverend via portal due to the presence of the Maiden’s Ward. This gives us our chance to pursue him before he escapes.’
‘If he cannot teleport, where will he go?’
‘I believe that sphere he created is able to float on water as easily as it rolls on ground. If he can build a raft to carry himself along with it, he may be able to take her to his master. We must hurry boy. Time is short.’
It was then that Gale and Avalanche charged out of the church and raced off down the hallway as if in pursuit of the demon. Perhaps seeking revenge or rushing to the aid of their brother. Tristan broke free of Rook’s grasp without thought, charging off into the darkness as he called out after the two pups. ‘Gale! Lanche! Wait for me!’
He heard Rook crying out as he rounded a corner, ‘Wait Tristan! Damn it boy, wait for help!’
***
Elysia clutched Neverend under the belly. The wolf pup growled, whined and tried to break free.
The demon was quickly making his way through the hallways of the keep. Rolling the sphere that encased her with that red-jewelled staff.
A strange thing was that they did not roll like the sphere. They sort of levitated above the ground, staying firmly upright, as the ball rolled around them, transporting them wherever the demon wanted.
She was not as terrified as she might expect to be in this situation. Yet her fear that rescue might not arrive in time was creeping in.
The castle was built in a way that it was just as difficult to escape as it was to infiltrate. This kept the demon busy trying to find his way out, as the howls of wolves and shouts of guards in pursuit closed in.
Every once in a while, he would stop, sniffing the air, then he would wave that staff about his head as the jewel burned brightly.
She began a silent prayer to the Almighty. Could a miracle save her at this point?
***
Tristan was running so hard he was bathed in a sheen of sweat, huffing and puffing in a dazed panic. He seemed to be running in circles. One moment he had the demon in sight, with Elysia’s shadowy form contained within the sphere at its side. Yet each time he fired an arrow, it struck the wall behind the figure as it dashed off, seemingly unharmed.
The first time it happened he wondered how he could have missed.
His arrows always found home.
Was it a magical ward that the demon was using? He could swear the arrows met their target, yet they seemed to pass right through the creature, hitting and bouncing off the stone walls behind it.
He tried to calm himself. He scalded himself, thinking, He is making a fool of you!